How do I warm up my frigid gf?

I'm frustrated. I can't put it any other way. I'm a 24 yr old male who is very sexual. I can't help it, I love sex. My girlfriend, who is 22, likes sex as well, but not at the levels that I do. Currently, I'm lucky if we have sex 2x a month and quite honestly, thats not enought for me. When we do have sex, it's very satisfying for the both of us, and she's got no complaints except she doesn't want it or "need" it all the time like I do. I need some help as to what to do. I need to do something. Thanks for you help guys and gals.

This is the point where you have to ask yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that?" If you are not both on the same sexual wavelength it can lead to trouble later. But before I sound like a player and all, I'd say give her time and discuss what is going on. There may be things on her mind and other things going on in her life that make her frigid. But if not, you may have to break her the news and move on.

Well she will never change, Get out while you can.
I thought i could change my G/F but you never will.



Sorry to be so blunt but, from my experiance its the truth

I dislike the term frigid, but I can certainly understand it. I call my first marriage my personal ice age.

If you expect that this relationship will result in something long term, you two need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. First off, understand one thing. You will NOT die if you don't get laid. So expecting her to come up to your level isn't right or reasonable. Instead you two need to work on a compromise that is acceptable to both of you. Sex is important to a relationship, but its not the only prime ingredient in the mix.

I will not immediately point out that two people on totally different levels as far as libidos go is a recipe for disaster or that you should dump her. These are warnings that there are potential problems in your relationship and you both need to work on them.

I'd first start by trying to find out why sex twice a month is acceptable to her, and why doesn't she want it more often? Perhaps she's not really enjoying it, or perhaps she has issues from a prior relationship or abuse which are inhibiting her. You will never know about any of these unless you start talking. Instead of accusing, or fighting, try calmly asking why, tell her you really want to know and understand it.

Perhaps you aren't meant to be together, but only by exposing this issue and exploring its ramafications will you be able to find out if it can be fixed. Perhaps she will refuse to even consider it a problem, in which case, I will say dump her. If your partner refuses to see a problem, even if you think it is, and refuses to acknowledge that your seeing it as a problem, IS A PROBLEM in and of itself, then she's too self centered for a relationship at this point in her life.

But you'll never know unless you talk with her.

wish said:

Well she will never change, Get out while you can.
I thought i could change my G/F but you never will.



Sorry to be so blunt but, from my experiance its the truth

Click to expand...

In a word, bullshit. Every person is different and to base your answer on the experience you've had with one person is unreasonable.

Besides, you can't change people, you can only make them aware of problems, and perhaps help them resolve them. If I had followed your advice I would have stayed single after my first marriage ended.

The key to any good relationship is being able to talk to your partner in an adult manner. Sometimes I think that communication must be a dying art despite the advances in technology. We have dozens of new ways to communicate these days, but we still seem to have problems talking to the one person that is supposed to mean more to us than anyone else in the world.

The above posters are mostly right (with the exception of Wish). Have you talked to her about it? Have you come to some sort of agreement or comprimise? How much do you love this woman (if at all) and how long are you willing to stick it out with her?
If you search through this forum's archives, you will find that there are many possible physical and psychological and emotional reasons why you're gf has a low sex drive (with one of the possible reasons being that she's not physically attracted to you....just a thought ). If this is something she's willing to work on for herself and for you and you are willing to see her through it, great. If she doesn't see anything wrong with her libido or doesn't want to meet you half way, move on.
By the way, calling her frigid is a malicious description that she most likely does not deserve (see statement above regarding multiple physical/psychological reasons for low sex drive). If i ever found out a guy had called me frigid, i'd make DAMN sure he never had sex with me again.

No offense meant

Dollface, I didn't mean to insult you or anyone else with the "frigid" comment. Just seems to me that whenever we're together and I attempt foreplay, she's not interested. We've talked about her lack of sex drive before and we are working at it. There is nothing in her past that would be considered traumatic in any way. She says that she still finds me very attractive so I don't see that being the problem either. I know that not everyone is interested in sex all the time and I respect that. I don't know if I'm pushing the wrong buttons or what. She's got no complaints in the bedroom, she just isn't always in the mood. I love this woman very very much and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to ensure a long healthy relationship. A guy just gets frustrated sometimes.

If she won't fuck you, get some on the side. I've had chicks like that, all you need is a slut. Best of both worlds.

Is she on the pill? Sometimes it can affect your sex drive and fixing that can be as easy as a trip to the doctor to discuss dosage. Just an idea.

She's on the patch. I don't know how much different the patch is from the pill. I guess I never thought of that being a possible cause. Any recommendations for a replacement to the patch? Do they come in different strengths?

Shaun1479 said:

She's on the patch. I don't know how much different the patch is from the pill. I guess I never thought of that being a possible cause. Any recommendations for a replacement to the patch? Do they come in different strengths?

Click to expand...

A "low dose" pill will have less of an impact on her libido, but they don't make a low dose patch that i know of.

Shaun1479 said:

I'm frustrated. I can't put it any other way. I'm a 24 yr old male who is very sexual. I can't help it, I love sex. My girlfriend, who is 22, likes sex as well, but not at the levels that I do. Currently, I'm lucky if we have sex 2x a month and quite honestly, thats not enought for me. When we do have sex, it's very satisfying for the both of us, and she's got no complaints except she doesn't want it or "need" it all the time like I do. I need some help as to what to do. I need to do something. Thanks for you help guys and gals.

Click to expand...

Hey, don't marry her! She'll want less and less and less..... the other posters that I read had it right.


My friend who didn't like/need sex when they were in their 20's, want no part of it at 50!

If she won't fuck you, get some on the side. I've had chicks like that, all you need is a slut. Best of both worlds.

