Defining Love

It's time to pose a few questions and open up a place for some serious discussion of an important topic: love.

To begin: What is your definition of love?

What experiences helped shape your definition?

What have you read that helped form your definition?

Taking familial love as a given, what other forms of love can you identify?

What are the limits on loving? Can we love more than one person at a time (again, all outside the category of familial love)?

What freedom do we gain through love? What constraints do we take on through love?

What is the difference between being in love and loving someone?

I guess that will do for starters.

Starters Yankee! It would take me a number of life times to discover the answers. Of course I could just wait around a while and read the posts

OK here's the dictionary's definition of love:

Main Entry: 1love
Pronunciation: 'l&v
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please
Date: before 12th century
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b : an assurance of love <give her my love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love> b (1) : a beloved person : DARLING -- often used as a term of endearment (2) British -- used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : LOVE AFFAIR
7 : the sexual embrace : COPULATION
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)
9 capitalized, Christian Science : GOD
- at love : holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis
- in love : inspired by affection


Main Entry: 2love
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved; lov·ing
Date: before 12th century
transitive senses
1 : to hold dear : CHERISH
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : CARESS (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in <loved to play the violin>
4 : to thrive in <the rose loves sunlight>
intransitive senses : to feel affection or experience desire

Now that I've bored everyone with the 'official' definition I'll take one of your questions.

What are the limits on loving? Can we love more than one person at a time (again, all outside the category of familial love)?

Click to expand...

I'm not sure there are any limits on loving if you give yourself permission to love.

Some people talk about their one true love...the person that's meant for them...finding their soul mate. While I'm happy for them, I don't see if there is only one true love for us how we explain people that enter into more than one loving relationship...say those who have been married more than once. Do we say that we were mistaken with the first spouse...that it's only the second spouse that is the 'one'?

If it's possible to love more than one person in serial relationships, why can't it be possible to love more than one person simultaneously? Who determines that you can't meet them both at the same time? I think the answer to that is cultural...societal. Our society expects monogamy so most people live up to societal expectations....often with serial monogamy. In other cultures that don't expect monogamy, people are quite capable of loving more than one person at a time. Is a person's capacity for love different in these situations? I think not.


I do know that for me it's possible to love more than one person at a time.

Interesting idea, WW, to start off with the dictionary definitions.

In some ways, the word "love" is grossly overused so I am hoping that this can be a place where we can gather and sort out what we really mean when we say we love someone or that we are in love with someone.

What do these phrases mean to you, Playgrounders?

Good Evening my friend! I'am very glad to see this thread even if you DID make the entrance a bit overwhelming

I think that we tend to say we Love someone as in generally the love of a friend, brother, child, acquaintance and sometimes our spouse, but we all search to be "IN LOVE" as in that one person who sets your world on fire, tames your heart, the romance of it is different then the actual if that make any sense, we tend to use the word Love without hesitation (i.e.) Oh I just love that! Because we all know that LOVE is important so we use it freely openly to show others that this does mean something to us..

Ever notice how when you get this really deep love for someone, that the word itself really doesn't seem big enough? You ever find yourself wishing that you could find a new word a BIGGER word to make someone understand what they mean to you? Is this because we use the word "Love" so freely? I think maybe its because of that we well most of us, get lost thinking we need to understand love more

as for myself, well I use the word freely and I mean it as well! sometimes I mean it from the depth of my soul, and other times I mean it from the slight of my mind,
I'am not sure but I think I may have ask more then I answered ~smile~

Damn it Yank...

You put enough topics of conversation on the subject out there right off the bat to run this thread forever!!! ~smile~ You must be a lawyer...ok, one at a time.

______________________________________
To begin: What is your definition of love?
______________________________________
To me there are different degrees and nuances of love. There is the love of family. Romantic love. Love of something, like good food or music.

All involve passion to one extent or another.

When it comes to Love in an interpersonal relationship, romantic or not, one thing that defines it to me is would I lay down my life for this person? Love is of the heart and soul.

Well.... MWY... I'm a bit drunk tonight but.....

I try not to say the word lightly but if I use it, I MEAN IT!!!

Will try to elaborate more tomorrow when I can rationalize better...



LizA

Re: Damn it Yank...

