A Conversation With My Father

[Misty_Morning]

My cellphone rings.

"Hi Dad, how ya doing?"

"Oh, pretty good, just wanting to see if you're getting too much rain down there."

"Well, I don't think so seeings how we're in a drought."

"Yeah, but there was that storm that came through........so I guess you're still alive and doing OK."

"Yep, I think so, especially since I answered the phone."

OK,well, just checking. Guess I'll talk to you some other time."

"OK."

"OK."









as he's hanging up....."I love you Dad."



*click*

 

[jomar]

Dad-speak for "I love you."??

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Dad-speak for "I love you."??

As the father of 5, I feel highly qualified in saying that sometimes Dads can be weird creatures.

 

[amicus]

My cellphone rings.

"Hi Dad, how ya doing?"

"Oh, pretty good, just wanting to see if you're getting too much rain down there."

"Well, I don't think so seeings how we're in a drought."

"Yeah, but there was that storm that came through........so I guess you're still alive and doing OK."

"Yep, I think so, especially since I answered the phone."

OK,well, just checking. Guess I'll talk to you some other time."

"OK."

"OK."









as he's hanging up....."I love you Dad."



*click*

~~~

Well....you prolly won't like my interpretation, but, ah well...

You sound like my oldest daughter. She is very domineering and will command each and every conversation if permitted. Just the way she is. I usually do not call her for that reason. I wait until she calls and needs to talk; even then, I mostly just listen...that is what she wants anyway.

The two quips I put in bold face, were, 'in your face', confrontational type comments, so one must assume there is something going on between you two.

Of course I am probably totally wrong.

My daughters life is so busy and chaotic, what with four children, a husband, a job, commuting and post graduate college, that her usual time to call is while she is driving home after work and stuck in traffic.

She has to multi-task, it seems, her way of life. I don't mind; she is my daughter and I love her whatever she does.

You had a reason for posting this. My suggestion is that you call him back and apologize and just chat for a while...see what is up with his life and perhaps tell him what is going on in yours.

regards...

amicus

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

It's sad. He's reaching out, but he doesn't know how, or perhaps doesn't have the character to go all the way, or a combination, and the result is it's too little, too late. (This based mostly on previous posts of yours.)

Respond by not having a drink. That is, not that "revenge" plays any part in your motivations, or is relevent, but I'm reminded of that old saying: Living well is the best revenge.

 

[cloudy]

It's sad. He's reaching out, but he doesn't know how, or perhaps doesn't have the character to go all the way, or a combination, and the result is it's too little, too late. (This based mostly on previous posts of yours.)

Strangely enough, I agree with Rox.

I would give anything in the world to have a conversation with my father again. Any conversation at all.

 

[starrkers]

I agree with Rox and (shock horror) Amicus.

And Cloudy, I cherish every call I have with my dad - he won't be there much longer, and I'm dreading that.

 

[cloudy]

And Cloudy, I cherish every call I have with my dad - he won't be there much longer, and I'm dreading that.

I'm glad you do. It's not many that truly realize how precious that is until it is gone.

My father's been gone almost 24 years, and I've missed him every single day since he's been gone.

 

[SeaCat]

I talk with my father just about every other night via E-Mail. Several days ago I mentioned to him that I wanted to drive up to his place and put the foil back up on the windows of his place. (His neighbor had called him to let him know the Foil had fallen.)

Well the other day my father called to let me know I really didn't have to make the hour and a half trip up to his place just to put the foil back up. That was when I informed him that the foil wasn't the only reason we were driving up there. I told him I had come into possesion of 8 Anchors as well as 4 long Cargo Straps and would be putting them in place on his trailer. He was quiet for a minute before telling me he hadn't expected that.

We talked about other thngs for a few minutes before he told me he had to go. Befoe he hung up though he told me in a choked up voice that he loved me. I replied that I loved him as well. (Not as easy as you would think.)

It is only recently that my father found it in himself to voice what he felt. Before that he always showed it, but never said it.

Cat

 

[TE999]

I would give anything in the world to have a conversation with my father again. Any conversation at all.

I couldn't agree more. My father was not one for conversation, and never really tried. Over the years we grew apart, and he died four years ago. Hours away and alone in a nursing home.

It haunts me to this day.

 

[rgraham666]

The rift between my father and I is too deep to be bridged really.

He tries to make up for what happened in the past but, as much as I appreciate it, sort of, he's trying to bandage scars.

Can't think of anything else to say.

 

[jomar]

I'm fortunate. Is it too late to reach out MM? Or is what he did unforgivable (though I have thoughts on forgiving). Prayers sent your way.

 

[bluebell]

as he's hanging up....."I love you Dad."



*click*

I would give anything in the world to have a conversation with my father again. Any conversation at all.

I couldn't agree more. My father was not one for conversation, and never really tried. Over the years we grew apart, and he died four years ago. Hours away and alone in a nursing home.

It haunts me to this day.

*hugs* for you all.

I've always had a "conversation blockage" with my step-father. It's not that we don't get along, it's more that we're so alike we almost don't have anything to talk about. Which is, needless to say, very weird.
Except, he's a prickly porcupine about emotions, which makes talking to him about anything involving feelings about as easy as making Mariah Carey cover herself the fuck up.

It's better now. I realized that I have to say what I need to say and deal with the explanations as they come.
