Going from online to in the flesh...

Okay...I would love to hear from folks out there who have had an online D/s relationship and gone from online to meeting in the flesh.

I am meeting my Sir (whom I have known for about a year, and then became romantically involved with a few months ago, and now have an online/on the phone D/s relationship with) one week from today. He is coming here for 5 days.

I want to know...if you had this experience...

What were the most difficult parts about moving from an online role to being WITH the person?

I am a sub....if you were a sub, had you submitted to them already online...and was this reinforced in any way in person? Did prior submission or non-submission impact your interactions in person?

If you are a Dom...did you have any immediate expectations that things in person would mimic how things had been online prior to the meeting?

How did you prepare safe calls? Especially if the person was coming to meet you in your own town and you dont really have anyone out there informed of the situation?

Was your meeting for the sole purpose of the D/s relationship, or were there other aspects that you dealt with, too?

I am just really curious to know how things played out when people go from being completely trusting, open and submissive (or dominant) online to in person....

Any experiences to be shared out there??

Hi, ID.

T and I met through a mutual friend, but since he lived in a different state, all our communication was over the computer for almost two years. Twice he came up with that friend to visit and so I had met him r/l. But our relationship, which was exclusively T/b for several months, began later. Yes, I submitted to him online, although it was new territory for both of us and so we started slow. In later months we dealed more in the various way to strengthen our relationship online--and I do think those definitely helped me submit in real life. It's good practice and it keeps me in the right mindset.

After talking to him in this new manner for 2 months, we had an opportunity to meet. It was understood that this was pretty exclusively for sex, and that our sex would be D/s oriented. It was what we both wanted out of it.

Having met him before and talked to him so regularly, as well as knowing mutual people who would have told me if he was abusive or dangerous, I felt no need to establish a strict safe call. My roommate, who also knew T, asked me to call him at some point during the weekend, which I did. T and I had talked about safewords and I honestly never had any doubts about trusting him. Granted, ours was not the standard case of "meeting your dominant r/l."

More on the safe call question on the recently bumped thread. I recognize my own hypocrisy but I still maintain that safety is the number one issue when meeting with someone for the first time.

I've never developed a relationship solely online first and then moved to real life, but I have met men over the internet and then met in real life. (Confused, yet?) I would have to state that safety is the primary concern. You may have known this man over the 'net for a year and consider yourself to be in a relationship, yes. And you may meet in real life and things work out fabulously. (I hope they do!) But you must also keep in the back of your mind that he may not be what he has lead you to believe. It is so very easy to do with the internet. Taking a few precautions is never a bad idea - D/s relationship or not!

First, he is coming to you. Okay, but I hope not to your home. It should be pre-arranged that he stay in a hotel/motel. If, after a couple of days, you feel comfortable with him then you may ("may" being operative here) bring you home. Also, he should not drive you home, nor should you tell him where you live. (not sure if you have exchanged addresses or not, hopefully have not) This might seem silly, I know. But better safe than sorry.

Second, you should have a safe call set up. You needn't tell the person that you are meeting a man for a BDSM encounter, if you are uncomfortable with that. Simply tell your friend/relative/acquaintance/internet buddy that you are meeting a man for the first who you originally met over the internet. With so much computer dating these days, it's not that big of a deal. Do work out a time and a word or phrase that lets the other person know you are alright. Let that person know his full name, where he lives, what hotel/motel he is staying at, and mode of transportation. (Did he arrive via plane, train, or car?) If you feel uncomfortable with any real life friends/family, I'm sure there are a couple of people here who would help you out.

Third, I've met Doms over the internet, but we did not have a relationship online. When we met for the first time there was no expectation of sex involved. We were meeting to get to know each other. I would suggest that you ease the situation a bit by taking the first day to just get used to each other. Spend it talking and doing things that are non-BDSM related so you can get to know each other well.

Fourth, use common sense. Until/unless you feel comfortable with this man, always have an escape route.

