24/7 VS. Part-time/bedroom only Dom/sub relationships

[Chained_Enigma]

This is my first time posting, so a small background on me: I have never been in a D/s relationship, though the desire to be has always been strong. I just haven't found a Man who was both interested in it and that i felt i could trust. That being said, i am not actively looking right now as i am in a very happy relationship with a wonderful guy, though it does feel like something is missing.
-------------
Anyway, for the question: i've always been curious about a persons reasoning for wanting to be in a 24/7 submissive or Dominant relationship. Or adversly, reasoning behind NOT wanting the 24/7 lifestyle.

(I've always been fascinated by the human mind and thought paterns, and as this is something i myself have given much thought to, i'm interested in everyone elses thoughts too!)

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm in the middle of a project at the moment, but will be back later.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Incubus Dark & I see our D/s as our sexual orientation & we don't feel the need for it to encompass our whole lives. We don't role play in the bedroom, we don't see it as a kinky game but as our true beings, but much like the millions of gay people living in the world, our sexuality does not define our whole selves.

On an intellectual level we read, we explore the deep philosophies of the lifestyle but it's not what we enjoy or find appealing in any way.

In the end, we believe that the whole thing is about what turns you on & gets you off. Simple as that. You can dress it up, complicate it, invent vast meaningful motives, but with few (very few) exceptions, it's all about the turn on factor.

Works for us.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

 

[EmpressFi]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, whent he kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

*Standing ovation*

Thank you!

 

[Chained_Enigma]

Thank You, this is beautifully put and exactly the type of response i was hoping for. As I have not yet found someone who is Dominant and who i feel comfortable enough to trust with that part of myself i always wondered if mosts Doms viewed 24/7 as that sort of "I rule EVERYTHING about you and your life" mentality and that always worried me. I am masochistic, I am submissive but i am also very strong willed. Its so nice to see Someone define it how i was hoping!

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are

 

[incubus'_sub]

Hmm, if was was to describe our relationship using EG's excellent view, then yes, we do have a 24/7 after all. Our marriage sounds very similar to his relationship in almost all respects.

We, too, came from vanilla marriages which whilst strong in many areas, left the Dom & sub yearnings completely unsatisfied.

I think that was my main point. We are Dom & sub, completely through & through. We can't & have chosen not to, live without being our true selves, but we see those true selves as being our sexual orientation. We don't see it as mystical requiring vast depths of insight & understanding. We just ARE and we accept & revel in it.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

Bravo!!!!!!! You never cease to amaze me Geoff..

 

[Netzach]

I could have written what Geoff said. Except it was seven years and we weren't married and I would not have said any of it as well, so, what he said.

 

[Bandit58]

Thank You, this is beautifully put and exactly the type of response i was hoping for. As I have not yet found someone who is Dominant and who i feel comfortable enough to trust with that part of myself i always wondered if mosts Doms viewed 24/7 as that sort of "I rule EVERYTHING about you and your life" mentality and that always worried me. I am masochistic, I am submissive but i am also very strong willed. Its so nice to see Someone define it how i was hoping!

Master Gil doesn't control everything, because He doesn't want to I serve Him by taking care of those things like our finances and shopping and the myriad other things that running a home entails.

Our relationship runs very much like Evil_Geoff and incubus'_sub have described. Doesn't matter where we are, or what we're doing, He is Dom and I am sub. I'm available to Him for whatever He might need at any given time, whether it's making a cuppa or giving Him a bj I don't work outside the home, because He is disabled and I am His carer, so we are pretty much together all the time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

You basically said it all for us as well so I won't try and add to perfection.

Catalina

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

Thanks so much for saying what I can never seem to form into words.

 

[northwoods_sub]

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

EG thank you again for expressing what I was thinking.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I'm with Netzach...what he said.

Only difference...I'm still looking for my true match.

Oh and submissive of course.

I'm a sadist, I'm a Dominant. I can't _not_ have a 24/7 D/s relationship unless I'm denying who or what I am at some point. And

That

Ain't

EVER

Gonna

Happen

Again.


I spent 14 years in a vanilla marriage and damn near killed myself because I was hiding my true self, denying who and what I am, in order to maintain the illusion of normalcy my then wife (and world, and even, truthfully me) expected to see. I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to know what it was that was killing me, I just knew I was miserable and dying inside because my needs were not being met.

Do I wear leather and carry a flogger 24/7? Do I make my slave run around naked in the house all the time? Do I expect her to give up her family, her friends, her job, her life outside of our relationship just because I get a wild hair and decide I want to command her to do such?

Hell no, that's fantasy/porn/cyber/wanking material nonsense.

24/7 means being true to who you are and to who your partner(s) is(are).

