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Sex or Service ?

Richard49

Richard49

The Gentleman Dom
Joined
Feb 27, 2002
Posts
14,176
Does one play a more important role in your life than the other?
Do you indentify this lifestyle as more about one than the other. Is it a mixture of the two? Or perhaps you define sex as service?
So my question is: How do you define/relate sex and service in
regards to dominance and submission?
 
Sex is an aspect of service, in my opinion...maybe the most apparent one. What else, besides sex, can I not do for myself? And what submission is more complete than sexual submission?
 
i agree with Johnny that in this lifestyle, sex is a form of service (for the sub of course)....it's just one way in which i serve my Master and those he wishes me to serve. however, i don't feel that sexual submission is "complete" submission. i can serve a man sexually and give up very little of myself, give up nothing other than my body for him to use at that moment. the most complete form of submission, imo...total slavery.


sex is just one form of service for me...one of many that make up this vast and diverse lifestyle.
 
sex is service....

It's part of what I do for D; part of expressing my submission and caring.
 
Funny thing is, I get a whole lot more sexual satisfaction, at least in terms of orgasms, than Sir does. So many times when we are playing, I may have multiple orgasms and he may or may not have one, generally somewheres towards the end of the scene. And even a trip in the car can turn into a scene, thanks to remote control toys and deserted highways, etc. Ha! So it seems kinda funny for me to call sex a service, except that he obviously enjoys doing all the kinky and other stuff he does to me to get me hot. I think he does WAY more for me than I do for him in this regard.

I think what makes our relationship D/s the most is the always present undercurrent of his control, my giving and respect, and lucky for me, all intertwined with lots of affection and caring. Because of jobs, kids, etc. etc. we can't play or have sex nearly as much as we'd like, but he is always the Dominant and I the submissive no matter how much we can "manifest" it at the moment. .
 
Justina123 said:
Funny thing is, I get a whole lot more sexual satisfaction, at least in terms of orgasms, than Sir does. So many times when we are playing, I may have multiple orgasms and he may or may not have one, generally somewheres towards the end of the scene. And even a trip in the car can turn into a scene, thanks to remote control toys and deserted highways, etc. Ha! So it seems kinda funny for me to call sex a service, except that he obviously enjoys doing all the kinky and other stuff he does to me to get me hot. I think he does WAY more for me than I do for him in this regard.

I think what makes our relationship D/s the most is the always present undercurrent of his control, my giving and respect, and lucky for me, all intertwined with lots of affection and caring. Because of jobs, kids, etc. etc. we can't play or have sex nearly as much as we'd like, but he is always the Dominant and I the submissive no matter how much we can "manifest" it at the moment. .
Click to expand...

But do you clean the kitchen?
 
Richard49 said:
Does one play a more important role in your life than the other?
Do you indentify this lifestyle as more about one than the other. Is it a mixture of the two? Or perhaps you define sex as service?
So my question is: How do you define/relate sex and service in
regards to dominance and submission?
Click to expand...

Service comes before sex, hands down. Sometimes, for one reason or another, like being sick or overtly pre-occupied, busy, troubled or something, playing or sex comes second. She has no need to force this, and would take no joy in doing so - and I don't attempt to force play either. Other times I might be feeling ornery, have PMS, simply being forgetful, whatever, and it doesn't excuse me from submitting to Her within the basic guidelines and rules She has given me - IOW there is no acceptable excuse. Sometimes She may set up a scene to fully and pointedly illustrate that I am servicing Her sexually, but more often it plays on different factors, like my surrender to Her.
 
Wow, Richard

You're batting a thousand on thought provoking threads.
I personally try to keep my Dominance, Masochism, and sexuality discrete from each other in my head to avoid personal conflict even when I'm doing two together. Sometimes, they can be at odds with each other, and I don't need that distraction when I'm active. It wouldn't be right for me, or whoever happens to be involved.
 
In my outwordly self, I am in total control...I have to be my job demands it....

My private self is much different, I choose to surrender...submit....
 
Richard:


Yes, I clean the kitchen! (Giggles...I have this bad habit- maybe it comes from having had lots of kids- of constantly walking through a room and cleaning and tidying- including picking up cups and putting them in the dishwasher, etc. Many's a time I have scooped up and dumped Sir's cup or glass only to have him ask a moment later, 'What happened to my drink?" So he is often telling me to STOP cleaning, ha.)

