A few random questions

[MissIndependent]

I'm in my first sexual relationship so I keep having questions that I can't find an answer to by myself. Wanna help me out?

1) Why can my boyfriend go from cumming after a few seconds while we are having sex to not cumming at all sometimes? Is there a physical explanation for that, or even a psychological one? Is it something that I do/don't do?
Seriously, sometimes he can go on and on and on and then have to give up on it cause he's too tired.. is there something wrong?

2) He never talks to me while we are having sex.. I'm not saying I would like to hear dirty things or anything, but sometimes I don't even know if he's enjoying it..? Yeah, thats the paranoyd side of me talking..

3) Back to my first question, if he hasnt cum during intercourse am i suppose to help him do that some other way? Or should I just leave it at that?
I told him he can ask me anything, and that he can tell me what he wants etc. but he never does..

4) The sex is GOOD but I havent climaxed once yet.. I know what I want, what I need for that to happen but I don't know how to tell him. Any tips?

That's all for now I guess. Thanks much in advance!

 

[CorsetLvr]

My suggestion for 1-4 is communication. The key to any succesful sexual relationship is communication. Feel free to teach each other what you want and need. Don't just assume that you each know what the other wants. I know this can be embarrassing for a young woman like yourself. Consider this, maybe he feels the same way you do and is just as scared to talk to you as you are to him. Give it a try. If he isn't able to talk to you, then I would seriously think about whether this is the guy that you are going to be able to have a satisfying long term sexual relationship with.

 

[silverwhisper]

firstly, welcome, miss independent!

as to your questions:

1. there are many possible reasons, ranging from physical stress (fatigue or a pint too many) to emotional stress (work/classes, something else in his life). it's quite likely that it's nothing to do with you at all.

2. a lot of people are non-verbal during sex. he's not unusual in that respect.

3. i'd start trying things out. is he an experienced lover? if he isn't, it's possible he simply doesn't know what the options are.

4. it would be a whole lot easier to give you suggestions on what to tell him if we knew what that was. that said, if i were you, i'd find a good collection of erotica and leave it at your place where he's sure to see it, perhaps dog-earing the page that describes what you'd really like him to try.

ed

 

[MissIndependent]

Thanks for the welcome!

1. That's what I thought but I wanted to hear other opinions to be sure. lol Actually he's going through a lot of stuff at work and has been under pressure for a while. He also told me just last night that he needs to cut off smoking and drinking cause since he's started again he hasnt felt as healthy and full of energy as before and that's affecting his sexual life as well.

2. Good to know. He talks a lot AFTER anyway and that's fine with me cause he always makes sure I know he enjoyed it. But I usually try to say something, come up with new things i havent said before to turn him on etc.. wouldnt mind hearing something as well every now and then. Maybe I should ask him for it?

3. He has been with a few girls before, all one night stands as far as I know. This is his first long term sexual relationship as well.
Would he like it if I went down on him at that point? I usually can make him cum that way.
What I really wanna now is, does he feel bad when he cant cum? Does he wish i would do something? That's what I cant figure out.

4. Thanks, I will try out what u said. Trust me, I've taught him already A LOT about what I like etc, that's why I'm kinda worried about keep talking..I don't want to make it a problem when it's not.

 

[silverwhisper]

3. there are precious few men who will turn down a blowjob, esp one that wasn't requested. :> most people are not happy when they've been having sex and not quite getting to the promised land, IMX. i'm wondering if he isn't a bit repressed, perhaps not comfortable voicing what he wants to do to get there.

4. i for one would give you full marks for looking for ways to make it better. :>

ed

 

[phoenix1224]

I'm in my first sexual relationship so I keep having questions that I can't find an answer to by myself. Wanna help me out?

1) Why can my boyfriend go from cumming after a few seconds while we are having sex to not cumming at all sometimes? Is there a physical explanation for that, or even a psychological one? Is it something that I do/don't do?
Seriously, sometimes he can go on and on and on and then have to give up on it cause he's too tired.. is there something wrong?

I go through the same thing from time to time... Occasionally, I'll cum in like five minutes and then the next day, I'll go for a long time and not be able to cum. I've never let it worry me... I just figure that that's the way I am... And besides, my woman's pleasure is much more important to me anyway...

