A Contest Entry

[JessMalarkey]

I probably messed up doing this, but I entered an Incest story (brother-sister) in the Earth Day contest. It's only two pages long (really one and a half) so if anyone gets a chance to take a look, they won't be wasting too much time.

SHE NEEDED THAT

Any ideas on how to make it better (I've already spotted some typo's) would be very helpful.

Thanks

 

[The Mystery Valiant]

Puzzled

OK, right off the bat, what is with weird nickname for the "Penis"? "Piss-hard"?
If you're going to write erotic stories, you're going to have to use more common and lusty terms than that. When in the throes of fucking, the filthier the talk, the more exciting the act! It won't even see serious consideration until it's seething with sexual steam in the banter. When intercourse is lit like the fourth of July fireworks, inhibitions are worthless. Especially in the language! Fire it up! Paint the town red! Kick that sleeping horse! Make it a fucking story!