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"Real" subs and "real" Doms

MissTaken

MissTaken

Biker Chick
Joined
Jun 30, 2001
Posts
20,570
Hmm whomever decides whether or not my D/s is real or not, had better be careful.

I just might turn around and tell them they don't know how to "really fuck." Yes, in my perspective, no matter how open we are among ourselves, how and why would anyone attempt to judge one another's most personal and private life? How could they?

I draw a line between assessing the realness in D/s to assessing the realness of anything that might happen in one's bedroom (or elsewhere;) I would no more attempt to evaluate how each of you fuck, go to the bathroom, bathe your crotch or any of a number of other personal activities, than I would presume the legitimacy of your kink.

Real?
Not real?

Who cares as long as it meets your needs?

It just seems there have been a number of posts lately wherein some of us have felt we have had to validate our position and kink due to conversations, generally elsewhere.

Fuck " real."

I want hot, explosive, and fulfilling. :D
 
MissTaken said:
Fuck " real."
Click to expand...

Introduce me, and I'll fuck her!

Yeah, you echo much my own opinions, MissT. I've been told I'm not a "real Dom (tm)" because I'm not into the "lifestyle (tm)", I don't want a 24x7 relationship, I'm not into pain in a big way, I don't wear enough leather, I don't dress on the right side, I walk funny, I'm not serious enough...

Well, whatever I am, I have fun!
 
Mmmmm Miss T

This subject has been around a while. Cause of much angst and disappointment. The odd train wreck too

You put the case for tolerance and open mindedness well Miss T, more power to you.

H
 
For myself I am dominant in all things in my life, I get no sexual pleasure from beating seven bells out of a lady.

Now if the lady is into well......I am a gentleman and like to help damsels in distress,you all put it so much better than I ever could but I agree Miss T
 
Re: Re: "Real" subs and "real" Doms

FungiUg said:
Introduce me, and I'll fuck her!

I don't dress on the right side, I walk funny, I'm not serious enough...

Well, whatever I am, I have fun!
Click to expand...

What? You don't dress on the right side? Well, no wonder you walk funny...

Truly though, it's easy to tell a real dom or sub from the other kind. Real doms and subs are those persons that identify themselves as doms or subs, and who do or have previously had demonstrable corporeity. The type of dom or sub antithetical to the afformentioned real varieties, is clearly the imaginary dom or sub. Ergo, if you identify yourself as a dom or sub, and you have material existance, you are a real dom or sub. Surely, any chain of reasoning attempting to disafirm this simple concept must contain a serious non sequitur.
 
But how do you prove corporeality? How do you establish existence beyond the perception of existence? How do you demonstrate anything beyond the conception I have of reality? What is real?
 
Why do any of us have to prove anything? Does it make any difference if anyone other than my sub think I am a Domme?

Everyone plays in their own way. I may not like yours and you may not like mine but so what? I get off on his reactions rather than the thought of causing pain. Is that wrong?
Why should any of us let others perceptions rule us?
 
I think when I wandered in here a short time ago, I was probably one of those people (pretty sure I was) who used the phrase "true submissive" in a post about myself...in regards to wondering if I was one. Someone pointed out (forgive me for not remembering who) that there probably is not true anything in BDSM...and that is what I love about what I am discovering here.

All I know if how I feel, and what turns me on, and if that makes me a "true" submissive or a "part time" submissive or any other classification people need to grasp onto....so be it!!

The spectrum here is vast and the beauty of it is that we all can exist and meet each other's needs in various ways because of the differences in what we all want/need/lust after/desire...
 
HzDomme said:
Why do any of us have to prove anything? Does it make any difference if anyone other than my sub think I am a Domme?

Everyone plays in their own way. I may not like yours and you may not like mine but so what? I get off on his reactions rather than the thought of causing pain. Is that wrong?
Why should any of us let others perceptions rule us?
Click to expand...

For myself my lady I agree
 
Hi Miss T,

Truly domination and submission come in a thousand flavors, variously related to S & M, which are themselves many sided:

Miss T:
"Real" subs and "real" Doms
Hmm whomever decides whether or not my D/s is real or not, had better be careful.

I just might turn around and tell them they don't know how to "really fuck." Yes, in my perspective, no matter how open we are among ourselves, how and why would anyone attempt to judge one another's most personal and private life? How could they?

I draw a line between assessing the realness in D/s to assessing the realness of anything that might happen in one's bedroom (or elsewhere I would no more attempt to evaluate how each of you fuck, go to the bathroom, bathe your crotch or any of a number of other personal activities, than I would presume the legitimacy of your kink.

There is indeed, no point in morally judging others' kinks. Remember the Randy Newman song "Maybe I'm doin' it wrong"?

It's not necessarily true, however, that trying to find a correct 'label' or category--what is it really?-- for a practice or inclination is misguided. We say,

"He's very introverted, but he's not really (truly) schizophrenic. (Whereas John Doe over there really is schizophrenic.)"

So, for instance, regarding the Spader character in "Secretary", we can say "Is he a real [i.e. genuine, correctly described] Sadist, in the sense of Kraft Ebbing, Freud, DSM IV, etc.?"

However, the Spader character, be he a 'real Sadist' or partly one, or simply a Sunday fantasizer and secretary spanker, is entitled to his jollies, in whatever way he chooses (given consent).

I appreciate all you're doing to 'moderate'-- in the real sense-- this and other discussions in the forum.

Best,

:rose:
 
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Hz Domme said,

//Why do any of us have to prove anything? Does it make any difference if anyone other than my sub think I am a Domme?

Everyone plays in their own way. I may not like yours and you may not like mine but so what? I get off on his reactions rather than the thought of causing pain. Is that wrong?
Why should any of us let others perceptions rule us?//

Since you call yourself, "domme" it's handy to know if you fall within the generally understood scope of the term.

