A huge leap for me--tell me if I'm mad?

fridayam

Literotica Guru
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Last night the idea came to me to write a trilogy of poems about pieces of early music. This is so far off my usual poetic beat that it did occur to me that I may be becoming foolish, so your opinions are even more welcome than usual. Appropriately, the subject of this first piece is "La Folia", "The Follies of Spain", which you will have heard at some point in your life even if you think you haven't--its use was that widespread. Examples are on YouTube.

This is very much a work in progress and also longer than my usual work--sorry:)

La Folia

The world’s first Number One?
Portuguese, a shepherds’ dance implying
madness or extreme joy
--it must have been a
hoot to dance it,
fast and sweaty,
erotic too, away from all
those sheep.
It got written down, maybe
in the Alenteja, about the time
Columbus bumped into the Americas
and they danced to it at court,
laughing at the shepherds but
loving the music and the
blind mad whirl
of skirts and hearts.
But in that whirl there is a plaint
and someone, no doubt late at night,
slowed it down to make a
Sarabande of such sadness that it
stirred the souls even of those
who had lost their minds to its
lusty, throbbing rhythm only
the night before.

The faster, fleeter dance had already
passed the porous Pyrenees
into Provence and thence to Paris,
stirring French feet all the way.
It’s slower brother followed, via
slender staves on brittle paper,
into brittle minds suspicious of
newfangled things.
By Spanish conquest it
invaded the Americas:
by Spanish possession it
infiltrated Italy,
the Netherlands too, from whence it
seeped into England where poor people
whooped to dance to the
Follies of Spain while
Armadas came and went and
Dutch fought Spanish fought English
all dancing to the same tune
and laughing as they danced.

Meanwhile, men who made their living playing
viols or theorbos or clavecins
spent their silent nights
mining the music’s melancholy heart so that
even when two hundred years
of thunderous feet fell silent
still the plangent chords went
echoing on.
 
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You are mad, but that is not a disadvantage in this case.

Just a thought: I would leave out words such as "implying" and "probably." Go for power. State what it is and leave speculation to others.
 
friday, dear man, i will reply to this when i've checked out the music and i'm not more than a little bimblefaced :D
 
friday, dear man, i will reply to this when i've checked out the music and i'm not more than a little bimblefaced :D

I've waited all these years to make you bimblefaced;)

twelveone, I won't be doing the tarantella!

bronzeage, I have taken some of your suggestions on board (thank you) and changed some other things through better research:)
 
I can't wait tell he gets to the Tarantella

I am hearing Zorba the Greek in this poem but my ability to identify meter is pretty fucked up, so don't go by my idea...unless it appeals to you.

To Fridayam,

I heard this exercise a while ago (and tried it) where you get a pop song you like and try to substitute a completely different set of words in, keeping the meter straight and possible the theme. Cause I suck at meter mine went screwy but you guys might have more luck. I tried Julie Sobule's I Kiss a Girl (anyone reading my poetry would know why; I'm a big old bisexual).
 
Sometimes when I'm working with meter I'll run some thru a program I wrote.
In many ways simple-minded (only understands fixed length feet) and requires some hand holding. Converts a text file (Word if also make/install antiword) to html file for viewing in browser with bolding of accented syllables and optional summary of each line's metric content. Can also run interactive on terminal with colors to show same info.
 
Ok, part two of three. Any practical suggestions?

Les Barricades Mystérieuses
François Couperin (1688—1733)

It set you thinking, didn’t it?
My little rondo à clef?
I work by these plinks the
harpsichord makes as I play it
deep in my thoughtless night,
just listening—
plink, plink, plink—
waiting for the thought that will
last beyond the night.

It’s easy making Masses for my King,
fizzy glories for the
vapid at Versailles
--though He is far from stupid!
But these endless Books, made
to stretch you students, or
at least your fingers
--they make me money.
Yes me—organist at St.Gervais
at sixteen, “organiste du Roy” at twenty-five,
the King’s Harpsichordist, too—
I need money!

For Royalty pays in fine things but
rarely cash—hard coins I can
clink together happily in
otherwise empty pockets.
So I write these things at night—
Books, orders, suites—and
pray God my tap
never runs dry.

Tic, Toc, Choc—hours drip by
as ink dries on paper and
infants’ hunger sharpens my quill
quicker than a knife
and this sweet rondo slipped out from
my muted keyboard—sshh!
my children sleep, my
wife softly snores—
and mid-night I can’t help but laugh,
mid-folly, mid-despair.
I rush to write things down then slow
--to name them, but.....

A rondo is a round, and round it goes
--I can’t stop playing these infectious steps which
sweep me around this dark room
dancing with candles,
as though there were some
mysterious barricade between
me and it
and sleep.
 
Ok, part two of three. Any practical suggestions?

Les Barricades Mystérieuses
François Couperin (1688—1733)

It set you thinking, didn’t it?
My little rondo à clef?
I work by these plinks the
harpsichord makes as I play it
deep in my thoughtless night,
just listening—
plink, plink, plink—
waiting for the thought that will
last beyond the night.

It’s easy making Masses for my King,
fizzy glories for the
vapid at Versailles
--though He is far from stupid!
But these endless Books, made
to stretch you students, or
at least your fingers
--they make me money.
Yes me—organist at St.Gervais
at sixteen, “organiste du Roy” at twenty-five,
the King’s Harpsichordist, too—
I need money!

For Royalty pays in fine things but
rarely cash—hard coins I can
clink together happily in
otherwise empty pockets.
So I write these things at night—
Books, orders, suites—and
pray God my tap
never runs dry.

