SexiiPixie
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2011
- Posts
- 4
I am submissive and now I have a dominate man in my life, problem is I have no idea what I am doing. I am young and unexperienced at this. Can someone please help me?
A Little Help
- Thread starter SexiiPixie
- Start date
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
- Joined
- May 1, 2011
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- 1,741
My suggestion ... read, read, read ..... The BDSM library here is a good source of info. You may also want to get a hold of "The New Bottoming Book". This website was also helpful to me: http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/journeysub.htm
SexiiPixie
Virgin
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- Aug 27, 2011
- Posts
- 4
thank-you for the suggestions
HottieMama
Notta Domme
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2007
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- 6,066
Talk to him. Is he more experienced than you? Find out what he wants you to do, what he wants you to learn. After all, he is the one that you have to please...
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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- Jul 15, 2004
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- 14,027
If *he* says he's "a dominate man," lose him in the nearest ice crevasse. If he doesn't know the difference between "dominate" (a verb) and "dominant" (adjective or noun), he isn't one.
Other than that, follow Lilac's advice: Read, study, learn.
And follow HottieMama's advice, especially: Communicate with the person with whom you are trying to form a relationship. If you can't or don't communicate, the relationship is doomed.
SexiiPixie
Virgin
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- Aug 27, 2011
- Posts
- 4
He is more experienced having had a couple relationships before now. Thank-you
SexiiPixie
Virgin
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- Aug 27, 2011
- Posts
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I am the one saying he is dominate. I may not be experienced, but I can tell by the way he acts.
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
- Joined
- May 1, 2011
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To clarify .... he may dominate you ... but he is dominant. Many times you will see that adjective turned into noun .... he is a Dom (=Dominant). On these boards you will also see Doms referred to as PYL (Pick Your Label) because different people call the dominant person in a relationship by different things (Master, Owner, Sir, Mistress, Goddess).
And for now, it seems that you don't need to worry about the difference between Top and Dom ... though if you are looking for clarification on that, Stella would be the best resource
(Love ya Stella!)
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Take a chill pill, Sir_Winston. She knows not what she does. This, too, shall pass.
I'm a dom and ate baloney for lunch. I had an uncle who was a dom and aunt who was a sub. See how easy it is to confuse the two?
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
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- Sep 4, 2003
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DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Damn, I knew someone would notice. I love liverwurst, but all that was in the frig was baloney. I'll go get some, today...I promise.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
You might be new, but he might not be as skilled as you think (or as much as he says). You said he's been in a couple relationships before? Why is he not in one of them, still? His fault, hers or what? You have to read between the lines with new BDSM and D/s relationships.
If you're going to let him tie you up and essentially have your physical (and maybe your mental or emotional) health in his hands, you need to be able to trust him. I'm not saying he isn't trustworthy, but you need to be sure. Don't take anything for granted. Talk to him. Understand him and his desires. Make sure he understands you and your needs, too.
Read as much as you can about being submissive, so you understand the new feelings you are going to experience. Read books on BDSM, on submission, on different kinks and know what you enjoy and what you don't. Develop a safe word system with him that you can use, in case things get out of hand. Know what should happen when you use that safe word and make sure he knows, too...and follows the rules of safe words.
Set limits for things you don't want to experience. Hard limits for things you would never EVER want to experience. They are set in stone. Soft limits are for things that you might want to try, if you ever find yourself in the perfect mood. Just like a safe word, these are part of the rules you both should follow.
He follows the rules or he loses your trust. Don't cut any slack for him in that. If you do, you are just condoning his reckless ways. His reckless ways can get you hurt. It can happen. He gets turned on, you get turned on and he gets so involved that he doesn't listen to you or doesn't hear you. He's the dom. He should always be in control. That's part of his job.
OK, after you set the rules, think up a safe word and define your limits, you are ready to step into the world of BDSM and D/s. The more you two stay together, the more the trust between you will develop. The more trust there is, the more fun you can have. Take it slow at first, so you both can get accustomed to your new roles and allow yourselves to have fun.
