A Cry For Help: I Need Someone To Care...Now...before it's too late (not a joke)

[dragonhearted]

Ever since I broke up with airborne92 I have run the gauntlet of emotions: anger, depression, resignation, even being glad to be rid of him.

The truth is...I put so much of myself into the relationship...my emotions, my passion, my soul...he became a part of me. He will never believe in a million years how much he came to mean to me...all he has seen is the jealousy, the distrust,...But I have had my moments. I have had moments when I was strong---when my love was able to buoy him up, to help drag him from his "dark place". He was able to even help me...but now...we are not even talking. He has decided not to get back together because I was foolish enough to think he didn't love him, or didn't want a commitment. I have felt at times like I was right...but right now...I am missing the times when his arms around me made me feel so strong, when looking into his eyes made me feel calm, when feeling his touch made my heart race. He does not care at all about this. I have been told to shed him like a cheap skirt...to move on....but it is not so easy...and now...now I am feeling lower than I have ever felt in my life. This is the closest I have ever come to wanting to kill myself. I am thinking about how empty my life feels....sure I have my children....but a bed without him in it feels so cold. I can't even make him understand how much my heart is aching for him now....and all I want is for him to see me, to hold me...to forgive me...for being all the bad things I am or have been....and to love me for all the good and sexy things I am....

But it feels so hopeless now.

 

[Image]

Oh my sweet! You are breaking my heart ... What ever happened to that fun loving, lusty pagan hottie who was only too happy to help with with my clothes off not long ago? Don't sell yourself short, my love...

 

[Daedalus77]

You may PM me if you like.

 

[Nigel]

Dragonhearted:

I know it all seems so hopeless now...and I know the pain that you are feeling. I truly do. But don't throw the towel in over love, hon. Again, this is something I know about.

A very wise college professor of mine once said that love was not a "thing" that you can give to someone. When you love...and you experience love with another person - it is the love that is inside you that you feel. And the person that you're with helps you to experience that love more fully. The love is not gone, sweetie...it's inside you....waiting...and I'll tell you what it's waiting for (again, from my personal experience).

Your love is waiting for you to love yourself. To take care of yourself. For how can you truly and fully love and care for someone if you yourself don't love and take care of yourself. If not, you're not being the best you that you can be....and as such, you cannot fully and truly love and care for others. It's like a car - if the car is in tip top working order, it can take you anywhere you want to go. If the car isn't tip top, it can't take you anywhere. Not the best of analogies, but the best I can do on the fly.

You'll go through a sad bit, dragonhearted....but you will get through it. Trust me. And along the way, try not to dwell on thoughts of your faults and shortcomings (as we all tend to do). Just remember that you are a loving and giving person - and find a means to love yourself....to boost your spirits. And though Lit is sometimes a harsh place to be, I know that you have made friends here that care about you. Email them. PM them. Chat with them. Call 'em up on the phone. Lean on them those times when you don't feel strong enough to stand by yourself. If they are true friends, you won't be a burden.

I wish you strength, luck, and love on your journey. Those, along with a little faith, will get you through.

Hugs to you,

Nigel

 

[just pet]

So well stated, Nigel

 

[susan__32]

if you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a note.. i listen well and have experienced more than my share of crazy events

Susan

 

[dragonhearted]

thanks

...to all of you, for your love and support. I say love cuz it is, the brotherly kind...the kind between friends. I am grateful for it.

and may I say....Nice AV Nigel...

 

[Nigel]

Re: thanks

...to all of you, for your love and support. I say love cuz it is, the brotherly kind...the kind between friends. I am grateful for it.

and may I say....Nice AV Nigel...

You are most welcome, dragonhearted. We wouoldn't be so supportive if we hadn't been there ourselves....

Thank you for the compliment, dragonhearted....though the chest has changed since the av was taken (see my recent thread).

 

[Angel9476]

Awwwww, DragonHearted, Sweetie...please, please don't !

I truly understand what you're going through, been there done that! I've twisted myself into a pretzel trying to be what I thought the other person wanted, but no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I'll realized that I'll never be able to please someone else, until I could be happy with myself. So I took a good long look inside. I realized that I didn't like the person that I had become. I was no longer strong, independent and self-confident. I'd lost myself, while trying to be someone that I'm not, just to please this other person. So the hardest but most important part came when trying to find myself. I've been trying to be the best I could be with God's help. I'm not fully there, even now, and have may times of self doubt and dispair. Remember you have to be who you are, and the other person will have to love you for yourself. But Love yourself first sweetie, build yourself back up. People will be drawn to your inner glow.

