A better husband...

[happyhusb]

This is my first post on LIT. I am happily married to a beautiful wife and, unlike most of the posts I've read on here, I have no problems with my relationship with my wife.

In fact, THAT is the reason I am posting. I am far from perfect, but I am seeking any ideas you ladies OR men might have to help "Keep the Home Fires Burning".

I want to keep things fresh between us so that it will not get to the point where we are "Happily Married but Sexually Unfulfilled".

So, if you're a man who has some romantic ideas, please post. If you're a woman, tell me the things you WISH your husband or boyfriend would do for you.

 

[silverwhisper]

hey happyhusb, that's a great way to start your posting here!

i find that in general, it's the little things: making sure that your schedules are in sync, making sure that there's nothing else troubling you that isn't monopolizing your focus, remembering to say "i love you", doing the goofy silly playful fun stuff that you did earlier in your relationship when everything was still new...

if you've been lurking here a while, then you know the mantra around here is "communicate, communicate, communicate!" but by asking this question in the first place, it seems to me you don't need to be told.

and welcome to lit!

ed

 

[Norajane]

I think the big thing is to make sure you don't start slipping into taking each other for granted. That seems to happen when work, families, and other pressures start accumulating so you have more stress and less time for each other.

I can't stress enough the concept of continuing to 'date' after you're married. No, not date other people! Date each other, meaning make an effort to spend uninterrupted, quality time together doing something fun. That can be anything from a night on the town to beer and pizza at home, but something each week where you reconnect on that romantic level that can get pushed aside when you're worrying about bills and groceries and what your mother-in-law thinks of your new house.

Also, I'd say keep the sexual tension high by making everything feel like foreplay. If you're taking stuff to the dry cleaners, kiss her and tell her you remember how sexy she looked in that dress the night before. If you're in the car on the way home and stuck in traffic, call her up and tell her you were fantasizing about her. Little stuff like that goes a long way to keeping the fires burning!

It's a combination of words and actions. Do be the horny, smitten guy who fell in love with her and pursued her. Tell her frequently how sexy and wonderful she is, and follow that up with some good luvin'. Don't allow issues to fester - talk about them when they come up. Don't believe that just because you're married, there's no need to woo each other anymore.

 

[spreadwide]

I totally agree!

I wished my husband would come on here and seek advice, at least then I would know he was trying. Alot of the men on LIT think that a pic of thier big penis makes them sexy. But as far as I am concerned, I don't think there is anything any sexier than a man who loves his woman and wants to do all he can to keep things going good!

 

[happyhusb]

Thank you for the replies! Keep them coming if you have any more ideas. Most of what you have recommended we already do but it is good to hear it again to remind me that it is still important.

We have been married for over 16 years now and our sex life is still HOT in my book! I just want to keep it that way and as the saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life!"

 

[Norajane]

Thank you for the replies! Keep them coming if you have any more ideas. Most of what you have recommended we already do but it is good to hear it again to remind me that it is still important.

We have been married for over 16 years now and our sex life is still HOT in my book! I just want to keep it that way and as the saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life!"

Sounds like you could write your own book on how to keep things hot!

 

[eudaemonia]

It's a combination of words and actions. Do be the horny, smitten guy who fell in love with her and pursued her. Tell her frequently how sexy and wonderful she is, and follow that up with some good luvin'. Don't allow issues to fester - talk about them when they come up. Don't believe that just because you're married, there's no need to woo each other anymore.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

And this goes for the ladies, too. Never, ever let your man forget that it's him you fantasize about, him want to throw down and ravish on a frequent basis, and him that makes you melt when he does and says all his sweet things.

 

[eudaemonia]

Thank you for the replies! Keep them coming if you have any more ideas.

Here's one that's somewhat specific, but I think you can adapt to get the same effect.

I love to dance. I grew up taking tap and jazz, and then 9 years of classical ballet a little later. Fortunately, unlike some classically-trained dancers, I can social dance as well: swing, rhumba, cha-cha, etc. No matter my mood -- good, rotten or indifferent -- dancing will relax me and put me into the best possible groove of mind.

Well, when I could not be cajoled out of a funk of whatever sort, my then-boyfriend would take my hand and start swing dancing to whatever music was on (or he put on), regardless if I followed or not. Within about 20 seconds all my resistance would melt and I'd start following, even if a little reluctantly. Within a few minutes I was on my way to having my mood reset.

So, find what it is that she absolutely can't resist and lure her with that. Dancing was just an example of what works for me when I get into a rare bad mood, but it also works great if my man and I are having a wonderful day together, too. Knowing how much dance is my best medicine, he did his best to keep me happy and well.

Now, his* singing on the other hand ...

*P.S. to PKS, you know I love you to death!

 

[wally2450]

One of the most influential things I have ever seen is the tape series 'Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships' by Gary Smalley, a US Ph.d counselor specializing in couples. Used to be available at major libraries in VHS format. There were 18 45 minute tapes. Probably still available. I highly recommend it.