Originally posted by 69forever
You put enough topics of conversation on the subject out there right off the bat to run this thread forever!!! ~smile~ You must be a lawyer...ok, one at a time.

______________________________________
To begin: What is your definition of love?
______________________________________
To me there are different degrees and nuances of love. There is the love of family. Romantic love. Love of something, like good food or music.

All involve passion to one extent or another.

When it comes to Love in an interpersonal relationship, romantic or not, one thing that defines it to me is would I lay down my life for this person? Love is of the heart and soul.

Click to expand...

69 would it be sufficient to say you put the other person's well being ahead of yours?

Experiences...

______________________________________
What experiences helped shape your definition?
______________________________________

hmmmmm, where to start? Except for the years after my last divorce, when I covered my heart and soul in a protective layer, I have always been a Romantic. Ruled by my heart and soul.

I didn't truly understand it all (do I?) until I finally came upon my spirituality. Believing in past lives and future ones, gives me a whole new perspective on love. It opens up your heart and soul to everyone's Humanity. It makes me see that in order to be fulfilled and grow, I put others first...sometimes no matter the cost.

Being shown unconditional love...makes you stop and look at how you love. I no longer take it for granted.

Re: Re: Damn it Yank...

wicked woman said:

69 would it be sufficient to say you put the other person's well being ahead of yours?

Click to expand...

Lol! see the post above. Yes.

Re: Re: Re: Damn it Yank...

Originally posted by 69forever
Lol! see the post above. Yes.

Click to expand...

Promise I don't read minds

Love means so many different things to different people. During my life, I've found myself to love deeply. When I give my love to someone, it is true. I always thought I would never find
unconditional love except for the love of my mother. All of sudden,
I realize that I give unconditional love. I put everyone before myself. I think I've finally grown up and I'm ready to love like I want to be loved. and I think I'm babbling..........

whspr

Re: Damn it Yank...

69forever said:

You put enough topics of conversation on the subject out there right off the bat to run this thread forever!!! ~smile~ You must be a lawyer...ok, one at a time.

______________________________________
To begin: What is your definition of love?
______________________________________
To me there are different degrees and nuances of love. There is the love of family. Romantic love. Love of something, like good food or music.

All involve passion to one extent or another.

When it comes to Love in an interpersonal relationship, romantic or not, one thing that defines it to me is would I lay down my life for this person? Love is of the heart and soul.

Click to expand...

Nope, not a lawyer, and the legal profession is probably better off as a result.

What strikes me in this response, 69, is the word "passion." I think you're right that passion ought to be an essential element in love, though I doubt if people can maintain true passion for very long. It's a bright lamp to keep trimmed year after year. But I suspect that if passion does not exist, at least at first, then there may be some limitations on where that love can go in the future.

GoddessOfSouls said:

Good Evening my friend! I'am very glad to see this thread even if you DID make the entrance a bit overwhelming

I think that we tend to say we Love someone as in generally the love of a friend, brother, child, acquaintance and sometimes our spouse, but we all search to be "IN LOVE" as in that one person who sets your world on fire, tames your heart, the romance of it is different then the actual if that make any sense, we tend to use the word Love without hesitation (i.e.) Oh I just love that! Because we all know that LOVE is important so we use it freely openly to show others that this does mean something to us..

Ever notice how when you get this really deep love for someone, that the word itself really doesn't seem big enough? You ever find yourself wishing that you could find a new word a BIGGER word to make someone understand what they mean to you? Is this because we use the word "Love" so freely? I think maybe its because of that we well most of us, get lost thinking we need to understand love more

as for myself, well I use the word freely and I mean it as well! sometimes I mean it from the depth of my soul, and other times I mean it from the slight of my mind,
I'am not sure but I think I may have ask more then I answered ~smile~

Click to expand...

Goddess, thanks for stopping by to share a thought. And sorry about the entrance; I just wanted people to have something to think about so it would be easier to get a discussion started.

And I agree with you completely about scale. There are times when this simple word just doesn't seem to be enough to describe what is going on in your heart.

TantaLiza said:

Well.... MWY... I'm a bit drunk tonight but.....

I try not to say the word lightly but if I use it, I MEAN IT!!!