"why should... others perceptions rule us?" Others' concepts, ideas, practices and perceptions do determine a language and the standard meaning(s) of its terms. If you, for instance, go around saying "I'm an aviator", and when questioned, you indicate you simply mean "I'm into model plane building," then you're confusing people and possibly yourself.

That said, of course you're entitled to put in neon letters on the front of your house "The greatest aviator in the world."

Best,

J.
 
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I don't care for the "true" label either, and it usually makes me question the authenticity of the user, not myself or others, though occasionally it cannot be avoided in expression and is not meant as a slam to those who differ.

With that said, while I do encourage anyone to explore their interest in BDSM, it is also my belief that not everyone in the entire world is either a BDSM Dominant, submissive or switch.

It really is up to the individual to define themselves, but it is better done within the knowledge and study of BDSM and a fairly large amount of self-knowledge and understanding. Be honest with yourself and others - there is no need to fit into one neat box or the other, or to act like you think you should because you want to claim a title and fit into a group.

This bites both ways - it makes for unhappy and disillusioned people and can create dysfunctional and dishonest relationships. Whatever you call yourself be sure to be able to define what that means to YOU and to be able to communicate this honestly to others.

There's a big difference between the person who identifies as a slave in a 24/7 power exchange IRL, and the person who calls themselves a slave because they want to be told how to masturbate online for 20 minutes. There are partners out there for both, but there is no doubt an extreme difference in what they seek under the same title.
 
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I am not real. Not at all. Call me Barbie.

I am just a perv. Cant we all just be pervs and get along?

Okay maybe that was not a "proper" response. But I gotta say that I care not one iota about whether or not anyone sees me as a "fake" or "real" sub.

Heck no one (with the exception of those who have seen my pics) even knows whether or not I am female for goodness sakes.
 
lovetoread said:
Heck no one (with the exception of those who have seen my pics) even knows whether or not I am female for goodness sakes.
Click to expand...
(clearing throat and smoothing what little hair he has) You have pics?

Ahem! But, back to the topic at hand. Why do we always go to the lowest common denominator, fighting over who's is bigger, stronger, prettier, faster, etc.?

We are all individuals. What one likes, another might hate. Neither is wrong, they are both individuals in their preferences.

If you have to fight over the trivial things, it shows an immature mentality and an underdeveloped id.
 
Pure said:
However, the Spader character, be he a 'real Sadist' or partly one, or simply a Sunday fantasizer and secretary spanker, is entitled to his jollies, in whatever way he chooses (given consent).

I appreciate all you're doing to 'moderate'-- in the real sense-- this and other discussions in the forum.

Best,

:rose:
Click to expand...


Exactly!!!!!


Oh, and thanks, pure. ;)
 
Ah! Interesting topic. I agree that it depends a lot on self-perception. It occurs to me that anybody who claims someone isn't "real" may be insecure in their own identity...?
 
I just want to make very, very clear that I do not in any way judge others, or claim that my way of BDSM is better or worse than any one else’s.

I would like to remove the impression that I label myself or anyone else in a specific way, or claim that I am a better or worse dominant then any other person.

It is my strongest belief that everyone has the right to be what and who they want to be and act in anyway they want to as long as they do not infringe the freedom of choice of anyone who does not want it infringed upon.

F. & C.
 
lovetoread said:
I am not real. Not at all. Call me Barbie.

I am just a perv. Cant we all just be pervs and get along?

Okay maybe that was not a "proper" response. But I gotta say that I care not one iota about whether or not anyone sees me as a "fake" or "real" sub.

Heck no one (with the exception of those who have seen my pics) even knows whether or not I am female for goodness sakes.
Click to expand...

Either she's female, or he's taking some damned good hormone drugs! (Maybe I should be taking those e-mailed offers of larger breasts in only 30 days seriously?)
 
lovetoread said:
lmao, those pills really work. ;)
Click to expand...
Well, if you ask me, they are REAL! And, quite lovely, I might add. (and this is coming from an ASS MAN!)

edited to add...MORE ASS SHOTS! PLEASE...MORE ASS SHOTS!
 
Francisco said 5/28 (topspace thread)

"I know I am a Natural Dominant. I know in it in every fiber of my being. "

Franscisco , this thread, 5/29,

"I would like to remove the impression that I label myself or anyone else in a specific way, ...."

-------

Aside from all the PC pieties on this thread, claims to never label, are the usual practices of all of us, to label constantly, and in thousands of ways, as is useful, and to communicate. (I'm not really trying to single out F in this regard; his statements are simply handy, and represent dozens of statements by others. He is, if anything, more careful in thinking and categorizing than many, and clearly very tolerant.)

Further, we all, in some situations ask "Is s/he a real X" and assess accordingly. I invite those, who've suggested the contrary, and who are aware of the phenomenon of imposters, whether it isn't relevant, when youre in a clinician's office, removing your clothes, perhaps placing your feet in the stirrups, or your bum in the air to provide for rectal inspection, to ask yourself "Is s/he a real doctor?"

And in case it's said professions are different, I'd ask those of us who've made occasional purchases of certain substances, if you've even wondered "Is he really a dealer [of X] or a police undercover agent."

I do believe all types and sexual tastes (associated with lawful acts) should be tolerated, even enjoyed, but let's curb the piety.
 
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Pure said:
Francisco said 5/28 (topspace thread)

"I know I am a Natural Dominant. I know in it in every fiber of my being. " J.
Click to expand...
Aren't all Dominants natural? I know I have been this way all of my life, even before I knew what it was.

And, is there such a thing as a created submissive? Is it actually possible to convert someone into something they weren't a few minutes before? I rather think you are just bringing out the submissive that was deep down inside all along.
 
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