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If size doesnt matter then why does she say...

You can't wear her out with bigger toys :) When people say size doesn't matter, it's the same way you might say body size doesn't matter, people still have preferences and some like them small, some like them big. This pretty much lies in her hands, just be up front and tell her you are comfortable discussing it with her.
 
Hey don't worry about it, just remember 75/80% of the population isn't as 'gifted' downstairs as you are, and it's a pretty common anxiety thing.

As to why she has a thing, honestly I think it just boils down to everyone's little quirks, why do some women have a thing for hairy men, why do some have a thing for anal sex, even if they've never tried it. If someone figures out what makes people tick erotically they will retire very rich :)

You don't need to worry that she likes big things but you aren't king kong (although those of us down at the average line would like to argue :p) as long as you can incorporate it into your relationship, have you tried her penetrating herself with a smaller toy while you enter at the same time? that could cover any size needs :) when in doubt just be open, honest, and creative, I hope your relationship continues on it's course, you really sound happy with it overall.
 
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lm2000 said:
So...

Before I beat this cliche with a stick let me get some of the standard issues surrounding it out of the way...

1. We have awesome sex. She climaxes regularly and we both agree we are the best lovers each has had. Of course, she's only had 2 other lovers, and i've had 15-20(and I'm not trying to sound proud).

2. My penis is not small. It's not huge, but I would say its...big. Bigger than the average joes. It's 7.5", 8 if I'm going nutty. I'm proud of the little guy, and I have recieved compliments from plenty of past lovers and those who Ive shown over the web.

3. I'm 23, so there is ALMOST nothing that can be said to completely aleviate this "insecurity" if I can call it that. I am completely comfortable with admitting that i'm immature and rediculous about the whole thing, so you dont have to beat that into my head...

Now with previous lovers its never really been a major issue, although there is always, always the wish that my johnson were bigger like in so many porn scenes I see on the internet. No I'm not wishing for a massive king kong dick, but maybe an extra inch and a little more fatness would be fun.

Anyhow, to my current situation....

So the woman I'm with now will be my last. I love her sooooo much, and we are both convinced this is it. We talk about kids, traveling the world together, so many awesome things.

But, she has made a few comments that have played on my stupid penis insecurity, albeit unintentionally of course.

....

1. The "I can handle it, dont worry"...So I dont remember how it came up, but I think it was after sex. Damn, I cant remember the context(my memmory is shit), but basically she said at one point early on in our relationship not to worry about my dick hurting her, because she can handle it. And sort of said it like. Donnnnttt worry I can handle it, ::wink, wink:: I'm exagerating slightly, but she had that tone.

2. Her masterbation practices. She doesnt masterbate very much at all from what she tells me, and she wouldnt lie about this. But thats another thread, and something I'm curious about. But when I went a little deeper and asked more questions, I discovered that she said she likes to put things in her vagina. I said "like what"? She basically said various things, like candles and blah blah. I was thinking, ok this is kind of hot. "So what is the biggest thing youve put up there" she sort of was hesitant but said "A shampoo bottle". So of course I asked, like the big ones, what size etc. She said no, just a standerd size one. I'm guessing an inch inch and a half wide. Not TOO huge. But then again I dont know the exact bottle.

3. The toy store. So we decided to go to a toy store to check out and see what was there. She also said that she'd never owned a toy and was kind of curious. Of course I think at this point I had decided we were going to do the long distance thing(she is going to school in germany, where she is from) and would need something to play with in my absence. So she didnt really know anything about toys, and I had only bought one for a girlfriend prior so I guess I was the very slightly more experienced one.

I told her she might like something that vibrated and was slightly angled to hit her G-spot. She said sure that sounds good. so we went to the wall, and were shopping around looking at the toys for awhile. It came down to, wow none of these vibrators are really big enough. She actually said "I like that one but i'm not sure if its big enough". This thing wasnt HUGE, but I would say maybe 9 inches and about as thick if not very slightly narrower than my own dick. But still pretty dang big for her first toy. She wanted another one that was even bigger, but decided to go with the purple one because it was slightly more angled for her gspot. But it was a tough decision, I watched her struggle because she wanted the bigger one, and even said "well this one is bigger, buuuuttt..."

4. The recent slip. So she knows by know that I wish my dick were a little bit bigger, but that I know its stupid and that I'm just being immature. Its not a big thing, I may have mentioned it at some point in passing. So she is back in Germany now going to school and I talk to her every day. After almost 6 weeks of being at home in germany away from me she FINALLY decided to masterbate and try her new toy, the purple one described above. I was pretty excited about this and was asking her how it went. She said, it was good that it took her a little bit but she came eventually. That it worked well on the outside but not as good on the inside. She said it felt cold and hard, and not "authentic" like mine. But she also said, "and im not sure if its big enough" or something to that extent. To which I was sort of shocked, as I said before its 9 or more inches, and probably hmm...4 or 5 inches around? Not sure, but about as thick maybe a tiny tiny bit smaller width wise than mine, but not much.

