A lil help please...?

[Thaedes]

Hey there, folks. I just wanted to ask a few questions. I've known this girl for a while, and recently our relationship has become far more intimate. Anyways, she appears to have the problem of being too tight. As in no more then one finger in her because she appears to be too nervous. I figure it's because of the way her past boyfriend treated her, and its making her nervous. Just to clarify, the other night she asked me to try two fingers, and after talking to her for a while and trying to get her to relax I did manage to get two fingers. Anyways, is this a sort of problem that could be medical? or is it more then likely a mental block that can be overcame with more communication and time?

Would appreciate it greatly if any woman who could relate might post thier opinions.

 

[peachykeen]

I would say it's the mental block thing. Be patient, kind, caring and it's likely when she feels more comfortable with you it will be OK.

 

[lovechild27]

How old are you? How old is she?

obviously she isnt ready for being more intimate. Back off for a while.

 

[Lust Engine]

Patience young Jedi!

Slowly work your way there. The word of the moment here is:

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Be patient with her. Help her relax & feel comfortable with the situation. Talk to her & let her know that you're patient and it might not be ideal at first, but you'll still be around for her.

Good luck.

 

[Weird Harold]

As in no more then one finger in her because she appears to be too nervous. I figure it's because of the way her past boyfriend treated her, and its making her nervous. ... or is it more then likely a mental block that can be overcame with more communication and time?

I've always found that fingers (and other things) fit better when they follow a trail the tongue has blazed.

It is most probably nervousness, but if it still persists after a good tongue-lashing at the height of passion, then it could be a medical problem.

 

[SexyChele]

You say that her condition is most likely caused by "the way her past boyfriend treated her". What did he do? If he was violent with her some way (rape), then she may need to talk to a professional and get through it.

It's kind of hard to say exactly what the problem might be, and therefore how to give advice, without knowing all the particulars.

Other things to consider: does she produce enough wetness to make entry comfortable? If I'm not wet, even one finger hurts. Is she okay until you enter her? What about regular intercourse? Lots and lots of variables here.

 

[Thaedes]

lovechild27 - I'm 18, as is she. How would you know whether or not she or I am ready to be more intimate? You are making an awefully big assumption based on relatively little amount of information. A bit presumptuous of you, wouldn't you agree?

Just to clarify, she is the one who instigated the sexual encounters thus far. I am merely reciprocating and moving along with her at a comfortable pace.

Lust Engine - Communication is always good advice, thats true

Weird Harold - I can't wait to have the opportunity to actually.

SexyChele - He wasn't altogether violent, and it wasn't rape. It's just that he really abused her trust and that he really kept trying to talk her into things. I realize its hard to be exact, especially without the particulars. But I don't expect an experts opinion, only something borne of knowledge, or perhaps something as tangible as an anecdote. As far as her producing enough wetness, I must say she certainly does. My hand is usually soaked once i'm in the area. As far as intercourse, it hasn't come to that point yet in the relationship. In my case I'm still a virgin, and she has only had one other partner on one occassion with whom she experienced brief penetration (her hymen caused her excruitiating pain when it was broke).

Well anyways, thanks folks. I think I'm pretty much at the same conclusion I had previously, in that I believe its more of a temporary mental block. It seems a combination of her excitement/nervousness likely causing her muscles to tighten up, and thus the reason when I talked her a lot and when she appeared to relax more I was capable of getting two fingers in.

In any case, some interesting questions have been brought up and some interesting answers. I guess only time will tell.

 

[mutilato]

Added to the wonderful advice you have recieved here, I will suggest that there is no better way to relax someone during sex than with humor. Laughing opens us all up.

I would try to set up a series of evenings. You set some pre-existing boundaries. Tell her that, for your next five dates (or something) you will not even try to have sex with her. You want to try a few things first before you get there. Make sure she has every confidence that her limits will 100% be respected. On the first night, massage each other through your clothes. Work from there slowly so that she knows what each night will be and where it will go. Once she feels like she has total control, she will likely open up.

i remember in high school, I dated this girl who was so tight and bound up that I could tell sex was not going to work the first time we were together. i suggested we put that on hold until next time and talk about it on the next date. I got some markers and we drew all over each otehr naked. We laughed really hard and had marker designs on us for days. The next date, the sex was great and easy and relaxed.

you have a great opportunity here. you could be the guy that helps to give her back authority and control of her own body. Take your time with that and she could remember you fondly for the rest of her life.