A litte amusement to start the day.

[knightshadow]

A woman was leaving the 7-11 Store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind, were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?

The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."

What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my Husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

 

[knightshadow]

Mc Donalds Job Application

This is a job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

 

[Hillbilly_Honey]

lol ...cute.

G'Morning.

 

[knightshadow]

Two boys are playing street hockey on a quiet side street in Augusta when one is suddenly attacked by a rabid Rottweiler.

Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and shoves it under the dogs collar, twists it, breaking the dog's neck and saving his friend.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident. He approaches the boys and congratulates the heroic youth.

He tells the young man that he's a reporter and tells him "I'm going to have the headline read... "Bulldog's Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," then begins writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Bulldog fan", the little hero replied.

"Sorry, thought all Augusta kids were" said the reporter and he starts again. "Falcon's Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

I'm not a Falcons fan either," the boy said.

"Oh, I assumed everyone in Augusta was either for the Bulldogs or the Falcons. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I Just moved here from Buffalo .... I'm a Bills fan," the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: "Little Yankee Bastard From Buffalo Kills Beloved Family Pet."