A couple of poems - would appreciate feedback!

[blondehairbluey]

Criticism is welcome (so long as it's constuctive). Some are flat-out sexual, others just have a sexual subtext.

***

Your body flows and your skin glistens with sweat
Tense in anticipation; I know what you expect
Ground me, lift me up, hit the earth, I'm feeling high
When I taste the dirt you serve, I touch the sky
Salt of the earth, dissolve in this river
In time and hard as we drip and we shimmer
Your scent makes me drunk, your taste makes me hot
Spinning and burning I beg you not to stop
This isn't physical; reality ceases to be real
My soul subordinate to the sensations I feel
Push me to my back; pull me to my knees-
I am your servent and I long to please

***

Tonight, tonight
Was glorious
But I'm glad it's over -
I always was a sucker for closure
Tonight, tonight
We made beautiful music
Wish it was a metaphor
'Cause I've never wanted
Anybody more
Tonight, tonight
I loved the way your fingers
Caressed the guitars curves
You hands were on its body
But they touched my nerves

***

Little girl I've met your type before
Don't know what you want
But you know you want more
A little liberty and you look a fool
So you'd rather be held under his rule
You like to dress up in your burial gown
Add a little black lace to your made-up frown
But I've clocked you now, so you'd better run
Not much stands in my way when I wanna have fun
Yes, little girl, you can try to hide
But you can't escape from my sick mind



***

Give me a line so I can cross it
Rule breaking is so erotic
The way you tear at his flesh
And then turn and caress mine
Run the blade across my spine
I'll consent to let you in
(but I'll still resist)
You can revel in the sin;
I will always be your bitch

***

She keeps me waiting as her fingertips persuade me
‘Don’t leave me, ever’ the wind whispers desperate thoughts as we get lost together
Silken and sweet, the air dampened by moonlight where our lips meet
She tastes like strawberries,
We blossom in the heat,
I feel her open, flowering as I eat.
Rising inside, who needs seed when the fruit grows wild?
Falling over the edge in her luminescence as I bring her to the light
Burning embers under moonbeam filled skies
Eternity will echo the memories of tonight.

***

I need you to lust after me
When you desire to own me I am free
This body was never wholly mine
My heart palpitates out of time
Possess me, destroy me, tear me apart
When you rip through the physical my soul can depart
Smash the hills and drink the oceans dry
Leave a change in the landscape that time can't deny
Sand the exterior to perfectionn, scrape the insides raw
It's when there's nothing left that I'll truly beg for more
If I am not in control, then I am not at fault
So break this filthy flesh, and cleanse the wounds with salt
No sin in the bloodlust, no guilt for the preservation
I can play the victim whilst I bask in the desecration

 

[WickedEve]

Little girl I've met your type before
Don't know what you want
But you know you want more
A little liberty and you look a fool
So you'd rather be held under his rule
You like to dress up in your burial gown
Add a little black lace to your made-up frown
But I've clocked you now, so you'd better run
Not much stands in my way when I wanna have fun
Yes, little girl, you can try to hide
But you can't escape from my sick mind

I'd like to know more about the sick mind.

So how long have you been writing poetry?

 

[blondehairbluey]

All my life. I'm only 19 now, so all my life isn't that long, but it's certainly something I can always remember doing.

I also sing a lot, and a lot of the time I'll just kind of sing improv, realise I like it, and type it up as a poem

 

[WickedEve]

All my life. I'm only 19 now, so all my life isn't that long, but it's certainly something I can always remember doing.

I also sing a lot, and a lot of the time I'll just kind of sing improv, realise I like it, and type it up as a poem

I started writing poetry as a kid, so I've been writing for... a few years.
Anyway, welcome to the poetry forum.