M's girl
Leaving
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2005
- Posts
- 7,156
I could really use your help with this one.
M and I are wondering what we should do. We live in a somewhat quiet neighbourhood where people tend to know one another. I come from the city so I'm different and don't interact that much with everyone in the street.
We live here for one and a half year now almost, and do have contact with our nextdoor neighbours on one side from day one. They are the kind of people that are very much in your face all the time. If it weren't for locks on my doors they would be in my house also all the time. I also use caller-ID to filter the 10 phonecalls or more per day she tends to make (although it's getting less - I guess it's starting to sink in that we are so much more private than that). On the other hand, if I would ever need her (their) help she (they) would be there in a heartbeat. They are like that too. We are very self supporting, though, and are afraid they will ask back what they give, but double (that happened already).
Anyway, these are people who are very simple. He has his own company (true) but the kind of work he does does not require a lot of education. His wife helps him with the administration somewhat. She's not Mrs Clever either but she has a big mouth, which gets her, surprisingly sometimes (to me), a long way. They are very self absorbed. He works all the time and is almost never at home for his wife and kids (and all the animals they have). She is a stay at home mum (but on benefits) but is too busy making social phone calls all day on her mobile phone. Their children are being totally neglected most of the time, but that's not all.
The children are (boy) 10, (girl) 5 and (boy) 1.... They hardly ever pay attention to them. The children are so frustrated as a result of that, that they don't know how to behave 'normal' anymore, resulting in other children (and those childrens parents) not wanting to have anything to do with them. This is starting to include me, because, frankly, when they are at 'your house' (oké, my house) they are rude, start fights all the time, never ever listen, can't eat or drink 'normal' without making one big mess, break things and such. I know they are children and all children do these things sometimes. But they do it on purpose and all of the time. But I know where it comes from and I also feel sorry for them. Their behaviour is one big cry for help and attention!
The lack of attention is not all. I must say... I have never noticed that they beat the children up other than the slap on the butt every now and then. So the abuse is not physical, what makes it harder to define, I guess.
But they abuse their children psychologicaly. By not paying attention and shouting and yelling at them ALL THE TIME. They yell them out of their beds in the morning and yell them back in. When they make a move either parent does not like they are sent away and called names, like asshole (the boy) and cunt of whore (the little girl!
) The children have problems with sleeping, which does not surprise me at all. So every night the parents scream from the livingroom without lifting their butt all sorts of terrible stuff to try to keep them in bed and/or quiet, which only upsets and frustrates the children more. They get up and go to bed by themselves. No goodnight kisses in their bedrooms, no helping (for the girl who is only 5!) with washing and dressing/undressing, although she gets yelled at if she puts on something that does not fit or is dirty. Dirty laundry is lying everywhere in the house, including in the children's rooms. They are yelled at for making a mess in their rooms but mum is the one who can't keep one square meter of her house clean and organized for more than one hour. How are the children supposed to learn how to keep things organized?! The many animals in the house also pee everywhere, including in the children's rooms. The children (and the animals) get yelled at because of that.
It's noise, noise, noise coming from next door, all of the time. And it's heartbreaking to hear!
The problem is: they really think there is nothing wrong with the way they raise the children. Granted, they take them out to fairs and such every once in a while and they get presents a lot. They take away the presents too as punishment whenever they feel like it, something I can understand under certain circumstances, but they are being totally inconsistant, which is very confusing for such young children.
The yelling and screaming and neglect are getting to us both (M and me) and we have talked a few times about informing the proper authorities. But then what? I know we should talk to them first. That is scary, I have to admit. Plus I really don't want to get involved in this actually. On the other hand I (we) feel there is something that needs to be done for the sake of the chidren. It is really heartbreaking what's happening to them.
Anyone with experience in something like this? I think I know what I (we) should do and in what order, really.... but I just could use some more advice and feedback from the crowd here.
Thanks in advance guys
M and I are wondering what we should do. We live in a somewhat quiet neighbourhood where people tend to know one another. I come from the city so I'm different and don't interact that much with everyone in the street.
We live here for one and a half year now almost, and do have contact with our nextdoor neighbours on one side from day one. They are the kind of people that are very much in your face all the time. If it weren't for locks on my doors they would be in my house also all the time. I also use caller-ID to filter the 10 phonecalls or more per day she tends to make (although it's getting less - I guess it's starting to sink in that we are so much more private than that). On the other hand, if I would ever need her (their) help she (they) would be there in a heartbeat. They are like that too. We are very self supporting, though, and are afraid they will ask back what they give, but double (that happened already).
Anyway, these are people who are very simple. He has his own company (true) but the kind of work he does does not require a lot of education. His wife helps him with the administration somewhat. She's not Mrs Clever either but she has a big mouth, which gets her, surprisingly sometimes (to me), a long way. They are very self absorbed. He works all the time and is almost never at home for his wife and kids (and all the animals they have). She is a stay at home mum (but on benefits) but is too busy making social phone calls all day on her mobile phone. Their children are being totally neglected most of the time, but that's not all.
The children are (boy) 10, (girl) 5 and (boy) 1.... They hardly ever pay attention to them. The children are so frustrated as a result of that, that they don't know how to behave 'normal' anymore, resulting in other children (and those childrens parents) not wanting to have anything to do with them. This is starting to include me, because, frankly, when they are at 'your house' (oké, my house) they are rude, start fights all the time, never ever listen, can't eat or drink 'normal' without making one big mess, break things and such. I know they are children and all children do these things sometimes. But they do it on purpose and all of the time. But I know where it comes from and I also feel sorry for them. Their behaviour is one big cry for help and attention!
The lack of attention is not all. I must say... I have never noticed that they beat the children up other than the slap on the butt every now and then. So the abuse is not physical, what makes it harder to define, I guess.
But they abuse their children psychologicaly. By not paying attention and shouting and yelling at them ALL THE TIME. They yell them out of their beds in the morning and yell them back in. When they make a move either parent does not like they are sent away and called names, like asshole (the boy) and cunt of whore (the little girl!
) The children have problems with sleeping, which does not surprise me at all. So every night the parents scream from the livingroom without lifting their butt all sorts of terrible stuff to try to keep them in bed and/or quiet, which only upsets and frustrates the children more. They get up and go to bed by themselves. No goodnight kisses in their bedrooms, no helping (for the girl who is only 5!) with washing and dressing/undressing, although she gets yelled at if she puts on something that does not fit or is dirty. Dirty laundry is lying everywhere in the house, including in the children's rooms. They are yelled at for making a mess in their rooms but mum is the one who can't keep one square meter of her house clean and organized for more than one hour. How are the children supposed to learn how to keep things organized?! The many animals in the house also pee everywhere, including in the children's rooms. The children (and the animals) get yelled at because of that. It's noise, noise, noise coming from next door, all of the time. And it's heartbreaking to hear!
The problem is: they really think there is nothing wrong with the way they raise the children. Granted, they take them out to fairs and such every once in a while and they get presents a lot. They take away the presents too as punishment whenever they feel like it, something I can understand under certain circumstances, but they are being totally inconsistant, which is very confusing for such young children.
The yelling and screaming and neglect are getting to us both (M and me) and we have talked a few times about informing the proper authorities. But then what? I know we should talk to them first. That is scary, I have to admit. Plus I really don't want to get involved in this actually. On the other hand I (we) feel there is something that needs to be done for the sake of the chidren. It is really heartbreaking what's happening to them.
Anyone with experience in something like this? I think I know what I (we) should do and in what order, really.... but I just could use some more advice and feedback from the crowd here.
Thanks in advance guys
