graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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Um, the rest are okay, but this one ....
I kinda like demands. They make me ... happy.
A Dom's responsibilities, the reality of assholes
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Um, the rest are okay, but this one ....
I kinda like demands. They make me ... happy.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
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Finding that link, the blogger has his own disclaimer posted...
These are not my words and have been reposted with permission from: https://fetlife.com/users/738193/posts/825948 Thanks, WPExp, I could not have said it better. A must read for new subs or anyone involved in D/s, really.
The casuallibertine blog was posted on the 25th of November, and the one from fetlife was posted on the same day. Good information travels fast, in Internet space. It's nice that people give credit where it's due. Now, did the fetlife poster get it from somewhere else?
This is getting confusing.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
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I demand you pass out cookies to everybody!Um, the rest are okay, but this one ....
I kinda like demands. They make me ... happy.
goodsonformom
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Yes you may. I copied from a friend too........
goodsonformom
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Um, the rest are okay, but this one ....
I kinda like demands. They make me ... happy.
This is one interpretation of the D/s relationship. I think the bottom line is about respect......how the D & s negotiate there relationship and it's forms are varied and diverse........but in the end......for me........it includes love, nurturing and respect......
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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That's not a master. Nor a mistress.
Dominants -- good bad or mediocre, principled or not, kindly or jackasses -- don't wait for "giving." They take, to one extent or another-- and take from someone who wants to be taken from, who wants to give.
In BDSM the PYL calls the shots, to whatever extent they are PYL. Not the pyl, which is one reason why BDSM is so problematic in the vanilla world.
BDSM is NOT a Hallmark card kind of situation. Really, not.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
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Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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I love it when someone calls a spade a spade.
Don't get me wrong, I personally, am much happier seeing any sub and Dom match up in their desires and boundaries.
But that doesn't alter the underlying dynamics.
midwestyankee
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I love it when someone calls a spade a spade.
Huh. We still use the term "shovel" around here.
His_pet_slut
Really Really Experienced
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Yes! This is why I want/need/crave being with M~ He will take what is His to take. That is how it should be.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
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Don't get me wrong, I personally, am much happier seeing any sub and Dom match up in their desires and boundaries.
But that doesn't alter the underlying dynamics.
Exactly.
Huh. We still use the term "shovel" around here.
"The man who could call a shovel a shovel should be compelled to use one." ~Oscar Wilde
midwestyankee
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This idea has been bouncing around for a while and I think this thread might be as good a place as any for me to drop it off.
Seems to me that there is an inherent laziness to the asshole-dommery that is on the table here. It starts from the fantasy that once a guy has landed a submissive all he'll ever have to do for foreplay is to mention his zipper.
Seems to me that there is an inherent laziness to the asshole-dommery that is on the table here. It starts from the fantasy that once a guy has landed a submissive all he'll ever have to do for foreplay is to mention his zipper.
goodsonformom
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Don't get me wrong, I personally, am much happier seeing any sub and Dom match up in their desires and boundaries.
But that doesn't alter the underlying dynamics.
The under lying dynamics are what they are...and always will be........in other words it is what it is..........but
I hate labels......hate them......I am not a fan of boundaries in the sense that when someone says......."You will never do that"......or......."ain't gonna happen".....or...."You'll never do that with me"......so I may or may not be like you or any of you........but.......we all are different and have different concepts of genuine......real.......and then there are those of us who have no self respect......and wouldn't know it if was handed to them on a silver platter........
I'm just saying......it either makes sense to you......or not.......no biggie.....it's about you.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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Yes. This.
I personally want nothing to do with a dominant who acts like a submissive. I do not understand this, but I think it ties into that feel good, gooey sweet, submission is a gift thing that some people like. I mean, if you like this, that's cool. But I think that dominance is a gift, too. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - if you don't agree talk to a sub in the middle of sub frenzy and they'll tell you dominance is a gift.
One of the reasons I consider myself a sub, is because I have no interest in calling the shots, especially during sex. When my hubby demands a blow job ... well it flat does it for me. A request ... not so much.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
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Damn! And to think my thoughts were going in a totally different area. I read the post, then looked at bibunny's avatar and thought I had it figured out. Man, am I glad we were only talking about shovels.Huh. We still use the term "shovel" around here.
totallyfalcon
Virgin
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- Nov 28, 2011
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hummmmmm.......to speak or not? speaking wins...
On this idea of Hallmark and the idea of taking. Not everyone is hardcore and there is room for all types in this realm. All of us know what it is to feel outcast do we not??? ... it pains me that we would do such to one another....and here where we are supposed to be free to remove the mask... enough said there...
As for "taking"... yes I do take... and yes my sub gives...however such an arrangement comes about gradually does it not? Not as if I can just show up at the local munch....pick out a sub and "take" what I want... lest I do 15 to 20 for rape in the first degree right? Yes a Dom should be assertive and there should be give abd take and growth... I've watched with wondered amazement as my submissive and I have grown and worked through this.... yes i take... what and when and how I want. However... I do not need scream or demand... I've commanded with a whisper and watched her react and felt every bit (if not more powerful) then had I screamed it... but this came about over time... and is still evoloving and growing ....
