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[MikeLucas]

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[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Edging.

But you have to be paying REAL close attention. And instead of edging right up to the point of no return then just slowing down... you need to stop completely for a couple minutes then restart.

So edge....pay close attention and be disciplined enough to not take yourself too far...then right as you get to that point of no return stop completely. Wait a minute until you feel total control over yourself again and then repeat.

Do this for as long as you can take it. Then cum at the end so you don't go insane. And try that whole thing again the next night.

This can be REALLY fun if you have your partner help you. Let her do the stimulation but you have to have the discipline to tell her to stop even though you don't want her to.

 

[jehoram]

Try using a condom. It might decrease the sensation enough to allow you to last a bit longer. And there are ribbed ones available that your lady might like to experience.

 

[JenniZinc]

Hello friends.

First off yes I’m aware there are probably 500 threads with this information in it but I wanted to cut right to the chase.

Ok, I’m a 38 year old guy who is experiencing occasional PE. This has never really been a problem for me in the past.

Now over the last few years life has gotten very busy for my partner and I. We have two small children and demanding jobs. Sex is not the freedom it once was. We are doing it probably twice a week but now it is rushed and at odd hours.

If there is good foreplay I am ok but if we lube up and jump right into P in a V I’m good for like three minutes.

Even masterbation has become rushed so I’m basically training myself to finish faster.

At 38 I’m not looking for pills but want other suggestions.

More foreplay?
Edging?
Cock ring?

Hit me up with your thoughts. Here or Pm.

Thanks.

Not sure what part of the world you're from, but in Australia there are a number of Chinese medicine stores. It's not very well known but often the practitioners can usually help with sexual problems. A word of warning it does involve touch and stimulation, and usually from another male. If you can get over this, you could find your problem disappears.

 

[ctarrantella]

Hello friends.

First off yes I’m aware there are probably 500 threads with this information in it but I wanted to cut right to the chase.

Ok, I’m a 38 year old guy who is experiencing occasional PE. This has never really been a problem for me in the past.

Now over the last few years life has gotten very busy for my partner and I. We have two small children and demanding jobs. Sex is not the freedom it once was. We are doing it probably twice a week but now it is rushed and at odd hours.

If there is good foreplay I am ok but if we lube up and jump right into P in a V I’m good for like three minutes.

Even masterbation has become rushed so I’m basically training myself to finish faster.

At 38 I’m not looking for pills but want other suggestions.

More foreplay?
Edging?
Cock ring?

Hit me up with your thoughts. Here or Pm.

Thanks.

For starters, you are not alone!!
A lot of us are dealing with the same issues in one way or another.
Me included. It’s something I’ve been looking for answers on among some other issues, but very similar stories.

You lasting for ~3 minutes into penis-in-vagina sex doesn't surprise me. It's not common at all for two people to orgasm at the same time.

The most important thing is that there is mutual satisfaction. Does it really matter if you came in 3 minutes if you are happy and she is happy? You might think, "Well, she isn't happy." And there are ways to make her happy.

Your advice has taken me a long time to sink in.
My wife tells me how happy she is. I’ve also mastered going down on her to make sure she is taken care of, happy, and fulfilled.
However the one thing it does do to us, is play with our heads. None of us want to be that guy. And unfortunately, no matter how well you take care of your partners needs and they seem happy, it’s always in the back of your mind and your sexual self esteem is low. I wish I can change my thoughts about it. I just can’t.

Fear of your ability to perform also can contribute to this stress. So that communication with your partner can help open up where you might need to dig in and find out how to best improve your sexual wellbeing, and how to see what is or isn't actually a problem for you.

The other thing for me specifically, no matter how much my wife has reassured me that I’m great in bed. She loves the way I go down on her and make her happy, you still don’t believe what she is saying is true?

To build off the OPs question. What is an acceptable amount of time. For me and reading things I feel like if I can last an extra 2-5 minutes, break that 5 minute mark, all would be alright?

How long do most guys really last once they enter their partners? Is 3 minutes that far off? Or do we need to figure out a way to get to 5, or 7. Are men really having 20 minute P in V sessions?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Some good advice above.

First off, assuming you have a solid relationship and a loving, sympathetic wife, this is not just your problem, it's both your problem. Do some reading, talk to your doctor if need be. But talk to her. How does she feel about it? What can she suggest?

Kids and jobs are total buzzkills. You're not alone there.

Some suggestions:

Schedule time for sex. Yes, it's less spontaneous and all that, but sending the kids to grandparents every Wednesday night or hiring a sitter and hitting a motel in town gives you two a few hours in which there will be no demands, no phones no pressure. That will at least give you two regular time to relax.

Edging, if done properly, can indeed be a useful treatment for PE. And the great thing about it is that the two of you can have a lot of fun along the way.

