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BDSM through the lifespan

catalina_francisco

catalina_francisco

Happily insatiable always
Joined
Jul 29, 2002
Posts
18,730
For some of us here, BDSM in whatever combination or flavour we prefer, is not a whimsical, here today, gone tomorrow thing, instead being an integral part of our lives from this point forth. I was wondering if anyone has given thought to the longterm and how it will fit into our life when we are no longer as physically active in everyday life, and perhaps with additional health problems that sometimes accompany the journey into old age.

IMHO it is simple to think, 'well by then I will not be interested anymore' etc., but realistically if it is such a big part of our present lives, perhaps the very fabric by which we weave it, how can one contemplate eradicating it from your life completely? So do you have plans for how to adapt it to fit your capabilities and that of your Dominant or sub? Perhaps the addition of a slave to care for both? :) Can you see yourself in the retirement village still practicing your D/s, B/D, etc.?

Catalina
 
from childhood i have been submissive, and i seriously doubt it will just go away as i get old. so yes, i'll still be bending over knees promising to be a good girl when i'm a little old lady (i suspect i'll shrink to teeny proportions)
 
Yes, I've given it quite a bit of thought. I don't have firm plans though. All I can say is I believe we will adapt. It will not go away from my life.
 
Interesting question.

i used to think that i would be involved in the lifestyle in some capacity when i reached my "golden years." Whether that was in the mentor role, provider of information in some format (read that as direction to books, websites, etc. which is more my speed) or working for an organization dedicated to the advocacy of bdsm-related rights. *wrinkles nose* i sound like a crusader, but that is what came to mind. Those avenues are ideally suited for me i think.

lara
 
i doubt that bdsm will be a part of my life forever. D/s yes, M/s yes, but bdsm? no. so yes i make a distinction between the three.

i was born a submissive and i will die a submissive, just as i was born with brown eyes and will die with brown eyes. that is nothing i have any control over, it's just who i am. as for what i will be doing as far as physical activities, and for how long, i don't know. i have an extreme fear of aging. i already feel too old, and i am 22. with each year i feel closer and closer (generation/age wise) to my Master, which makes me very very uncomfortable. my comfort is in the extreme generational gap between us, and when that gap is gone, i will feel more like his "peer", his equal in a sense, and that will be very unnatural for me. i also think of purely superficial things, like, how many men will want to use me when my breasts are hanging to my belly button and my face is full of wrinkles?? yuck!! i can't imagine myself having sex at all at an old age. gosh this is a depressing topic. i simply don't wish to grow old, so i don't think of what i will be doing with myself when i am old. i don't plan on being around at that stage.
 
This thread reminded me of the joke about the aged dominant who wanted to punish his submissive. He held out his hand, and told her to run backwards into it 100 times.

I don't think the mental or emotional relationship will change that much, but there will be physical problems that come into play eventually. Hormones (or lack of them), arthritis, heart conditions... and so many more. Thank goodness there are medicines available to help with age-related problems, and the effects of aging on sexual function.

I believe that you may become more compassionate with one another because of the bond that you share. Living the D/s lifestyle, in my opinion, is much more intense than the norm.

Soron and I have begun exploring short and long term goals, using an outline located here:

Determining Relationship Goals
http://www.bdsmu.com/page_training_goals.html

Although it was meant to be part of a slave training guide (lol), it provided a good base for opening a dialogue on relationship goals, where you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. We are already at the midway point in our lives, so looking ahead is a necessity - not something to put off for later.

He outlined how he might like to be involved in the lifestyle later on, but I'll leave that for him to discuss if he decides to post here.
 
Arden said:
This thread reminded me of the joke about the aged dominant who wanted to punish his submissive. He held out his hand, and told her to run backwards into it 100 times.

I don't think the mental or emotional relationship will change that much, but there will be physical problems that come into play eventually. Hormones (or lack of them), arthritis, heart conditions... and so many more. Thank goodness there are medicines available to help with age-related problems, and the effects of aging on sexual function.

I believe that you may become more compassionate with one another because of the bond that you share. Living the D/s lifestyle, in my opinion, is much more intense than the norm.

Soron and I have begun exploring short and long term goals, using an outline located here:

Determining Relationship Goals
http://www.bdsmu.com/page_training_goals.html

Although it was meant to be part of a slave training guide (lol), it provided a good base for opening a dialogue on relationship goals, where you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. We are already at the midway point in our lives, so looking ahead is a necessity - not something to put off for later.

He outlined how he might like to be involved in the lifestyle later on, but I'll leave that for him to discuss if he decides to post here.
Click to expand...

I think you and Soron have hit on something very important. thanks for sharing. Goal setting is very good, and D/s relationships do need to keep moving, growing, changing, adapting, etc.

What better way to keep the momentum but by setting goals?
 
I love it Arden, thank you very much for sharing.