PM me any time Sweetie!
We all care!....hugs & Kisses

 

[Skandalon]

Sorry for all the pain you're going through. I haven't been around lit very much lately: getting over a cancer scare with one I love. All is ok now, thank God, but it was hard going for around five weeks. Pain does sober us up a bit doesn't it?

Hang in there and don't give up on yourself, on life, or on love. We all have a few years we'd like to blot out of our lives, but I have come to see that those are the things that help complete us and give something to help others with when these evil times wash away.

Have a rose....find strength and push on.

I still can see the imp in you!

Skandalon

 

[dragonhearted]

Skandalon.......

Of course there's an imp......but even imps cry.

 

[digr224]

dh,
I completely know where your at right now.
I have had that same pain burning in my heart.
Oh God it hurts so bad.
I can remember thinking I cant, or dont want to live without her,
How can she hurt someone that loves her so dearly, someone who cherishes breathing the same air as her?
There is one thing I have come to realize here on lit.
There are so many of us with that common thread, that same aching heart.
Mine was a marriage that broke up and broke down after 9 years. She was the sunrise to my day. I dont remember if the sun came up for two years after she left me, I really dont.
The pain you are feeling is so real.
You will survive, I did.
Pm me If youd like.
digr

 

[S.Daedalus]

dh

I know you've had allot of supporters here, but I'll add my two cents.

I too know your pain. And I know it all to readily (read around, you'll see what I’m saying). I am nowhere near out of the woods when it comes to getting over my last girlfriend. But I will have to say that Lit has become a really really really good and therapeutic place to just situate myself. Boards like the 'how to..' or the BLURT threads are GReAT! They just let you get it all out with out fear of being judge or feeling stupid! Anger, rage, sad, lonely feelings I know all to well. But my friend, try and reach deep inside yourself and find the wonderful person he left behind! You both have lost in this situation, but you are fortunate, because you still have YOU. Never give up on yourself, because no matter what you see everyone else sees beauty in you, just read around you'll see!

PM me any time. I'm always up for chatting about ANYTHING!!! Whether you want to vent, whether you want to get your mind off things..it makes no difference to me. But please, do not feel stupid, do not feel selfish, do not feel bad. I say this because these were the feelings that I had. Who’s going to want to listen to my story...who's going to read what I have to say. Guess what..I was wrong! So please, feel free to message me any time.

Take care,
Give yourself a hug from me.
- Stephen

 

[LadyOfTheMist]

I just want to add my thoughts to the others. Its hard to see things clearly when in your position. You wake up to pain and you go to sleep in pain and the hours inbetween are like a living nightmare. I understand wanting to give in just to stop that pain. But you won't stop it, you will only increase it. By harming yourself you will harm your children, your parents, your friends. That is what got me through those times, thinking of the pain I would cause those closest to me. I wouldn't ever want to cause my parents the kind of pain that losing a child will bring. They don't deserve that. As much as I thought things would not get better, they did. Over a year ago my mother said "A year from now you won't believe that you were upset over him." Its over a year later and things are very different for me. What Nigel was saying is very true, you do have to love yourself first. Taking care of and loving yourself and your children will get you though. You need time to heal and decide where and who you want to be. And as Angel was saying you can't lose yourself in someone else, its not healthy. You can love someone and be there for them without turning into someone else to do it. To thine own self be true.......

I am sorry for your pain and I hope that things get better for you dear.

 

[jnauk]

DH
I know I am a 'newby' and we have never met on this plain but hang in there girl.......affairs of the heart are treacherous and we often end up hurt.......moreso by the ones we give ourselves to fully.....but you must remember........we DO come through the other side.....stronger, wiser and above all intact.....

I echo the thoughts of the other people who know you better....keep strong and draw comfort from your children and friends who offer you unconditional platonic love.......

my thoughts are with you......

 

[STUDDOG]

HOPE AND LOVE

MY FRIEND

WE ALL IN OUR LIVES COME TO A CROSSROAD BETWEEN FEELING WE HAVE NO HOPE AND LOSING SOMEONE WE FEEL WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT....I DID AND ALMOST LOST MY LIFE BECAUSE OF HER. I CAN NOT SAY THE THINGS THAT I WENT THROUGH BUT I ALMOST DESTROYED MY LIFE AND ALL HOPE OF EVER BEING IN LOVE AGAIN LIKE THAT.

