1st time online?

[Hot4Heels]

I am curious how many peoples first explorations into BDSM was via the net.

And if so how that turned out.

Personally it was before the net was even around. I was married before the net was a widespread thing. I have played VERY little on the net. When you type as bad/slowly as I do it is just too much of a distraction.

I know that some people that I thought were good friends on the net (totaly non-sexual) turned out to be real Assholes that were not what they tried to present. It is harder to be a liar in real life. Just curious about the ranges of experiences. I know there are some positive net experiences out there and personally I am rooting for all of you that can pull this off.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I am curious how many peoples first explorations into BDSM was via the net.

And if so how that turned out.

Personally it was before the net was even around. I was married before the net was a widespread thing. I have played VERY little on the net. When you type as bad/slowly as I do it is just too much of a distraction.

I know that some people that I thought were good friends on the net (totaly non-sexual) turned out to be real Assholes that were not what they tried to present. It is harder to be a liar in real life. Just curious about the ranges of experiences. I know there are some positive net experiences out there and personally I am rooting for all of you that can pull this off.

~~~~~~~I will respond backwards, forwards and backwards again. Follow me?

The vast majority of my online friendships have been very good and they have lasted a long time. I have met, face to face with several and they turned out to be all and more than I had originally believed. And we are still friends.

My first experience in BDSM, lol if you can call it that, was over 2 years ago. And it took me 18 months to figure out that what we were doing was really play acting. Neither of us knew what we were doing and it failed. It took me a another few months to figure out that we were both to blame for our ignorance and to forgive myself and him for it. We have both moved on to other things and people and I harbor no ill will or heartache over it any longer. I don't think he does either.

I like the online friendships I have made. They have opened my mind to new ideas and experiences and made me more tolerant of individuals than I was before. And I have learned a great deal from it.

Rose

 

[Hot4Heels]

Excellent reply ADR (DAMN those hot assed fish nets again!).

I have found too that some of my online friends have opened my eyes to new and different ways of thinking. I do have some online firends that I am really tight with and wish I could meet them. The flip side is what I posted about where one seems to be something one is not. One of these we were joint developing something and it was a kin to a relationship.

As far as meeting online friends I hope to make the Atlanta Lit-together and a hunting board I am on has a potential meet in Oct.

 

[A Desert Rose]

"Mistakes

I've made a few but then again, too few to mention" lmao- that's ole blue eyes. I couldn't stop myself, sorry.

Really, yes I have developed friendships online with total assholes. But in my experience, they show themselves for what they are, early on. The "mistakes," if you will, have really been few and far between. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the negatives. Had a friend once in my Backgammon game site who used to say, "These people (online assholes) are not going to be at your next company picnic or family reunion, so why bother to get your panties in a knot?" She was/is absolutely right. It comes down to this - I am nothing more than a name on your screen with an opinion. You can take it or leave it, but ultimately it's in your control to weed out the insignificant people and process the ones you are drawn to. Accentuate the positve, as the old song goes.

Hope you make it to Atlanta. If you do, give Des a hug for me.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

P.S.

Excellent reply ADR (DAMN those hot assed fish nets again!).

The fish nets were supposed to have that effect. (lol)Thanks. But I still can't get used to this AV.

Rose

 

[Desdemona]

For me, there have been aspects of D/s in my life for years although I didn't realize until recently. My first conscious understanding of the lifestyle came about by researching it and reading on the net. (I'd read the Ann Rice "Beauty" books and felt compelled to learn more about BDSM.) I've soaked up quite a bit of info right here at Lit.
I met my first play partners and my first Dom online as well. Because I have little patience with cybersex, these relationships progressed to R/L in a timely manner. I'm just one of those people who *needs* the skin-to-skin stuff.

I've made some pretty good friends online and I've met a few losers. That's life. The good tends to outweigh the bad in my experience.

hey Rose

 

[Persephone36]

For me, there have been aspects of D/s in my life for years although I didn't realize until recently.

I can echo what Des is saying.

In a strange way -- bdsm and the idea of D/s relationship came to me in r/l and online. I met my best friend online -- he told me about his sub experiences (although I think from things he's told me he's a switch) as just part of other things we were sharing. Then we met in person -- so I consider my "real" initial thoughts about D/s came through a r/l friend.

I've made a lot of friends online. I've used online dating services back 3 years ago. Lol, I was the only one of my girlfriends to try it -- and then a few months later -- they all wanted advice on how to do it, lol. However back then -- I never met a guy interested in D/s or bdsm -- BUT now I remember being fascinated by the few guy's ads (and this was Match.com and Matchmaker.com) who said they were into a little bdsm. That they were Dom's and would be willing to be with a novice. I think that spurred some fantasies in my mind even back then.

I've had a few lovers I met online. I have no regrets for any experiences I've had. Not one.

And I've *just* started to explore the D/s territory in r/l -- and my first experiences were with someone I met online.

I've made friends. Some have really *lasted* For example my best friend and I -- even with 3,000 miles between us. But then again -- we've had 5 times that I've been on the west coast in the last year and a half where we've spent significant time together. I couldn't really call someone a close friend without having met them in r/l.

