A humorous poem and the logic behind it

[MediocreAuthor]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, if you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

 

[Bamagan]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, of you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

If attacked by a polar bear, confuse it with interpretive dance while braying like a donkey.

 

[cadeauxxx]

Grizzly Man is worth watching.

Even beyond the stupid Bear or Man question and hilarious reactions to it, Tim Treadwell's story is horrifying as it is fascinating.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

If attacked by a polar bear, confuse it with interpretive dance while braying like a donkey.

Sure, why not? That'll be just as effective as anything else you try

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Personal observation - you haven’t felt basic, primal fear until you’ve watched a polar bear deliberately stalking another human being.

 

[John Connors]

The stuff of nightmares.

 

[Erozetta]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, if you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

Yeah, if an attack has begun, you might as well do that, or just pray, probably just as effective.

My comment was on avoiding an attack, which is typically a better move.

 

[StillStunned]

Personal observation - you haven’t felt basic, primal fear until you’ve watched a polar bear deliberately stalking another human being.

I was scuba diving once by the Great Barrier Reef and my buddy tapped on my shoulder and pointed. It took a moment before I made out the silhouette of a shark. If I'd been a squid, I'd have inked. In fact, I nearly did anyway.

 

[nice90sguy]

I found that poem didn't work for me in many US cities

 

[MrHereWriting]

This is the only way to handle a wild bear.

 

[Bamagan]

Sure, why not? That'll be just as effective as anything else you try

 

[cadeauxxx]

 

[Bamagan]

I was scuba diving once by the Great Barrier Reef and my buddy tapped on my shoulder and pointed. It took a moment before I made out the silhouette of a shark. If I'd been a squid, I'd have inked. In fact, I nearly did anyway.

 

[lustychimera]

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Yeah, if an attack has begun, you might as well do that, or just pray, probably just as effective.

My comment was on avoiding an attack, which is typically a better move.

Against a black bear, scaring and fighting it off really is a viable option (certainly not better than avoiding a fight to begin with, obviously).

In one of the few bear attacks that I've watched (on video) a man basically scared off a black bear by screaming and kicking. He was rock climbing about a 10 ft ledge, and the bear came at him from above, surprising and terrifying him. The bear only tried to attack him two or three times before it decided that he was a larger threat than it first assumed, and it ran away.

Black Bears aren't that much bigger than a large dog, and they aren't pack animals, so the chance of scaring them off is higher than you might think.

Of course, a determined black bear could kill you if it stuck with it, but the trick is that the bear doesn't always know that. If you can trick it into thinking that you are more dangerous than you really are, it may leave.

 

[nice90sguy]

View attachment 2344397

That was easy -- the man is the one with the hat, right?

 

[MediocreAuthor]

That was easy -- the man is the one with the hat, right?

The one man in the lineup: "I'm about to get eaten, aren't I?"

 

[StillStunned]

That was easy -- the man is the one with the hat, right?

"It was number 5. Number 5 killed my brother."
"Oh my God, I forgot about that part."

 

[Bamagan]

Against a black bear, scaring and fighting it off really is a viable option.

In one of the few bear attacks that I've watched (on video) a man basically scared off a black bear by screaming and kicking. He was rock climbing about a 10 ft ledge, and the bear came at him from above, surprising and terrifying him. The bear only tried to attack him two or three times before it decided that he was a larger threat than it first assumed.

Black Bears aren't that much bigger than a large dog, and they aren't pack animals, so the chance of scaring them off is higher than you might think.

Of course, a determined black bear could kill you if it stuck with it, but the trick is that the bear doesn't always know that. If you can trick it into thinking that you are more dangerous than you are, it may leave.

With one exception, every black bear I have encountered in the woods has fled immediately. I usually only got glimpses of them as they crashed away through brush. The one outlier was a mother with a cub, and she stayed pretty close to it; but to be fair, I was easily 100 yards away across a clearing, so she may not have had a clear idea of what I was or how to deal with me. She knew I was there, but just carried on after pausing for a bit. Ones that live near people are the ones I'd worry about. But that's true of a lot of animals. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that.

 

[lustychimera]

That was easy -- the man is the one with the hat, right?

I thought it was wild just how big a polar bear is. You're out on a glacier or the frozen tundra. You see one in the distance, and there is absolutely nothing you can do but watch this 9 ft tall, 1 ton tank lumber over to eat ya.

Really paints all those Artic shipwrecks like the Essex in a whole new light in my mind.

 

[SimonDoom]

My name is Inigo Montoyo. You ate my father. Prepare to die.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I live in the foothills of southern Idaho. Allegedly we have black bear here and my neighbors swear they have seen them. But I haven't in six years. But I am careful when hiking.

 

[Bamagan]

My name is Inigo Montoyo. You ate my father. Prepare to die.

 

[StillStunned]

I live in the foothills of southern Idaho. Allegedly we have black bear here and my neighbors swear they have seen them. But I haven't in six years. But I am careful when hiking.

That can mean only one thing: you're the bear.

 

[Bamagan]

That can mean only one thing: you're the bear.

The avatar/profile pic is a bit of a spoiler, isn't it?