Above all, realize that this is not a contest; nothing requires you two to follow a script ending in P-in-V copulation. The only goals are to have fun, to express love and to accept love. How you two do that is entirely up to you. Along the way, sir, you've got lips, a tongue and fingers, so there's no reason she has to end up unsatisfied.

With patience and trust, you can do this.

Good luck.

 

[ctarrantella]

First off, assuming you have a solid relationship and a loving, sympathetic wife, this is not just your problem, it's both your problem. Do some reading, talk to your doctor if need be. But talk to her. How does she feel about it? What can she suggest?

You are 100% correct. I do have a great marriage. We are in a bedroom rut. That’s a story for another thread.
I never thought to talk to her about. I have apologized constantly for it. She is amazing and tells me it’s fine, it means she is doing something right.

Some suggestions:

Schedule time for sex. Yes, it's less spontaneous and all that, but sending the kids to grandparents every Wednesday night or hiring a sitter and hitting a motel in town gives you two a few hours in which there will be no demands, no phones no pressure. That will at least give you two regular time to relax.

Edging, if done properly, can indeed be a useful treatment for PE. And the great thing about it is that the two of you can have a lot of fun along the way.

I’ve tried the schedule. For us it doesn’t work. Again, story for another thread. How do you edge properly?
Any chance you can recommend reading? Obviously I can just do a search for PE. Just wonder if you have.

Above all, realize that this is not a contest; nothing requires you two to follow a script ending in P-in-V copulation. The only goals are to have fun, to express love and to accept love. How you two do that is entirely up to you. Along the way, sir, you've got lips, a tongue and fingers, so there's no reason she has to end up unsatisfied.

With patience and trust, you can do this.

This is great advice. I always use my lips to satisfy her because of my issues. I just need to tell myself these things more. It’s a terrible feeling thinking your are inadequate in lasting. It plays with your mind on so many levels.
Thank you for your response.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I imagine that it must be most distressing. Focus on the fact that your wife is rooting for you; that’s so important! It means there’s all kind of room for optimism.

So far as links, I’m not sure the site permits them, but I’ll try and hope they will make an exception, given that we’re not plugging a business. The Mayo Clinic is as reputable as can be and they have a page on PE treatment. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases...-ejaculation/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20354905

Good luck to both of you!

 

[MikeLucas]

Wow I haven’t checked in on this thread in a while. Thanks for all the responses.

 

[tnhardon]

Hello friends.

First off yes I’m aware there are probably 500 threads with this information in it but I wanted to cut right to the chase.

Ok, I’m a 38 year old guy who is experiencing occasional PE. This has never really been a problem for me in the past.

Now over the last few years life has gotten very busy for my partner and I. We have two small children and demanding jobs. Sex is not the freedom it once was. We are doing it probably twice a week but now it is rushed and at odd hours.

If there is good foreplay I am ok but if we lube up and jump right into P in a V I’m good for like three minutes.

Even masterbation has become rushed so I’m basically training myself to finish faster.

At 38 I’m not looking for pills but want other suggestions.

More foreplay?
Edging?
Cock ring?

Hit me up with your thoughts. Here or Pm.

Thanks.

A lot of orgasming is mental. If you can refocus to something that isn’t what is going on that can help prolong sex, although you could argue that also takes some of the pleasure of sex away.

I’m in a similar boat to you. Young kids, busy lives, infrequent sex. If we have sex regularly, I generally last longer. If it has been a few weeks, I’m good for a few minutes. I wouldn’t say I’m prematurely ejaculating, rather ejaculating sooner than the situation might call for or that we’d prefer. There are times I can focus and outlast my wife, and then I feel rushed by her to finish the job.

A lot of it is finding what both of you want/need. Foreplay definitely can help, especially if you are trying to help her orgasm once/multiple times before you do. Added lubrication. Desensitizing creams or gels. There are plenty of solutions, but a lot of it comes down to what you all want and need.

 

[ctarrantella]

I’m in a similar boat to you. Young kids, busy lives, infrequent sex. If we have sex regularly, I generally last longer. If it has been a few weeks, I’m good for a few minutes. I wouldn’t say I’m prematurely ejaculating, rather ejaculating sooner than the situation might call for or that we’d prefer.

So I guess my question is to define a few minutes. Like legit 3 minutes. Because that's exactly how long I feel like I last.

 

[tnhardon]

So I guess my question is to define a few minutes. Like legit 3 minutes. Because that's exactly how long I feel like I last.

Yeah I’d say there are some times I’ve lasted three minutes. Not saying that’s how long I always last but it has been that short before. I do my best to hold off until my wife has cum or is close, but there are times I can’t control it. How long does it take your wife to cum? Do you feel like she isn’t satisfied with how long you last?