And I personally don't see this not being part of my life at any time in the future. I fully expect things to change, don't get me wrong -- obviously with extended age certain activities become more difficult. But adaptations will surely be made, and the basic foundations will always still be there.
 
I'm with Bunny... I'm 5'2 now... I'm scared of old age shrinkage.

But when I was younger and experimenting I've found that sub-ness is fulfilling and it completes a part of me that can't be filled any other way. I've tried alot of things, and only look foward to more but it is definetly something that will follow me to my tiny grave :) and I mean that lovingly.
 
BlueSugar said:
I'm with Bunny... I'm 5'2 now... I'm scared of old age shrinkage.
Click to expand...


i sure hope i don't shrink much, being 4'10 doesn't leave me much to shrink now does it?

As for 'aging' into the lifestyle, my grandparents practiced the lifestyle until the day my Grandfather passed away. Sure, it changed over the years and i am positive the physical aspects faded, but the mental and emotional only grew more intense.
 
I can tell you as one of the older people who post here, that age is in your mind...

Of course your body goes through changes... and I can't kneel as long as I used to or stand for hours attached to a spreader bar before the knees and hips start to ache... but in my mind I am still in my 20's and I don't allow my physical self to limit my ability to perform for Himself...

I rather pity those of you who cannot imagine sex in your 40's or 50's... I can tell you it is much better than it ever was in my 20's...
 
ownedsubgal said:
i doubt that bdsm will be a part of my life forever. D/s yes, M/s yes, but bdsm? no. so yes i make a distinction between the three.

i was born a submissive and i will die a submissive, just as i was born with brown eyes and will die with brown eyes. that is nothing i have any control over, it's just who i am. as for what i will be doing as far as physical activities, and for how long, i don't know. i have an extreme fear of aging. i already feel too old, and i am 22. with each year i feel closer and closer (generation/age wise) to my Master, which makes me very very uncomfortable. my comfort is in the extreme generational gap between us, and when that gap is gone, i will feel more like his "peer", his equal in a sense, and that will be very unnatural for me. i also think of purely superficial things, like, how many men will want to use me when my breasts are hanging to my belly button and my face is full of wrinkles?? yuck!! i can't imagine myself having sex at all at an old age. gosh this is a depressing topic. i simply don't wish to grow old, so i don't think of what i will be doing with myself when i am old. i don't plan on being around at that stage.
Click to expand...

Isn't he aging at the same rate as you are?

Just a note on enjoying sex when you're older. It really does get better! You no longer have the pressures of youth, worries about what you're going to do with your life careerwise, wondering if you're ever going to ever get married or have kids, wondering where life is leading you in general. You really know who you are by mid-life, and if you've made wise decisions, you're more comfortable with yourself than you've ever been before. It does translate into good sex because you know yourself, and are no longer motivated to be the perfect sex goddess. You can still be the best submissive or slave you can be, yet accept that you don't have to be perfect. If your Master dumps you for a perfect woman with no wrinkles, he isn't worthy of you. That would be his problem, not yours.

If you worry about how your body may look then, you can join a health club to stay in shape. While it's true that your metabolism slows with age, you don't have to let those changes affect you unless you want to. If you can't handle breasts hanging to your navel (rarely happens, by the way) you can have reduction surgery if you're that vain. Wrinkles? I've got more than a few - spent way too many years sunbathing and it took it's toll. Wrinkles - laugh lines and creases by your eyes that light your entire face when you smile can be alluring to many men. Don't discount your potential attractiveness in the future because of the views you have of aging now. If you allow yourself to accept the age process, you'll be fine. ;)
 
cellis said:
I rather pity those of you who cannot imagine sex in your 40's or 50's... I can tell you it is much better than it ever was in my 20's...
Click to expand...
So very true. ;)
 
Arden said:
This thread reminded me of the joke about the aged dominant who wanted to punish his submissive. He held out his hand, and told her to run backwards into it 100 times.

I don't think the mental or emotional relationship will change that much, but there will be physical problems that come into play eventually. Hormones (or lack of them), arthritis, heart conditions... and so many more. Thank goodness there are medicines available to help with age-related problems, and the effects of aging on sexual function.

I believe that you may become more compassionate with one another because of the bond that you share. Living the D/s lifestyle, in my opinion, is much more intense than the norm.

Soron and I have begun exploring short and long term goals, using an outline located here:

Determining Relationship Goals
http://www.bdsmu.com/page_training_goals.html

Although it was meant to be part of a slave training guide (lol), it provided a good base for opening a dialogue on relationship goals, where you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. We are already at the midway point in our lives, so looking ahead is a necessity - not something to put off for later.

He outlined how he might like to be involved in the lifestyle later on, but I'll leave that for him to discuss if he decides to post here.
Click to expand...

Arden,
Thanks for sharing such a great link! I am going to send this page to Himself to add to the Dom Handbook that He has been writing for the last 2 years!
 
Arden said:
This thread reminded me of the joke about the aged dominant who wanted to punish his submissive. He held out his hand, and told her to run backwards into it 100 times.