In my mind (and this is personal opinion only) online and real time are different. One is not necessarily better or worse than the other. They are just different, and it can take a little bit to get used to it. If he's going to be there 5 days, I wouldn't rush it. Make certain this is the same man you thought he was. Keep yourself grounded and use common sense and you should do just fine.

My lady safety above all, if it feels wrong it is wrong, may I wish you luck
Bachlum Chaam

InnerDarkness said:

<snip>...did you have any immediate expectations that things in person would mimic how things had been online prior to the meeting?

Click to expand...

Quint and Chele, as always, have covered this subject with a remarkable degree of thoroughness.

But this particular statement stuck out for me, and that's why I quoted it, and I'll address just it.

Sir and I met online first, and then real time. In the past, I've met others through the internet, with varying degrees of sucess. I would caution anyone (BDSM or 'nilla) meeting in this manner that the best expectation is none at all. Take it slow and let things develop as they will. Let the real time relationship be just that....the real time relationship, rather than an extension of the online one.

My .02 cents.

~anelize

If you are into phone sex and all that stuff, to be honest, I usually end up naked within the first hour. But don't use me as an example. I did have dinner first with a lady, and we were together for 2 years.

Re: Re: Going from online to in the flesh...

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

Quint and Chele, as always have covered this subject with remarkable thoroughness.

But this particular statement stuck out for me, and that's why I quoted it, and i'll address just it.

Sir and i met online first, and then real time. I've met other people this way as well. I would caution anyone (BDSM or 'nilla) meeting in this manner that the best expectation is none at all. Take it slow and let things develop as they will. Let the real time relationship be just that....the real time relationship, rather than an extension of the online one.

My .02 cents.

~anelize

Click to expand...

That one's spot-on, speaking as someone who meets a LOT of friends from on the net
I've had it go great & had it go awful
Real life and net interactiuon have NOTHING to do with how things'll be real time
I've had someone who professed love for me spit in my face and someone who was only a friendly acquaintance turn out to be one of the most amazing lovers & best friends I've ever had
So take it slow & easy, get to know the REAL "each others" and see what develops......above all, don't be pressured by a feeling of "not enough time" due to the 5 day limit
if there's something real & strong there, there will be other times

Ok.
I can't help myself.
This is going to be HIGHLY offensive to those of you in "online D/s reltionships" that have no r/t component, so just skip it 'cause I don't need the flames

