A Closing Line

[jaF0]

But through it all, through all of her wide smiles and raucous laughter and jovial behavior at parties. Through all the quiet times with friends and those closest to her. No one saw her inner feelings, her most closely guarded thoughts. No one felt her deepest pains. Until the day they found her. And the note she left.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I don't read erotica for things that make me sad. There's too much of that everywhere else. Hard pass.

 

[sirhugs]

But through it all, through all of her wide smiles and raucous laughter and jovial behavior at parties. Through all the quiet times with friends and those closest to her. No one saw her inner feelings, her most closely guarded thoughts. No one felt her deepest pains. Until the day they found her. And the note she left.

ouch. maybe she just disappears and they find the note? Be prepared for demand for a sequel.

 

[muddie684]

Ending a story with a suicide could be potent, depending on the content of the story. Is it a surprise ending, with the character being excessively jovial and popular such that her departure is a sudden shock?

I don't read erotica for things that make me sad. There's too much of that everywhere else.

Yes, the premise is a little too "real" for me, too. Suicide is a hard subject to write about fictionally and even harder to write about well.

The proposed line could also work as an opening line if you take out the "but", then you could either tell the story in retrospect or build from that point.

ouch. maybe she just disappears and they find the note? Be prepared for demand for a sequel.

If it is suicide, she could be a ghost in the sequel, or reincarnated.

 

[jaF0]

The entire preceding story would be normal for Lit in most ways. Then ... the shock.

Think along the lines of 'The Virgin Suicides', but with the ending saved for the end.

 

[sirhugs]

The entire preceding story would be normal for Lit in most ways. Then ... the shock.

Think along the lines of 'The Virgin Suicides', but with the ending saved for the end.

sounds like The Sixth Sense

 

[LiverpoolMaster]

But through it all, through all of her wide smiles and raucous laughter and jovial behavior at parties. Through all the quiet times with friends and those closest to her. No one saw her inner feelings, her most closely guarded thoughts. No one felt her deepest pains. Until the day they found her. And the note she left...

... "I'm leaving you because of your atrocious grammar..."

 

[CuttingEdge]

In the right setting I think it could be powerful. Kind of like a mainstream, non-erotic novel I recently read that had a surprise, mysterious ending. Two in the family thought it ended with the main character being murdered, and I thought it ended in self-defense. Written so well, it was how you interpreted the vague words that made the ending memorable.

I can say that after a lot of thought, and about a million written stories both erotic and mainstream, I have never written about suicide. Maybe it is time to explore that in my writing???

But I will say all that as a sort of code Jafo, and that you are reaching out because you are not in a good place mentally, I hope you get the help you need. Most of us, at one time or another, have felt defeated, and in that moment it is hard to see a better future. But it is there.

As a side note, I think you are also doing a good job as a moderator. I won't lie, I had some concerns at first, but you have really adapted well to your new role, and have really overcome some obstacles. Good for you.