Switching?

How would one know they are ready and want to switch?

Some of my fantasies have nothing to do with submission, while many of them do?

So, what if I want to be the bonder and not the bondee?

They say some of the strongest Switches/Domme's have started out as submissives. Simply because they have been there, done that and fully understand what it means when they are with a submissive.

i don't have those 'switch' urges, but alot of my friends do.. several of the girls who i was close to in my rl group, are now Domme's or Switches.. they told me they just felt it was time for them to step to the other side so to speak.

Wouldn't be bad to explore those feelings you are having would it?

Knowledge is power *g*

//How would one know they are ready and want to switch? //

Well, Miss T, when you find yourself with a whip in your hand and the alleged 'dom' is tied up in front of you and you're taking great delight in beating his ass**.... then you're ready!

**Or you're just thinking of the scene late at night, getting horny and jilling off to it.

Best,

J.

I just knew when it felt natural for me to be the one in control. My gf is rather shy, and I am the stronger, more forward one, anyway, outside of the bedroom. I just take control when we are intimate, and she loves that side of me. She brings it out of me.

At this point I do not think switching is a thing I am drawn to, at least not in a one on one relationship, and I know Master is not about to get the urge to submit!! Have in the past, when trying to find my feet, explored it mildly and found I was definately meant to be submissive. That being said, Master says he thinks I have an ability to be dominant in certain situations, and after discussions and much thought it seems if I am ever going to switch it will be as a Domme to another female.

My attraction to this idea in reality or fantasy is always as a part of the 24/7 relationship we have now with a female submissive being a temporary participant, and Master still being the D in our relationship. I have searched my soul but find I do not seem to desire it in a one on one relationship with anyone, and find it more difficult to contemplate with a male than a female despite many men being intimidated by my strength.

So for me it is still a bit of a gray area, but not in an overly bothersome sense. For some it may be more and I think whenever there is any sense switching may be a desire, there is need to take time out to explore whether it is just fantasy or a need that requires fulfiling.

When I was single I found more people I would be willing to top, than I would be willing to bottom to in casual play - and were I to be single again I imagine it would be the same. However I don't consider myself a switch - perhaps just an opportunist little bugger with a sadistic streak who needs some form of power exchange in my life.

Topping for me is a very short term experience which can be satisfying, but holds no appeal in developing a D/s relationship and usually does not include sex. I can get a thrill from it and feel an intimacy with the partner, but the only thing that really holds me to a relationship and creates a long-term bond is submission. I would rather submit, but it has to be with the right individual, and when single I am not above playing and learning by taking a top role for a limited time.

Oh, and switching with the same partner has been inconceivable (just for me personally). my need generally dictates that the nature of the roles be rather black and white in regards to D/s and how we relate to one another. In this sense, simply bottoming or submission "in the bedroom" alone also doesn't keep my attention and commitment for very long either. There are certain Dommes I meet, wherein their D sets my s off big time - whether or not a relationship ensues is debatable, but that feeling is unmistakable, powerful and much rarer for me, but it's the spark that makes surrender possible - in other words, the D/s has to be real, not an arrangement.

I usually know I am ready for something when I am doing it.

I have no nor have I ever had
the desire to switch or be with one

Well not totally true
I have been with a woman that was totally submissive
with men and totally Dom with women

Generally, I am submissive with men, and can be dominant with women. I know i am CAPABLE of being dominant with men, but... I just have no desire to be.

Same as lark s only opposite. Bottoming is something I do when there's nothing else to be done, and it's nice, but it's just that, at best. Nice.

I don't mind having my bottoms take over at times, though, the relationships I've had and the kinky-enough-to-play friendships have almost always been with swtiches, or people who can understand that Topping me is temporary and it's a service situation. The power dynamics don't really get whacked.

And if I'm going to do it, I'm only going to do it with a woman or a really queeny or somehow exceptionally trustworthy guy on top. Men are generally meant to do what I say. Girls kinda make me stupid.

How did I know it was time to try the opposite? I started out mentally on top, but on bottom for sake of training. I guess I just went for it, and went for it with gusto when it seemed the only thing to do.

Opposite here (to vixen) - topping men is much easier for me than topping women, though I've done both.

With men there is no conflict in wishing to submit, and no romance to muddle things up, but that also makes it alot less challenging and fulfilling, and most definitely not primary partner material.

With women I usually don't have that much desire to top sexually, and if they are submissive my personal sexual reaction is usually just lukewarm. Same with Domiant men, they don't really make it onto my radar screen and my personal desire is lukewarm to chilled.

When submitting I can be in a long-term, monogamous relationship and feel I have the "whole ball of wax" - topping never gives me that feeling or desire.