2) He never talks to me while we are having sex.. I'm not saying I would like to hear dirty things or anything, but sometimes I don't even know if he's enjoying it..? Yeah, thats the paranoyd side of me talking..

I'm not extremely vocal either... Not much is said beyond the stereotypical "mmm"s, "aaahhh"s, "oh god"s, etc. Some people are just that way.

3) Back to my first question, if he hasnt cum during intercourse am i suppose to help him do that some other way? Or should I just leave it at that?
I told him he can ask me anything, and that he can tell me what he wants etc. but he never does..

I know that when I quit before I've cum it's because I know that it just isn't going to happen... No matter what. Your boyfriend may also know that it just isn't going to happen for him so, that's why he doesn't ask for your assitance.

4) The sex is GOOD but I havent climaxed once yet.. I know what I want, what I need for that to happen but I don't know how to tell him. Any tips?

Have you tried showing him? Touch yourself in front of him so that he has a better idea of what gets you going... Or, if your a little uncomfortable with touching yourself in front of someone, you can just guide his hands for him... Move his hands where you want to be touched and guide him to apply the right movements and pressures in those spots.

 

[MissIndependent]

phoenix1224 thanks for making me feel so relieved about everything!!

ed thanks for the support and advice, I'll definitely keep trying to make it better.. it can always get better, cant it?

 

[TBKahuna123]

4. Thanks, I will try out what u said. Trust me, I've taught him already A LOT about what I like etc, that's why I'm kinda worried about keep talking..I don't want to make it a problem when it's not.

Communication is the answer. Well maybe not, but it's certainly the start. Don't stop talking, just be sure you do it with respect and concern for his feelings. You can also make it playful, make it part of foreplay. Once you get him to open up back it'll be really cool. Also, if you have any suggestions to him as to what you want him to do to you, you can mask it as a question this way, which will help to protect his fragile male ego. (No sour faces, I have a fragile male ego too so I speak from experience.)

 

[chris9]

I'm in my first sexual relationship so I keep having questions that I can't find an answer to by myself. Wanna help me out?

1) Why can my boyfriend go from cumming after a few seconds while we are having sex to not cumming at all sometimes? Is there a physical explanation for that, or even a psychological one? Is it something that I do/don't do?
Seriously, sometimes he can go on and on and on and then have to give up on it cause he's too tired.. is there something wrong?

Maybe he is nervous to be with you, stressed, worried to make mistakes. That would explain both number one and number two

2) He never talks to me while we are having sex.. I'm not saying I would like to hear dirty things or anything, but sometimes I don't even know if he's enjoying it..? Yeah, thats the paranoyd side of me talking..

Maybe he doesn't know what to say? Maybe he is a little uncomfortable (as in not very secure of your reactions, of himself...)?

3) Back to my first question, if he hasnt cum during intercourse am i suppose to help him do that some other way? Or should I just leave it at that?
I told him he can ask me anything, and that he can tell me what he wants etc. but he never does..

I used to have that 'problem'. Well, with the difference that I haven't orgasmed so far from actual intercourse (6 years of being active in that respect, and with only one man the whole time). In the first year or so of our relationship, sometimes I just wouldn't cum when he touched me/kissed me. At other times just fine. I felt very bad that he was investing all that time and work and I wasn't able to 'repay' him with orgasming. The longer it went on, the worse I felt until I could find the courage to stop him. I couldn't really talk with him about it, too shy...
So, it could be that your bf would enjoy some hand or oral work. Or it could be that he would enjoy being held and cuddled and to be given the feeling that he is not such a bad lover as he knows he is. (That is just an assumtion, but it sure is close to what I used to feel.)

4) The sex is GOOD but I havent climaxed once yet.. I know what I want, what I need for that to happen but I don't know how to tell him. Any tips?

See above, I haven't climaxed from actual intercourse in almost 6 years. No big deal. If you are too shy to tell him or show him how you like to be touched, you'll have to guide his hand/head to your favorite spots. He'll appreciate your help!

