24/7 TPE - What does it look like

[Richard49]

This world of BDSM D/s has change so much since I first entered it more years ago than I want to think about.

Anyway ... to you ... in the real world what does a 24/7 D/s realtionship look like ?

What are the behaviors of both the Dom and sub look like ?

I think you get what I am asking.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Well to be honest, I can only tell you what my relationship is like. I don't know if this is typical of other D/s relationships or not.

My Husband is my Dom, he is also a soldier in the military, and we have to be discreet in public, as well as in front of our kids (of which we have 3). However, I do submit to him in ways that the 'nilla world wouldn't see as strange. A few examples are:

When we are asked to go places with friends, I defer to him to accept or decline.

I know what he likes to eat and drink, and on occations that he is talking with a friend in a restuarant that we frequent I will place his order for him. Of course, I have asked ahead of time so I know for sure that he wants what I think he wants.

I even get his approval on what I wear, not necessarily specific outfits, but in general.

I always serve him, even in public, however, as I stated its not something that anyone would raise an eyebrow about.

I am still new to calling myself a sub, but in many ways I have been for at least the last 14 years. Not that I realized it untill recently tho.

Hope this is what you wanted to know.

 

[ltlwitch]

Richard~

I would have to ditto dixicritter. I too am married, and we have many of the same "obsticals" in our path "24/7". (kids are the biggest one!) But I also do many of those small gestures as stated above. It is not "required" of me, I will not be punished for not doing them, but when I do them it makes him much happier, so I do as I can.

Some other things I do is to be dressed in something atractive (I wear scrubs all day) thong under my clothes(his request), and
do my best to meet him at the door everyday.

I hope this helps!

~ltlwitch~

 

[Richard49]

I always serve him, even in public, however, as I stated its not something that anyone would raise an eyebrow about.

Could you expand on the specfics of this?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Richard~

I would have to ditto dixicritter. I too am married, and we have many of the same "obsticals" in our path "24/7". (kids are the biggest one!) But I also do many of those small gestures as stated above. It is not "required" of me, I will not be punished for not doing them, but when I do them it makes him much happier, so I do as I can.

Some other things I do is to be dressed in something atractive (I wear scrubs all day) thong under my clothes(his request), and
do my best to meet him at the door everyday.

I hope this helps!

~ltlwitch~

What are some of the small gestures?

The dressed in something attractive...is it by his definition attractive or yours?

Do you wear the thong under your work cloths?

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Could you expand on the specfics of this?

I'll try, I must advise you that the things I do for him have become like second nature to me over the years.

For example, in a restaurant, if his glass or cup is close to empty I will attempt to get the waiter/tress's attention to get him a refill.

In our own home, I serve him his meal and the children theirs before ever serving myself. Not something required, I've just always done this. Even to include when we have a guest or guests. I fix him drinks as well.

Its mostly the little things, things that I know will make him happy. Nothing I would be punished for not doing, you see. Of course I also must treat him with respect in public, that will result in punishment (usually a spanking).

I always thought of these things as being a good wife, now I see them as ways to serve my Master and make him happy.

Does this clarify well enough? I hope I answered your question for you. I can try to elaborate further, however, I think I'm just about at my limit....LOL

 

[Ebonyfire]

Good thread

I am developing a relationship with tavish, and although we are not married (yet) we hope to be some time in the future.

I am the dominant, and I intend to work. He will stay home and do all the housework, and serve me as I see fit. That means that his function is to make my life easier. what I mean is best described by this post by one slave on one of my lists:

Sub wrote:

"We live a 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship. I am Her houseboy
and slave, I stay at home every day to work for Her, keeping
Her home clean, doing all my chores, and doing all the cooking
also.

She has been training me in self control for a long time now,
teaching me to serve Her as She wishes... putting Her whims
before my wants. I am never allowed to climax unless told to,
and sex is often just for Her... keeps me humble, She says.

She often gets comments such as "where can I find one like him" when She tells a friend or co-worker about me. The Ladies in the office even use my example when telling their boyfriends or spouses about me. No one ever thinks I am in any way humiliated by my service to Her, and I am very PROUD when I hear Her tell people about me and how I work for Her."

I liked this post because it depicts almost exactly how I see our relationship evolving.

We have also developed rituals that will define how we interact on a daily basis. For example we have greeting and bedtime rituals.

Ebonyfire

 

[ltlwitch]

and again, I must echo dixi's post

Most all of what you wrote are things that I also do.And like you, I thought of them at first as things a wife might normaly do out of love for her husband. Under a new light though, it becomes rather erotic "knowing" that you are serving your husband as dom. Excpeciallly those"little things" when your out in public.