24/7 means being open and honest and communicating your needs and desires with each other.

24/7 means that your lives are intertwined and integrated, that your sexuality and day to day living and jobs and kids and school and families are real and THERE and that you are, simply, you. And you are theirs. And they... they are themselves and they are yours.

24/7 doesn't mean you are tied up all the time. It doesn't mean you are naked and in chains. 24/7 doesn't mean calling him (or her) Master or Mistress, or Sir or Ma'am, or "Great Grand Exalted Mystic Owner of this lowly, worthless slave"... It doesn't mean you have to be doing or wearing or wanting what some dumbass cyber Dom-pretenda-be tells you that you should be doing or "you aren't a REAL submissive." 24/7 isn't a lot of things you will find clueless wonders spouting forth about.

If you are true to yourself, and each other, if you live the life together that you and your partner choose to live, you are 24/7. If you choose to express that to one another on the weekends, in the bedroom, when the kids are away on sleepovers, whatever, then that's your time to play.

Just remember that the relationship doesn't end at the bedroom door. Or the front door. It doesn't end when you go to work or they go to school or the kids need to see the doctor or when the car has a flat tire. The relationship is there, whether you and your partner are within touching distance, seeing distance, cel phone distance, or half-way round the world. It's the RELATIONSHIP that's 24/7. Not what you do in it.

'Nuff said!

 

[myinnerslut]

.....

 

[sister76]

Thank You, this is beautifully put and exactly the type of response i was hoping for. As I have not yet found someone who is Dominant and who i feel comfortable enough to trust with that part of myself i always wondered if mosts Doms viewed 24/7 as that sort of "I rule EVERYTHING about you and your life" mentality and that always worried me. I am masochistic, I am submissive but i am also very strong willed. Its so nice to see Someone define it how i was hoping!

I wish more Doms would reply to this thread. I think a truly dominant guy doesn't necessarily feel the need to be so pressing as to have to actively try to rule every waking step of their sub's life. To me, it's more like their sub just does what they know their Dom wants (after they have developed such a relationship) and the Dom has realistic expectations about it.

I am also submissive (to one only, ever) and very strong willed and anyone who started putting unrealistic expectations on me would be out of luck.

 

[Homburg]

I wish more Doms would reply to this thread.

*shrug* Why? Evil_Geoff knocked it out of the park with his post. I'm in the camp that is just gonna say "Ditto" to what he posted. He certainly described my relationship with "v", so I've precious little to add.

 

[sister76]

*shrug* Why? Evil_Geoff knocked it out of the park with his post. I'm in the camp that is just gonna say "Ditto" to what he posted. He certainly described my relationship with "v", so I've precious little to add.

Because although Evil_Geoff's reply was awesome, I would imagine other people have different opinions that people would like to hear.

 

[esclave_PP]

You basically said it all for us as well so I won't try and add to perfection.

Catalina

For Master and myself as well, thank you Sir i don't think i could add anything to it really other than each person's journey, each pairing, has their own adventure. What works for one pairing, doesn't necessarily work for another. Find your groove and have at it.

 

[Krinaia]

I've only been dating four years - but most all of them within the bdsm realm. and while what Geoff has to say is very lovely and many do aspire to this sort of relationship - many do actually want to have more of a micormanaged dominant relationship - or even one where they completely submit to someone. i know, i get those sort of proposals in my inbox all the time - which always makes me want to bang their head into the wall for either 1 - not reading my profile or 2 - reading it and failing to comprehend what they read.

personally, i've come to define myself as kinky, a fetishist and rather open to trying whatever it takes to getting off the person i love. and i deserve to be with someone who will enjoy doing those things that make me happy. but i have no desire to be on all the time or available all the time. some days, i'm just not going to feel like sex or fulfilling the roles of "submissiveness" and i feel i have that right and any relationship that tried to punish me or make me feel bad for feeling that way - would be a relationship i would exit quickly. so "24/7" is not for me.

i have even given up solely dating within the bdsm community because i find a lot of people are open to such things - you just have to turn them on to it. if you can. and there is much more to a relationship than just sexual orientation. but i definitely don't feel i have it all figured out - but i enjoy trying to figure it out

i even recently found out i could enjoy switching but that i would need to build more self-confidence to be successful at it. but that was a goal anyhow.

so anyhow. my life as a bondage fetishist.

 

[incubus'_sub]

It's my guess that most of those online who think they desire a micromanaged relationship have never experienced D/s in real life. They have either been led to believe that this is the norm by onliner only Doms? or they have read too much fantasy fiction.

The few others are probably needy, incompetent types who probably do believe their dreams of being coddled & looked after all their lives. Scary, isn't it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's my guess that most of those online who think they desire a micromanaged relationship have never experienced D/s in real life. They have either been led to believe that this is the norm by onliner only Doms? or they have read too much fantasy fiction.