I sort of reeled, and was like "ohhh reallyyy?" Is it lacking in length or width? Then she immediately realized what she said, and sort of stuttered. I gave her an out, because I was feeling bad a little bit, and said "well its not quite as wide as mine anyways" And she said "yes, its width, width is what it is lacking". I then sort of said, baby dont worry. This is just an immature stupid insecurity that I know is completely unjustified. I'll get over it eventually, and eventually I may even help you put some bigger toys up there if that is what you like. Just let me get over this, i'm still only 23. She basically said "okay", "i would like that".

So now that I've written a small novel...here are my basic questions...

1. If size doesnt matter then why does she want a bigger toy than my dick? Standard question right? So another twist is...then why is this toy that is "not big enough" unable to give her what she wants?

2. So maybe she just likes big things in her pussy and she thinks that feels good. I can come to terms with that eventually. I know my cock gives her great pleasure and so do many other things I do in bed. BUT...should this be reason to worry? Will she some day, when she is older, and we are married, fantasize about men with larger penises? Black men? Multiple men? I doubt she would ever act on it as I trust her the more and more I get to know her, but should I ever feel threatened?

3. If she starts playing with bigger toys, and I get into it with her and enjoy pleasuring her with bigger toys, will that decrease the effectiveness of my cock in any way? I mean sure its the "real thing" but maybe she will have better/more powerful orgasims with a big fat rubber cock than my smaller cock can give.
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Let me put my two cents there.

Let say you like big tits and she got small ones. But, you love her and there is no better sex than with her right?! Because SHE matters!

Well, same things for us women. We can have preferences but when it is about the REAL thing, the one we love have ALL the right stuff we need and sex is great because HE matters!

There is a tremendous difference between sex toys and the real sex! And as far as I am concern, no matter what he have to offer ( about sizes ) as long as we are together and we do what pleases each other....then, nothing beats him and surely not a toy as big as it can be!!!
 
Sorry, it's too late to read the whole thread, but I read your post.

1) quit trying to own her. You will, if you stay together, sometimes fantasize about a woman with bigger tits, a rounder butt, smaller tits, different hair, bigger lips - whatever the fuck else. In fantasy, stuff is exaggerated. Set toys are always extra long or big - it's the drama that makes up for the missing stimulus of the other person.

2) a bigger ego will make you much sexier then an extra inch of cocksize. You've got more then enough. Oversize dicks are a pain (really). She might like to feel very stretched sometimes - that might be a little pain fetish or s/m leaning. Explore it as a sexual interest, not a comment on your cock.
 
lm2000 said:
I mean...I'm not a tit man, but for the sake of argument, hear me out here... Lets say I were...

So why then, would I make subtle comments that I like big tits, and say...for example point out another woman with the same sized tits as her and say...those are okay but I like bigger. I mean I know this is a stretch, but you get what I mean. I dont resent that she said these things, and I know she felt stupid and shitty afterwards, and so did i for making her feel that way. But I'm already a little insecure about it...I dont know. She would never intentionally fuck with me, I know that. But is it just on her mind or something? That cant be it...so then what is it?
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A guy who really wished his girlfriend had bigger breasts certainly might say/do insensitive things like pressuring her to have a baby because breastfeeding causes breasts to get a bit bigger, or asking her, "Would you get a boob job if I paid for it?"

And, why can't it just be on her mind? Some people are just sixe queens. *shrug* Me I don't see the appeal because I can't comfortably take a dick more than 6" long and fairly narrow, but instead I end up suggesting to my boyfriends that it would be really cool if they would do it with another guy while I watched. Which, if the boyfriend in question is straight, probably plays on some typical male insecurities. At any rate, it makes a terrible foundation for a relationship to start by asking your partner to hide or be silent about some of their preferences.
 
lm2000 said:
Ok, both good points. And she does want me to tie her up. Also she likes being the "victim" as she says it. But it could be a translation thing, she may just like being dominated. Definately things I plan to explore. But i'm also a little scared because im not into pain much myself, as far as i know. And I'm not sure i would like causing pain either. But of course I am curious and plan to explore all of this with her.
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You want to be all things to her, and in that wish, you become both insecure and controlling. Get interested in taking your full pleasure from sex, and you'll be more grounded in your own experience. That's sexy.
 
<insert sarcastic comment here>

Really, I think your self described immaturity is making you read a lot more into the comments and actions of your girl. Relax, have fun exploring each other and stop thinking so much about it. If you were too small, she probably wouldn't be with you still.
 
Geez, you need to get over your dick already--it's NOT your biggest sex organ! It's SO not sexy when a man's self-esteem is wrapped up in his cock, because there's much more to sex than a penis thrusting in and out of a vagina. Let her have her toys.

lm2000 said:
If size doesnt matter then why does she want a bigger toy than my dick? Standard question right? So another twist is...then why is this toy that is "not big enough" unable to give her what she wants?
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Unless it's to protect your fragile ego, what's the point of her buying a toy that's your size or smaller? She can get that any time she wants.

