4 noobs

Netzach said:

ok, if anyone says anything catty I'll shove a 20 inch dildo up their bum. Leave the catty at the door, much as I love it.

Click to expand...

Netzach said:

20?

Come on, girlfriend, you KNOW how long that is....

even the most hardened of assbabies out there is bound to squeak.

Ben gay, I'll put ben gay all over it tooooo!

Click to expand...

graceanne said:

I'm not saying they won't squeek, or cry. But some of them like to squeek and cry. Remember, they're masochists. Now the bengay, that might be the deal breaker for them. lol

Click to expand...

Netzach said:

ok, if anyone says anything catty I'll shove a 20 inch dildo up their bum. Leave the catty at the door, much as I love it.

Noobs, deposit whatever question you want here or insight or whatever, I don't care if you are online or off or a fet freak or a 24/7 online gorean kajira.

Others chime in, remember the golden rule, no poo-pooing.

I can order that dildo online if I need it, I mean it!

Click to expand...

Betticus said:

Now, she is pretty damn dominant, outspoken, driven in her lifes goals, etc... I always sensed a submissive streak in her in bed though it took a while.

Astute. She's probably also proud, obstinate, independent and scared as shit. This is not how she wants to see herself.

So we spent time together and she tries to be tough and hard around me but it usually only takes me about twenty minutes to melt that facade away but this time it is different. She has finally admitted to me that she is submissive and has also just admitted it to herself. She is really not happy with the concept of being submissive right now and is still fighting it but it's in her nature and I agreed to be her Dom. I want to bring her to acceptance that being submissive is a good thing and will fulfill her once she's comfortable with it but this is entirely new to me. I mean, she just has admitted to herself that she's a sub!

These are internal issues, like it or not. She is the only one who can figure out how sub she is, in what aspects of her life (how far outside the bedroom does it go?) etc. All you can do at this rather tenuous stage is to listen, and ask the right questions, and try to remain emotionally uninvested and not *leading* in the answers. Very hard to do when you want that sub for yourself. But ultimately, if she answers the questions the way she thinks you want them to be answered instead of honestly, you are in for big trouble.

She is going to go to Florida for about a year so it's also going to be long distance just to add more difficulty. I want to accomplish several things with her initially.


I want to help her to be comfortable with her submissive nature



This is step one, in my mind. Everything else is kind of getting ahead of the game. If this doesn't happen, you are dead in the water. And this is not something you get to control. This is something she has to figure out, so, the more you are just calm, present, patient, and reasonable, the more this will take root, if she's indeed submissive. This is where you put the deposits into the trust bank.



I want to feel out and expand her submissiveness and fulfill her needs but I also want to do it in a way that leaves me firmly in control.


I want to bulletproof her from being manipulated by others and I want her little ass with me, eventually. I have the distinct feeling that she is a lot more submissive than even she admits to.

These are all withdrawls you can make from your eventually banked trust. This is step 2, 4, 8 etc.

Right now she will only admit to needing emotional support

Start there. If she's not admitting more, she's not feeling safe to admit more. Respecting that will go a long way, patience will go a long way. I'd point her towards other sub resources, towards other subs, towards writing by subs about their experiences that showcases the fact that submissive does not equal the things she probably feels it does at this point.

Click to expand...

Netzach said:

Betticus said:

Now, she is pretty damn dominant, outspoken, driven in her lifes goals, etc... I always sensed a submissive streak in her in bed though it took a while.

Astute. She's probably also proud, obstinate, independent and scared as shit. This is not how she wants to see herself.

That is right on the money. She is also beautiful, talented and intelligent.

So we spent time together and she tries to be tough and hard around me but it usually only takes me about twenty minutes to melt that facade away but this time it is different. She has finally admitted to me that she is submissive and has also just admitted it to herself. She is really not happy with the concept of being submissive right now and is still fighting it but it's in her nature and I agreed to be her Dom. I want to bring her to acceptance that being submissive is a good thing and will fulfill her once she's comfortable with it but this is entirely new to me. I mean, she just has admitted to herself that she's a sub!

These are internal issues, like it or not. She is the only one who can figure out how sub she is, in what aspects of her life (how far outside the bedroom does it go?) etc. All you can do at this rather tenuous stage is to listen, and ask the right questions, and try to remain emotionally uninvested and not *leading* in the answers. Very hard to do when you want that sub for yourself. But ultimately, if she answers the questions the way she thinks you want them to be answered instead of honestly, you are in for big trouble.

