Have you ever been taken past your limits?

I've starting looking into some medium S&M with one of my submissives. I have asked a few submissives for some pointers. One common statement was to take her to her limit. As constantly asking if ok was a turn off. I'm curious for information on if someone took you past your limit and you said nothing or where so into it couldn't. I will push in stages as I'm uncomfortable with the possibility of going to far. So hearing about what pushed others over limit would help. I know reactions vary but did being pushed to far change you?

Hi Snooze,

Yes I have been taken past some limits, but it was with VERY open communication between Master and I. I feel that had he just tried to push me farther than I was ready to go without us talking about it, I would not have been able to go through it.

Also I think you have to trust yourself enough to know that you are not looking to hurt your sub, either emotionally or physically.

Another thing you might think about is a safe word that will let you know everything is still alright, and she's having a good time. Some sort of "Green", everythings fine type thing.

Just my few thoughts on this. Best of luck to you and your sub.


dixi

dixicritter said:

Hi Snooze,

Yes I have been taken past some limits, but it was with VERY open communication between Master and I. I feel that had he just tried to push me farther than I was ready to go without us talking about it, I would not have been able to go through it.

Also I think you have to trust yourself enough to know that you are not looking to hurt your sub, either emotionally or physically.

Another thing you might think about is a safe word that will let you know everything is still alright, and she's having a good time. Some sort of "Green", everythings fine type thing.

Just my few thoughts on this. Best of luck to you and your sub.


dixi

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I see where that might help but I've seen when she gets going she doesn't always hear what I'm saying. I always wondered about "subspace" till I saw it myself. I know I will find the happy median. Seeing a nice red color is a pleasing sight. So is rubbing the cold aloe cream on after as well. I guess what I'm looking for is have you slipped into subspace and knowing stayed there even though it stopped your dialog with your Dom. How much do you really know of your surrondings when there and how hard is it to retain focus.

Limits are a tricky area to traverse, especially in the area of S & M as not only is there the risk of emotional and psychological harm, but the added factor of harming physically. That being said, if limits are never pushed, the submissive does not grow nor experience the high of knowing they have passed a limit they feared they couldn't and succeeded. Is one of the best builders of self image and esteem within their role as submissive, and often in other areas of their lives as well. Bit like the survival weekends some businesses use as team building processes with employees.

The important thing is to talk plenty about limits and explore in conversation whether your submissive feels they could safely challenge them. Is also about knowing each other well, especially as you are the one in the powerful position. Sometimes a submissive will want to push when it is not safe for them to do so, sometimes a dominant will do the same, and sometimes it is a matter of accepting you can't get it right 100% of the time as you are both human. In those times when all does not go as expected, you have to both be there for each other and give the support needed to move on in a healthy way.

Safe words are good when trying new areas and pushing limits, but sometimes for one reason or another a submissive may not want or be able to use them. It is sometimes a matter of improvising. One technique I used was holding coin in my hand, or something larger and safe between the teeth. When it was dropped the scene stopped immediately. Communication is the key, as is respecting and knowing what is best for the submissive when entrusting you with their vulnerability and welfare.

C

catalina_francisco said:

Limits are a tricky area to traverse, especially in the area of S & M as not only is there the risk of emotional and psychological harm, but the added factor of harming physically. That being said, if limits are never pushed, the submissive does not grow nor experience the high of knowing they have passed a limit they feared they couldn't and succeeded. Is one of the best builders of self image and esteem within their role as submissive, and often in other areas of their lives as well. Bit like the survival weekends some businesses use as team building processes with employees.

The important thing is to talk plenty about limits and explore in conversation whether your submissive feels they could safely challenge them. Is also about knowing each other well, especially as you are the one in the powerful position. Sometimes a submissive will want to push when it is not safe for them to do so, sometimes a dominant will do the same, and sometimes it is a matter of accepting you can't get it right 100% of the time as you are both human. In those times when all does not go as expected, you have to both be there for each other and give the support needed to move on in a healthy way.

Safe words are good when trying new areas and pushing limits, but sometimes for one reason or another a submissive may not want or be able to use them. It is sometimes a matter of improvising. One technique I used was holding coin in my hand, or something larger and safe between the teeth. When it was dropped the scene stopped immediately. Communication is the key, as is respecting and knowing what is best for the submissive when entrusting you with their vulnerability and welfare.

C

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Thank you I really like the coin idea. I know pushing limits is a good thing and I will do it but I still worry about my ladies as they are just as precious and a part of me as my heart or mind. I'm not a flashy Dom or one that has to keep up with the Jones. I take my time and have frustrated them from time to time with my steady pace. But we're not going anywhere anytime soon and the journey though slow is the most wonderful I've ever taken.

snoozebutton said:

I see where that might help but I've seen when she gets going she doesn't always hear what I'm saying. I always wondered about "subspace" till I saw it myself. I know I will find the happy median. Seeing a nice red color is a pleasing sight. So is rubbing the cold aloe cream on after as well. I guess what I'm looking for is have you slipped into subspace and knowing stayed there even though it stopped your dialog with your Dom. How much do you really know of your surrondings when there and how hard is it to retain focus.