I have casual aquaintance friendships I struck up online -- and more budding friendships. It's really all been good.

I did have some bizarre things happen on the last board I was very active in. It blew apart. Horrible -- I've *never* seen flaming and imposter posters that bad, ugh -- it was disgusting. People I'd actually spent time with -- became literally enemies. It was bizarre as I said. I'm more cautious about who I hang with in r/l now.

But in terms of solely pursuing a relationship based on me looking for a Dom. No, that's not likely for me. I'm only interested in D/s sexually -- and I'm not sure I could ever tolerate the ritual of being collared (*gasp*). But then I think with the right person and we adapt it for us -- that could potentially work. I don't know. I think for me -- it's mental and sexual -- but with a lot of boundaries, right now. Anyway, I think I'm just naturally drawn lately to men who have kinks -- and who are attractive to me for who they are as people and completely ignoring the sexual aspects.


Perse

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I posted a portion of my first BDSM experience on CatEye's thread.

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=2638330#post2638330


If anyone cares to read it. Nothing special, but it got me thinking and moved me to real life D/s with my Master/husband. I guess I owe that person a thanks...lol

dixi

 

[Verypowerful]

Yes my first steps on this wonderful journey were indeed made online. I was finding the right people to answer my unspoken questions, and have made fantastic friends.

VP

 

[Shadowsdream]

No online was not My first time for BDSM exchange or living.

BUT it was My last time.

I met My toy when he came to Me in ICQ in 1999. he lived in Sweden and I in Canada. This incredible man crossed the ocean to meet Me because he knew he had to discover if he had finally found a Domme that could be the Woman of his fantasies and dreams. he stayed with Me for 30 days...and then returned to Sweden...1 1/2 months later he was back for another 30 days. On the second visit I decided to accept him as Mine. Even though I knew the first moment that he was also My dream come true.

The moment he laid his head on My knee as I drove My truck away from the airport I knew he was authentic in ways that You cannot confirm online.

I flew to Sweden several months later to see which Country I would choose for U/us to live in. I am still in Sweden...still completely happy with this valuable toy.

 

[Persephone36]

Beautiful -- just truly beautiful, Shadowsdream. I'm in deep admiration for how open your mind and heart are to take a leap like that. If you don't mind my saying -- I believe you really know what matters in life, what are the things to be cherished. You have a depth of understanding that is profound. I think you've reached a place that few people are ever brave enough to get to in their lives, to even realize is there, let alone experience.

Perse

 

[Shadowsdream]

perse

Thank you for your beautiful words.

I am a firm believer in *if You don't take a chance in life* You remain a dreamer. Dreams and fantasy can never touch reality.
My toy comes from a culture that teaches caution and go with the flow rather than live on the edge and take a chance with your passion.

his bravery in coming to Me is something that I remind him of when he gives Me all the credit for the fullfillment of his dreams. Without his long and stubborn fight to find his reality he would still be lonely in Stockholm.

 

[Persephone36]

I am a firm believer in *if You don't take a chance in life* You remain a dreamer. Dreams and fantasy can never touch reality.

Shadowsdream -- you are so right. But it's one thing to say it, as a philosophy, many of us do. It's another thing to be living it.

I truly just have the greatest respect and admiration for you.

I've taken chances -- just took a major one. And then flipped out over how vulnerable it made me feel. I think that's because I don't take enough chances in my belief in myself. But, lol, I know recognition is the first step -- the most important. Then it's commitment -- commitment to the follow through. The actualization. And the knowledge that if things don't work out -- it's no comment on one's self-worth.

Great lessons you share just by being here and sharing your life with us.

Thank you.

So, not to take things *completely* off topic...I'll bring it back around to the online experiences.

The risk I referred to above was meeting someone I was interested in online -- and making it r/l. Having him become my lover -- for the short time that it was, and having my first real time in a flesh to flesh D/s sexual experience. That was a tremendous risk. We pushed my boundaries into new places. The experience was not only pleasurable it was actually life altering. It put me in actual touch with my submissive side. He'll always have been the first in that way for me. I think no matter how things continue between us, that he will always have been someone who changed my life.

I think that's says something positive for online relationships.

Perse

 

[Desdemona]

The risk I referred to above was meeting someone I was interested in online -- and making it r/l. Having him become my lover -- for the short time that it was, and having my first real time in a flesh to flesh D/s sexual experience. That was a tremendous risk. We pushed my boundaries into new places. The experience was not only pleasurable it was actually life altering. It put me in actual touch with my submissive side. He'll always have been the first in that way for me. I think no matter how things continue between us, that he will always have been someone who changed my life.

I think that's says something positive for online relationships.

Perse

I agree completely. Some of my online relationships have been life altering in a very good way.

 

[redelicious]

Well, I have only been online exploring things for a few months. That is not a lot of time to really judge, however I have met two people that have been important to me.

The first was a man I met here on LIT. He and I established a play sort of relationship. It has been, for the most part, a learning experience. He taught me much, not just about BDSM in general, but about myself. Our relationship can never be more then an online experiement, and since we are both fine with that the relationship continues when he is around.

