40 things men do wrong

[Absolut]

She may have read it in Cosmo.

If that's the kind of stuff those magazines publish then I can add it to the list of why they do more damage to young women than good.

the kind of gentle sex she describes would piss me off no end.

I know a lot of women who would agree with you.

 

[~Avalon~]

If that's the kind of stuff those magazines publish then I can add it to the list of why they do more damage to young women than good.

I will admit that many many MANY years ago, I used to read cosmo. And I seriously believed all those quizzes and "how to make sure your man doesn't stray" articles. You would be amazed at the fucked up shit they publish in that magazine.

 

[Luminatri]

The tips i'm strongly gonna disagree with:

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Depends on the situation, If they're gonna take you when They want and quite savagley, then kissing first doesn't always come into it.

3) NOT SHAVING.

Your joking! Having that rash to remind you how you got totally fucked is a turn on, unless it screws up the appearance of your makeup the next day.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Bollocks


7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

See #1

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Rip them off

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

depends if its lovemaking or pure fucking. who gives a shit, i'm not there to pose, just get screwed.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
19) GOING TOO HARD.

See #1

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

Bollocks

30) TAKING PICTURES.

Thats HOT!!!!

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

I'm up for trying anything, sex should and can be a laugh sometimes.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
37) TALKING DIRTY.

You HAVE to be fucking kidding me!!

 

[~Avalon~]

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
37) TALKING DIRTY.

You HAVE to be fucking kidding me!!

ditto.. instructions/demands and dirty talk are an absolute MUST

 

[Luminatri]

ditto.. instructions/demands and dirty talk are an absolute MUST

Absodamnlutely! If your not gonna talk filth, get the fuck outta my bed! Dirtier the better *Growls* Soaks me every time

 

[Absolut]

I will admit that many many MANY years ago, I used to read cosmo. And I seriously believed all those quizzes and "how to make sure your man doesn't stray" articles. You would be amazed at the fucked up shit they publish in that magazine.

I wouldn't really, the 'mens magazines' are just as stupidly fucked up.

A complete waste of paper if it wasn't for the pictures.

 

[-phreak]

I need someone to start giving me instructions.

 

[foodsnob]

i know you guys will probly boo me off the board, or say mean things to me because thats what you GB people love to do because you have no life and some how feel better about yourself when you pick on other people, but i ran accross this blog on a friends myspace page and wanted to share it with you and maybe get your opinion on it. so here goes and remember i dont care what you think of me because i know you all think i am an idiot, and you want me to retaliate back, but i wont, i will only say something to the people who say nice things.

40 mistakes men have while having sex with women

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out non essentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish
the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've
ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So
start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her
to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep
going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present,
not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe
that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than
you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her
vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes
it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do
is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with
clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the
pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of
her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At
least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
really don't know, don't ask

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down
there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's
necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In
real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all
the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions.
If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk
is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to
show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey
on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy
props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian
gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner
with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have
a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,
if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty
scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If
she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she
might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup
kitchen.

What a lousy lay. Keep fucking inexperienced college boys that are grateful you actually spread your legs for them. Boring twunt.

 

[Sulk]

i know you guys will probly boo me off the board, or say mean things to me because thats what you GB people love to do because you have no life and some how feel better about yourself when you pick on other people, but i ran accross this blog on a friends myspace page and wanted to share it with you and maybe get your opinion on it. so here goes and remember i dont care what you think of me because i know you all think i am an idiot, and you want me to retaliate back, but i wont, i will only say something to the people who say nice things.

40 mistakes men have while having sex with women

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out non........ *snick

Nindj, You claim to be a 25 year old man?


Virgin.

 

[Absolut]

Nindj, You claim to be a 25 year old man?


Virgin.

You're right Sulk dear. He does claim to be a male.

I guess he just wants to educate all of us older males and what we've been doing wrong all these years.

I'm still sticking with fucking ignorant, and adding your virgin to it.

 

[Andraste]

That should be, All women can come from anal.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

the kind of gentle sex she describes would piss me off no end.

Yeah, around these parts we switch it up at an instant's notice. You can't always be gentle, and you can't always be rough. I'm agreeing with Sulk's analysis on this one.

 

[unregistered]

 

[AlotLikePsyche]

I like kittens.

That was funny.

 

[Juliangel]

Seriously, though. I know there's at least one woman here who will tell me they kind of like a man's stubble.

Me me I will tell you that!!! I love that rough stubble feel especially on my sides and inner thighs.

 

[bronzeage]

This thread is making me a bit tingly...especially this post. Anal only? Are you certain?

Yes, I am certain.

 

[bronzeage]

LOL. All I ask is that you not treat my tits like melons and own up to wanting to fuck me in the ass. Can we at least make that compromise?

You seem easy to get along with. How far does "owning up" get me?

 

[rosco rathbone]

~40 things women mistakenly think has anything to do with their pleasure

I usually do the point by point refutation of this particular internet meme when i see it posted here, but you've done a fine job sir.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

I usually do the point by point refutation of this particular internet meme when i see it posted here, but you've done a fine job sir.

I just get a kick out of seeing how this meme keeps mutating and metastasizing. Didn't it start out as "10 things men do wrong"?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I just get a kick out of seeing how this meme keeps mutating and metastasizing. Didn't it start out as "10 things men do wrong"?

Yeah....who comes up with this shit, anyway?

 

[overthebow]

I will admit that many many MANY years ago, I used to read cosmo. And I seriously believed all those quizzes and "how to make sure your man doesn't stray" articles. You would be amazed at the fucked up shit they publish in that magazine.

Writing careers at Cosmo Mag start on GB and end on GB...

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Yeah....who comes up with this shit, anyway?

That's just it: No one did. Language is a virus. It makes as much sense to ask 'who came up with this?' as it does to ask 'who came up with Ebola?'

We're just carriers, hosts, virus-transmitters. The thread-starter is only doing what he was bred to do.

 

[Guest]

Writing careers at Cosmo Mag start on GB and end on GB...

Beautiful, Avalon -just beautiful.

 

[Flyin_Free]

I know a lot of women who would agree with you.

Ya...like Most women.

3's hot
5's hot
6's hot.....Heck a lot of those are hot.

And if you take all 40 of those away what do you have? The woman lays there, the man rolls over and they have PIV (no twiddling, squeezing or biting of the breasts, no massaging to roughly or going too hard or too fast, no biting her neck, or anywhere for that matter)then when he's done...what? he rolls back over and goes to sleep?(getting up to dispose of condom first of course) Sounds fun!

 

[Hester]

sounds like the threadstarter is one hell of a boring fuck.