With some people you just need to have the guts to always be the one putting your emotions on the line. The chances of getting clobbered are probably higher, but then, you'll also have a more gratifying relationship. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[Dar~]

My dad is a dick. That said, as devil's advocate, maybe he was on the way to hanging up so he didn't hear your I love you. That happens to me all the time.

 

[Misty_Morning]

The man I call my father is much more than that...he is my Dad. This has very special meaning to me.

I came into this world in a time when my parents were experiencing..."difficulties." The man I call my father is not my biological father, and yet I have always been "Daddy's little girl"....the preferred child...out of 8 children.

As a child I was not in the best of health. At the same time neither was he. Kept apart from the other children and development, I was isolated. My interaction with my Dad made me feel alive, loved, and protected. We went for long walks in the woods, he showed me parts of nature most overlook. He taught me respect for others and yourself. He showed me the difference between acting honorably and being honorable. He taught me right from wrong.

He was the only stability in my life for many years.

The tension between myself and my other siblings has always been apparent. As a child I learned very quickly the meaning of the word "bastard." And that just made it all the more difficult.

At the age of 9 I meet the my biological father. In my opinion then and still to this day, it was an underhanded technique by my mother to turn me away from my "Dad."

So, for the majority of my life I have been on the outside looking inside. Yet, my siblings are aware that I am the executor of my Dad's estate (what little there is) and this drives them crazy. Especially since they know that NO ONE is getting one motherfucking cent and it's all going to charity!

See, several years ago I came out after years of uncertainty and following up an abusive marriage. This just devestiated my father and only fueled the the already exsisting angst between me and my siblings. My father continues to try to reform me, although this is who I have been my entire life.

And now I sit here, isolated from the one person who has always been my champion, cut off from the family that never accecpted me, and yet, controlling the few purse strings they desire to possess.


I am reminded of a conversation I had with my uncle, my mother's bother some nearly 27 years ago.

He told me that the man I call Dad is the most honest and sincere person he had ever met in his life and that no matter what happens, he will always be his brother. Might I add that this is the opinion of every person to have met this man, and rightfully so.

I used to be able to just tell my Dad "I love you."

What happened? I'm the same person I was then. Have I become such a disapointment lately? Will you ever accept me for who I am?

Maybe I am sharing this now because there are so many children out there from fractured families. Children being conceived and born out of wedlock is the norm. My situation as child is not thought of twice today. And yet, please remember that to a child it means everything. It is their exsistence.

Acceptance.

Love.

Respect.



Isn't that what we all really want?

 

[Dar~]

I went through something very similar with my mother when I came out last October. She didn't talk to me for months and then she would call to ask about the kids and get their clothing sizes for gifts and go. She stopped emailing me adn all of it. We were very close. She is my best friend. Now, its still stilted, but she talks more b/c I went back to my husband and am identifying as Bi. She still won't talk to me about my time away from my husband. I hate it.
Much love to you. I hope you can pass over this with him and be together fully before life gets in the way.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

My father and stepmother separated about a month ago, after I had seen them struggle through 14 years of unhappiness. Considering that it's my dad's 4th marriage (and approximately serious relationship number 12 since my existence) I suppose it's something I just have to accept and move on from.

But I dwell on it. Because it's my parents. Because she's the nearest to a mom that I have ever experienced. Because we have more of a friendship, than a mother/daughter relationship. Because regardless of how messed up their relationship was, I believed that they were ok, somehow. It's what I grew up with. Parents fight. It's what they do. Personally I do not think they are better off being on their own. Perhaps they are, it's not for me to say.

Having a destructive, dysfunctional family is my reality and I deal with the consequences of that every day. Somehow I wish I could reach out and connect with my siblings over this. But we don't. We don't share the same experience/ feelings, and it's not dealt with together.

And above all, how selfish of me is it to wonder how on earth I am going to explain to my 6 year old that her Oupa and Nanna are no longer together?

I have to call him soon, as it's his birthday. I dread that call. I remember the gentle man who loved me long ago when I was a little girl, and miss him. Despite his mistakes, he taught me some very valuable lessons about life, regardless of if I wanted to learn them at a specifically young age. I haven't truly known him for many years, partly because I know him too well. But there are just too many very bad memories and experiences etched on my soul, for me to be able to somehow move back to a functional relationship with him.

It's one of the biggest issues in my life. I've had to say goodbye to my father over the years. Yet, he's still alive, and so am I. And that is the saddest part. He doesn't pretend anymore. We don't have conversations about the rain, or lack there of any longer.

Misty, I feel for you. I really do.

 

[amicus]

MistyMorning... "...See, several years ago I came out after years of uncertainty and following up an abusive marriage. This just devestiated my father and only fueled the the already exsisting angst between me and my siblings. My father continues to try to reform me, although this is who I have been my entire life...."