{Rant Mode}
Online BDSM with no real-time component is 99 44/100ths bullshit.
BDSM relies heavily on trust, communication, and CONTACT between people. NONE of these things can truly occur and be trusted in a relationship that occurs entirely over a phone and thru a computer screen. You can NOT know that there is ANY truth to what people say.
It is EXTREMELY simple for anyone moderately intelligent & creative and with a minorly good grasp of human nature to "read" people well over the internet, target vunerable populations, and manipulate them for all sorts of negative purposes by building up their self esteem & telling them what they want to hear.
It might be as simple as someone looking for online jollies, or someone looking for rough meaningless sex and misleading someone to get it, or as serious as the "Slavemaster" case where a man used the net to lure women in, rape them, blackmail them, and kill at least 5 of them plus the child of one of the women who'd come to meet their "online Dom".
I would add that this applies to Doms meeting "subs" online.....I know one guy whose "online sub" turned out to be a FIFTEEN year old girl.....the guy was lucky her parents just CALLED him to tell him the truth instead of calling the cops. And then the girl STILL ran away from home and took a Greyhound across 3 states to show up at his door!
I know what you're all saying. "Oh, not me, I know too much, I am too smart for that, I am too good of a judge of charachter blah blah blah".
Wrong. Sorry. NO one is as smart as they think they are (not even me! ).
People who're online LOOKING for BDSM are doing it because there's a gap, a void in their lives, and often a lack of community in their area. This leaves them vunerable to someone who offers everything they seem to want. That's VERY compelling and can make people abandon their reason. We had a LONG talk in a chat I was in last night about open mindedness and how it can get TO open. Sometimes, the smartest & best can be waylaid by that impulse to accept & believe.
I mentioned the Slavemaster case. The women he took in were smart, professionals, at least one doctor & attorney among them. But they were lacking something and this man offered it to them...and all they knew went out the window. My friend witht he 15 year old issue is an older guy, knows the 'net, knows the BDSM scene, been in relationships in his life, but he was taken in by a crafty mentally distured GIRL.
I got in to a NASTY fight about this with some friends a few years ago. One of them insisted NO one could take her in. As a response, I created a false screen name deliberately to seduce her. I didn't even approach her, I just crafted a persona that would intrigue her and went to a chatroom she liked. It took 3 weeks for this smart, experienced, net savvy woman to give mer her home number & address and talk about paying half my plane fare to come meet her. She didn't speak to me for weeks after, and she didhn't get the point either, which led to a really nasty safe call issue I won't even go in to here.
Point to all this is that stricly online D/s is not valid and CAN NOT be valid. D/s is about people and the relations between them, not about some 300 pound man pretending to be a young blonde slave girl with some 15 year old boy who can't get laid pretending to be his Master.
Does this mean the 'net is not valid in a D/s relationship? HELL NO! It can be and is a valuable tool for meeting people and getting to know them enough to ease you in to meeting them for real. It can be a great method of finding community, learning (albeit with a HUGE grain of salt for all the BS out there ), building friendships and assosciations when you're far away from real life groups, and much more. However, even supplemented by phone & snail mail and webcams it CANNOT take the place of getting to know someone face to face.
I know a hundred horror stories about online relationships failing, sometimes after ending marriages on one end or the other, "collarings" that didn't last past dinner in real life, people abused & injured, infected with diseases....and those're just my close friends!!
So excuse me if I CRINGE when someone says "my online Dom/Master/sub/slave" or "I got collared online!. Heck, that last one is offensive to me as I feel it debases a true collaring, something that I look on as a commitment by BOTH PARTIES that's akin to a handfasting.
InnerD, by all means meet this guy. But follow the advice of other. No expectations. No play or sex on the first meeting. Don't take him to your home. Hopefully you wouldn't meet a stranger at a bar and let him go to your house, tie you up, beat you, and fuck you. Realistically, you don't know any more about this online guy than you would know about the stranger who (conceivably) lied to you in the bar. Take time and get to KNOW him, and maybe yourself in the process. Otherwise, you're setting both of you up for failure. You might have something good! No need to wreck it by rushing.
Ok, I think I've said more than enough. Altho I reserve the right to add more later.

{/Rant Mode}

All this IMO, of course....and it's damn well not humble in this case

An addendum

James G 5 said:

I know a hundred horror stories about online relationships failing, sometimes after ending marriages on one end or the other, "collarings" that didn't last past dinner in real life, people abused & injured, infected with diseases....and those're just my close friends!!

Click to expand...

Oh yeah. I'm not just talking about BDSM situations either. I don't believe in "falling in love" online is possible. You need a PERSON.

The thing is . . .

James asked me to comment. I am answering in general terms.

D/s is such an appealing fantasy to so many would-be Doms. There are several threads here devoted to wanabes, so I won't go back down that road - except to mention that that some guys are so taken in by the role-play that they truly believe it's what they are. This may be one reason people can be easily fooled. I think a combination of time and real-life experience is the only reliable judge.

I do think if the person is not for real descrepancies will begin to show, even in an online relationship. The trouble is that it may take many months and by that time the parties may be so emotionally involved that it gets ignored. So, I guess it really is essential to meet the other person in r/l before the relationship develops. As everyone else has said, take it SLOW.

Again, there are lots of threads here on this topic. However, this is one of those lessons people seem destoned to have to learn for themselves.


James, she asked about safe calls. Maybe you could talk about what you do for a safe call?

Re: The thing is . . .

redelicious said:

James, she asked about safe calls. Maybe you could talk about what you do for a safe call?

Click to expand...