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I do slip off into a sort of subspace at times. Yes it really does get difficult to verbalize how I am feeling at those times. It is at those times that I just wish to feel, not have to discuss it. It is very difficult for me to get to stay there, as he is usually asking me if I'm ok. Which I know in my heart is just his concern for my well being, but man can it really break the mood. We are also in the going slow and taking our time phase of things.

I hope upon his return, we will be able to take our journey farther.

snoozebutton said:

Thank you I really like the coin idea. I know pushing limits is a good thing and I will do it but I still worry about my ladies as they are just as precious and a part of me as my heart or mind. I'm not a flashy Dom or one that has to keep up with the Jones. I take my time and have frustrated them from time to time with my steady pace. But we're not going anywhere anytime soon and the journey though slow is the most wonderful I've ever taken.

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I actually had a submissive who thought I was going too slow and he let me know it was not how he wanted things to proceed.

I told him goodnight and have a nice life. he was not happy. he is history.

dixicritter said:

I do slip off into a sort of subspace at times. Yes it really does get difficult to verbalize how I am feeling at those times. It is at those times that I just wish to feel, not have to discuss it. It is very difficult for me to get to stay there, as he is usually asking me if I'm ok. Which I know in my heart is just his concern for my well being, but man can it really break the mood. We are also in the going slow and taking our time phase of things.

I hope upon his return, we will be able to take our journey farther.

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Well we get better gas milage that way lol.

Ebonyfire said:

I actually had a submissive who thought I was going too slow and he let me know it was not how he wanted things to proceed.

I told him goodnight and have a nice life. he was not happy. he is history.

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I'd do the same. By the way I love the AV reminds me of someone. lol

I have very few hard limits but those I do have seem to be unmovable. Branding and tattos are 2 of them.

Sorry, I didn't add that to this point, those limits have not been breached.

as a slave, i have no limits of my own...meaning, there is nothing my Master cannot do to or with me, as i am his property. but that doesn't mean that everything is easy for me, hardly. i still have my own code of ethics, as well as my own list of things that terrify/horrify/repulse me. scat is one of those things....probably always will be. but again, as property, i do not have the right to any limits. so, if my Master wishes me to serve in that way, i must serve in that way....i am used to cleaning him with my tongue, i have always enjoyed that because he is an exceptionally clean person...then one day/night he decided to not bother with any toilet paper after having his toilet, when he had a slave with a perfectly good tongue right there. so, i cleaned him. cleaned him until he tasted and smelled 100% tasty and fresh again. was not an easy task, but i did it, did it well, and all without hesitation or question or negative attitude or backtalk. this all made my Master EXTREMELY proud, and his pleasure in my service made even such an "eek" sort of thing, well worth it. so for me i guess that is the closest i have come to being taken past a "limit".

A Desert Rose said:

I have very few hard limits but those I do have seem to be unmovable. Branding and tattos are 2 of them.

Sorry, I didn't add that to this point, those limits have not been breached.

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Well as to the branding, I'm sure any Dom who read John Norman has branding fantasies. I admit it is a turn on. But then the health and safety issues arise. And the fact that it doesn't look as good as your fantasy thought it did. But still a wonderful fantasy .

ownedsubgal said:

as a slave, i have no limits of my own...meaning, there is nothing my Master cannot do to or with me, as i am his property. but that doesn't mean that everything is easy for me, hardly. i still have my own code of ethics, as well as my own list of things that terrify/horrify/repulse me. scat is one of those things....probably always will be. but again, as property, i do not have the right to any limits. so, if my Master wishes me to serve in that way, i must serve in that way....i am used to cleaning him with my tongue, i have always enjoyed that because he is an exceptionally clean person...then one day/night he decided to not bother with any toilet paper after having his toilet, when he had a slave with a perfectly good tongue right there. so, i cleaned him. cleaned him until he tasted and smelled 100% tasty and fresh again. was not an easy task, but i did it, did it well, and all without hesitation or question or negative attitude or backtalk. this all made my Master EXTREMELY proud, and his pleasure in my service made even such an "eek" sort of thing, well worth it. so for me i guess that is the closest i have come to being taken past a "limit".

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Have to admit your on a higher plane of the lifestyle than me. Glad to see your happy well adjusted in your role.

snoozebutton said:

Well as to the branding, I'm sure any Dom who read John Norman has branding fantasies. I admit it is a turn on. But then the health and safety issues arise. And the fact that it doesn't look as good as your fantasy thought it did. But still a wonderful fantasy .

