4 Stories to guage response

[BingoLL]

I am new to writing but the bug got to me and I thrashed out four quick tales and posted them:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=434668
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=436582
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=436478
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=436626

Feedback I have had so far has been generally complimentary with the exception of two snotty and anonymous emails about how rubbish my language was. Only thing is, I live in England, I speak English and I write it. It's not the same spelling or phraseology as across the water but we get by on it!

The latest offering has been rejected and the reasons aren't clear but I go back in and edit it. We shall see.

Any feedback or suggestions for future work/scenarios much appreciated as I am really enjoying this!

Thanks in advance.

 

[York]

For me, I love the British English (but then I would). I think the last one is the best and the most believable.

In general I found them a bit rushed and would prefer fewer 'I's, especially in the first story, so many sentences were I, I, I.

I just found myself thinking, they're fucking and into sexual activity far too quickly and it's so unrealistic.

However, many people like the short build-ups and to get straight into the action I think. As always, so much is down to personal taste.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Well... All four posts are really fuck scenes rather than stories. The characters needed to be fleshed out so we could empthise with them, get to know them, understand what they were about.

From my own experience, a fantasy fuck is not a story - ever. It can be a part of a story but the problem is, it goes no where. Does the hero or protangist learn anything? Do they change? Are the better off than they were before? Or did they both cum then just go their separate ways looking for the next fuck?

York is correct about your POV. The "I" in first person is a real killer. For first time writers I always suggest they try third person - the fly on the wall approach. It's much easier to write well. Also you need to learn to let your characters tell their own story rather than discribe what's going on. Thta draws the reader into your story and lets him empathise with the characters.

But it's not all bad. Your use of language is far better than most new writers. And you did have some good ideas to could have been wonderful if you'd developed them more.

Don't give up. You did well for a first time effort.

 

[driphoney]

You know, it's finally beginning to sink in that there are probably about 300 million Americans who truly don't know there are spelling differences between our American English and the rest of the English speaking world. It's not like we get etymology classes in school. So, try not to take it personally. Why they pick so, on something so trivial, is beyond me. I had one person tell me I needed to learn "grammer".

I agree with Jenny, these are what I would call short, short strokers. Personally, I like the occasional short stroker, and they're very popular around here. Yours could use some fleshing out, the transition between being awkward new acquaintances and doing the nasty was abrupt, for example, in Help with a Puncture Gets Repaid. Do you have an editor? If not, find one. If they end up being no real help, find another.

I agree with York, the last was the best.

Good luck