I DID FIND LOVE AGAIN AND THAT FEELING IN MY HEART THAT MADE MY LIFE HAVE MEANING .....IT TOO DID NOT LAST BUT I FOUND THAT I HAVE THE COMPASSION AND LOVE IN ME TO FIND IT AGAIN.......AND SOMEDAY MAYBE THE ONE LOVE THAT WILL LAST FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I WILL NEVER AGAIN GIVE UP HOPE AND PLEASE MY FRIEND DON'T YOU....WE HAVE BUT ONE LIFE TO
GIVE TO OUR CHILDREN AND OUR FAMILIES... THOUGH I DON'T KNOW YOU , I CAN READ IN YOUR WORDS THE KINDNESS AND LOVE IN YOUR HEART...HOLD TIGHT TO THAT...PEACE AND LOVE WILL RETURN.

YOUR FRIEND
STUDDOG

PLEASE PM ME IF YOU WANT TO TALK....

 

[kimmy69]

I just wanted to come in and give you a big hug DH, I know we do not know each other, but its obvious you have alot of friends here, you should be very happy for that. We also have all been where you are right now, and chances are many of us will be again at some point......but just know that there are people out there that care for you, stay strong, keep your chin up girl, it will all work out for the best in the end...
((((((((((((((((((((((( DH ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kimmy

 

[dragonhearted]

Thank you.....All of you!

I am deeply touched by the caring shown to me in this thread. Strangers (well except for possibly justpet and Daedalus, and Demon) are showing to me a kindness (in itself a kind of love) well beyond what was shown me by airborne92. I can only hope to be equally as deserving of this caring, in being your friend.

Thank you all again....so very very much for being here in my time of need!

Love

Suzi

 

[STUDDOG]

SMILE

I hope today brings many smiles Suzi...........

My Daily Wish

My daily wish is that we may
See good in those who pass our way;

Find in each a worthy trait
That we shall gladly cultivate;

See in each one passing by
The better things that beautify

A softly spoken word of cheer,
A kindly face, a smile sincere.

I pray each day that we may view
The things that warm one's heart anew;

The kindly deed that can't be bought
That only from good are wrought,

A burden lightened here and there,
A brother lifted from despair,

The aged ones freed from distress;
The lame, the sick, brought happiness.

Grant that before each sun has set
We'll witness deeds we can't forget;

A soothing hand to one in pain,
A sacrifice for love - not gain;

A word to ease the troubled mind
Of one whom fate has dealt unkind.

So, my friend, my wish is that we may
See good in all who pass our way.

STUDDOG

 

[dragonhearted]

Aawwwww!!

That is very sweet! Thank you Stud! By the way...reading your sig. line....are you in love?

 

[STUDDOG]

NEVER SURE

I always think I am......I'm really not sure I have ever been really in love.......I'm in a relationship now but not working out to well.
Not married so it's kinda a day to day relationship. I think the one time in my life I really loved a woman (in love)I got hurt really bad and it changed my life and the way I protect myself from being hurt again like that. She was a lot younger than me and I really felt when we broke up I would die...I didn't want to live in a world without her. I have had some relationships since and I find myself guarding from that feeling of needing one person so much that it consumes me. I feel someday I will have that emotion back in my life....I at least have the hope of it.
The one thing I do know is that I love being loved by a woman and the intimate times of sharing.......so my sig is my dream of finding the perfect love.
We never know......before the sunsets, it may be

Peace and Love Dragonheart

Studdog

 

[cookiejar]

Dearest dragonhearted , the tears run down my face as I read this. I too know how you feel . When I read Angel 9476 it was my story all over....I cared but no matter what I did or said it wasn't good enough. I'm not saying I was perfect , I'm not.....I have a hot temper and spout off before I think things through. I realize too I was too sensitive for him....he wanted a strong woman. One day he said I wasn't worth his trouble , I was too much work and said never speak to me again. The pain was so bad but I live each day and know it will get better , mainly cause of the wonderful people I met here. Feel free to pm anytime....I listen real good. Huggggsss and hang in there.




cookie

 

[STUDDOG]

FRIENDS

To you also Cookie....Peace and love.
What one man finds as faults, another will cherish in you.

Beautiful people never stay down long.....The heart is as light as air.

Studdog

 

[cookiejar]

Re: FRIENDS

To you also Cookie....Peace and love.
What one man finds as faults, another will cherish in you.

Beautiful people never stay down long.....The heart is as light as air.

Studdog

Ty Studdog , I know there's a beautiful lady out there waiting for you. A man as eloquent as you can never truly stay down. Wait that didn't come out right. LOL



cookie

 

[STUDDOG]

Oh no

Cookie...I don't want to be eloquent anymore if it kills my stay down time.......Geeee...why did I get an education...why????

Thanks Cookie for the laugh and kindness....

I'm going to the store and buy some deep diving gear...back soon!!!!


Studdog