Not saying anyone is wrong or that you are not entitled to your opinions...just saying stop a moment and think.... stop and remember... we all began somewhere... and there is room for all here... from the kinky to the romantic... from the slaves to those who rule over them... the only unwelcome are those who care only for themselves and the assholes...who were the ones we were originally speaking of at the outset of this thread....
Ta ta
TF
On this idea of Hallmark and the idea of taking. Not everyone is hardcore and there is room for all types in this realm. All of us know what it is to feel outcast do we not??? ... it pains me that we would do such to one another....and here where we are supposed to be free to remove the mask... enough said there...
As for "taking"... yes I do take... and yes my sub gives...however such an arrangement comes about gradually does it not? Not as if I can just show up at the local munch....pick out a sub and "take" what I want... lest I do 15 to 20 for rape in the first degree right? Yes a Dom should be assertive and there should be give abd take and growth... I've watched with wondered amazement as my submissive and I have grown and worked through this.... yes i take... what and when and how I want. However... I do not need scream or demand... I've commanded with a whisper and watched her react and felt every bit (if not more powerful) then had I screamed it... but this came about over time... and is still evoloving and growing ....
Not saying anyone is wrong or that you are not entitled to your opinions...just saying stop a moment and think.... stop and remember... we all began somewhere... and there is room for all here... from the kinky to the romantic... from the slaves to those who rule over them... the only unwelcome are those who care only for themselves and the assholes...who were the ones we were originally speaking of at the outset of this thread....
Ta ta
TF
Loverskitten
I bite
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You sound like the kind of loving Dom I hope to belong to someday.
The kind who would kiss my wounds and lick my tears
goodsonformom
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dragonkin112
Virgin
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I think what is meant here is not taking what is not freely given. My master 'takes' from me all the time. He makes demands on my time, body, and mind, but I give the things he asks for freely. He is not raping me. He is not keeping me against my will. He does not take more than I can give. He has, on occasion, taken more than I thought I could give, but that is not the same thing.
I've seen good things and bad things in BDSM relationships. My experiences have been primarily good, my best friends have been primarily bad. I've seen her through spousal rape and her husband getting a subbie girlfriend on the side. I watched in horror as her husband told her that he'd finally had enough of her crap and they were getting a divorce, for real this time, and then request a blow-job. I've seen her through not being allowed to speak to anyone she knew.
I've seen my relationship with my boyfriend of four years blossom and grow. I've seen him treat me like a queen and call me princess. I've seen him dominate me completely. I've stood for an hour or more posing for him. I've seen his face change in an instant upon seeing a tear on my cheek. I've seen his careful concern as he guided me through something new.
dreami
Really Really Experienced
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Bravo For This Forum
this is a really very good and VERY IMPORTANT POST
i have learnt of good Dom examples from many of the stories i have read.
and know what to look for (yes stories are idealised) but i know if something doesnt seem right it usually isn't.
i was speaking to a friend and trying to share with her what i am doing with my time online and i had to explain to her that kink isnt a free-for-all but actually just as complicated, if not more so, as the vanilla scene.
if anyone could take the time to add links from relevant How-tos and other good info sources it would be an invaluable resource for newbies like me.
thanks for such a relevant thread!
this is a really very good and VERY IMPORTANT POST
i have learnt of good Dom examples from many of the stories i have read.
and know what to look for (yes stories are idealised) but i know if something doesnt seem right it usually isn't.
i was speaking to a friend and trying to share with her what i am doing with my time online and i had to explain to her that kink isnt a free-for-all but actually just as complicated, if not more so, as the vanilla scene.
if anyone could take the time to add links from relevant How-tos and other good info sources it would be an invaluable resource for newbies like me.
thanks for such a relevant thread!
dreami
Really Really Experienced
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bellaorose
Virgin
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- Feb 5, 2011
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thank you for sharing this as there are so many that do not know the difference
As a NEW Dom I very much enjoyed.... And perhaps needed to read this so as to not become thus. So thank you for, careing enufe to post this. A doms qualtys are complex.... But really when i want to be "hard" and the sub was not down a safe word was used ... Rally isnt that whats is for? And if a dom ignors that then it takes a tribe. As for my self i have lost my head and not heard the safe word... And on the other end i have pushed my self for a dom when i was younger that left me with nerv dam so i think its lika any good relation ship... An orgaic evolving work of art.
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sirssubshannon
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.............................
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policywank
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BTW - Doms and assholes also come in the female variety.
Particularly in the fetish world of hot wives there are outstanding examples as well as awful emotionally abusive women.
Particularly in the fetish world of hot wives there are outstanding examples as well as awful emotionally abusive women.