I do everything I can to give her comfortable room to think about everything. It does go outside of the bedroom quite a bit but only with me and then probably only because I've never shown her anything but courtesy and respect. She knows how important to me she is.

She is going to go to Florida for about a year so it's also going to be long distance just to add more difficulty. I want to accomplish several things with her initially.


I want to help her to be comfortable with her submissive nature



This is step one, in my mind. Everything else is kind of getting ahead of the game. If this doesn't happen, you are dead in the water. And this is not something you get to control. This is something she has to figure out, so, the more you are just calm, present, patient, and reasonable, the more this will take root, if she's indeed submissive. This is where you put the deposits into the trust bank.

Having no control over this is frustrating. I will do my best though to figure out where she is in this and encourage her. I still have a goal though and will have her but I've never hidden that from her. She knows exactly what I'm about.



I want to feel out and expand her submissiveness and fulfill her needs but I also want to do it in a way that leaves me firmly in control.


I want to bulletproof her from being manipulated by others and I want her little ass with me, eventually. I have the distinct feeling that she is a lot more submissive than even she admits to.

These are all withdrawls you can make from your eventually banked trust. This is step 2, 4, 8 etc.

I am hoping that it helps that I've told her this. I do talk to her about what I'm doing and why and what my intentions with her are. I don't do it in an overly aggressive way but she knows everything. She still buries herself in my shoulder and holds me in a way that lets me know she needs me.


Right now she will only admit to needing emotional support

Start there. If she's not admitting more, she's not feeling safe to admit more. Respecting that will go a long way, patience will go a long way. I'd point her towards other sub resources, towards other subs, towards writing by subs about their experiences that showcases the fact that submissive does not equal the things she probably feels it does at this point.

Click to expand...

It is pretty tricky, I'm there for all the support she needs but pushing her is counterproductive. She rebels very energetically in that case but if I open up and show her that I need her without mentioning anything else she will respond in time. Usually within a couple of days. It seems to go around her defenses to just let her figure it out on her own. I'm just concerned about being able to achieve my own personal goals while doing this, especially long distance. I'm trying to firmly establish myself as her Dom and lock out everyone else.

Click to expand...

Netzach said:

Thanks, appreciate the insights.


Oh, and people --especially men-- are often turned on by media that goes way out onto sexual limbs they may not ever actually go out onto - so don't let the stories or pics freak you badly.

So, very good to know!

Click to expand...

Betticus said:

It is pretty tricky, I'm there for all the support she needs but pushing her is counterproductive. She rebels very energetically in that case but if I open up and show her that I need her without mentioning anything else she will respond in time. Usually within a couple of days. It seems to go around her defenses to just let her figure it out on her own. I'm just concerned about being able to achieve my own personal goals while doing this, especially long distance. I'm trying to firmly establish myself as her Dom and lock out everyone else.

Click to expand...

Netzach said:

If you build the foundation I'm talking about, that's going to happen, no one else will remotely have a chance at making her feel safe enough to be herself, no one else will know her as well. Particularly alpha submissives/subs with assertive personalities tend to be very very very *picky* about who they submit to, guarded about that submission.

The fact that you are not pushing her into constant rebellions is going a long way with her, I will bet money.

Slowly, after this groundwork has been set, then you might start to introduce rules and boundaries and some complexity to it. But you will be doing that with someone who is more confident in her submissive self, it will be eminently easier and less likely to send her screaming.

I'm not saying don't be authoritative. I'm not saying let her walk on you. Set rules of respect now. Follow the rules you set towards her no matter what her behavior looks like. Don't tolerate shitty behavior now, but make obedience seem easy, sane, simple, do-able. Make obeying you seem perfectly natural and reasonable, issue natural and reasonable requests.

This is, in my experience, a way to *normalize* submission for the new submissive who is afraid I won't respect him in the morning.

Calm, unloaded things, for me and mine ....things like "Please get me another coffee, thank you darling...."
"I want you to go down on me"
"I like the way you look in the black corduroys, wear those."
Whatever those more mundane things are, your mileage will vary. See if you can make it almost feel like everyday life, not like submission.

Click to expand...