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I've been to a branding......but as with many other things, modern technology has made it safer
There're medical cuaterizing pens that've been adapted by the tatoo & piercing community for use on human flesh....you can literally "draw" a brand in to someone, producing a finer, more defined brand with less risk of infection & faster healing
The smell's a bit hard to take tho

He has pushed my limits from a few different angles, and shattered a couple of limits that used to be "hard limits." When we began our journey together i sat down and made him three lists. Things that i could tolerate. Things that made my stomach flip/flop, made me squirm. And things that i would never do (the hard limits). During the time that we have been together, as my trust in Him grew, He pushed those limits, and my want and need to serve Him grew, and many of the items on the second list were worked through, one by one, seemingly effortlessly.

The cool thing about it, was that those things didn't make me squirm anymore. It was amazing. I was so damn proud of myself, and He was proud of me, which was even BETTER! lol. The anelize project. LOL. It just felt so good to serve Him, and make Him proud of me, and grant you, i felt powerful too, that i could master things that before, gave me the willies. It made me feel solid, and secure, and strong.

As far as safewording goes, i never had to. A couple of times i came reallly close, but He always was very cognizant of exactly were i was at. I go veryyyyyy deep into subspace, into a non-speaking trance pretty much. He didn't let me get that far down many times on purpose.

Interesting thread Snooze, thanks for starting it.

~anelize

My sub doesn't post here, so I will speak for her. I don't think she'll mind.
She had hard limits for some things before she had experienced them. She had seen pictures of canings and such, thinking her behind would look that way, after such punishments.

Not being into blood, I made sure she understood I don't enjoy breaking the skin with anything. Any punishments I enflict will cause pain and bruising, but no blood. She trusted me to experience the cane and flogger, and even my violet wand.

She knows the pain they can cause, but she now knows some of those pictures are doctored up, or of very severe punishments.

Of the limits we have passed, electricity was one of the most difficult. Actually, she is still a bit edgy about it, sometimes. I have a certain toy she experiences when I am in the mood. She knows I love it, and that excites her, even if she still has trouble with it. She has evolved quite a lot, in the last couple years.

Recently, she thought she deserved to be punished and deprived of satisfaction. I made sure she knew what she was asking for, and she told me she was.

She got a good blistering on her ass, that lasted for several days. She said she now knows how the phrase "tan your hide" came to be.

Personally, I was very impressed with how she accepted this punishment. After all, she was the one who asked for it, and didn't back down at all.
It was to be a severe spanking with whatever means I wanted, with no sexual satisfaction for her.

I blistered her behind and tormented her sexually, the whole time. After, her ass was on fire and she was desperately wanting to be fucked. But, I reminded her she requested just punishment, and no satisfaction. She went home with nothing but her seriously hot buns.

But, now that she has shown me she can take such a spanking, we have moved forward, past yet another limit. She always takes what I give her, be it pain or pleasure. I like to describe her as usually looking "rode hard and put up wet". Oh, and she is smiling after, too.

snoozebutton said:

I'd do the same. By the way I love the AV reminds me of someone. lol

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Which one? The real ass or the artistic impression of a caned ass?

Ebonyfire said:

Which one? The real ass or the artistic impression of a caned ass?

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Now you have me thinking of both lol

snoozebutton said:

Now you have me thinking of both lol

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ShaZamm! The power of a Domme's words!

DVS said:

ShaZamm! The power of a Domme's words!

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Damn I'm good! LOL

I.m sure there are many asses that resemble your av to attest to that statement.

snoozebutton said:

I.m sure there are many asses that resemble your av to attest to that statement.

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I'm bothered by your artistic rendition, Ebony. The rump looks female, and there are no dangling bits, to use the British term.

Do you 'anal'ize both sexes equally? I thought you were a hetero 'anal'ist.

DVS said:

I'm bothered by your artistic rendition, Ebony. The rump looks female, and there are no dangling bits, to use the British term.

Do you 'anal'ize both sexes equally? I thought you were a hetero 'anal'ist.

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That is a pic of a male ass. Consider it artistic license. You only wish it were a female ass! LOL

I have posted ad nauseum that I do not have or nor I ever intend on having female subs. Female subs make great friends, that is all.

snoozebutton said:

I.m sure there are many asses that resemble your av to attest to that statement.

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bitchboy's ass looked just like that, save you could see much of his impressive dangly bits.

My sub will drift so far into subspace that the only thoughts in her head are "more" and "harder". When she gets this way I cannot trust her judgement about her own safety so it is up to me.

We are in a longterm relationship so I am able to judge her condition very well. We do play with others however, I would feel uncomfortable taking a sub I didn't know well past thier stated limits.

D.