2nd time round the track ? - whats your perspective

[Gord]

I was hitched for over 10 years - and have been divorced now for two.

It was a fairly stessful break up ( arent they all !! ) I wont bore you all with the details .

Anyway it looks like me and my current g/f are going to break up. She says that I used all the love etc up in my first relationship and am now a bit detached - maybe even cold sometimes.

She has a bit of a point I suppose. Anyone who has been through a painful divorce will know that it is something that you dont want to repeat in a hurry. Once bitten twice shy etc.

So now I am not going to get knocked again. I do feel that sometimes I can say fuck you to the rest of the world and look after me and my kids .

I am not completely twisted and bitter ( honest !! ) but I do have a little barrier up sometimes. I sure as hell am not going to let someone affect my life the way my ex did .

Now does this seem as if I am doomed in all future relationships .

I hope not ,

what is anyone elses views on this

Is second time around better - or do we all become a bit wary

answers om a postcard please

 

[juicylips]

No, I don't think you're doomed. Everyone heals from broken relationships within different time frames. I think you just need more time. Also, this g/f may just not be for you.

Do you feel the need to be in a relationship?

 

[Gord]

No, I don't think you're doomed. Everyone heals from broken relationships within different time frames. I think you just need more time. Also, this g/f may just not be for you.

Do you feel the need to be in a relationship?

In a way I suppose I do - I certainly dont prefer to be on my own - and I did go out a lot after I split ( ok I was a bit of a tart !!)

I thought that this girls was great and was the one - but now it has all fallen apart - I dont feel to upset , which worrys me a bit - in that have I built too many barriers

Maybe she wasnt the one for me - maybe she was and I just didnt let it happen.

 

[Debbie]

I am on my 2nd marriage.

My first sucked, big time.

Before getting married, again, lol, I thought and re thought.
bigrednz asked me to marry him after dating for 6 months.
I said yes but only on the condition that we lived together for a year and that things were ok and my kids were ok about everything.
It was like a trial period. I asked my kids opinions and input. They said ok. We all moved in together. Time passed.
lol It stretched into three years , when bigrednzwas diagnosed as needing a triple heart bypass. I knew I loved him, but got a kick in the bum when I realised I could lose my soulmate/lover/friend.
We married not long after his triple bypass.

I didn't feel the need to be in a realationship.
We 'found' each other.
The thought of being without this man almost crippled me.
I love him, heart and soul. He makes me laugh.
No matter what. A kind word from him fills my heart.
After a bad day? A touch of his hand or a cuddle?
Is like a long vacation on a peaceful, sunny, luxurious
resort.
I truly love him.
We are lucky to have each other.

Previously posted
"For my Lit Lover
Dearest Mike,

Valentine's Day draws near. The time when couples all over the world make an extra effort to show their loved one what they mean to them. When I am with you everyday feels like Valentine's Day for me. I know how much I am loved when I see that special look in your eye and how your face softens when you think I cannot see you watching me.

When I feel down you are there, running me a bath with candlelight spreading a warm glow, foamy bubbles and relaxing water awaiting my tired body. You soothe my weary mind with your tender touch. Saying little but expressing so much.

When you are annoyed or frustrated I am there, a soft caress, a kind whispered word and a big hug. Letting you know we can always share.

I am the talker, you are the listener. It is easy for me to communicate, for you it is a battle. Your heart and your mind knows what you want to say but your lips remain still. Together we have learnt to make a great team. Our personalities are like chalk and cheese but we have developed a fantastic relationship by respecting each others character flaws.

I love to watch you sleep and to whisper to you all that you mean to me. You are my soulmate, my friend, my lover and most of all the man I love and desire.

We have had so many good times but the bad has been sent our way too. We have been challenged by our five years together, when I nearly lost you I thought my heart would break. When you were really sick I could only watch and pray. Sending you positive thoughts, I could not nor would I think negatively. I believed God had given us each other so that through our love we would grow old and be happy forever.


