3somes

[bashfull]

Howdy, ya'll. I'm posting this question for a female friend of mine. She is bi curious (never been with another woman...yet). However, she is very hesitant to approach women. She is wanting to perhaps start her exploration as a 3some with her man, but again she is not sure how to go about it. I've told her that her man can't post it as most women do not believe that "looking for a woman to help my woman" is legitimate...that most perceive it as a ploy for the guy or that the guy is pushing for it to happen.

So the question is, how does she go about finding a woman? She is very attractive, very sexual, willing to try almost anything. Suggestions are welcome. post them here or message them to me. I will forward as she is too chicken shit to ask this herself Yes, she is going to read this! lol.

 

[SweetErika]

She is bi curious (never been with another woman...yet).

Does she know she likes women, or is she unsure of/hesitant about that, too?

If she knows she likes women, I'd tell her to avoid the "bi-curious" descriptor, and go with something like 'bi but not experienced' instead. To many of us, "bi-curious" screams indecision and lack of self-knowledge. Yes, people do use it to say they're inexperienced, but others use it when they're just plain unsure of their sexuality and what they want to do.

Uncertainty can be a red flag because it might mean the person is unwilling to participate fully or will back out because they don't know what they want. And, believe it or not, there are a fair number of uncertain women who want to explore, but can't bring themselves to really participate. They just want to lie back and have the other woman do stuff to them with little-no reciprocation, so they can see if they like it, or can at least stomach, being sexual with another woman.

Like many, I knew I was bi because I was attracted to women and interested in having sex with the right women. Actually being with a woman just confirmed that knowledge. So, I avoided the 'bicurious' descriptor altogether and just went with, 'I'm looking forward to exploring my feelings for women more,' instead in personals and such.

I wouldn't discount a woman on her using 'bicurious' alone, but I'd definitely tread carefully and find out what was behind that label. A lot of women won't bother to find out, though.

However, she is very hesitant to approach women.

I'd suggest that she spend some serious time figuring out why that is. We all get nervous, fear rejection, etc., but if there's a hesitancy to approach women alone, that could be a very good indication that she's not ready to take this to reality.

She is wanting to perhaps start her exploration as a 3some with her man, but again she is not sure how to go about it. I've told her that her man can't post it as most women do not believe that "looking for a woman to help my woman" is legitimate...that most perceive it as a ploy for the guy or that the guy is pushing for it to happen.

Well, yeah, but there are an awful lot of women who post ads seeking other women mainly because their guys want threesomes.

Most of us are suspicious of couples, period. It doesn't matter who posts the ad. The worst is when a woman advertises like she's looking for herself (like "Hot lady looking to enjoy another woman" in Craigslist's W4W section or the GLBT Personals), and then just casually mentions that she's actually looking for a threesome with her guy.

Your friend will have a much easier time finding a woman to be with her alone. I'd question how ready she is if she can't fathom the idea of that, anyway. There are like a bajillion couples looking for a female to join them. Most of them search unsuccessfully for years, especially if they're unwilling to go the swinging or couples (with both guys watching) route or are a little choosy.

Out of curiosity: Who wants the threesome more, her or him? Are there problems with her exploring alone? Have they discussed all of the issues and things that can go wrong with bringing other people in (STDs, jealousy, pregnancy, relationship problems, etc.)?

So the question is, how does she go about finding a woman? She is very attractive, very sexual, willing to try almost anything. Suggestions are welcome. post them here or message them to me. I will forward as she is too chicken shit to ask this herself Yes, she is going to read this! lol.

I'd imagine that this would be a BIG clue that she's not ready to move into reality. You know, if you can't ask anonymously about it, you're probably "too chicken shit" to go through with it in real life at this point.

I don't mean to be negative, and I do recognize the possibility that something's getting lost in your translation, but if you are portraying her situation accurately, nothing about this gives me confidence that she's at the point where she should be looking for another woman. I'd be willing to bet she'll chicken out before or during the experience, and it's really not fair or kind to waste peoples' time because one wasn't wise or patient enough to reflect and sort themselves out.

If there's even a small chance she's not ready, I'd say she should hold off and do some serious reflection until she couldn't be more ready. She'll have a much easier time finding another woman that way, too, as those she is most likely to have a good experience with are unlikely to want someone who isn't completely ready.

And, well, if she is actually ready, I'd suggest she start posting and replying to others' personal ads (though it's important to be honest and not reply to W4W ads with, "Hey, I know you said you wanted a woman, but how about a threesome/my guy watching, instead?" ), go to W4W events, check into swingers groups/events (sometimes there are single women or those who play on their own, and it's a good idea to be open to another guy watching if you want your guy to at least watch), and anywhere else there are likely to be available bi women. Maybe she'll get lucky quickly, but more than likely, it's going to take a good amount of time and effort to find someone she likes, nevermind a woman who's willing to let her guy watch/join in.


Anyway, I hope that helps some! Even if I'm off the mark on the not being ready thing, I think it's a valuable to understand it because there really are A LOT of women who are in that category. If you know that, you can usually come up with some good questions to ask to screen those people out, so you're less likely to find yourself being stood up when they chicken out or have them run away when the action starts.