That might go better in another thread (unless you folks wanna hear more from me LOL)

I like what you said about developing feelings blinding you to warning signs
clarified some of what I was trying to express
Thanks bottle girl

Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts, words of wisdom and personal insights.

A few people I would like to respond directly to...

Quint & Chele...thank you both for all the wonderful tips and safety alerts *wink* I had actually thought of, and prepared most of this stuff in advance... but setting up a safe call (I saw the thread that got bumped earlier and posted there, so hopefully I can get some more input there!) is about all I have left.

Anelize....thanks for your 2 cents...I appreciate it. I have met men online before...and I have been clear that there really will be no expectation except for hanging out and getting to know this person who I have spent so much time online with. I have been pretty up front abut this meeting...you can call it putting conditions on things, but if I need to do that to feel comfortable, then I will...

James...I loved your first post and also your rant. I totally understand most of your points. For all I know, this could be some chick coming. Obviously I have seen pics, we have done some webcam chatting...phone...as much as one can and still be 20 hours away from each other But the point is...i am REALISTIC...which I think is what anyone in this position should be. Not just about what really is possible from a relationship that started and developed online, but also about what is realistic in terms of preparation and safety. You are also right that one cant really form a true BDSM relationship, D/s relationship...whatever you want to call it and label it as....but yes...you cant REALLY do that online...which is why we are meeting...we are taking this very seriously, because while him and I havent gone as far as some of these sick fucks out there who prey on children or are lured in by others have, we have created emotional connections that impact us in all the vanilla ways...not just in a D/s way.

I would love to keep hearing from other people who have started things online and then moved into a real life relationship...

or if anyone else wants to come back and post...i would love to hear more

Re: Re: The thing is . . .

James G 5 said:

That might go better in another thread (unless you folks wanna hear more from me LOL)

I like what you said about developing feelings blinding you to warning signs
clarified some of what I was trying to express
Thanks bottle girl

Click to expand...

I saw the thread about this earlier...it was in fact what prompted me to start my own thread about the whole experience...

one more thing...

My Sir occassionally posts here on Lit...he has been very supportive of me seeking input from others who have been through this experience...so thanks in advance for being my support group...the BDSM community here in r/l is very small (or I just havent discovered it yet ;p)...

Re: one more thing...

InnerDarkness said:

My Sir occassionally posts here on Lit...he has been very supportive of me seeking input from others who have been through this experience...so thanks in advance for being my support group...the BDSM community here in r/l is very small (or I just havent discovered it yet ;p)...

Click to expand...

glad we can be your community, and that it sounds like you're going about things the right way

As much as my online friends mean to me (and they mean a hell of a lot to me), it wasn't until I've met them all in person that the real bond formed. Not that there wasn't a connection before, but it was never really cemented, so to speak, until we met in person. I know many people that have purely online relationships, and I respect that they get a lot out of them, but it really is a whole new level when it moves to real life. I feel online is a wonderful tool to start a relationship and learn about each other and explore common desires....but its very easy to get stuck in a rut, and that is when I feel they become unreal and unhealthy. My own relationship IS mostly online, but we've met many times, and were in fact close friends for a few years before our relationship moved to where it has.

I've had two online experiences that turned out bad upon meeting. One was when I was very new to BDSM, an online collar with someone that I was very unsuited for in real life. The relationship ended on a very bitter note. Unfortunately we run in the same circle of friends, so that can get uncomfortable. The second, he was not my Dom, but I met him to stay with him at a hotel with no safe calls in place, and he turned out to be much much less experienced than he lead on. I still have scars from that experience. Both of these people were people I knew online for at least a year before meeting them, talked to them every day, even knew people that knew them. We had a wonderful connection online and probably would have for a long time, had we not met.

The people that I have met from online that have gone well, were people I met as friends with no expectations, and the relationship grew into stronger things from there. Those are the relationships and friendships I still treasure. I now believe this is the best way to start a lasting, solid relationship if you've met online. Of course there are always exceptions, in either direction.

