3rd exercise - Scene writing

[wildsweetone]

Here's the third exercise on Scene writing from the Hollylisle website.

Write a brief scene with two characters, a clear location, a limited period of time, and a single event that changes and moves the story forward.

I hope this one is easier. *gulp*


wso

ps Dialogue is allowed.

 

[Seattle Zack]

I've been avoiding these until now, but this one seemed kind of fun ....
---------
I sighed as I saw him. The comical nature of his furtiveness gave him away immediately. Too many James Bond movies. The cappuccino was still a little hot and I blew on it, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

Finally he made his roundabout way to the table. He tried not to look at me directly. "Are you Gordon?" he whispered out of the side of his mouth.

He looked like a thousand other businessmen I'd seen -- cheap sports coat, collar slightly tattered, tie knotted crookedly. A gleam of nervous perspiration covered his bald pate.

"Yes," I said. "You have something for me?"

He glanced around nervously, hunching his shoulders like a turtle about to retreat into its shell. The sidewalk cafe was busy with the lunchtime crowd; it was a good thing I had arrived early. He pulled a crumpled envelope out of his inside pocket.

"Just leave it there on the table," I said conversationally. The noises of traffic and people were all around. No one was paying us any attention.

"You'll have it done this week?" Just like all amateurs, he wanted details up front.

I stared at him, watching him twitch and fidget. "You're Owens?" I asked. "Jeff Owens?" He nodded.

"And Bill McAllistair ... that's who you want me to kill?"

He cringed at the word, glancing around frantically. "Jesus Christ!" he hissed. A confused look crossed his face. "I only sent you a picture! How do you know his name?"

"Because he paid me more." I pulled out the silenced Berretta and shot him twice in the forehead. Scooping up the envelope, I strode quickly down the street. Behind me a woman started to scream as I turned the corner. I smiled, inhaling the crisp air as the leaves crunched under my feet. The city was lovely in the fall.

 

[raphy]

*grins* .. great scene, Zack. Love it =)


It was vast. In fact, it was vaster than vast. It was the sort of vastness that by the time your brain had wrapped itself around one end, you met the other end coming back the other way. Spread out below the vastness, inasmuch as there was an 'up' and a 'down' was the universe. Or at least, one of the universes. Stars twinkled, planets circled and comets .. err .. comets did what comets do.

Two shapeless figures stood at the top, looking down. Or at least, they would have done, had the vastness had a top and had it had a down in which to look. Either way, they stood and looked at the universe, unfolding in front of them with all the precision and elegance of a very expensive tablecloth in an equally expensive restaurant that's being unfolded by a highly-skilled waiter.

One looked at the other.

The other looked back.

"Now?" asked the first one.

The other shrugged. To a being that stood outside of time, the concept of now was fairly meaningless. Now could have meant yesterday, or three weeks ago, or at 7:25pm a week next Thursday.

"Now's a good a time as any."

The first figure reached over and with an arm the length of galaxies, prodded the universe.

Can you tell I've been reading Pratchett?

Tee hee.

 

[wildsweetone]

Wow you guys sure put me to shame. They're awesome scenes. Hmm, I shall have to think harder about this exercise.

 

[TheCleaningLady]

I've been avoiding these until now, but this one seemed kind of fun ....
---------
I sighed as I saw him. The comical nature of his furtiveness gave him away immediately. Too many James Bond movies. The cappuccino was still a little hot and I blew on it, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

Finally he made his roundabout way to the table. He tried not to look at me directly. "Are you Gordon?" he whispered out of the side of his mouth.

He looked like a thousand other businessmen I'd seen -- cheap sports coat, collar slightly tattered, tie knotted crookedly. A gleam of nervous perspiration covered his bald pate.

"Yes," I said. "You have something for me?"

He glanced around nervously, hunching his shoulders like a turtle about to retreat into its shell. The sidewalk cafe was busy with the lunchtime crowd; it was a good thing I had arrived early. He pulled a crumpled envelope out of his inside pocket.

"Just leave it there on the table," I said conversationally. The noises of traffic and people were all around. No one was paying us any attention.

"You'll have it done this week?" Just like all amateurs, he wanted details up front.

I stared at him, watching him twitch and fidget. "You're Owens?" I asked. "Jeff Owens?" He nodded.

"And Bill McAllistair ... that's who you want me to kill?"

He cringed at the word, glancing around frantically. "Jesus Christ!" he hissed. A confused look crossed his face. "I only sent you a picture! How do you know his name?"

"Because he paid me more." I pulled out the silenced Berretta and shot him twice in the forehead. Scooping up the envelope, I strode quickly down the street. Behind me a woman started to scream as I turned the corner. I smiled, inhaling the crisp air as the leaves crunched under my feet. The city was lovely in the fall.

You know, it’s often best if we refrain from using the Lord’s name in vain. Wouldn’t you agree? Sure you would!

 

[raphy]

Err, Cleaning Lady ... That doesn't seem to fit with WSO's mandate at the start of the thread:

Write a brief scene with two characters, a clear location, a limited period of time, and a single event that changes and moves the story forward.

 

[wildsweetone]

Okay how about this... It started as an exercise from the NaNo site, write for 5 mins on whatever 'word' they've put up on the thread. The word was 'Angel'

~

Angel

She sat on top of the Christmas tree looking forlorn. The family had gone out for their Christmas Eve gathering and no doubt would not be home until the early hours of the morning.

Sighing, she twirled around, watching the flashing coloured lights that adorned the pine tree. The lush woodsy scent filled the room. Picking up a string of popcorn, she draped it about her shoulders. She reached out for the glass bauble beside her on the branch, held it, then threw it up into the air, catching it before tossing it again.

A noise caught her attention. Stopping, the Angel looked across the room then watched in fascination as the wooden drummer ornament marched across the lounge floor. He stopped, then turned to face the tree upon which the Angel stood.

"Angel, won't you come down from your high perch and dance with me?" he asked.

"I'm afraid drummer, I'm unable to do that," she answered.

"Why is that beautiful Angel?" his eyes squinted for a moment as he stretched his neck to see her.

"Because drummer, I am tied to the topmost branch. Tied with a golden string." Her face saddened as she spoke, a slight catch in her throat.

"A golden string?" he gasped. "Why did they tie you with a string?"

"I think it's because they didn't want me to fall," she answered.

"Oh I see." He paced back and forth under the branches of the great pine tree, his brow furrowed deep in thought.

"What are you doing?" the angel asked, peering down far below.

"Well, if you cannot come down to me, then I shall come up to you." With those words, he began climbing the pine tree.

"Be careful!" she called down to him, her voice trill with worry. "It's slippery where they sprayed the fake snow."

"I know," he grunted as a pine needle poked him in the ribs.

Eventually, he reached the top of the tree. Straddling the final branch, he hauled himself up with his strong arms, then stood beside her.

With the drummer balancing on the same branch as the Angel, the tree began to lean. The drummer reached out, grabbing the Angel around the waist.

"Hold me tight dearest Angel. Don't let go!" he shouted into her ear.

The tree wobbled, tilting dangerously. Some of the decorative baubles crashed to the ground.

"Oh no!" the Angel cried. "Not the wooden balls!"

"Never mind my Angel. I know where there is another pair you can play with."