I will always remember watching you being wheeled into surgery, your face so pale.

"Walking away with tears in my eyes
We parted with no spoken goodbyes
I mouthed the precious words I love you
Our eyes met and your face said it too"

Leaving you and knowing I may never see you again was like someone had torn my heart out, ripped it in two and handed half back to me.

Walking back to the nurse's home a while later, taking a step at a time. I felt something pass through my body. A little chill but I wasn't alarmed. Was it you my love as they stopped your heart? Were you trying to make your presence known? I will never know but to this day I remember the peace that descended through me. I knew you were going to be ok.

You have brought so much in to my life. I met you at a time when I had been at my most vulnerable. I was a battered spirit encased in a bruised body. Bruises fade but some inner wounds never heal. Mike, my darling you treated me with kindness and patience. Your touch was very gentle, your movements slow. I could see the hurt in your eyes if I flinched. I trusted you but the habit was hard to break, waiting for the next blow. You have never raised a hand in anger to me or made me feel afraid of you. Instead I have smiled and laughed and giggled with you till my sides ached and I can't catch my breath.

You love me and my children, embracing them as your own.They call you Dad and you look so proud. When people ask how many kids you have, you say 6 and mean it. You never complain if you go without for any of them.

Our bodies fit so well when we curl up close, I love the smell of your skin. At night I sleep with my body embracing yours. I love to be close to you. Running my fingers through your long red hair.

I love you, Mike.

With all my love




Debbie loves Mike. "

Second time around? I feel you are more appreciative.
Understanding, acceptive and receptive.
Life is a learning curve.

 

[ksmybuttons]

debbie, that is beautiful. You touched my heart, as always.

 

[juicylips]

debbie....You are an incredible woman. Such strength, love and courage I can only hope in some small measure to have someday.

You are the epitome of inner beauty and grace.

Mike has an angel.

 

[eagleyez]

as evidenced by all sentiments raised above,

there is nothing quite like being in love...


the road is rocky
but its worth the ride...

save me a seat on that train of thought...


good luck Gord...

you'll be awright

 

[Gord]

as evidenced by all sentiments raised above,

there is nothing quite like being in love...


the road is rocky
but its worth the ride...

save me a seat on that train of thought...


good luck Gord...

you'll be awright

Oh I know I will be fine - just get on with things etc I am now thinking great I now have more time to play golf , to see the guys , to do things I want again be a bit me me me again !

Hell I am really easy come easy go at the moment - which does worry me a little.

I am sure there is someone out there who will suddenly turn me into a tounge tied gibbering wreck again

 

[CarolineOh]

That was wonderful, Debbie.

Gord, I was married for eight years the first time, and I felt when it ended that love was over for me, that my chance had come and gone, and for the next couple of years I was resistant to any serious emotional involvement. I had ben hurt and was afraid of being hurt again, so I kept my protective shields up. But then I met someone who taught me what love really is, and even though I still bristled, he wore down my defenses with his tenderness and his thoughtfulness, and when he eventually convinced me to let my guard down, I was overwhelmed with love for him.
To give up on the hope for love is to give up on yourself. Someday you will feel it again. My best wishes to you.

 

[Ryaine]

Take your time, when it’s right it’s right.

I was married for 5 years, and it took me another 10 before I found the one I would love & trust enough to do it all again. I had some decent relationships in between but they just didn’t make me feel that way. You will know when it’s the right one for you & the reservations you may have about your current relationship just won’t be there.

My SO and myself have been together for over 5yrs. The strange thing is it feels like we have always been together, it’s still like we are honeymooning (without the ring) we are actually too sweet together for most people. I hope you can find that for your self.

 

[Cheyenne]

Now does this seem as if I am doomed in all future relationships .

I hope not ,

what is anyone elses views on this

Is second time around better - or do we all become a bit wary

answers om a postcard please

I'm still working on the first time around.

But I don't think you're cursed forever because your first marriage failed.