~~~

I realize I am opening myself to being flayed to raw flesh and bone by continuing this, but I do not, not for my purposes, but perhaps for yours, Misty.

My position on anything other than a heterosexual relationship is well known, and hated, I might add, on this forum and in general, I suppose.

I have my own difficulties, dealing with two sons who are in love with the same young woman, one is married to her, the other is sleeping with her now that they have separated.

How do I deal with my sons? How do I deal with the girl?

There is, of course, to complicate matters, a child involved, born just last October, that would be my grandchild, of course. Sighs....nothing I do or say, will be correct to all involved and I know that.

Misty, et al, who have 'come out' and not found, the 'acceptance, love, respect', as you wish, there really is no answer or solution, is there?

Speaking in the wide generalities of an older generation of parents, fathers, in this case, I think you must take into consideration our ethics and morals, whether you consider them favorably or not, they are ours.

I do not know how I would respond to discover that one or more of my five daughters 'came out', as a bi or a lesbian. How should I respond? Do I change my lifelong concept of right and wrong, moral and immoral, ethical and unethical? If I feel disgust and revulsion, do I hide it? Do I change the way I talk to her and look upon her? Is there a solution when moral foundations and concept are in conflict?


Morals are so complex and complicated. There is a young lady that I know who confides in me, I think only because she knows I listen and will not be outwardly judgmental. She said she disappointed her father for she had a child, 'out of wedlock', her words. Not a child of love, either, from what I gather although she will not say it. She continues to live her life, but she would not have said that to me, a near stranger, had it not concerned her deeply.

There is an unending history of conflict involving marriages between different religions, different races, even different 'class' levels in various societies. Add to that, now, alternatives to heterosexual relationships.

What are those who are apart and observe and are expected to react, to do? Such as your, 'dad', Misty, and the others who posted, and even me, how am I to react to my little soap opera scenario of two sons and a daughter in law that birthed a grandchild?

I think there are no cookbook recipe's for living life. But even as I type those words, I know full well that the ingredients must be chosen with care and must be congruent with the end product in mind. In other words, somewhere along the line one has to acknowledge a basic standard of conduct as real and rational and, consequently, right and wrong.

I am going to lighten this up just a little...today I purchased some software, "Dragon Naturally Speaking Voice Recognition', a program that allows me to dictate and the computer translates my voice into the typed page.

I need something to emerge from a period of a writing slump and I thought this might do it. After hours of deleting files and transferring files and defragging to clear space on the hard disk, I discovered that I do not have sufficient RAM, to run the new software.

So I shut it all down and went looking for someplace to vent.

Guess this was it.

Sorry.

amicus...

 

[Chantilyvamp]

I might be late into this...but I think in his way he cares and him calling when they have a bad storm to see if your still ok is his way of showing it.

Then again at this momemt I would take even a jaded conversation with my father. Now i'll back out of the thread before I get emotional.

Either way doll

 

[feeeriek]

i am one of the lucky ones... though it has been twenty years...