LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Connection

S

SirTain

Virgin
Joined
Apr 8, 2003
Posts
14
I received a request to start a thread on the subject of letting a sub go owing to lack of connection. I'm not sure what more there is to say on the topic than what prompts a Dom or Domme to do so. In my case, it's lack of psycho-emotional connection, resistance to accepting roles (argh! the dreaded "bottom-toppers") and, mostly, reluctance to communicate.

I know that in my search for slaves, I've sought the open-minded and willing. The ones who say "maybe" instead of "no" and wait to ask "why?" until after they've done what I've asked of them. I insist that my girls never hesitate to ask me a question nor presume my intentions (which is quite different from learning my desires). And in my search it's been the argumentative rather than inquisitive, the dishonest rather than shy or frightened, the negligent rather than forgetful that I have let go.

So, I guess the rephrasing of the question is: what attracts you, Doms and Dommes, to a sub (besides the physical) and, once in a relationship, what leads to letting him or her go?
 
Last edited:
Here's something I said to my sub recently, about what would be a dealbreaker:

"as My sub...you can flirt online, you can have sex with other men while we are apart, but I will be goddamned if you will submit to someone else, online or IRL"


I cannot imagine being the Dom to more than one woman at a time...should I expect that she can serve me, and another?
 
Last edited:
Failure on my part to control the person has caused me to ignore that which I was never in control of anyway. Nobody's fault really, just no point in trying to do something I'm set up to fail at.

If you are going to approach me to serve and submit, be cognizant of what that means and openminded enough to at least try it my way once before questioning.
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Here's something I said to my sub recently, about what would be a dealbreaker:

"as My sub...you can flirt online, you can have sex with other men while we are apart, but I will be goddamned if you will submit to someone else, online or IRL"


I cannot imagine being the Dom to more than one woman at a time...should I expect that she can serve me, and another?
Click to expand...

for many women submitting is as instinctive and natural as breathing, so yes they could submit to many.
 
ownedsubgal said:
for many women submitting is as instinctive and natural as breathing, so yes they could submit to many.
Click to expand...

Actually, that strikes me as the attitude of a doormat/punching-bag/toilet...and that sort of 'submission' is meaningless to me. If a woman submits to any and every person, what makes her submission to me special?
 
Last edited:
i could never submit to more than one at a time... the way i perceive that, is more of a "bottom" role... (this is just my opinion guys!!) one where there isn't a "connection" to one Dom or Master. The sub/bottom is able to "play" with many, with no emotional ties or such....

As i said... just my opinion :)
 
Not yet in a position to judge on this one. I guess like any relationship, if my partner didn't click, or was dishonest, played mind games, that sort of thing... then it would be "bye". I don't see why D/s should be any different in that regard.
 
I think I'd have to pretty much agree with Netzach and Fung on this one, except with regards to mind games; I love mind games.
 
If My slave ever submitted to another Dominant without My direct command his ass would still be stinging from the door hitting it on his way back to loneliness.
I have an ice cold heart when it comes to My toys dropping to their knees for another. I don't care how natural his submission is, if he treats My Domination as just one of many he bent his knee for the wrong Woman!
I released My fem sub for the very fact that she had an addiction for collecting male Doms online and submitting to them all. I didn't shed a tear as I watched her walk out the door.
I adored her...but not enough to allow such disrespect.
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Actually, that strikes me as the attitude of a doormat/punching-bag/toilet...and that sort of 'submission' is meaningless to me. If a woman submits to any and every person, what makes her submission to me special?
Click to expand...

Actually I think I agree with you there sir quite strongly
 
SirTain said:

So, I guess the rephrasing of the question is: what attracts you, Doms and Dommes, to a sub (besides the physical) and, once in a relationship, what leads to letting him or her go?
Click to expand...

Beyond the physical would be
1) honesty, open mindness and willingness
2) my ability to take her to subspace
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Here's something I said to my sub recently, about what would be a dealbreaker:

"as My sub...you can flirt online, you can have sex with other men while we are apart, but I will be goddamned if you will submit to someone else, online or IRL"


I cannot imagine being the Dom to more than one woman at a time...should I expect that she can serve me, and another?
Click to expand...

I actually agree with this.
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
"as My sub...you can flirt online, you can have sex with other men while we are apart, but I will be goddamned if you will submit to someone else, online or IRL"
Click to expand...

I could not have said it better. My slave is mine and she submits to me not any one else.

F.
 
Doing anything behind my back is a dealbreaker. I'm open to just about anything, just about ANYTHING if asked. I'm not a jealous person, I'm not uptight, I'm if anything, curious about desire and sexuality and cool with just about anything I consider ethical.

I try to create a situation where dishonesty is not so much *wrong*, but totally unnecessary.

Submitting to someone else doesn't mean don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Failure to *ask* me about it or discuss it prior, is.
 
ownedsubgal said:
for many women submitting is as instinctive and natural as breathing, so yes they could submit to many.
Click to expand...

I'd like to reword this to say that being submissive or having the desire to please is instinctive and may come natually to some, no matter whose company they are in.

Giving your mind, body, and soul over to another would be a much rarer occurance for me at least.
 
I agree with what has been posted above.

A stubborn or bratty slave will be released. Either you are willing to submit to my will or you are not. I will not have a battle of wills with a pet.


Helena :rose:
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Actually, that strikes me as the attitude of a doormat/punching-bag/toilet...and that sort of 'submission' is meaningless to me. If a woman submits to any and every person, what makes her submission to me special?
Click to expand...