Both times that it did not work out, there were expectations for me to submit as I had online, almost immediately in person. I found this to be extremely uncomfortable, unreal and just plain hard to do to what I realized amounted to nearly a complete stranger.

Anyhow, this is getting off topic, Jame's comments just got me thinking about my own opinions. As much as we all preach not to share personal information, to not allow the person to come to your home, etc etc....I know from my own experience that this is the practical thing to do, but far too often we trust our own desires over our common sense. It is hard to not share such details of yourself with someone you have known online for years, or whom you call your Dom or whatnot. It is just as easy for someone you met in a bar to mislead you into thinking they are someone they are not, as it is online...so I really don't feel online is any more or less dangerous than real life. Both have their pros and cons.

I find the better advice to be, rather than NOT to ever do these things, but to be aware of the consequences of them and be ready and able to deal with them. Have someone that knows the ongoing details of the relationship and the people involved...those details will be extremely important should something happen. Safecalls are not foolproof, and someone that is going to harm you is going to be well aware of that and take advantage of that. Safecalls are a good tool, but should not be depended on in and of themselves. Backing them up by having a trusted friend know the details of your relationship and plans, by being prepared to have to put your desires aside and focus on your common sense should the other person turn out to be not quite as you expected, and having thought about what to do and how to handle various situations that comes up...will be a valuable plan worth having devoted time and thought to.

*edited to add...*

and having wandered off while writing this and posting to find the you have posted some more, I'd say you have thought everything out well and are heading in the right direction...GOOD LUCK!!

great advice

serijules said:

... far too often we trust our own desires over our common sense. It is hard to not share such details of yourself with someone you have known online for years, or whom you call your Dom or whatnot. It is just as easy for someone you met in a bar to mislead you into thinking they are someone they are not, as it is online...so I really don't feel online is any more or less dangerous than real life. Both have their pros and cons.

I find the better advice to be, rather than NOT to ever do these things, but to be aware of the consequences of them and be ready and able to deal with them....

Click to expand...

Great advice s! - Thanks! Very very well said.

Great advice James (as always). Your frankness is always direct and I find usually right on.

This is a very good thread. I have met someone online recently and we are to meet next week. I realize the importance of the face to face meet before we proceed further down this lovely road and real life real contact and living is my primary goal. I will say tho that email and phone can help with the distance at first. Be well.

Just had a thought

It's too late for Innerdarkness, but in response to James' rant - since this is a fairly large, well spread, community could you get someone (I'm guessing a dom/me) from the board meet patient X before flying half across the country?

Re: Just had a thought

Croctden said:

It's too late for Innerdarkness, but in response to James' rant - since this is a fairly large, well spread, community could you get someone (I'm guessing a dom/me) from the board meet patient X before flying half across the country?

Click to expand...

Too late for me??

*blink* *blink*

Do go on...?

Re: Re: The thing is . . .

James G 5 said:

That might go better in another thread (unless you folks wanna hear more from me LOL)

I like what you said about developing feelings blinding you to warning signs
clarified some of what I was trying to express
Thanks bottle girl

Click to expand...

As most know, Master and myself met online so I will likely comment on the topic of the thread in more depth when I am more on my feet, but James posting about blinding to warning signs is very true. A good book highlighting how often and easily we push away those warnings is 'The Gift Of Fear: Survival signals that protect us from violence' by Gavin De Becker. It is a good read to give you guidance in how to increase your own protection by recognising even the subtle danger signals.

Catalina

Okay...I would love to hear from folks out there who have had an online D/s relationship and gone from online to meeting in the flesh.

Yes, I have had a single experience that would be very relevant to this topic. A young lady approached me on the internet. We communicated sporadically by email for a month, regularly by AIM/ICQ for a second month and then near daily by phone for another month. Halfway through the AIM/ICQ discussions it became clear she had an interest in BDSM. She had read erotica, she had fantasized about things....but had not done interacted with anyone online let alone real life.