As for the clothes, we have been married long enough that I know what he finds atractive.

and no, I don't wear that thong all day.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: and again, I must echo dixi's post

As for the clothes, we have been married long enough that I know what he finds atractive.

and no, I don't wear that thong all day.

You don't?? You mean you don't like that string up your butt all day??

However, its my turn to agree with you. I also know what he finds attractive, so the approval is really easy. Of course His newest rule is I must obtain His permission to wear panties. He finds it sexy for me to go without.

 

[Shadowsdream]

In My home My slave does all of the housework, cooking, washing clothes, ironing etc. he is naked and in chastity and his collar 100% of the time unless I have vanilla guests or he has meetings or collegues or clients in the home.

I am fortunate that he has his own business and his studio is in the home where I wish it to be. Which makes him available to serve Me full time as I wish or require.

Mornings begin with a coffee ritual, when I am ready it moves to a bathing ritual...don't be silly! of course I don't bathe Myself! ~~~smile~~~. he cleans up any dishes and makes the bed as the bath is filling. During meals My slave sits at My feet and eats from a small red plastic table...it is were he feels the most content.

he asks for all his needs never taking anything for granted, from a cigarette to using the bathroom.

In public just as in private he makes sure that My glass is never empty unless I wish it so. I am his Mistress always...public or not...we have been together as Mistress and sub then slave for 3 years now..and living full time for over 1 year. It is a love relationship 2nd and a D/s relationship 1st.

Our home life and private life is full of rituals, trainings and punishments for disobedience or digressions for quality of service.
This relationship works for us because both have very deep requirements that could not work casually.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: and again, I must echo dixi's post

Of course His newest rule is I must obtain His permission to wear panties. He finds it sexy for me to go without.

I like this <smile>

Thanks to all who so far have shared here.

 

[Richard49]

Let me add another element here......
(though I hope that those that have not yet posted will add to what has been shared here)

Names .... do you all have a speical name that you use for your sub/Dom in public ?

 

[Lancecastor]

Wonderful stuff....

this is a wonderful thread, very informative for me; thanks for starting it, Richard.

I come at d/s from a less structured viewpoint than some, I think, seeing it less as kink and more as normal, hence my tendency to avoid grammatical schema and other outward trappings generally.

In fact, to pick up on something Richard said in another thread, in my case I don't decry the "mainstreaming" of d/s culture, I am thankful for it...because as long as bdsm was perceived as edge, exclusive, "out there"...it was, I think, too threatening to lots of people who were either naturally inclined that way but ashamed to participate or admit their preferences because of its compartmentalization or labelling aspects.

Similarly, though mainstreaming has also resulted in some watering-down of the perceived purity of the lifestyle for some more traditional adherants as well as attracting dilletantes and fashionistas....faux adherants, perhaps...mainstreaming increases availability of both dom and sub people generally to explore and find their natural and expanded limits, depending on how much real interest they have or wish to "find" in themselves.

Analogy: In the "welcome" thread, Risia Skye commented on my observation that Lit reminds me of the "old" internet with its more mannerly BBS type conventions and more thoughtful, intelligent discussions/debates (generally) than mainstream Chat, Singles or Community sites.

You see, I find it painful to be on a mainstream "meet people" web site for the same reasons Richard perhaps finds the mainstreaming of D/s culture unsettling or making him wish for the "good old days".

To which I'd say... lots of women many d/s traditionalists would describe as vanilla really do indeed enjoy/want/need committment symbols like collars, as well as discipline and kink...many of this mainstreamed crowd (presently) shy away from 24/7 TPE. However, not so many years ago, many shied away from even so much as owning a computer, let alone exposing their innermost thoughts (primarily) through the mask of an avatar on a public facility discussing issues sexual...which in and of itself has very strong d/s overtones, I suggest.

Many thanks;
Lance

 

[Richard49]

Lancecastor .... thank you for the compliment for me starting this thread .........

It is not so much wanting to go back to the good old days is it me trying to understand the present days ....... with everything being so PC these days ... well it scares the shit out of this former VN vet and Dom......

I am hoping that people will post here how they see things NOW and from that I can learn and also have the tools to share with others the beauty of this lifestyle.

I vented on another thread this morning so I will bite my tongue for now and set back and learn from all of you.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Names .... do you all have a speical name that you use for your sub/Dom in public ?

This is something that we have not formally discussed as of yet. I have always called Him either Honey, Dear, or sometimes by our last name. Ok I know that sounds strange, but as I stated he's in the military so for the last almost 17 years that is what he has gone by and answered to.

He calls me dear or honey alot as well. Only occasionally does he use my first name.

I guess this would be something that we should work out.

