astralkiss
Phoenix Rising
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2002
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- 763
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Last edited:
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- Thread starter astralkiss
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Abraxas Winterlight
Slacktastic
- Joined
- May 19, 2001
- Posts
- 9,479
A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the
Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to
do next?" he asked.
"I wanna get weighed," she said.
So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. "One-twelve," said the man at
the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he
bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to
do.
"I wanna get weighed," she said.
He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the
excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was
surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a
nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to
do next?" he asked.
"I wanna get weighed," she said.
So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. "One-twelve," said the man at
the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he
bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to
do.
"I wanna get weighed," she said.
He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the
excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was
surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a
nice time tonight?"
"Wousy," said the girl.
Esclava
10 Locks-Do U have keys?
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2004
- Posts
- 1,541
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face."
Esclava
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face."
Esclava
canadiancutie
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 8, 2004
- Posts
- 1,639
This girl was packing her bags when her boyfriend got home. He asked "What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving you," she replied.
"But why?" he asked, confused.
"You're a paedophile," she said angrily.
"That's a pretty big word for an 8 year old."
"I'm leaving you," she replied.
"But why?" he asked, confused.
"You're a paedophile," she said angrily.
"That's a pretty big word for an 8 year old."
SierraMoon
Being me
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2002
- Posts
- 4,027
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
le_kinklet
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2003
- Posts
- 567
What does a midget get when he walks between your legs?
A Clit around the ears and a Flap in the face!!!
A Clit around the ears and a Flap in the face!!!
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
I went to the doctor the other day and told him I hadn't been feeling well.
The doctor examined me, left the room and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine, I said, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
The doctor examined me, left the room and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine, I said, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
chris9 said:
Oh, damn. This is supposed to be a bad joke thread. If you're laughing, it's too funny to be here.
HollyHawkk
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2005
- Posts
- 265
Ok this is the worst one I know
Why are women evil??
What else can bleed for 5-to 7 Days and not die!!
Why are women evil??
What else can bleed for 5-to 7 Days and not die!!
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
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- 3,657
I'm just bad with bad jokes, or maybe I just am in a laughing mood at the moment, but I really did laugh a lot about your joke... Maybe you can make up a 'good joke' thread and move it there or something? Or you can ignore people with strange humour like me...Sir_Winston54 said:
chris9
enjoying life
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- Posts
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Can we change the title to 'funny jokes', please? After SirW pointed out that I'm not supposed to laugh at the jokes as by definition they are *bad* I feel guilty doing so, like a thread traitor or something
I did laugh about Graceanne's, too...
I did laugh about Graceanne's, too...
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
chris9 said:Can we change the title to 'funny jokes', please? After SirW pointed out that I'm not supposed to laugh at the jokes as by definition they are *bad* I feel guilty doing so, like a thread traitor or something
I did laugh about Graceanne's, too...
Well, I personally like those jokes, but it depends on the person. Some people when I tell them roll their eyes and say "Oh, that was bad."
Frankly, I liked Sir W's, too.
chris9
enjoying life
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- Mar 14, 2005
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So we have a 'bad joke to laugh about thread'... Yes, works fine for me! I laugh at the funny ones (or when I'm in the mood) and roll my eyes at the others thinking they are bad. If everyone does so, we should have each joke covered.graceanne said:
tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Posts
- 1,358
A Firefighter was cleaning the Engine outside of the station when he saw a little boy wearing a firehat with a little red wagon. The wagon had a little ladder strapped to it, a garden hose neatly coiled in the canter an was tied to a dog and a cat. The firefighter walked towards the little boy to get a closer look.
"That's a mihty fine lookin fire truck you got there." he told the little boy
"thanks. said the little boy
Upon closer inspection the fire fighter noticed the dog was tied to the engine by his collar and the cat was tied to the wagon by his testicals.
"now, son, I don't want to tell you how to run your truck, but don't ypyu think it would run fster if you tied the cat to it by its collar too?" Queried the firefighter
" You're probably right" said the little boy. "but then I wouldn't have a siren.
"That's a mihty fine lookin fire truck you got there." he told the little boy
"thanks. said the little boy
Upon closer inspection the fire fighter noticed the dog was tied to the engine by his collar and the cat was tied to the wagon by his testicals.
"now, son, I don't want to tell you how to run your truck, but don't ypyu think it would run fster if you tied the cat to it by its collar too?" Queried the firefighter
" You're probably right" said the little boy. "but then I wouldn't have a siren.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Why do they call it "golf?"
Because all the good four-letter words were already taken.
~~~~~~~
Why are masochists so fond of golf?
Spell it backwards.
Because all the good four-letter words were already taken.
~~~~~~~
Why are masochists so fond of golf?
Spell it backwards.
tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Posts
- 1,358
A purple duck walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher: "Got any Grapes?"
"No," replies the butcher, "this is a butcher shop. If you want grapes go down the street to the fruit stand." the duck leaves
the next day the purple duck returns and asks the butcher "Got any Grapes?"
"No, " assertively replies the butcher," Like I told you yesterday if you want grapes you need to go to the fruit stand down the street."
again the next day in comes the purple duck to the butcher shop; "Got any grapes?"
The butcher who is quite miffed that the duck can't follow simple directions shouts at the duck " NO!!! THIS IS A BUTCHER SHOP, GRAPES ARE AT THE FRUIT STAND DOWN THE STREET!!! IF YOU COME IN HERE ONE MORE TIME I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!!"
Shocked the duck walks out.
And still the next day In comes the duck. He askes the butcher "Got a hammer?"
"No" replies the butcher" Hammers are accross the street at the hardware store."
"Got any nails?" asks the duck.
"No, nails, just like a hammer would be sold at the hardware store, not a butcher shop." Replies the butcher.
To this the duck asks smugly. "Got any grapes?"
"No," replies the butcher, "this is a butcher shop. If you want grapes go down the street to the fruit stand." the duck leaves
the next day the purple duck returns and asks the butcher "Got any Grapes?"
"No, " assertively replies the butcher," Like I told you yesterday if you want grapes you need to go to the fruit stand down the street."
again the next day in comes the purple duck to the butcher shop; "Got any grapes?"
The butcher who is quite miffed that the duck can't follow simple directions shouts at the duck " NO!!! THIS IS A BUTCHER SHOP, GRAPES ARE AT THE FRUIT STAND DOWN THE STREET!!! IF YOU COME IN HERE ONE MORE TIME I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!!"
Shocked the duck walks out.
And still the next day In comes the duck. He askes the butcher "Got a hammer?"
"No" replies the butcher" Hammers are accross the street at the hardware store."
"Got any nails?" asks the duck.
"No, nails, just like a hammer would be sold at the hardware store, not a butcher shop." Replies the butcher.
To this the duck asks smugly. "Got any grapes?"
tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Posts
- 1,358
I couldn't help myslef on the purple duck one. My best friend told it to me in 5th grade, it was super funny then but as I got older it's lost it's funniness, but it's still cute. I still have images of the purple duck in my head. I drew the most pathetic looking duck I could once and it is forever my embodiment of the purple duck...I wanted it screened onto a tshirt, but I figured no one but me would get it. LOL anyway, I'm sure I've got more somewhere.