Click to expand...

And the award for most useless help ever goes to you

nymphochristy said:

If she won't fuck you, get some on the side. I've had chicks like that, all you need is a slut. Best of both worlds.

Click to expand...

Sounds like a little self-promotion to me.

If she won't fuck you, get some on the side. I've had chicks like that, all you need is a slut. Best of both worlds.

Click to expand...

I pity you...i really pity you

Mary Hall said:

And the award for most useless help ever goes to you

Click to expand...

I have to say I completely agree with you. If I didn't want to work this out with my current gf, I'd have never asked for help to begin with.

nymphochristy needs some SERIOUS therapy in my mind

Have you tried one of the industrial-sized microwaves they use for irradiating beef?
They're large enough for a standing human, easily

Two times a month...it sounds like she HATES sex. Look...if you love her...talk to her about this. Let her know she drives you crazy and you would like to make love to her more often. Find out what is preventing her from enjoying sex and wanting it. IN the long run...if this is just who she is...realize things probably wont work and cut your losses. Cold...maybe. But if you stick around, in five years you will be kicking yourself for staying with her.

Mary Hall said:

nymphochristy needs some SERIOUS therapy in my mind

Click to expand...

Okay already... we UNDERSTAND YOUR OPINION.

Re: No offense meant

Shaun1479 said:

Just seems to me that whenever we're together and I attempt foreplay, she's not interested. We've talked about her lack of sex drive before and we are working at it. There is nothing in her past that would be considered traumatic in any way. She says that she still finds me very attractive so I don't see that being the problem either. I know that not everyone is interested in sex all the time and I respect that. I don't know if I'm pushing the wrong buttons or what. She's got no complaints in the bedroom, she just isn't always in the mood. I love this woman very very much and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to ensure a long healthy relationship. A guy just gets frustrated sometimes.

Click to expand...

How about this, is it possible that she doesn't care for your idea of what you may consider 'foreplay'?

Or that maybe she's afraid to admit to you about whether she really finds you attractive. interesting thing is you put the word 'still' attractive, was there ever a time she didn't consider you attractive in the bedroom?

Another possible idea is maybe she doesn't like your idea of sex and is afraid to voice a true complaint?

Another possibility is that she may be intimidated by your sexual experience, or maybe she's insecure about her body or how good of a lover she is?

There may be something she's not aware of what is blocking her emotionally. She might be completely oblivious of the fact that she's cold towards you.

Maybe she's subconciously punishing you, you may have inadvertly pushed her away by making her feel insecure.

There's another possibility that you are rushing her with sex or your quick to show your frustration. She maybe inadvently testing you and playing hard to get. And wants you to seriously put an effort into wooing her, instead of just wanting to fuck every other day. Maybe she doesn't feel loved when you are all hot and ready to hump her like dog in heat.

I could be completely wrong with all those theories, and please don't take it like I'm pointing a finger at you, as if your a bad person.

Hope this gives you something to think about.

Re: Re: No offense meant

Sensitiveguy708 said:

How about this, is it possible that she doesn't care for your idea of what you may consider 'foreplay'?

Or that maybe she's afraid to admit to you about whether she really finds you attractive. interesting thing is you put the word 'still' attractive, was there ever a time she didn't consider you attractive in the bedroom?

Another possible idea is maybe she doesn't like your idea of sex and is afraid to voice a true complaint?

Another possibility is that she may be intimidated by your sexual experience, or maybe she's insecure about her body or how good of a lover she is?

There may be something she's not aware of what is blocking her emotionally. She might be completely oblivious of the fact that she's cold towards you.

Maybe she's subconciously punishing you, you may have inadvertly pushed her away by making her feel insecure.

There's another possibility that you are rushing her with sex or your quick to show your frustration. She maybe inadvently testing you and playing hard to get. And wants you to seriously put an effort into wooing her, instead of just wanting to fuck every other day. Maybe she doesn't feel loved when you are all hot and ready to hump her like dog in heat.

I could be completely wrong with all those theories, and please don't take it like I'm pointing a finger at you, as if your a bad person.

Hope this gives you something to think about.

Click to expand...

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the great advice sweetie. I couldn't get it thru my hubby's head that he's got to do more than grab my ass while doing dishes to get me turned on and that my clit is there for a reason. I also don't want to be sensual with him if he's stoned because it's a real turn off. He doesn't touch me nearly the way I need to be touched yet he keeps on doing it. Also I need someone to fuck my mind. I need to get in the mood mentally or the physical aspect is just aweful.

This is very crude but true.......maybe regular old cock in cunt sex is boring to her after about the 20 thousandth time and she needs a little more variety.

I just told my husband again this weekend that I was frustrated and upset with our sex life. I've talked with him on many ocassions but nothing ever changes. I was really upset and crying this time. He better take me serious or I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him soooo much and find him very attractive, but he is just not what I want in a lover.

Re: Re: Re: No offense meant

TxBelle said:

I just told my husband again this weekend that I was frustrated and upset with our sex life. I've talked with him on many ocassions but nothing ever changes. I was really upset and crying this time. He better take me serious or I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him soooo much and find him very attractive, but he is just not what I want in a lover.

Click to expand...

Belle, have you tried telling him in plain english how he's hurting you and threatening your relationship. Is he aware of your frustration, and also aware of the implied threat that his continued unconcern may result in ending the relationship?

We guys are pretty stupid when it comes to reading between the lines. So it might not be a bad idea to sit down one day and bluntly tell him, if things don't change, I'm leaving.

You also might explore why he seems to be having problems being intimate, but to be honest, your comment about his being stoned was a major red flag. A little recreational drugs now and then might be ok, but if its a common occurance, he has more than just a problem with being intimate.

No one liked my idea?