 

[ltlwitch]

an addition to my post

as I was thinking about the difference between required rituals and those performed without obligation, I had to stop to think about the later for a while. It comes down to the atitude that it is done with. It is that attitude of defference and submision. This is what makes those small gestures important to us. He knows that every unrequired small deed I do is a proclamation of my submission to him. (even if the whole 'nilla world is doing the samething! to us its different)

That said, I will get back to that housework that keeps pilling up!

~ltlwitch~

 

[Ebonyfire]

Names

I always like to use my given name in the presence of kids and vanillas. Everytime I say his name he knows I mean slave. When he says my name it means Mistress.

I try to keep it simple.

Ebony

 

[Cirrus]

Funny you should mention names. My boyfriend's name is Richard, and most if not all of his friends call him Rich or Richie. Long before we ever discussed a D/s relationship (which was only yesterday LOL) I always called him by his full name, both in public, private, and very private. He once asked me why and I just told him it seemed "right" to me somehow.

 

[Guest]

Thank you to those that have posted so far.

I know some have not because they do not believe that 24/7 is possible.

I think this is true because of semantics.

The ideas about rituals is interesting.
It tells the vanilla world nothing.

My new submissive has her door opened for her and her cig lit.
Part of the reason I do this is good manners ... but mostly it is a
symbol of my control over her.

I also have the "look" that tells her that I am displeased.

Ok so what other thoughts do you all have in respect to any of this idea of a 24/7 TPE weather it is ritual, command, name or whatever ?

 

[Ebonyfire]

My new submissive has her door opened for her and her cig lit.
Part of the reason I do this is good manners ... but mostly it is a
symbol of my control over her

My subs do the same for Me, (ie, open doors, open bottles, drives me places) I do not smoke though. They do it cause it is their job to serve Me. One does cleaning too. My slave is going to do all housework. I see my subs primary job is to make my life easier, as defined by Me.

Ebony

 

[WillowPuss]

I have been married for almost 25 years now, but it was only last month that both my husband (now also my Master) and I discovered ourselves. Speaking personally (I wouldn't dream of trying to speak for Master), it was as if the curtains had been drawn back and light allowed to flood in.

We too have rituals for morning and bedtime and for when we have been apart for any length of time. Master drew these up and showed them to me, requesting comments. He has also drawn up a set of rules which he expects me to abide by (and a punnishment table to match!).

Possibly many nilla people/friends may think it strange when I no longer impluse buy something I have seen and think I want. I now always discuss purchases of clothing with Master first.

I also show him my submissiveness in ways that others will not know - like not wearing panties (he HATES them!) unless I have been given specific permission to do so.

He has bought me a beautiful silver necklet that fits quite snugly. To others, it is simply a piece of jewelery, but to us ... it is my collar for outside wear.

We too, have to temper outward signs of our relationship as we have two teenage children. Many of the things, like serving food and drink, can be done (and have been done for years) without raising an eyebrow ... but now they take on a different significance.

Not sure if that answers you question or not.

willow

 

[Richard49]

We too have rituals for morning and bedtime and for when we have been apart for any length of time. Master drew these up and showed them to me, requesting comments. He has also drawn up a set of rules which he expects me to abide by (and a punnishment table to match!).

We too, have to temper outward signs of our relationship as we have two teenage children. Many of the things, like serving food and drink, can be done (and have been done for years) without raising an eyebrow ... but now they take on a different significance.

Not sure if that answers you question or not.

willow

willow

thank you for posting

Would you expand these two thoughts above? Give some specifics etc.

BTW everyone the unregistered was me.... lit would not let me sign on for some reason ... glad the problem is fixed.

 

[Lancecastor]

What I enjoy about this thread...

...is it allows me to give form to my thoughts and outlook on where and how the role of any future ltr I may enter into might be defined.

I've not weighed in on this topic as yet in any meaningful way, but might at some point.

Regardless, lots of good thought in here.

Meanwhile, thanks Richard for posing the Q and shepherding it so well along the way.

Cheers
LC

 

[Richard49]

Re: What I enjoy about this thread...

[B
Meanwhile, thanks Richard for posing the Q and shepherding it so well along the way.
LC [/B]

You are welcome.

I can not speak for others on this thread
but for me I would like to here from those that do not believe a 24/7 is possible and why ... that is in context of this thread.

I would also like to hear from those that have not yet experenced a 24/7 but what they picture it might be like.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Is 24/7 possible?

I have to say that I am not anything 24/7. I am not vanilla 24/7, so it stands to reason, I do not behave as a Domme 24/7 too. Some tims in a relatiionship y9ou ahve to step back and dealwith what is on the table as husband/wife, partners, SOs, or whatever you are to each other, particularly if there are children around.

Just my 2 cents worth!

Ebony <5 days & counting>