The few others are probably needy, incompetent types who probably do believe their dreams of being coddled & looked after all their lives. Scary, isn't it.

LOL, it's sort of a 'be careful what you wish for' situation IMHO, and if carried out to the last letter...and not only on the side of the sub/slave as it would get very tiring and a recipe for burn out for a Dom/me as well. The fantasy is wonderful, but who in this space in time has the time and energy to be following their pyl around 24/7 giving order minute by minute...there has to be a certain level of trust and understood expectations/rules reached to make it functional and sane for both sides of the whip.

Not sure it is totally the stuff of incompetents or onliners as I don't see myself as incompetent and yet I live in a way whereby he has the final say on everything and all is done as he wishes, not as I would necessarily wish. It works, but he also doesn't have to follow me 24/7 to make it work.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've only been dating four years - but most all of them within the bdsm realm. and while what Geoff has to say is very lovely and many do aspire to this sort of relationship - many do actually want to have more of a micormanaged dominant relationship - or even one where they completely submit to someone.

I think you will find there are more than a few who share EG's sentiments and already have a relationship where they have completely submitted (or wish to), I for one. The 2 are not mutually exclusive and for us it is having the type relationship EG describes which makes it possible to submit completely.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

This is my first time posting, so a small background on me: I have never been in a D/s relationship, though the desire to be has always been strong. I just haven't found a Man who was both interested in it and that i felt i could trust. That being said, i am not actively looking right now as i am in a very happy relationship with a wonderful guy, though it does feel like something is missing.
-------------
Anyway, for the question: i've always been curious about a persons reasoning for wanting to be in a 24/7 submissive or Dominant relationship. Or adversly, reasoning behind NOT wanting the 24/7 lifestyle.

(I've always been fascinated by the human mind and thought paterns, and as this is something i myself have given much thought to, i'm interested in everyone elses thoughts too!)

I am not sure I could do a 24/7 D/s relationship. With the right person, I'd like to try.

That's unlikely to happen because I am already married to a man I adore, who likes and loves me. I feel the same way about him.

In some ways, I consider our relationship a D/s one. It's just mostly in my head. I do things for him that I would NOT do normally or for myself.

Sometimes it's very easy but often it is very difficult. I'm talking about things that twist my stomach because they go so against my grain. These things might sound stupid or trivial to another person but people are strange and certain things just do them in. He wants these things. So I try and try and try to do them and to overcome my extreme discomfort.

In other ways, we are NOT in a D/s relationship at all. He does not consider himself at Dom or a Top. He does not "understand" BDSM, nor does he want to. He does consider himself kinky. In the bedroom he considers himself more of a pyl than a PYL.

OTOH, he is kinky. He spanks me fairly often. We do various BDSM related activities. I don't ask him to do them as I once did. For over a year I have completely let go of the reigns and simply waited to see A.) How important sex was to him. and B.) What BDSM things he would do for himself.

That too has been difficult at times. I've despaired now and then, seeing how low sex is on his list of priorities. I know it's really not as low as it seems and yet, everything else seems to come before it.

When he does make it happen, it's great. When he handles me, not for me, but because he wants to, he still feels guilty.

I praise him to the heavens and repeatedly when that happens.

"But I was being a selfish jerk." He'll say.

"Whatever you want to call what you did, I'll call it heaven." I'll reply.

I'll think, how wonderful it might be to be given a pass to do what you "selfishly" want, and then be praised and rewarded for it?

Still, I do know how often I stop myself from doing things I might like to do, because it is "wrong." I find it irritating to have to be an adult sometimes and stop myself. I think, this, for him, falls out on that same dynamic.

Regardless of what my relationship is or what I might like it to be, I will always be a strong capable individual. When you start thinking that is not, or can not be so, for pyls, that is a mistake, in my opinion. Though not all pyls are strong individuals, most I know are.

 

[Homburg]

When he does make it happen, it's great. When he handles me, not for me, but because he wants to, he still feels guilty.

I praise him to the heavens and repeatedly when that happens.

"But I was being a selfish jerk." He'll say.

"Whatever you want to call what you did, I'll call it heaven." I'll reply.

I'll think, how wonderful it might be to be given a pass to do what you "selfishly" want, and then be praised and rewarded for it?

I get the same feelings. I'm Dominant, but other-focused. I am working my way around it by telling myself that this is exactly what she wants. Sometimes it even works.

It sounds silly, but I treat it like role-play. I'm not being a jerk, I'm role-playing one. And while I'm just banging away like a drunken sailor, I get enjoyment and satisfaction off of how much she enjoys that sort of treatment on those occassions.