A huge (and I mean HUGE) list of anti-men jokes

[DannyBoyUK]

I am not setting myself up as a feminist here but some of these DID make me laugh out loud.

Also - the collection that I stumbled across is so large that I am not even going to try and think of copying the whole lot here in one go !

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them

 

[DannyBoyUK]

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions

 

[DannyBoyUK]

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the shit out of you.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.