Will try to elaborate more tomorrow when I can rationalize better...



LizA

Click to expand...

I'm sure you do mean it when you use it. And I'm looking forward to seeing what else you have to say.

whspr said:

Love means so many different things to different people. During my life, I've found myself to love deeply. When I give my love to someone, it is true. I always thought I would never find
unconditional love except for the love of my mother. All of sudden,
I realize that I give unconditional love. I put everyone before myself. I think I've finally grown up and I'm ready to love like I want to be loved. and I think I'm babbling..........

whspr

Click to expand...

Whspr, I don't think you're babbling at all. One of the requirements to be a loving person, in my opinion, is that we have to be able to love ourselves first. Only then can we extend ourselves outward to truly care for another in the deepest way.

Re: Re: Damn it Yank...

midwestyankee said:

Nope, not a lawyer, and the legal profession is probably better off as a result.

What strikes me in this response, 69, is the word "passion." I think you're right that passion ought to be an essential element in love, though I doubt if people can maintain true passion for very long. It's a bright lamp to keep trimmed year after year. But I suspect that if passion does not exist, at least at first, then there may be some limitations on where that love can go in the future.

Click to expand...

The word passion, like love, have different levels of meaning, and it's not just semantics. Saying "I have a passsion for life" is different than "a passionate evening".

Passion alone in a relationship with a lover will not sustain that relationship. It is the trust, communication and complete honesty which do that. GoS and I were just discussing this tonight.

Being in a LDR and not seeing each other often enough...not being together for more than a few days, right now, passion tends to take on an added urgency. We understand that, but at the same time realize that there is already so much more, in how we have approached this relationship.

I find there are all degrees of Love....

I love my Mother and children...

I love my friends....

I love my dog....

I love sunny days....

But to Love...Love??? I don't know if I can answer that. All I can give you is what I want Love to be.

Love to me is looking into someones eyes and finding their soul. Their Kiss tells you how they feel and you can express how you feel with a kiss. Love shouldn't hurt. You should be able to talk freely and express yourself. Respect is part of Love. Caring is part of Love. Passion is also a part of Love and a big one. Having Passion during your Love making is part of Love. Being able to Feel the person your with even when your not with them is Love. Love should give you the feeling that you could never be without them in your Life.

Now I too am babbling....

What is love?

Thinking of you keeps me awake.
Dreaming of you keeps me asleep.
Being with you keeps me alive.

- Robyn Jorgensen -

1sexylady said:

I find there are all degrees of Love....

I love my Mother and children...

I love my friends....

I love my dog....

I love sunny days....

But to Love...Love??? I don't know if I can answer that. All I can give you is what I want Love to be.

Love to me is looking into someones eyes and finding their soul. Their Kiss tells you how they feel and you can express how you feel with a kiss. Love shouldn't hurt. You should be able to talk freely and express yourself. Respect is part of Love. Caring is part of Love. Passion is also a part of Love and a big one. Having Passion during your Love making is part of Love. Being able to Feel the person your with even when your not with them is Love. Love should give you the feeling that you could never be without them in your Life.

Now I too am babbling....

Click to expand...

This doesn't sound like babbling to me....

What I sense here is your belief in a strong spiritual connection with your beloved. In my view, that happens as a matter of course with deep love. And it makes deep love thrilling and satisfying.

I will disagree, gently though, with one thing you said. I think that love often does hurt. To put it more accurately, we sometimes hurt because we love. Let me try to explain myself.

Imagine that you love someone deeply (and if you're lucky you don't have to imagine, do you?) and invest a lot of your spiritual energy in wanting this person to live a good and fulfilling life. But then that person makes a choice that leads him or her into a place of pain or fear. You would ache in sympathy with your beloved in that case because you would desperately wish your beloved to have no pain. But that isn't so and you ache along with your beloved. You hurt because you love in this case.

Now, if you meant that in love we do not hurt our beloved, then I will agree. For love is a verb and it is in our actions that we prove our love and exercise our love. In loving actions we do not hurt. A mother may deprive her son of a favorite toy for an afternoon in order to teach him the discipline of sharing it with others. And the boy may cry. But it is a loving action to teach our children self discipline.

I hope this makes sense to you who read it.

midwestyankee said:

This doesn't sound like babbling to me....