I don't think the mental or emotional relationship will change that much, but there will be physical problems that come into play eventually. Hormones (or lack of them), arthritis, heart conditions... and so many more. Thank goodness there are medicines available to help with age-related problems, and the effects of aging on sexual function.

I believe that you may become more compassionate with one another because of the bond that you share. Living the D/s lifestyle, in my opinion, is much more intense than the norm.

Soron and I have begun exploring short and long term goals, using an outline located here:

Determining Relationship Goals
http://www.bdsmu.com/page_training_goals.html

Although it was meant to be part of a slave training guide (lol), it provided a good base for opening a dialogue on relationship goals, where you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. We are already at the midway point in our lives, so looking ahead is a necessity - not something to put off for later.

He outlined how he might like to be involved in the lifestyle later on, but I'll leave that for him to discuss if he decides to post here.
Click to expand...
The more questions you ask, the more you tell each other, the more solid the relationship will be. Sit down, put Billie Holiday on the CD player, and talk. This is a lifestyle that fascinates us both. I think in five years, we will still be studying, learning. I've got more years under my belt than I care to admit to, she's still a very knowledgeble rookie at it. It's like I'm learning all over again.

ready to start running backwards, wench?
:devil:
 
Soron said:
The more questions you ask, the more you tell each other, the more solid the relationship will be. Sit down, put Billie Holiday on the CD player, and talk. This is a lifestyle that fascinates us both. I think in five years, we will still be studying, learning. I've got more years under my belt than I care to admit to, she's still a very knowledgeble rookie at it. It's like I'm learning all over again.

ready to start running backwards, wench?
:devil:
Click to expand...
On my way, just as soon as I hike up these support hose! :D
 
Soron said:
The more questions you ask, the more you tell each other, the more solid the relationship will be. Sit down, put Billie Holiday on the CD player, and talk. This is a lifestyle that fascinates us both. I think in five years, we will still be studying, learning. I've got more years under my belt than I care to admit to, she's still a very knowledgeble rookie at it. It's like I'm learning all over again.
Click to expand...
I think you made an important point here... that sometimes even the most experienced have to learn more to accomodate new relationships. Every relationship is different, so it makes sense that the path you take is unique to your way of interacting together. There is no perfect way to do things. There is no 'one size fits all' in D/s. I do know that I look forward to learning what WE are about together as time goes by. Not what others think we should be, but what we are meant to be together.

Cellis, Sol, I'm glad that the link was helpful. While we don't follow anyone elses' program on how to define and make a relationship for ourselves, it was thought-provoking and worth mentioning.

Eb - yes, setting goals and and continuing to grow is very important. Thank you for your input.

Night... ;)
 
Arden said:
I think you made an important point here... that sometimes even the most experienced have to learn more to accomodate new relationships. Every relationship is different, so it makes sense that the path you take is unique to your way of interacting together. There is no perfect way to do things. There is no 'one size fits all' in D/s. I do know that I look forward to learning what WE are about together as time goes by. Not what others think we should be, but what we are meant to be together.

Cellis, Sol, I'm glad that the link was helpful. While we don't follow anyone elses' program on how to define and make a relationship for ourselves, it was thought-provoking and worth mentioning.

Eb - yes, setting goals and and continuing to grow is very important. Thank you for your input.

Night... ;)
Click to expand...

You know Arden, neither to we... He is open... He reads... He discusses, but in the end we do what works for us....;)
 
I was about to just answer this thread before I read it all, now I'm glad I read it first.

I agree with what cellis said about age being a state of mind. And some days I feel 100. LOL. Seriously, I have been a submissive personality before I realized what submissive was. So for me I seriously doubt that will ever change.

Since we already have limitations based on my physical problems, and we adapt to get past that, then I don't see us changing much about our relationship in the future.

I really do think that goal setting is also very important.

So basically, yeah what they said. :)
 
My subs are almost always younger, so all it really means is that I will be getting lots of massages, and I will never have to worry about getting up and getting the liniment and the pills. :D
 
Ebonyfire said:
My subs are almost always younger, so all it really means is that I will be getting lots of massages, and I will never have to worry about getting up and getting the liniment and the pills. :D
Click to expand...

See that's what makes me envy you Eb. ;):D
 
I plan on being this elegant Georgia O'Keefe like thing in black coat, on the Madison Avenue bus, clutching a shopping bag that contains only some crackers and brie, on my way to the Met museum, white hair in a sleek chignon.

Oh...SM...

I fully expect to get some use out of my cane.
 
Dem bones

I'm not sure I have much to add to these witty and wise observations above, except to say that our lifestyle or our kink -- depending on the intensity with which we hold it or practice it -- has such a large psychological and imaginative aspect to it that I think/hope we may all survive the inevitable aging process as well if not better than our vanilla friends. But call me a chauvinist.

PS: I'm intrigued by s'lara's suggestion of serving as mentors.
 
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