For all the above, communication is the key. It's also the key to every other problems that may arise. And it's not very easy to learn.
My bf and I used to talk about sex in the car, going home from some party or something late at night. It was easier for us than face to face looking at each other, because we were both embarrassed about it. What also helped a lot was a book by Paul Joannides. In the German translation it's called 'Wild Thing'. It might be different in English. It was fun to read and helped us understand that sex is, above all, something funny. It also helped us starting the talk (some tipps in the book as to that, too).

Have fun exploring!

 

[teacherman570]

Communication and Having Fun

As has been said communication is very important. It's also important to have fun during sex. I doesn't always have to be serious and heavy, it can be light and it's okay to laugh in the middle. If someone get an elbow in the stomach laugh it off and continue. You'll find that if you relax, many issues will lessen or disappear.
You don't always have to make each other orgasm. It should be more about the intimacy of the act. That is of course unless your are doing some really hardcore fucking.
My girlfriend needs to use a vibrator or a finger on her clit to orgasm during sex, and sometimes she goes off before I do. Sometimes she finishes me off, and sometimes she doesn't.
We both work in very stressful environments and sex isn't always the best, but in cases like that, we always talk and cuddle. Be open to every situation that comes along and you'll find that you'll make great lovers. It sounds like you are off to a great start already!

 

[dramaqueen47]

4) The sex is GOOD but I havent climaxed once yet.. I know what I want, what I need for that to happen but I don't know how to tell him. Any tips?

That's all for now I guess. Thanks much in advance!

Just tell him. Really, I know that it's hard, but one day when you are just sitting there, just blurt it out. He'll be really happy because guys are also worried about your pleasure (at least most are, I'm sure that there is a butthead out there who isnt). Just do it, it should really help.

 

[temp256]

1. It's called anorgasmia, and can be caused by either stress or a variety of medications, especially antidepressants. There's just about nothing you can do when it occurs, as continued stimulation becomes nothing but work. Even if he does manage to get off, it won't be very pleasurable. A change of meds could however prevent it.

 

[MissIndependent]

So I followed yall's advice and i TALKED to my bf. We seriously did have a looong interesting talk about the sexual part of our relationship.

Can you believe he had no idea that i hadnt climaxed once yet? So i started trying to explain to him how and why it happens or doesnt happen and apparently he was on a mission last night to finally find my G spot. lol Unfortunately, he couldnt. No matter how clear my instructions seemed to be. He asked me to show him..but i just couldnt. I trust him completely and feel confortable with him, but for some reason that's one thing that im ashamed of doing, thouching myself in front of his eyes. How to get past that?

Also, we were talking about how different sex feels with and without the condom. We agreed that the condom takes away half of the pleasure. I'm not on the pill yet, but that's what i wanna do. My problem is, I heard it causes some hydric retension and i actually take medication for the opposite thing. Is the pill not for me then?

Back to the g-spot, what are the best positions to try and hit it? My bf asked but i have no clue. lol

 

[phoenix1224]

Back to the g-spot, what are the best positions to try and hit it? My bf asked but i have no clue. lol

For me and my gf, it's doggy style.

While in the doggy style position, have your bf to thrust into you with only the first 2-3 inches of his cock using a downward motion.

 

[LadyJeanne]

So I followed yall's advice and i TALKED to my bf. We seriously did have a looong interesting talk about the sexual part of our relationship.

Hooray! Sex talk is fun. My SO and I sometimes play the "I like it when you do fill-in-the-blank" game, or after sex, the "I really liked it when you did THAT" game. Point being, keep it up so you both keep learning about each other.

Can you believe he had no idea that i hadnt climaxed once yet? So i started trying to explain to him how and why it happens or doesnt happen and apparently he was on a mission last night to finally find my G spot. lol Unfortunately, he couldnt. No matter how clear my instructions seemed to be. He asked me to show him..but i just couldnt. I trust him completely and feel confortable with him, but for some reason that's one thing that im ashamed of doing, thouching myself in front of his eyes. How to get past that?

You must be a fellow graduate of the "Good Girls Don't" school of sex. I used to have this problem too, thinking there was something dirty or embarrassing about touching myself. The only thing that really works to get yourself past that is to, yup, talk about it.

Just by telling him it embarrasses you to touch yourself in front of him helps defuse the shame a little. Plus, that gives him the opportunity to go into raptures about how beautiful you are, and how soft, and how much he likes to see you turned on, and how much HE likes touching you there - all of which goes a long way toward making you see yourself as a beautiful, sexual woman.

