Tom Collins
Ho Ho Hic
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2005
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111 Wussiest Songs of all Time…Courtesy of AOL Music
Here are some highlights. These are the ones that I thought were kinda funny.
108. 'Wonderful Tonight'
Eric Clapton (1977)
Eric Clapton's romantic obsession with 'Layla' muse Patti Boyd also begot this quintessential prom theme. If 'Layla' is the sound of unrequited passion, 'Wonderful Tonight' is the sound of a man who has come to the realization that he's whipped.
92. 'Mandy'
Barry Manilow (1974)
This first chart hit from the man who would continually reset the bar for pop wussiness was a No. 1 smash. Astonishing stat: 10 of Bar's first 11 hits topped the adult contemporary chart. But for God's sake, somebody kiss the guy already and stop him from shakin'.
83. 'You're the Inspiration'
Chicago (1984)
If you entered "inspiration," "end of time," "heart & soul," "love" and "wussy" into an auto-song generator, this is the song it would spit out. Peter Cetera and co. were so unoffensive here, it's offensive. For the Muzak version, we imagine they just stripped out the vocals.
74. 'I Want To Know What Love Is'
Foreigner (1984)
After a hard-rockin' and hot-blooded '70s, our corporate-rock protagonist apparently encountered so much heartache and pain he didn't know if he could face it. Whaah. The gospel choir on the chorus seals in the wimpiness like a Ziploc baggy.
63. 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want'
The Smiths (1984)
Morrissey's famous moan graced every Smiths song there ever was, but it reached new levels of hopelessness on this shameless plea for affection. Writhing in self-pity and good manners, this tune remains the most castrated song of the modern rock era.
55. '(Everything I Do) I Do It for You'
Bryan Adams (1991)
Arguably the high (low?) point in a hit-making career heavily bogged down in schmaltz, which is another word for lard. Bonus points for serving as the theme song for 'Robin Hood' -- a Kevin Costner flick.
45. 'Don't Give Up On Us'
David Soul (1976)
Before this singer-turned-actor became famous as Starsky's Hutch, he was a regular on 'The Merv Griffin Show.' Appearing as the Covered Man, he performed folk songs in a ski mask. We kid you not.
34. 'I'll Be Missing You'
Puff Daddy and The Family (1997)
Further confusing those who thought the Police's 'Every Breath You Take' was a love song, Puffy turned it into this sappy hip-hop tribute to his fallen friend B.I.G. Awkward moment of the year: Sting singing backup at the 1997 MTV VMAs.
24. 'All Outta Love'
Air Supply (1980)
Robbed! That's what these Aussie wussies must feel about the indignity of seeing 23 titles above theirs. And they did everything right: woe-inducing string arrangements, insipid heartsick lyrics, a chorus that repeats itself 9,000 times -- with more and more emotion. Damn, this competition is tough.
17. 'Close To You'
Carpenters (1970)
The Carpenter siblings laid the groundwork for an unparalleled career in low self-esteem with their first big hit, a No. 1 tune written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Why do birds suddenly appear? Depends what kind. Vultures? Chicken hawks?
3. 'Ben'
Michael Jackson (1972)
Long before he was accused of anything unsavory, Michael Jackson's mind was in the gutter -- singing this screechy love song to a rat. Yep, Ben, the protagonist of the movie of the same name, was a heckuva guy, but he ate garbage. We wish we could say that rodent love songs stopped here, but see also 'Muskrat Love.'
2. 'Sometimes When We Touch'
Dan Hill (1997)
It doesn't get much softer than this soft-rock classic from a Torontonian who barely got it up for one more Top 40 hit a decade later. He wants to cuddle his beloved "til the fear in me subsides." By the sound of things, that could be awhile.
Sorry, but if you want to know what the #1 Wussiest Song of all Time is you’re gonna have to follow the link…I am evil that way…*
ish snicker*
Here are some highlights. These are the ones that I thought were kinda funny.
108. 'Wonderful Tonight'
Eric Clapton (1977)
Eric Clapton's romantic obsession with 'Layla' muse Patti Boyd also begot this quintessential prom theme. If 'Layla' is the sound of unrequited passion, 'Wonderful Tonight' is the sound of a man who has come to the realization that he's whipped.
92. 'Mandy'
Barry Manilow (1974)
This first chart hit from the man who would continually reset the bar for pop wussiness was a No. 1 smash. Astonishing stat: 10 of Bar's first 11 hits topped the adult contemporary chart. But for God's sake, somebody kiss the guy already and stop him from shakin'.
83. 'You're the Inspiration'
Chicago (1984)
If you entered "inspiration," "end of time," "heart & soul," "love" and "wussy" into an auto-song generator, this is the song it would spit out. Peter Cetera and co. were so unoffensive here, it's offensive. For the Muzak version, we imagine they just stripped out the vocals.
74. 'I Want To Know What Love Is'
Foreigner (1984)
After a hard-rockin' and hot-blooded '70s, our corporate-rock protagonist apparently encountered so much heartache and pain he didn't know if he could face it. Whaah. The gospel choir on the chorus seals in the wimpiness like a Ziploc baggy.
63. 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want'
The Smiths (1984)
Morrissey's famous moan graced every Smiths song there ever was, but it reached new levels of hopelessness on this shameless plea for affection. Writhing in self-pity and good manners, this tune remains the most castrated song of the modern rock era.
55. '(Everything I Do) I Do It for You'
Bryan Adams (1991)
Arguably the high (low?) point in a hit-making career heavily bogged down in schmaltz, which is another word for lard. Bonus points for serving as the theme song for 'Robin Hood' -- a Kevin Costner flick.
45. 'Don't Give Up On Us'
David Soul (1976)
Before this singer-turned-actor became famous as Starsky's Hutch, he was a regular on 'The Merv Griffin Show.' Appearing as the Covered Man, he performed folk songs in a ski mask. We kid you not.
34. 'I'll Be Missing You'
Puff Daddy and The Family (1997)
Further confusing those who thought the Police's 'Every Breath You Take' was a love song, Puffy turned it into this sappy hip-hop tribute to his fallen friend B.I.G. Awkward moment of the year: Sting singing backup at the 1997 MTV VMAs.
24. 'All Outta Love'
Air Supply (1980)
Robbed! That's what these Aussie wussies must feel about the indignity of seeing 23 titles above theirs. And they did everything right: woe-inducing string arrangements, insipid heartsick lyrics, a chorus that repeats itself 9,000 times -- with more and more emotion. Damn, this competition is tough.
17. 'Close To You'
Carpenters (1970)
The Carpenter siblings laid the groundwork for an unparalleled career in low self-esteem with their first big hit, a No. 1 tune written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Why do birds suddenly appear? Depends what kind. Vultures? Chicken hawks?
3. 'Ben'
Michael Jackson (1972)
Long before he was accused of anything unsavory, Michael Jackson's mind was in the gutter -- singing this screechy love song to a rat. Yep, Ben, the protagonist of the movie of the same name, was a heckuva guy, but he ate garbage. We wish we could say that rodent love songs stopped here, but see also 'Muskrat Love.'
2. 'Sometimes When We Touch'
Dan Hill (1997)
It doesn't get much softer than this soft-rock classic from a Torontonian who barely got it up for one more Top 40 hit a decade later. He wants to cuddle his beloved "til the fear in me subsides." By the sound of things, that could be awhile.
Sorry, but if you want to know what the #1 Wussiest Song of all Time is you’re gonna have to follow the link…I am evil that way…*
ish snicker*
