3somes in a relationship.

[justjamie]

I have always considered this, I'm not sure If Im bi or just bi curious? I am a single mom in a semi serious relationship. MY SO knows I like girls, we pick out girls and joke about it alot ( " hey shes hot why dont you bring her home" type of thing) and while I really want to, I'm not sure about the repercussions. He suggested his Ex.. but then said dont be mad if he fucks her.. I dont know how I would feel about that and I think an ex wouldn't be such a great idea, KWIM? so how do you go about doing such a thing and how would I work up to leaving my emotions aside if he decided to actually fuck this girl in front of me? I would like to think me and the girl could just go at it, and he could watch, or if needed he could do me while I did her? Im not sure where to start.. just looking for some pointers.. how to find a stranger we can trust,, etc
links to other threads would be appreciated too.

 

[emap]

Just my own personal opinion.

I think you should talk to him about it, set up guidelines you both can live with, talk some more hammer out the details some more and talk yet agan.

After you get everything set up where you are both comfortable with the idea, if you can manage to of course, then you stop looking for a woman to add, just go about your daily business, meet people, make friends so on so forth, maybe you will find a woman you are attracted to and like, and she likes you back in both ways, then you can talk to her about it, start off with just sex talk, maybe have some with her, though probably better to do it with your boyfriend not in the room with you, or maybe hiding in the closet or something.

Why do it without him? Well I'm sure you remember how nerveracking it was when you slept with your boyfriend the first time, or any of your past boyfriends, imagine sleeping with one for the first time while someone else is watching, not many can deal well with that.

 

[SweetSurrendered1]

My advice would be to make sure you don't do more or agree to do more than you are comfortable with no matter what he says. If he can't respect the fact that at this time you aren't ready to watch him with another, and may never be ready, he's not worth your time.

I also agree that being with another woman without him present the first time is something to consider. Again, stick with what you think you can live with now. You can always move forward later if you want but you can never move back.

Good luck.

 

[chun_gong]

There is a lot going on here! emap makes some great points. You definitely need to do some soul searching and see how you think YOU could deal with things and what your limits are. Then you two need to talk some more. You can't put your emotions aside. It's simply not possible. That is why you have to agree on things with YOURSELF and with him in advance. You will live with this decision for the rest of your life. (Sorry to make it sound so dramatic...)

I am kind of going through the "third person" thing in my relationship...whether to add her or not. We haven't "picked" anyone, but we have been exploring some options. We have agreed on limits - luckily we both had the same ideas about how things would go. Our situation is quite different, so I'm not the person to advise you on how to find who you are looking for.

An ex would scare the hell out of me! Why invite someone into your relationship that he excluded from his life before you? IMHO, nothing good can come of that. It is stressful enough to think about sharing the one you love, let alone sharing them with someone they have already been with. Can you tell that I'm the jealous type?

It sounds like, if you decide to go for it, you may want to find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with your man. It is a little unrealistic to think that he will just sit there and not touch/fuck her - unless that's what SHE wants. The right gal should be someone who wouldn't be opposed to watching him fuck you - but doesn't want any part of that. Then, figure out if you want a stranger or someone that you two get to know over time and "play with" on occasion. Whoever you choose, she needs to know the rules too.

As to being bi or bi-curious: Talk about tacky...but I'm going to quote myself from a different thread. It also has a link in it leading to one of my first posts - kinda a reverse of your situation. People had great input. (This is just about the bi v. bi-curious)

~SNIP~Being gay, straight, or bi aren't black and white. Think of it as a continuum - one that can be traveled on back and forth even. It is highly unlikely that anyone is 100% at the gay extreme or 100% at the hetero exreme. In addition, from speaking to people on here a 50/50 balance is also not likely.

From everything I have learned, everybody has at least some curiosity about the other end...whether they act on it or not. Think of all of the "percentage combinations" - 99/1, 70/30, etc. I'm not going to attempt to 'diagnose' (haha) you.

As much as I hate to dredge up my 'dirty laundry', out of laziness I will direct you to my first thread on here. You will see that I felt very confused myself. PM me if you have any questions as to where I stand one month later.

Everyone had great input - some of which isn't relevant to you...but the whole concept might help. Good luck!

Best of luck!
J

 

[HotBloodFairy]

JD and I are a happily married couple of almost 11 years. I was Bi-curious for the last five of those years and in that time we've thought about adding a new female partner to our bedroom. We were also at a bind as how to go about doing it.