 

[tnhardon]

Yeah I’d say there are some times I’ve lasted three minutes. Not saying that’s how long I always last but it has been that short before. I do my best to hold off until my wife has cum or is close, but there are times I can’t control it. How long does it take your wife to cum? Do you feel like she isn’t satisfied with how long you last?

The reason I ask is that I think our needs with sex can ebb and flow. My wife and I don’t have the energy/endurance or time to spend an hour fucking, like we might have done when we were dating. Doesn’t mean that will always be the case, it is just the period of life we are currently in. The biggest question is whether you all are both being satisfied? If not, then find ways to attack that problem. If that means more foreplay or you finding ways to last longer.

 

[ctarrantella]

How long does it take your wife to cum? Do you feel like she isn’t satisfied with how long you last?

I usually go down on my wife either before I go inside her or after to make sure she is satisfied. She has no complaints on that end. I’ve talked to her about it and she has assured me she isn’t missing anything. I also know there are tons of women that can’t organs from men being inside them. And a ton who can. I can’t gauge what is or isn’t.

The biggest question is whether you all are both being satisfied? If not, then find ways to attack that problem. If that means more foreplay or you finding ways to last longer.

So, simple answer is yes. We are both always satisfied when we have sex one way or another.
My insecurities are about not lasting long. And I feel like not lasting long stops her from having an orgasm when I’m inside her. But, again, I make sure she has one either before I enter her or after. There is no doubt about us living each other.
Time, points in our lives, job, stress etc. has made the frequency of sex difficult. I’m currently on day 18 with no sex. So, his knows I’ll blow in a minute or two.
I’m always looking for different ways to make her cum or satisfy her even more than I currently do. Again, we need a serious talk.
I’m researching ways to last longer. I’m just trying to figure it out on my own and with the help of the boards.

 

[tnhardon]

I usually go down on my wife either before I go inside her or after to make sure she is satisfied. She has no complaints on that end. I’ve talked to her about it and she has assured me she isn’t missing anything. I also know there are tons of women that can’t organs from men being inside them. And a ton who can. I can’t gauge what is or isn’t.


So, simple answer is yes. We are both always satisfied when we have sex one way or another.
My insecurities are about not lasting long. And I feel like not lasting long stops her from having an orgasm when I’m inside her. But, again, I make sure she has one either before I enter her or after. There is no doubt about us living each other.
Time, points in our lives, job, stress etc. has made the frequency of sex difficult. I’m currently on day 18 with no sex. So, his knows I’ll blow in a minute or two.
I’m always looking for different ways to make her cum or satisfy her even more than I currently do. Again, we need a serious talk.
I’m researching ways to last longer. I’m just trying to figure it out on my own and with the help of the boards.

I don’t feel like there is much of an issue from the way you describe. I think you are in your own head about. By all means find ways to try and last longer if you feel like you need to, but it sounds very normal to me for this point of life.

 

[ctarrantella]

I don’t feel like there is much of an issue from the way you describe. I think you are in your own head about. By all means find ways to try and last longer if you feel like you need to, but it sounds very normal to me for this point of life.

Thank you. You have been awesome and helpful!

 

[tnhardon]

Actually just watched a video that talked about the average length of penetrative sex prior to ejaculation. A study of 500 couples found that the average length of time between first penetration and ejaculation was around 5 minutes. The study also asked the men how long they thought the optimal amount of time was and their average answer was 16 minutes. When asked how long the normal person lasted they said on average 9 minutes.

Shows many of us don’t realize what is normal or how long some of this stuff actually takes in practice.

 

[NightL]

This has never really been a problem for me in the past.

Now over the last few years life has gotten very busy for my partner and I. We have two small children and demanding jobs. Sex is not the freedom it once was. We are doing it probably twice a week but now it is rushed and at odd hours.

You have stated the cause so work hard at addressing and improving what has changed. I'm not suggesting giving up the children or the supporting/demanding jobs.

Do you have friends with children of similar age? You could arrange sharing child minding once a month (for a start) allowing both couples to have date nights. Work at planning a time and space where you can spend time with each other without the pressure of fitting it in. The path you are heading down could grow resentment toward sex. Are there grandparents close who could take the children for a night occasionally?

Both of you put your minds together on how to prioritise and organise home and family life better to allow date nights. This is not being selfish, it is important for both of you to have relaxed time with each other. Otherwise anxiety can build up resentment which can spill over on to other areas of your life including parenting or having the mental stamina for the demanding jobs.

If both of you have been respected in your fields to have demanding jobs then you should recognise that you both have the ability to think through this situation.

Quick sex too often risks becoming selfish in desires being satisfied - make the effort to get back to making love and giving to each other.

Be extra careful that your quick sex does not become formulated. It will lose the thrill, will raise anxiety, will raise resentment toward the act of sex and possibly toward each other.

Congratulations on the family, congratulations on your respective careers but make sure both of you make the space where you can give to each other. Not suggesting it is easy, but the extra effort is worth it.