- justina
 
Justina, would you come work for me, dear?
Seriosuly, what do you mean, exactly, by "service," Richard? And I also think your threads are extremely thought-provoking.
 
Justina,
Your orgasms are service to your Dominant. He controls those orgasms and with each orgasm you are surrendering control to him. Ahhh and isn't that what it is all about?

Service doesn't always mean that we service by doing "for" the Dominant. Sometimes, it is simply having given control of something so pleasurable and intimate as an orgasm that reminds him of your servitude and submission.

(A lesson it took me a long time and many discussions to understand! ;))

*Be back in a bit to answer Richard's question. :rose: *
 
My definition of the lifestyle has more to do with servitude than sexuality.

I can have sex anytime.

I can have kinky sex anytime.

I can even serve someone sexually, by dropping a quarter.

The piece of D/s that I simply cannot do without a Dominant is not simply service, but the power exchange. I serve and return I recieve devotion and appreciation. I recieve mental structure and comfort in his strength.

Ahh I am sounding very romantic these days???

:D
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
Sex is an aspect of service, in my opinion...maybe the most apparent one. What else, besides sex, can I not do for myself? And what submission is more complete than sexual submission?
Click to expand...

I can do sex for myself too. To me sex is just one form of service, and it is not as important to Me as owning a sub with a strong will to serve Me.

Booty calls are too easy.
 
Richard49 said:
nope

more like you are finding yourself
Click to expand...

*giggles*

I wish they would just give me a road map...

this trial by error thing is getting to be a bit too much!

;)

Hey EB!

I like the occasional booty call as well!

;) Where is PBW when ya need him?

*evil laugh*
 
Hey Miss T

booty call from me to you ......

:rose: :rose:

now back to your regular programing
 
I think women can have sex whenever they like, and have been able to attract men for that their whle lives. It is different for me, in that I was not sexually confident or aggressive early in life. To me, at least, sex is a big component in being served. Other forms of service, that don't include my body in some for or other (like being bathed, fed, massaged, etc.) just don't do as much for me. It is just personal preference, I suppose.
 
For me, my comment about having sex whenever I wish is new, within the last couple of years.

AFter thinking about your post, I realize it is the "sexual confidence" that I have found that has made the difference.

Some Doms do enjoy the sex and BDSM is creative foreplay. Some Doms enjoy the service, knowing that if he or she tells their sub to do anything, they will.
 
MissTaken said:
*giggles*

I wish they would just give me a road map...

this trial by error thing is getting to be a bit too much!

;)

Hey EB!

I like the occasional booty call as well!

;) Where is PBW when ya need him?

*evil laugh*
Click to expand...

Oh yeah, PBW does have the booty. the boy in my av has a great booty too. Oh yeah, I have dibs on THAT booty! LOL
 
Hmmm. I've heard other subs on lit describe themselves as "service oriented" and I've been mulling that over for sometime in relation to myself. I've never thought of myself as service oriented, but upon examination, I guess there may be a large component of that. I've always been the partner that has done most of the domestic work , but I've always had more time for it, and enjoy the cooking and the hous stuff that goes along with domestic partnership (even cleaning the kitchen).

For myself, I've always been more preoccupied with the sexual side of submission, and haven't give a lot of thought to the other. Lots of food for thought. Thanks Richard
 
During my time as a slave, service was non-sexually oriented. Now with hub, it plays a greater role in our play.

I'd also like to say ditto to MissT's reply.
 
Johnny Mayberry said:
I think women can have sex whenever they like, and have been able to attract men for that their whle lives.
Click to expand...

So can men. Most men learn how to pursue booty before they learn how to balance their checkbooks.


But in a D/s context, it all depends on your focus. If I want sex, I probably go with my vanilla for that cause he and I have an understanding (and a damn fine one too).

However, he is not submissive material at all. When I need submission, I have my boys who are very capable and valuable submissives for My brand of domination.
 
Ebonyfire said:
So can men. Most men learn how to pursue booty before they learn how to balance their checkbooks.


But in a D/s context, it all depends on your focus. If I want sex, I probably go with my vanilla for that cause he and I have an understanding (and a damn fine one too).

However, he is not submissive material at all. When I need submission, I have my boys who are very capable and valuable submissives for My brand of domination.
Click to expand...

LOL, ok, some of us like to shop the specialty stores...others like to get everything at WalMart. To each his own, I suppose!
 
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