The only way to know is to try it, and see. Like many who posted before, I've known lots of subs who occasionally try the other end of the whip, and even enjoy it.
Don't limit yourself to one thing unless that's the way you intrinsicly are. Don't even limit yourself to the three shades of Domme, sub, or switch, in short, don't limit yourself. Shop around, try the different roles on, kick the tyres, and all that other nifty shit that makes variety the spice of life.
Finally, when you explore, come here, and tell. I'd love to hear all about it.

I've never really felt the desire to switch. Once Daddy let me play top for fun, but I felt I did a terrible job of it. Daddy, however, does switch from time to time. I've been present while Daddy was on the bottom, and I can tell it's a true switch...it was very strange to watch. A few months ago, though, Daddy suggested that our relationship was close enough that maybe someday Daddy might feel comfortable sharing that with me again, and I could be "Mommy." It meant a lot to me to hear that.

With me personally I wanted to be a submissive first. That was what all my fantasies delt with. Then after being a sub ( which i do love), and having a talk with my other half. I found he really liked being a sub to so i said i would take dom role once in a while. The first time I did it I was a damn natural! The power rush was awesome to say the least. I love being a sub but I absolutly adore being the dom. And that is how I found out I was a switcher. You should try it once if your partner is willing and you are then try it. Sometimes people don't even think of things til they try them and like them or see how good at it they really are. so my advice is to try it atleast once and see.

i'm a switch hitter myself

I just don't get this whole 'switch' thing @ all. I know what it means......I just don't understand it. My last guy said I didn't have a dom. bone in my body; maybe that's why. I've learnt a lot about the Dom/sub scene on-line but still find it very confusing. This is off-topic now, sorry, but does anyone feel up to explaining a few things to me please?

shytilwet?

There wsa a time that I felt the same way. Actually, and no offense intended, when I first began this journey, I thought switches were those who wanted to hvae their cake and eat it too! *giggles*

However, there have been times in my life and people in my life for whom submission was not an issue. I wanted to control them and felt a rush when it happened. Granted, I have never flogged a naked ass, but in certain and special situations, topping another sounds very appealing to me.

Now, as for my submission? It remains in tact. It is a matter of compartmentalizing the two sides of my self. I know that when I fall in love, I will submit, totally.



And certainly, feel free to ask questions. IF they are off topic, start a new thread! Jump right on in, the water is delightful !

shytilwet23

I do not understand switching much either
but I have come to understand
that I do not understand much of anythign any more

this lifestyle seems to have changed a whole lot
more then I thought it had in the last decade

You will know when it is right when you do it. The people around you have to be right and you will do it.
I started as a Top but i am now a bottom and do not go back and forth because i found my true calling

i am uncomfortable in a position of control. i just am. i feel awkward and silly, as if i am putting on an ill fitting suit.

That aside, my day time job includes running a staff of six. i struggle a bit to put aside my submissive tendencies in order to run my department. But, if i don't present a somewhat dominant (every time i think about it in that way, i give an involuntary laugh) facade while at work, i would be run over.

So is switching an option. Nah, not for me. i just don't believe i can get the same sense of satisfaction that i get in being submissive. i like being sub way too much and am very stubborn about holding onto what feels good to me.

Just had a question and i think i will post it in a thread.

Well, to help some understand a bit, or even to offer some semblance of credibility to switching, here is my take on it.

Dominance or topping elicits a certain energy, comparable to that of an adrenaline rush. It may be translated into sexual energy or not, I suppose.

Submission is a feeling of peace, relaxation, and physically, I become putty.

Hmmm so the lines are drawn a bit, but if one is capable and needs both sensations, should that negate their legitimacy in the lifestyle?

A friend of mine who has been involved for years and is very traditional in his approach once told me, "You are the next generation and it <the lifestyle> is in good hands."

Traditional vs. Non-traditional

MissTaken said:

Well, to help some understand a bit, or even to offer some semblance of credibility to switching, here is my take on it.

Dominance or topping elicits a certain energy, comparable to that of an adrenaline rush. It may be translated into sexual energy or not, I suppose.

Submission is a feeling of peace, relaxation, and physically, I become putty.

Hmmm so the lines are drawn a bit, but if one is capable and needs both sensations, should that negate their legitimacy in the lifestyle?

A friend of mine who has been involved for years and is very traditional in his approach once told me, "You are the next generation and it <the lifestyle> is in good hands."

Click to expand...

i don't believe it negates a persons legitimacy in the lifestyle if they need the feeling of power when Topping as well as the feeling of peace when bottoming. Now, there has been much debate about submissive vs. bottom and i think the distinction is important. Bottoms have often made it clear that they are not submissives in the sense of their being submissive on a constant basis outside of a scene. We all know that one can bottom without having to be a submissive and that's fine with me although it is my preference to submit in and out of a scene and on a continuous basis.