If you are a Dom...did you have any immediate expectations that things in person would mimic how things had been online prior to the meeting?

Yes, I will admit my own weakness in this area. I expected things to jump RIGHT into everything we had talked about for hours on the phone. She was a very shy girl, much more reserved than on the phone, and I did not anticipate that aspect. Even though things worked out well, I should have been more patient. She was more restrained and less vocal during "real time" sexual contact compared to phonesex. I was more vocal and demonstrative than I had been over the phone. For the other aspects, our face to face conversations were more relaxed and friendly but not as "deep" as we had been over the phone.


How did you prepare safe calls? Especially if the person was coming to meet you in your own town and you dont really have anyone out there informed of the situation?

The first visit was for five days. I told most of my friends that I had "company" in town and did not elaborate. I told four friends that I had met a girl over the internet and she would be staying at my apartment. One friend (who lived the next street over) would be "on call" and if I dialed her cell phone, she would have been ready to come over at a moment's notice. Another friend asked me to call him as soon as I got home from picking her up at the airport.

She tried to be smooth about her safecalls. We met at the airport, and as walking out she needed to go the bathroom. I guess her cellphone couldn't get long distance, because she came back and said she needed to make a quick call from the payphones. lol When we went back to my place, she checked things out and went to the bathroom. I had told her my name over the phone, so I am sure she had looked up my address and was confirming with a friend that she was at the "expected" location. While she made her safe call, I phoned my friend and said: "Yeah, she's here now!" Mostly he was just a decompressor to help me relax a little bit.


Was your meeting for the sole purpose of the D/s relationship, or were there other aspects that you dealt with, too?

Many other aspects. Other aspects besides plain sex as well. I had felt comfortable that even if the sex or BDSM was a disaster, we could still have a certain amount of fun just hanging out for five days. Talking my way out of awkward situations is a skill I possess, so I was not so worried and knew I could fake things until she needed to get back on the plane. It also served as a mini-vacation for her and we did some sight-seeing together.


What were the most difficult parts about moving from an online role to being WITH the person?

I really want to answer this question but it is too difficult right now. Let me think about it and reply again later.

Sorry for another brief answer. I agree with most of what everyone has said. I also think that given you say you live 20 hours apart (I presume you mean by air?), it would be a stretch of the imagination to feel someone was going to come that far, spend that amount of money, etc., if they were not at least as genuine as yourself that it amount to something worthwhile.
I guess if they were psychopaths and rich it is not out of the realm of possibility, but unlikely for one as it is so much easier to find someone closer. I also think you are bright enough to pick up some signals before now as over significant time the cracks usually begin to show.


Catalina

first I want to say how completely impressed I am by everyone being willing to share their thoughts about personal experiences with me about this topic...and a special thanks to those of you who find it somewhat difficult to share your experiences....I find them truly helpful.

I wanted to just respond to a couple of things..

posted by serijules
Both times that it did not work out, there were expectations for me to submit as I had online, almost immediately in person. I found this to be extremely uncomfortable, unreal and just plain hard to do to what I realized amounted to nearly a complete stranger.

Click to expand...

I think this is the biggest concern that I have...aside from all the little details that I have been taking care of for my safety. I have talked with my Sir about this at length now and we both have come to an understanding that we started out as friends and we are meeting as friends. Yes, our online conversations have taken us places emotionally and physically that we hope to experience together in the flesh, but I suppose that for me at least...sex and the D/s component of the relationship can wait....we are doing the meeting to find out so much more than whether he can spank my ass and whether I will like it Thanks for your thoughts!

posted by Mr. Blonde
Many other aspects. Other aspects besides plain sex as well. I had felt comfortable that even if the sex or BDSM was a disaster, we could still have a certain amount of fun just hanging out for five days. Talking my way out of awkward situations is a skill I possess, so I was not so worried and knew I could fake things until she needed to get back on the plane. It also served as a mini-vacation for her and we did some sight-seeing together.

Click to expand...