The second was a man I also met here at LIT. Our relationship was similar to the other one except that we both desired it to be more than play and more than online. Since that could not be, it had to end.

As I have metioned before, I am married with a child. This obviously limits me. I don't know how I would take to a r/l 24/7 and I may never find out. I can not at this point get involved at any level other then online play. It wouldn't be fair to anyone.

 

[TantaLiza]

My first experimenting with D/s was online earlier this year. He was very patient and informative. He taught me many things that I have only hoped to take into my RL. I found that I needed daily encouragement and that feedback on my training was very important to furthering my knowledge of this lifestyle. We parted amicably... I will be forever greatful to His time and direction in my beginning search for fulfillment.

Since then, I have met someone who has deemed me worthy of further lessons in this lifestyle...only time will dictate how long and where this "relationship" will take us. In the meantime, I will strive to learn patience....because whomever fate decides I'm to be with, I want so much more in my life....NOW...

Unfortunately, patience has never been one of my virtues....

Liza

 

[RisiaSkye]

I've never done online BDSM. But, even though I've been doing this (in various forms, to different degrees) for more than a decade, and in every relationship, I'd never joined into "the scene." I don't go to Munches, play parties, or seminars. (well, until recently) So, I've never felt part of a "community," although I knew I was far from alone in these practices.

The first friend I ever talked to about these things--that is, the first person I *wasn't* fucking that I could talk to about being kinky--was cymbidia. She's also the first (and only) person I've met from online, and who's become an important part of my day to day life based on an online encounter.

That counts, right?

 

[spankableBelle]

i have had good experiences and bad experiences...i have taken breaks and have come back...i have used it all to learn and grow within myself, to not feel so alone and rejected as i have in my marriage and with my family...the very first story i wrote was a Valentine's gift to my husband. He read it, said 'that's nice, thanks'...that's it. A RL girlfriend and her husband suggested that i try and put it online on a story site...and thus my online life began...

i have met friends that i have known online months or years that are closer to me than even my RL friends...simply because i can be who i am...i have met some in RL and they are more important to me than i could possibly convey...we have laughed and cried and had a few drinks...i wouldn't trade these women for anything in the world...we make it a regular thing, every other month to get out and simply be us...i met them in the Lit chatrooms...

A Dom in the Lit chatrooms suggested that i go to Castle Realm a little more than a year ago (thought i've been online and writing for more than 5 years), as a result of my asking questions daily of Him and His sub. i was fascinated by the way they interacted...and i felt a pull inside of 'yes, that's it...that me'. i started reading everything i could get my hands on...i just kept absorbing. i have dabbled in D/s relationships online, but all seemed to lack something (s) that i needed...structure, a place to grow, a soul devotion...an understanding of me. And that is not simply placed upon the men/women...i didn't have the structure within myself...while i was curious and wanted, i didn't know of need. i have been used and hurt by wanna-be's. i have had my heart broken and my soul trampled. i have trusted easily and at the same time not trusted at all, in either myself or in the man/woman. i continued to ask questions of Dom/me friends, of subs/slaves, of switches...i soaked up as much as i could from reading and observing and simply talking. i began exploring things in my writing, exploring my being Dominated, my emotions, my desires...

And through my stories i have met numerous people that are in or interested in the lifestyle, some have stayed as friends and some have moved on...and One that wants to show me, guide me, teach me, answer the questions that my soul asks...~smile~

(sheesh i just ramble on and on...i'll learn to give a simple answer one of these days...)

belle

 

[Desdemona]

(sheesh i just ramble on and on...i'll learn to give a simple answer one of these days...)

belle

You just keep "rambling", dear. I value the way you express yourself. Sometimes, I wish I could say things in greater detail.

 

[spankableBelle]

You just keep "rambling", dear. I value the way you express yourself. Sometimes, I wish I could say things in greater detail.

Awww...thank you, Des...~smile~

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Hmmmm....

...is it possible to give a fair representation to BDSM in an online-only relationship? I have my doubts.

 

[redelicious]

Re: Hmmmm....

...is it possible to give a fair representation to BDSM in an online-only relationship? I have my doubts.

From where I sit, online has been a way for me to open up my mind and imagination to what is out there - it's all mental work. Has it been real - in some cases it sure seemed to be. But I guess in the end without that skin to skin it's a fantasy.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Hmmmm....

...is it possible to give a fair representation to BDSM in an online-only relationship? I have my doubts.

It is a fair and VALID beginning. Absolutely.

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Hmmmm....

It is a fair and VALID beginning. Absolutely.

Agreed.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Hmmmm....

From where I sit, online has been a way for me to open up my mind and imagination to what is out there - it's all mental work. Has it been real - in some cases it sure seemed to be. But I guess in the end without that skin to skin it's a fantasy.

Online does open the mind and opportunity. It will build a craving to go further or end an interest depending upon how fortunate you are to find the right ying and yang. Of course not feeling the touch, becoming lost in the eyes and missing the caress of the voice does lessen the experience but it does not negate it.

I know many Dominants and submissives that have begun online and moved to real time with great joy and success.