It is the diversity of each individual which brings the spice of life to the lifestyle. The "roles" we inhabit become blurred with our wants and needs (nods to Miss T on her other thread). i am a submissive/masochist and know that there are plenty of subs who don't enjoy pain ... even erotic pain. i also know there are many Dominants who aren't sadists. With personal preferences coming into play, it is difficult to pigeon-hole everyone into neat little categories. Non-traditional preferences have made this a divergent community where the ability to recognize the role someone inhabits is tested, revamped or just plain blown away. i have viewed some of the preferences of the people on this board and the following is a list of what i have seen that is contrary to the "traditional":

Sadist Top who likes to bottom but prefers being a Top.

submissive/masochist with a sadistic streak and Top tendencies.

submissive who likes to Top females and bottom to M/men.

Dominant/masochist who likes to Top but needs pain.

The foregoing are examples of how we can no longer place standard labels on the people in this lifestyle. IMHO, people lose legitimacy in this lifestyle if - i) they do not ensure the safety of their partner during a scene, ii) they prowl through the lifestyle looking to inflict harm (emotional/physical/mental) without thought or care and iii) they use people in the lifestyle as a temporary solution to a deeper problem.

There are many more reasons, to my way of thinking, whereby a person can lose legitimacy in the lifestyle, but i'd rather not continue with a diatribe that reiterates the point needlessly.

lara

Spiffy post.

Netzach said:

Spiffy post.

Click to expand...

Thanks lady. Coming from You, that's a compliment.

Shades of Gray

Wonderful post, s'lara!

This is my very first post. I have not been lurking long, but this topic inspires me to at last relinquish my anonymity.

I am a submissive woman who has only recently discovered the wonderful world of BDSM and all it has to offer. My search began with the simple fantasy of getting a spanking. My explorations led me online and into the world of D/s, S/M, TPE, etc... I was fortunate enough to have found one of the true gems online and he has since become my Master and I his devoted slave in real life. Through my submission to him, I have found such depth of emotional satisfaction and spiritual harmony.

When I first began my o/l explorations, I never in a million years envisioned myself becoming a "slave," living a "24/7 lifestyle," or giving up my power to anyone! Ironically, I have found that with my Master, I am able to do all this as naturally as if I were to take a breath. He showed me that "slave" can mean more than "doormat," that "24/7" could be remarkable rather than restrictive, and that power exchange could be an intense melding rather than emotional extortion.

So much for labels!

Now that I am a bit more comfortable and secure in my submissive/slave role, he and I have begun to talk about my topping fantasies. For all those years that I fantasized about getting spanked, I was also the one who had to fantasize being the spanker.

Therefore, I think we all have top and bottom tendencies within us. Like the spectrum, no one is ever "true" black or "true" white, but one of the beautiful, elusive colors of gray between the two. Certainly, one can lead toward either end of the spectrum, but politicizing identity through confining labels can only muddy whatever shade of gray you happen to be.

I found this to be the truth in my case since, as I said above, I have found such joy in being his slave and I am still growing in my submission as it continues to blossom within me and within our relationship. I did not want to suddenly be wearing a "Domme" hat (a snazzy leather one with many studs? ) when I was still getting used to my submissive collar.

Fortunately, in my case, I am in a polyamorous relationship. Master is training 2 other girls as His slaves, one of whom we have discussed becoming both his and mine to use for our mutual pleasures (yes, the slave in question is definitely part of the discussion). This idea both excites me and intimidates me. I get flushed with performance anxiety. Yet, at the same time, when he has handed me the crop with her bare bottom before me wiggling to be smacked, I have to say that there is a definite rush of feeling to certain areas of my body (including my brain!).

To be a "switch" is a difficult place to be for very personal reasons. I feel the need to reaffirm my submission to him after even thinking about topping someone else. He has said that he sees my topping tendencies as being proof of my further submission to him since I am consciously controlling my more aggressive side in order to surrender my will to his.

As for now, I define myself as a slave to a Dominant male in a polyamorous relationship. My definition of "slave" differs greatly from the many I have encountered in the BDSM world. However, I will not allow the difference to deter me from my enjoyment of my submission or my servitude to my Master. I do wish that we as a community could finally put aside our derision of certain words and lend our support instead to anyone who is willing to push her limits in a safe, sane, consensual way.

*jumping off my soap box*

~ Q.

*quick hijack i promise.. lol*

i just wanted to welcome Quixotica to Lit, and to the BDSM board.

Great to have you here, sis