I want to thank you for your whole post and wonderfully thought out answers. I think you hit this right on the head when you talked about being comfortable doing other things. For me...I am not meeting him solely for sex and play time...in fact....he and I both know it may not happen at all while he is here (but SHOULD it...oh boy! we are ready ), but we are both ready for a fun vacation and lots of friendship bonding at the same time. We both are looking at this meeting as not only a way to POSSIBLY solidify and confirm our roles in a D/s relationship, but we are looking at this mainly as a chance to make sure we are as compatible for everything else in life as we think we are.

I also want to thank you for being completely honest about the expectations of sex and submission that you had when your situation occured. I worried about this a LOT at first, and after many discussions with my Sir...we have both decided (or at least I have ) that if we mutually want it to happen, it will...but if we or I don't, then it won't.

posted by Catalina
I also think that given you say you live 20 hours apart (I presume you mean by air?), it would be a stretch of the imagination to feel someone was going to come that far, spend that amount of money, etc., if they were not at least as genuine as yourself that it amount to something worthwhile.
I guess if they were psychopaths and rich it is not out of the realm of possibility, but unlikely for one as it is so much easier to find someone closer. I also think you are bright enough to pick up some signals before now as over significant time the cracks usually begin to show.

Click to expand...

Yes...he currently lives in Canada and I live stateside in Indiana...we met for totally different reasons than my interest in BDSM and had a friendship before anything else developed. And yes, we are both pretty genuine and open people....which has been what has made this all so wonderful and so exciting. We are of course meeting to make sure we are compatible (and if things progress nicely, then we will explore D/s things at some point this time or at another meeting), but ultimately if things work out, we DO plan to seek a life together with one of us moving to the geographic location of the other.

********
I wouldnt be trying this with just anyone.
I know some folks think that you can never REALLY know and never REALLY trust someone from online until you meet them and spend significant amounts of time with them, and while I generally concur, I feel that I know this man as my best friend. I know intimate, daily details of his life...and him of mine...and the meeting is just to confirm everything that we hope exists between us.

He has been very supportive of me seeking the advice of others, and has been very open with folks about where he is going and what he is doing...which is good that he is thinking of HIS safety too, because who knows....I could be some crazy blonde girl with a big kitchen knife LOL!!

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts...and Mr. Blonde, if you DO decide to come back and tell me more....i would love to hear it!

InnerDarkness said:

I wouldnt be trying this with just anyone.
I know some folks think that you can never REALLY know and never REALLY trust someone from online until you meet them and spend significant amounts of time with them, and while I generally concur, I feel that I know this man as my best friend. I know intimate, daily details of his life...and him of mine...and the meeting is just to confirm everything that we hope exists between us.

He has been very supportive of me seeking the advice of others, and has been very open with folks about where he is going and what he is doing...which is good that he is thinking of HIS safety too, because who knows....I could be some crazy blonde girl with a big kitchen knife LOL!!

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts...and Mr. Blonde, if you DO decide to come back and tell me more....i would love to hear it!

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And these are the important points....support, openness, and sharing. I think some are online to play, others do not pick up on warning signs etc., often as they are too blinded by the situation at the time and emotions. I do not get that feeling about you from your posts. In my search, I met all prospectives online first, and though I met many, I always knew before we met the things I thought were going to prove they were not the one for me, and was always proven 100% accurate in my reading from our online connections.

Master was the first one I never found anything I could take as a posssible question mark, and in this I was also right. From the moment he passed through customs and took me in his arms, we have both thanked the powers that be we found each other across all that ocean and several countries, and that we had the sense to follow our instincts and not our brains and the advice of many well meaning friends and family. Good luck with your dream.

C

InnerDarkness said:

He has been very supportive of me seeking the advice of others, and has been very open with folks about where he is going and what he is doing...which is good that he is thinking of HIS safety too, because who knows....I could be some crazy blonde girl with a big kitchen knife LOL!!

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I've MET her tho
one of the reasons I talk about Tops being safe too