12 Steps to Intimacy - Research Question

[wildsweetone]

Yesterday I stumbled across a website while researching a particular 'romance' theme.

Within the website was this:

Desmond Morris' 12 Steps to Intimacy

1. Eye to body
2. Eye to eye
3. Voice to voice
4. Hand to hand
5. Arm to shoulder
6. Arm to waist
7. Mouth to mouth
8. Hand to head
9. Hand to body
10. Mouth to breast
11. Hand to genitals
12. Genitals to genitals.

I admit to not having seen intimacy written this way before, but thought it very interesting.

I think that it's reasonable in the above sequence for romance stories, but what would the 12 steps to intimacy be for say... BDSM?

Having no experience with the gay lifestyle, would those steps above still be a basic foundation to gay intimate relationships?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

NB: I am not asking for specific personal details. Simply sharing thoughts.

 

[karmadog]

Desmond Morris is an astute observer of animal behavior. Although if he had worked in some of the bars I have, there would probably have been only 3 or 4 steps.

Check out his books 'The Naked Ape', and 'Cat-' and 'Dogwatching'. In 'Ape' he has some very interesting theories about the evolutionary purposes of breasts and lips.

PS If you still have the url of the website, would you PM it to me? I'm always interested in what Morris has to say. Thanks.

 

[peachykeen]

Desmond Morris is an astute observer of animal behavior. Although if he had worked in some of the bars I have, there would probably have been only 3 or 4 steps.

LOLOL as a former bartender and a big fan of Morris, I must concur. I would say it often goes 1, 7, 9, 12.

 

[jon.hayworth]

I think that Morris is OK so far - but what he does not take into account is technology.

How about when people become attracted to one another in this medium.

What is the process when both direct visual and physical contact is denied?

I would hypothesise the process is more like this -

1. Discovery that the parties have shared thought processes.

2. An exploration of personal values, establishing that the parties hold shared values.

3. The growth of attraction because remotness gives a sense of adventure.

Now I am getting lost but certainly in this case the process cannot be related to animal behaviour.

Any one else want to kick in some ideas.

jon

 

[Weird Harold]

How about when people become attracted to one another in this medium.

What is the process when both direct visual and physical contact is denied?
...
Now I am getting lost but certainly in this case the process cannot be related to animal behaviour.

I think the basic concept of the twelve steps still applies to cyber-attractions.

The wording does have to be changed a bit -- for example, Eye to body would become eye to words.

The basic concept of single attraction, mutual attraction, flirting, connecting, etc, still follows the basic animal instincts process even if the cues are different.

 

[Quasimodem]

I think the basic concept of the twelve steps still applies to cyber-attractions.

Except that an alternate fork, immediately following Step 11, could be 'discovery that they share the same sex'.

 

[jon.hayworth]

Oh Quasimodem fancy making the assumption that same sex automatically poses a problem.

For some people it would be a positive

For others a definite no no

My guess is that at some place it is checking out sexual orientation & gender. In an Internet / Remote relationship I would have thought step 3 or 4 at the latest - not sure.

jon

 

[Quasimodem]

Jon,

I was assuming that one is a guy purposely posing as a female, or vice versa.
[The former was a much more prevalent situation several years ago, especially when I wrote on Usenet.]

Of course, from what they post, or their writing, one can usually deduce their sex.
["You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time."]

This masquerade would disturb most people, not disturb many people, and be preferable to quite a few people.

If the hoax could be maintained until Step #11, think of the variety of stories there could be.


A male hoaxer comes to male hoaxed ones house. A female hoaxer comes to female hoaxed ones house.
The young male or female hoaxer comes to old male or female hoaxed house; and vice versa. [Standard Literocity Age Restrictions Warning.]

Mix in consent or non consent, bondage or unbound, non human or human, and/or several other categories. Imagine how varied the stories could be.

There probably are some stores already written on some of these premises, and this is just the right time for a shameless plug.

 

[wildsweetone]

peachykeen - looking at your AV I'd say you're up there at 9 already You're right though, not everyone follows the same steps.

jon - You've reminded me of something I was researching for a professor a little while back, Descartes Mind/Body Dualism.

I would suggest that while Morris' 12 steps are visual/physical-mental, the steps to intimacy using modern technology only, are visual/mental/physical.

1. Eye to word (messaging)
2. Word to mind/imagination (messaging)
3. Mind to mind (messaging)
4. Voice to voice (voice program)
5. Picture to picture (webcam)
6. Masturbation.

hmm I can't reach 12 steps...

Quasi, I haven't come across any stories written in the manner you suggested... there's a definate potential for them (the film industry began them years ago).

Yep, I'd like to know if there are any stories along Quasi's ideas here on Lit.

 

[horny_giraffe]

Desmond Morris is an astute observer of animal behavior. Although if he had worked in some of the bars I have, there would probably have been only 3 or 4 steps.

Check out his books 'The Naked Ape', and 'Cat-' and 'Dogwatching'. In 'Ape' he has some very interesting theories about the evolutionary purposes of breasts and lips.

PS If you still have the url of the website, would you PM it to me? I'm always interested in what Morris has to say. Thanks.

I have "Manwatching" at home. A nice illustrated guide to human gesture, touching, and appearance.

 

[RhymeFairy]

Been a while since this thread but I stumbled over it.

Very interesting ... cough reading