First we made guidelines as to who can do what and how far can they go. When they can do it, etc. Make sure that when you find that someone you let them know of the guidelines as well. If at any point the guidelines change make sure everyone is informed before any playing is done. If you'd like to know our guidelines to maybe help you set up your own, feel free to PM either myself or JD (Jeremy Davis).

Then we setup opportunities to carry it out.
We had a couple who we liked to play cards with and everyone could tell that the girl and I liked one another. She was also bi curious at the time.
One night, while after losing a hand at cards, the guys bet us to go into the other room alone and do "something with each other." So we did. After a little while the guys came in and sat in a far corner so it was like they weren't there. And to make a long story short, we had a good time and have since had other interludes and are considering the possibility of swinging.

Some really good, helpful, instructional videos that we suggest are:
Nina Hartley's guide to Threesomes (Two Girls and a Guy)
Nina Hartley’s guide to Alternative Sex.

Good luck in your adventures. We recommend staying away from ex-girlfriends.

 

[trishcd]

here is a place......

I have always considered this, I'm not sure If Im bi or just bi curious? I am a single mom in a semi serious relationship. MY SO knows I like girls, we pick out girls and joke about it alot ( " hey shes hot why dont you bring her home" type of thing) and while I really want to, I'm not sure about the repercussions. He suggested his Ex.. but then said dont be mad if he fucks her.. I dont know how I would feel about that and I think an ex wouldn't be such a great idea, KWIM? so how do you go about doing such a thing and how would I work up to leaving my emotions aside if he decided to actually fuck this girl in front of me? I would like to think me and the girl could just go at it, and he could watch, or if needed he could do me while I did her? Im not sure where to start.. just looking for some pointers.. how to find a stranger we can trust,, etc
links to other threads would be appreciated too.

Well here is a place where you can meet bi's,.....Craigs list They have several places for adds.....check it out the casual encounters has just about everything you can think of. The adds are free and the your email address is hidden from those that are viewing the adds...they are by cities so you can narrow the field down....I hope this helps. keep us informed we all enjoy a good story

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I am curious as to what your objection to him doing her too is. If you're going to open up your relationship, it isn't reasonable to expect him to be monogamous if you're not going to be. It should either be open or not. Just my thoughts. Not wishing to be mean. Just my two cents.

 

[emap]

Oh my, severusmax had a good point.

That is a good point, however, if you add in another woman there is no reason to not add in another man, not at the same time of course. At which point you gota wonder, would the boyfriend do him or just expect you to do him and he does you at the same time type thing. If he isn't bisexual I see no reason for him to do the other woman because well, why should he have sex with who he wants and not have sex with who he doesn't in a threesome.

Yes I know, rather selfish of me to say that since she or I would get all the extra fun.

Anyway, she said she is uncomfortable with him doing her because well, she is another woman, what if he likes her more and dumps her for the other woman. Which is actually something to consider for anotehr man were he bisexual, and of course it's soemthing he has to worry about, though most guys are self absorbed so being left for a woman is something that happens to other guys or just in stories.

Though I am embarrassed, I missed that little bit before, or at least didn't think about it, if your worried about him doing another woman with you, perhaps your seriously not ready for such an occurrence because for a threesome to work and not cause a divorce/break up, you both have to be comfortable with the idea of adding someone else sexually for all involved. If you can't get around that fact perhaps it would be best to leave it in fantasy land because to try it anyway will only lead to being single.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I am obsessed with fairness, and not inclined to favor either sex getting all of the fun for themselves. Double standards are just plain wrong. There is always the risk of being left, and I can understand her fear of the ex. That's why they should consider someone else. Another idea is to have them each take turns fucking another woman. Perhaps different women. One can be a lesbian and the other a straight gal, perhaps. Just another thought. In both cases, they can watch each other. Just another suggestion.

 

[splish splash]

I have had a few 3 sums.
The first was with my best friend at the time, it was the best night of sex in my whole life. I did not have a clue I was bi.
I have also had a few 3 sums with men. They were ok, but I have found I prefer to the 3 sum thing with women.
You have to be very secure with your partner or DO NOT do it.
We have talked about it a lot, and both of agree it is something we both enjoy to spice up our sex life.
It is hard to find someone you are both attracted to but that is a must.
Do not go into this drunk, so you cannot use that as an excuse.
Well good luck, and wish me goodluck on finding our next fm, as it has been 2 years and I am climbing the walls for another fm.
puddles

 

[KatherineBlackers]

I've had threesomes before. It's okay as long as rules and boundaries are set, okay ?