 

[Straight-8]

I am happily married to a beautiful wife and, unlike most of the posts I've read on here, I have no problems with my relationship with my wife.QUOTE]
Congratulations on being one of the lucky ones. We've been married over 25 years now and it still sizzles. I don't really know any 'secrets' but I find that the odd holiday just for the two of us is a great way to renew our lust (you don't say if you have kids). Look for what you find attractive in your spouse - not what 'bothers you'. Take a few risks - together and only as far as you are both comfortable with. Have fun together. Realize that it is natural to look at and enjoy attractive women (men for her), even to fantasize - just don't act on it (unless, of course, that is one of the 'risks' that you have both discussed and agreed to). Enjoy it and good luck!

 

[happyhusb]

Well, I couldn't write a book, Norajane, or at least not one that anyone else would want to read.....but I will share one thing I did my wife really appreciated.

One year for our anniversary, something completely unavoidable came up and my wife and I could not go out for a romantic dinner. She would not get home til later that evening. So, my two boys and I transformed our little dinning room into a high-class restaurant. I went on-line and printed out a fake menu from a real up-scale place. I had my boys both in a shirt and tie and when she came home we totally suprised her. Of course it was just pizza that I had ordered, but one of the boys took her things and the other one seated her and said, "Madam, what would you like to order." The really got into it. Once they brought the pizza out, they went to their room to play and we had our little romantic dinner alone. Wasn't fancy, but she sure appreciated all the trouble we went through.....but then again.....when you're in love, it's really no trouble at all, is it?

 

[spreadwide]

Well, I couldn't write a book, Norajane, or at least not one that anyone else would want to read.....but I will share one thing I did my wife really appreciated.

One year for our anniversary, something completely unavoidable came up and my wife and I could not go out for a romantic dinner. She would not get home til later that evening. So, my two boys and I transformed our little dinning room into a high-class restaurant. I went on-line and printed out a fake menu from a real up-scale place. I had my boys both in a shirt and tie and when she came home we totally suprised her. Of course it was just pizza that I had ordered, but one of the boys took her things and the other one seated her and said, "Madam, what would you like to order." The really got into it. Once they brought the pizza out, they went to their room to play and we had our little romantic dinner alone. Wasn't fancy, but she sure appreciated all the trouble we went through.....but then again.....when you're in love, it's really no trouble at all, is it?

You see, it's things like that that just make a women melt! What woman in her right mind wouldn't fall in love with her husband all over again if he did something that thoughtful?

Thank you Happyhusb for starting this thread. It has really made me think about what more "I" could be doing for my husband instead of waiting for "HIM" to make the first move.

 

[misshum]

Well, I couldn't write a book, Norajane, or at least not one that anyone else would want to read.....but I will share one thing I did my wife really appreciated.

One year for our anniversary, something completely unavoidable came up and my wife and I could not go out for a romantic dinner. She would not get home til later that evening. So, my two boys and I transformed our little dinning room into a high-class restaurant. I went on-line and printed out a fake menu from a real up-scale place. I had my boys both in a shirt and tie and when she came home we totally suprised her. Of course it was just pizza that I had ordered, but one of the boys took her things and the other one seated her and said, "Madam, what would you like to order." The really got into it. Once they brought the pizza out, they went to their room to play and we had our little romantic dinner alone. Wasn't fancy, but she sure appreciated all the trouble we went through.....but then again.....when you're in love, it's really no trouble at all, is it?

Now THAT, ladies, is a real man!!! I agree with Spreadwide (I just LOVE that name!). Most of the men view their penis size as the measure of a man. There is SO much more to it in my book.

In fact, I am not married, but happyhusb makes me wish I had met him first!

Happyhusb, tell your wife she is one lucky woman!

 

[spreadwide]

Thanks, Misshum! You like my name, I like your Avatar! If I looked that good....oooo, I would be dangerous! LOL!

Yes, to me, being a real man is as much about being "TENDER" as it is about being "TOUGH."

Most men see being tender as a sign of weakness, but it takes a man who is strong to be able to show that side.

 

[happyhusb]

Happyhusb, tell your wife she is one lucky woman!

Actually, if you knew my wife, you would know that "I" am the lucky one!

 

[thirty]

Happyhusb is a unique man. I wish I can be that considerate.

How about traveling together frequently?

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well happyhusb, welcome to Lit! Your story about your anniversary tells me that you have the big key that I was going to mention: imagination.

Why do things like that make women melt? Because it means you thought about them, really thought about who they are and what they like, then used your imagination to find some inventive way of touching their inner self. Buying flowers and candy is nice and shows that you recognize their importance to you, but coming up with something more involved, that shows you recognize something about them on a deeper level. I don't think it's even the effort you put into it, just that you tried to touch her on a deeper level.