But, bottom line, if you're comfortable with your SO, the rest is all in your head so you have to consciously keep telling yourself there is absolutely nothing wrong with you touching your own body to give yourself pleasure, to show him where and how to touch you, or for any other reason. Your pussy is YOUR pussy! Love it, touch it, tickle it, show him how you like to be touched!

Also, we were talking about how different sex feels with and without the condom. We agreed that the condom takes away half of the pleasure. I'm not on the pill yet, but that's what i wanna do. My problem is, I heard it causes some hydric retension and i actually take medication for the opposite thing. Is the pill not for me then?

There are all kinds of formulations for the pill, with different levels of hormones. Talk to your gynocologist about your issues and see what she recommends.

In the meantime, condoms are better if you use a little lube, both on the outside AND the inside. Helps lessen the friction and makes it feels more natural.

Back to the g-spot, what are the best positions to try and hit it? My bf asked but i have no clue. lol

Oh, there's a whole thread on this. Check it out HERE

Better yet, bring your SO to the site and have him read through it with you!

 

[TBKahuna123]

So I followed yall's advice and i TALKED to my bf. We seriously did have a looong interesting talk about the sexual part of our relationship.

Can you believe he had no idea that i hadnt climaxed once yet? So i started trying to explain to him how and why it happens or doesnt happen and apparently he was on a mission last night to finally find my G spot. lol Unfortunately, he couldnt. No matter how clear my instructions seemed to be.

I'm not surprised because most guys don't fully understand the female orgasm. Heck, most women don't! Even someone who is very caring may not know the signs and may misread your reactions as having actually climaed. Hey I was one of these guys, even though I was very attentive to my partner's pleasure. I've noticed also that older women seem to be easier to read, I think because they tend to cut loose a little more. Most 19 year old women are embarassed to start screaming so loud the wallpaper peels. Note I said MOST, not all.

He asked me to show him..but i just couldnt. I trust him completely and feel confortable with him, but for some reason that's one thing that im ashamed of doing, thouching myself in front of his eyes. How to get past that?

I understand, heck my wife I were talking about this this other night and I realized that I had NEVER masturbated in front of her in 12 years together! Now, as for being ashamed, don't be! If he's asking you to you have nothing to be ashamed of, because you should now know he isn't going to freak out on you. Trust me, watching a woman pleasure herself is an INCREDIBLE turn on. Do it, you'll have him eating out of the palm of your hand, and I'll be you find the experience extremely hot for you as well.

Also, we were talking about how different sex feels with and without the condom. We agreed that the condom takes away half of the pleasure. I'm not on the pill yet, but that's what i wanna do. My problem is, I heard it causes some hydric retension and i actually take medication for the opposite thing. Is the pill not for me then?

Go see a doctor, a real doctor, not some free clinic. There are many kinds of pills for people with difference chemistries, and they can help you out with this. Be aware though that the pill isn't protection agianst STI's, etc. Just think through your decision to stop using condoms very carefully before you do it.

Back to the g-spot, what are the best positions to try and hit it? My bf asked but i have no clue. lol

Everything you ever wanted to know about the G-Spot, but were afraid to ask is HERE! Bring a lunch, kick back for an evening and flip through all 68 pages of this incredible thread. If you are serious about finding your g-spot, this thread is the best source of information on the net, hands down! Enjoy!


Oh one last thing, big props for talking to him. If you two start communicating about your sex life it can only get better!

 

[TBKahuna123]

For me and my gf, it's doggy style.

While in the doggy style position, have your bf to thrust into you with only the first 2-3 inches of his cock using a downward motion.

One more note on the g-spot. It is VERY difficult to stimulate the g-spot through PIV intercourse. The G-spot requires more firm manipulation and is best achieved with a finger or thumb, or some kind of toy. The g-spot may be stimulated and feel good during penetration, but you won't achieve the same kind of reaction.

Of course there are no absolutes. My wife has said she can tell the difference between a clitoral and a g-gasm, and says she has had a g-gasm from intercourse. This only happens though after I have manually stimulated her g-spot adn she ahs had a couple of g-gasms that way. I assume it's because the spot is more sensitive after previous stimulation.