Have to agree there. Submission is special and a mark of respect. If that is given to everyone who looks your way it not only loses it's meaning, but has no value at all. As Master explains to me when I begin to apologise for not finding sharing an easy process, if I did and looked forward to it for my own purposes, he would not see it as submission, nor would he feel my submission to him were real. He spends a lot of time telling me how pleased he is I am not a doormat who mindlessly does as I am told, instead using my mind and spirit in all we do. I obey, but the challenge lies in doing those things I would not do of my own free will, thus I submit to his will.

I am sure though on those days when he is feeling less than energetic from work he wishes I would just obey mindlessly....on those occasions I try harder.
Catalina
 
As a sub there are several views to what has been said about submitting to one or submitting to many. Here are my thoughts.

A sub can submit to more then one Dom. When i was in my play stage, learning what i could from who i could, i saw several diferent Dominants. I refused all collars offered to me because i wasn't ready for that, i hadn't met the Dom that i wanted to give my everything to.

When i do finally give myself over and allow that collar to be placed on my neck that is all there is. My Master. He would be the one to fulfil me. Why would i want to even think about submitting to another? If i do i know He isn't right for me.

Its not that a sub can't give themself to many, it comes down to their own personal choice. It also comes down to the choice of the Domimant. Your choice is finding that sub that won't allow herself to submit to another. Not because you order her not to, but because she would never do it of her own accord. :kiss:
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Actually, that strikes me as the attitude of a doormat/punching-bag/toilet...and that sort of 'submission' is meaningless to me. If a woman submits to any and every person, what makes her submission to me special?
Click to expand...
Ooooh, I really like that.
 
Goddess Helena said:
A stubborn or bratty slave will be released. Either you are willing to submit to my will or you are not. I will not have a battle of wills with a pet.
Click to expand...
Interesting - there are apparently some who prefer bratty subs, or who at least accept them as they are. There's a whole section over at The Lord's Realm called Bratty domain.
 
I have and once again will find that one sub that sparks the hunger in Me. I look for in the physical, (yes, I know besides the physical but this is important,) the eyes. They must have a certain shine to them but also they must have a certain draw to them.

Beyond the physical, it is necessary to find a sub for Me that is quick witted, intelligent, strives to learn at every turn. Also complete and honest devotion. I am not difficult to please, but honesty is My main point of a deal breaker.

I will not tolerate lying, submitting to other Doms etc... But, I have gotten rid of a few for the green-eyed monster rearing it's ugly head. Also negligence and failure to comply with My commands. For the most part though, I go through a long process (normally) evaluating a potential sub and her qualities. By the time collaring is an issue I know that she wouldn't cross those few boundries I set. But if she does, the door to My world is closed forever.
 
SilkVelvet said:
A serious thought.. might not Bratty subs be that way because they didnt have a mix of discipline and nurturing in their lives before ? Maybe the Bratty subs are the ones who need
a Dominant more than the more docile and amenable subs ???
Click to expand...

What you suggest may apply in some cases SV, but in several of those whom I have met and who were decidedly braty, it was more a case of attempting to goad their dom, or occasionally any dom, into giving them what they wanted, when they wanted it. That and, or a need to be the centre of attention. Either case is enough lose them my respect if they ever had it.
 
SilkVelvet said:
A serious thought.. might not Bratty subs be that way because they didnt have a mix of discipline and nurturing in their lives before ? Maybe the Bratty subs are the ones who need
a Dominant more than the more docile and amenable subs ???
Click to expand...

I agree with incubus_dark.

Additionally, a submissive should desired nothing more than to serve and please me. Being bratty or wilful does not serve me. I do not have time for a untrainable pet. If a submissive cannot do as I instruct, I do not see the point in keeping that pet.


Helena :rose:
 
Goddess Helena said:
Additionally, a submissive should desired nothing more than to serve and please me. Being bratty or wilful does not serve me. I do not have time for a untrainable pet. If a submissive cannot do as I instruct, I do not see the point in keeping that pet.
Click to expand...

It is interesting to see how much difference there is in what a dominant might be looking for in a Submissive. I find a wilful, strong and intelligent slave extremely arousing. The battle of will between a sub and a dominant something to be desired, iron that is not tested will start to rust. The strong and the wilful submissive is often the one that will go to any length, any place, will push through any limit for their Master. Once a strong wilful submissive acknowledges the strength in their owner they will go to any limit, they will push through any frontier, make any sacrifice because to them they have found that which they in reality have always wanted a stronger partner.

I am not very attracted to doormats, and enjoy intelligent conversation and discussion. I find it weird that there are some dominants out there that feel so threatened by a strong submissive. I have always though it was a sign of strength and dominance to be able to control a wilful partner.

Francisco.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Aisline2007
Newbie Trying to Explore Hidden BDSM Desires
Replies
12
Views
856
Aisline2007
Aisline2007
Liberia
Newbie has some questions / Am I a sub?
2 3
Replies
69
Views
2K
Liberia
Liberia
Claudia_TylerMae
Stories for Dommes?
Replies
22
Views
570
dct10538
dct10538
TheRedLantern
How to learn about BDSM?
Replies
1
Views
252
filthytrancendence
filthytrancendence
Dirtygirlndeer
What Do You and Your Slave/Sub Crave?
Replies
11
Views
640
Boat1
Boat1
Back
Top