This is what keeps a couple emotionally engaged, and I've said before, that is a basis for being open and trusting enough to explore your sexuallity. Your original question was how to keep the sex hot, right? Well keeping the relationship emotionally close is the first answer. Many couples try to fix marital issues in the bedroom first, when they should be fixing the emotional issues. At least that's my opinion.

As for how to keep things hot sexually, here are a few other ideas:

1.) Storytime. Print out some stories from Lit and read your wife a bedtime story. Eventually you can take turns reading, and maybe even move on to writing your own.

2.) Teenage Lust Remembered. How many adults go to the Drive in and make out int he back seat like they did as teenagers? Not enough, IMNSHO. You get the idea though. Explore those days when sex maybe wasn't an option, but you still had those feelings that needed an outlet.

3.) I have an idea... This place is a wealth of new and fun stuff to try. Variations on a current technique, whole new avenues, new concepts abound here. Even if you think you and your wife have done everything, there's always a new twist or perspective that can be put on it. A good example for me is g-spot stimulation. I'd stumbled across this years ago, but thanks to a most impressive collection of knowledge here, I've been able to refine my technique with explosive results.

4.) Sex Toys. Now a lot of couples think that using toys means they are trying to fill a deficiency. Until recently my wife felt the same way. You have to look at the second word there though, toys. Toys are fun, toys are made to be played with. There's a lot more here than just big plastic dicks. For me and my wife, toys make our lovemaking more fun and playful, something we breakout occasionally when we're feeling silly. Which leads me to my last idea...

5.) Varied Pace. Sex doesn't always have to be the same atmosphere. What I mean is, sometimes it is slow and tender, sometimes passionate and primal, sometimes playful and silly. By exploring these different atmosphere's your lovemaking can become not a facet of your relationship, but an expression of it. Just as your emotional relationship runs the gambit of feelings, so can your sexual relationship. The same acts done in a different atmospheres can seem totally different from each other.


What a great thread to be able to post in. It's so nice to see positivity and proactivity. I don't mean that to be negative to those who come here with issues looking for help, what I'm saying is that too often we think all's great, and forget we have to work to keep it that way. That's what Norajane said about taking each other for granted. It's so easy to, too easy in fact, but it's also partially inevitable. If you recognize that though, you can stop it or at least minimize the occurances. When you continually recognize how special your mate is and how lucky you are to have them, that's what gives you the desire to work at your relationship.

Don't ever lose that!

 

[spreadwide]

Great post!

I think it is safe to say we could ALL learn some lessons in THIS department!

 

[happyhusb]

What a great thread to be able to post in. It's so nice to see positivity and proactivity.

Thanks, it is sad that many times the positive threads don't appear to receive as much attention as do the negative ones.

 

[drew62]

Hits too close to home

Sadly, I am a husband who didnt pay enough attention to my wife's needs and now we are headed down the road to divorce. If you love her, do whatever you have to do! Please dont make the same mistakes as I did and get lazy and think everything is fine. If I had only done that, I wouldnt be in the situation I am in. I can blame her for not being more open with me, but she was and I just didnt get it. I know that most marriages end in divorce but I still view myself as failing at yet another thing!

 

[MR.GGG]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=70892&page=1&pp=25

 

[thirty]

Sadly, I am a husband who didnt pay enough attention to my wife's needs and now we are headed down the road to divorce. If you love her, do whatever you have to do! Please dont make the same mistakes as I did and get lazy and think everything is fine. If I had only done that, I wouldnt be in the situation I am in. I can blame her for not being more open with me, but she was and I just didnt get it. I know that most marriages end in divorce but I still view myself as failing at yet another thing!

Oh, Drew62, don't just have yourself to blame, it took two to ruin a marriage.
Sometimes, divorce is way out.

 

[gamer9643]

i may not have any experiance but supricse her.

buy her flowers for no reason then her love,suprise her by coming home early and making dinner, taking her out to a fancy resturant for no ocasion other then to say i love you.

 

[M's girl]

Sadly, I am a husband who didnt pay enough attention to my wife's needs and now we are headed down the road to divorce. If you love her, do whatever you have to do! Please dont make the same mistakes as I did and get lazy and think everything is fine. If I had only done that, I wouldnt be in the situation I am in. I can blame her for not being more open with me, but she was and I just didnt get it. I know that most marriages end in divorce but I still view myself as failing at yet another thing!

If you say you're heading down that road that means to me all is not lost yet. Certainly if you realize there's things you can do to make things better. Is it really too late to fix what is broken?

 

[gamer9643]

If you say you're heading down that road that means to me all is not lost yet. Certainly if you realize there's things you can do to make things better. Is it really too late to fix what is broken?

ditto my family almost broke up but my dad made up for his mistakes and now were happy. fight for her

"ya big dummy"---------quote, Fred G Sanford.