What I sense here is your belief in a strong spiritual connection with your beloved. In my view, that happens as a matter of course with deep love. And it makes deep love thrilling and satisfying.

I will disagree, gently though, with one thing you said. I think that love often does hurt. To put it more accurately, we sometimes hurt because we love. Let me try to explain myself.

Imagine that you love someone deeply (and if you're lucky you don't have to imagine, do you?) and invest a lot of your spiritual energy in wanting this person to live a good and fulfilling life. But then that person makes a choice that leads him or her into a place of pain or fear. You would ache in sympathy with your beloved in that case because you would desperately wish your beloved to have no pain. But that isn't so and you ache along with your beloved. You hurt because you love in this case.

Now, if you meant that in love we do not hurt our beloved, then I will agree. For love is a verb and it is in our actions that we prove our love and exercise our love. In loving actions we do not hurt. A mother may deprive her son of a favorite toy for an afternoon in order to teach him the discipline of sharing it with others. And the boy may cry. But it is a loving action to teach our children self discipline.

I hope this makes sense to you who read it.

Click to expand...

It makes alot of sense and I agree fully. ***Now, if you meant that in love we do not hurt our beloved, then I will agree. For love is a verb and it is in our actions that we prove our love and exercise our love. In loving actions we do not hurt.*** is exactly what I meant.....you just said it better. Thank you.

Originally posted by midwestyankee
I will disagree, gently though, with one thing you said. I think that love often does hurt. To put it more accurately, we sometimes hurt because we love. Let me try to explain myself.

<...>

Now, if you meant that in love we do not hurt our beloved, then I will agree. For love is a verb and it is in our actions that we prove our love and exercise our love. In loving actions we do not hurt. A mother may deprive her son of a favorite toy for an afternoon in order to teach him the discipline of sharing it with others. And the boy may cry. But it is a loving action to teach our children self discipline.

I hope this makes sense to you who read it.

Click to expand...

Yankee are you suggesting that in the real world people don't hurt the one they love? Surely in an ideal world I would agree with this but in the real world I have difficulty. I think all sorts of people are hurt by others that love them...we are human after all. Even in your example above...while the mother's intent may be loving, the son may well be hurt...even if momentarily.

wicked woman said:

Yankee are you suggesting that in the real world people don't hurt the one they love? Surely in an ideal world I would agree with this but in the real world I have difficulty. I think all sorts of people are hurt by others that love them...we are human after all. Even in your example above...while the mother's intent may be loving, the son may well be hurt...even if momentarily.

Click to expand...

If I may I said "Love shouldn't hurt". Of course sometimes it does and always will but it shouldn't. Our actions show love and our actions shouldn't hurt the ones we love. Not a surface hurt a deep hurt. Hope I am making sense.....So I will use this example and see if it makes sense.... I love Joe and I tell him he is gaining weight which can hurt him but that is a surface hurt. I love Joe and I go off with someone else.....a bit deeper I think.

Originally posted by 1sexylady
If I may I said "Love shouldn't hurt". Of course sometimes it does and always will but it shouldn't. Our actions show love and our actions shouldn't hurt the ones we love. Not a surface hurt a deep hurt. Hope I am making sense.....So I will use this example and see if it makes sense.... I love Joe and I tell him he is gaining weight which can hurt him but that is a surface hurt. I love Joe and I go off with someone else.....a bit deeper I think.

Click to expand...

ah fine distinction with 'shouldn't'...that puts it in the ideal world I mentioned...gotcha then...thanks for the clarification.

wicked woman said:

Yankee are you suggesting that in the real world people don't hurt the one they love? Surely in an ideal world I would agree with this but in the real world I have difficulty. I think all sorts of people are hurt by others that love them...we are human after all. Even in your example above...while the mother's intent may be loving, the son may well be hurt...even if momentarily.

Click to expand...

In the real world we hurt our beloveds far too often. We are fallible, human, weak, petty, and sometimes just plain mean even when we don't intend such things.

My point was about loving as a verb. Acts of love are not intended to hurt. Loving acts, such as the mother disciplining her child or a lover trying to help a beloved come to grips with a personal, might sting but are not hurtful in their nature.

I hope this clears it up.