Tic, Toc, Choc—hours drip by
as ink dries on paper and
infants’ hunger sharpens my quill
quicker than a knife
and this sweet rondo slipped out from
my muted keyboard—sshh!
my children sleep, my
wife softly snores—
and mid-night I can’t help but laugh,
mid-folly, mid-despair.
I rush to write things down then slow
--to name them, but.....

A rondo is a round, and round it goes
--I can’t stop playing these infectious steps which
sweep me around this dark room
dancing with candles,
as though there were some
mysterious barricade between
me and it
and sleep.

I like this one a lot better than the first. The voice of the narrator is much more distinctive. Overall it sounds to me like a dramatic monlogue, which is a form I love. (If anyone is not familiar with the form, Robert Browning's My Last Duchess is famous and rightfully so because it's wonderful writing.) So yes this sounds like that form to me and if you were to tweak that last strophe, which I think is not a particularly strong or interesting image, the poem would pack a real punch. If the narrator were to reveal something, maybe shocking about himself, maybe something he has done, I think it would be really good. Just my opinion, of course.
 
I like this one a lot better than the first. The voice of the narrator is much more distinctive. Overall it sounds to me like a dramatic monlogue, which is a form I love. (If anyone is not familiar with the form, Robert Browning's My Last Duchess is famous and rightfully so because it's wonderful writing.) So yes this sounds like that form to me and if you were to tweak that last strophe, which I think is not a particularly strong or interesting image, the poem would pack a real punch. If the narrator were to reveal something, maybe shocking about himself, maybe something he has done, I think it would be really good. Just my opinion, of course.

Thank you :rose: I think, like with my constellation poems, there is a danger that people will read them as though they should have some consistency of form--but I don't want that. I want each poem to express the immediacy of my response to the subject, and I have deliberately taken different viewpoints for each piece of music (or each constellation).

La Folia is an anonymous piece that spread around the world: "Les Barricades" is a private piece by a known composer, so I decided to take his POV. The third piece, which I'm writing now, has a third person but contemporaneous perspective, not the composer but observing him at a very public occassion.

As for an extra reveal in the final strophe of Barricades I can only say that I know nothing of M. Couperin other than his music and a few details of his biography. Even what I have written is speculation, but it is something I can feel from music which is joyous and yet somehow intensely private--like the dance with the candle flickers which I wrote about, the one that stops you going to your bed when you ache for it. If it is a falling off, I'm content with it.

Thank you again, and Happy New Year! xx
 
Thank you :rose: I think, like with my constellation poems, there is a danger that people will read them as though they should have some consistency of form--but I don't want that. I want each poem to express the immediacy of my response to the subject, and I have deliberately taken different viewpoints for each piece of music (or each constellation).

La Folia is an anonymous piece that spread around the world: "Les Barricades" is a private piece by a known composer, so I decided to take his POV. The third piece, which I'm writing now, has a third person but contemporaneous perspective, not the composer but observing him at a very public occassion.

As for an extra reveal in the final strophe of Barricades I can only say that I know nothing of M. Couperin other than his music and a few details of his biography. Even what I have written is speculation, but it is something I can feel from music which is joyous and yet somehow intensely private--like the dance with the candle flickers which I wrote about, the one that stops you going to your bed when you ache for it. If it is a falling off, I'm content with it.

Thank you again, and Happy New Year! xx

Happy New to you, dear man!

Well it was just a suggestion and I've always believed that the only person who needs to be satisfied with where the poem goes is the one who writes it. Also I've been an editor for many years, long enough to know that one can't get offended if a suggestion that's made isn't taken. It's only a suggestion, after all. ;)

:rose:

PS But I do love that dramatic monologue form!
 
Happy New to you, dear man!

Well it was just a suggestion and I've always believed that the only person who needs to be satisfied with where the poem goes is the one who writes it. Also I've been an editor for many years, long enough to know that one can't get offended if a suggestion that's made isn't taken. It's only a suggestion, after all. ;)

:rose:

PS But I do love that dramatic monologue form!

That's cuz yur a drama queen.:cool:
 
friday, i am reading these, please don't think i'm not. what i need to do is find the time to google the music, then sit and contemplate the words having heard it. without music, the second piece moves me more, but till i understand the nature of the inspiration behind them i have nothing of any value to offer in the way of suggestions. :rose:
 
friday, i am reading these, please don't think i'm not. what i need to do is find the time to google the music, then sit and contemplate the words having heard it. without music, the second piece moves me more, but till i understand the nature of the inspiration behind them i have nothing of any value to offer in the way of suggestions. :rose:

Chip, take all the time you need. You know I value your judgement :rose::kiss:
 
I'm not sure anyone is reading these but what the hell:)

Early Music III
Musick for the Funerall Of Queen Mary (1695)
Henry Purcell (1659-1695)

“A dead Queen is a terrible thing”,
Master Purcell said as I tugged at the
high starched collar tickling my neck,
“so I’ve written some terrible music to send her off!”
We all laughed and it helped:
we were but boys and that
glimpse we had of Her, shuffling past, was frightening
—fat and waxy and ... dead.
He must have loved her to write so, I think.
I practiced hard not to catch my throat in “Suffer us not”
for it made me want to cry and it was anyway
excellent hard to sing.

Died in December, buried in March:
heaps of flowers helped, and the
Abbey was cold and
cold captures smells wondrously.
I’m old now, forty and counting, and I’m
tired of funerals, tired of death,
but one memory makes me shiver still:
Queen Mary’s corpse appeared below, and the
black-shrouded mass arose as
Master Purcell struck up sackbuts and drums
in such a deadmarch it made my heart
stop like the Queen’s.

I shook as I sang but I didn’t mis-sing
--not then, though I did
mere months later when we
played him to rest.
No royal tomb, but better—
by the organ loft
in the North Aisle,
buried in music.
 
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