I have three dildos--all bigger than my average-sized husband. I don't use them that often, but my husband really gets off on watching me take something bigger. At the moment, I prefer the dildos to having a MFM.

My husband knows that I'm not going to dump him for my dildos. A cold rubber dong is no substitute for a flesh-and-blood human.

So maybe she just likes big things in her pussy and she thinks that feels good. I can come to terms with that eventually. I know my cock gives her great pleasure and so do many other things I do in bed. BUT...should this be reason to worry? Will she some day, when she is older, and we are married, fantasize about men with larger penises? Black men? Multiple men? I doubt she would ever act on it as I trust her the more and more I get to know her, but should I ever feel threatened?
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I think you've already given yourself reason to worry. Who cares what she fantasizes about, as long as she's still having sex with you? Some people are content with their fantasies remaining just that--fantasies.

If she starts playing with bigger toys, and I get into it with her and enjoy pleasuring her with bigger toys, will that decrease the effectiveness of my cock in any way? I mean sure its the "real thing" but maybe she will have better/more powerful orgasims with a big fat rubber cock than my smaller cock can give.
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It will decrease the effectiveness of your cock if you allow these thoughts to continue to fester.

The vagina is pretty elastic, you know. It can stretch to accommodate a baby, yet a tampon can be a tight fit. And since a lot of women don't have orgasms from PIV sex, anyway, you should be using more than your cock to give her orgasms, anyway.
 
lm2000 said:
Then she immediately realized what she said, and sort of stuttered. I gave her an out, because I was feeling bad a little bit, and said "well its not quite as wide as mine anyways" And she said "yes, its width, width is what it is lacking". I then sort of said, baby dont worry.
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If this were me, I'd be more worried about her seeming inability to communicate with me than the size of my dick. Why couldn't she answer what appears to be a very clear question?

Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship [friendship, familial, sexual etc.]. If you're planning on living together, travelling together, having a family, whatever you need to be able to express your thoughts and feelings to each other.

Have you actually said all of these things to her? About how you feel about your penis? If not then all you have is the two of you on either side of this pointless debate unaware of what the other's thoughts are.

Express yourself clearly and ask her to do the same. Especially now that she lives half way around the world, you're only going to have talking on the phone or chatting online for your time together. You can't fix anything with a hug anymore.
 
Jo_Huntz said:
If this were me, I'd be more worried about her seeming inability to communicate with me than the size of my dick. Why couldn't she answer what appears to be a very clear question?
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Probably because she knows how sensitive he is about cock size and knew no matter what she said, he'd find a way to be insecure about it.

It's like the "does my ass look fat in these pants?" question.
 
Why would you ever want a bigger house than the first one you ever moved into?

Or a bigger car, with a bigger engine (eco freaks not counting)?

You can buy her the biggest dildo in the world, she can use it and you could still make her come with your cock right after she had used it!
 
I'm glad you feel you've moving on this one. We all have our moments of doubt and want to be the ideal. 'Merely human' takes time to accept.
 
lm2000 said:
So if thats the case, and I am the biggest she's been with, why does she still have such a thing for bigger objects in her pussy? And would she not want a guy with a bigger cock?
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because she's a size queen, plain and simple. its nothing to do with you, per say. she likes em bigger than normal...bigger than bigger than normal even, since you're well above average length.
 
figured i would just add my two cents to this as well.

first off, there is a diffrence between what feels good and what is nice to look at. i think that even having a small dick is good if you use the right moves on your SO (my GF is happy with me even though i have a short one)
another thing is that it's not really that big of a deal even if she likes useing dildos that are bigger than you because you're the only one she would let use them on her.

lastly just remember; the more you love somone the bigger their flaws will appear
 
lm2000 said:
..my stupid penis insecurity...
Click to expand...

Penis insecurity is NOT stupid.

Focus on becoming very wealthy, powerful and wildly successful. If you don't already play, learn to play the piano. Pick up some cool Latin phrases, take some voice lessons, and fix your fucking hair.

Bottom-Line: If you can add more to the entire package of who you are then she - and all the other lucky babes in your future - will completely forget about your penile challenges.

I'm a poor lackey who can't sing a lick or play piano [and I couldn't spell Lattin if you spotted me the first four letters] but in having a huge cock the chicks seem to be ok with the rest of me.
 
I have a 4.5 inch long cock. Would I like a bigger one? Sure, but since I can't get one, I don't worry about it!

Am I satisfied with who I am? Yes I am. I am the sexiest fucking thing on this planet.
 
Hey man, any woman who would leave you because of the size of your Johnson -- over which you have absolutely no control -- is far more immature than you'll ever be. If she wants to dump a good thing (you said you're talking marriage, kids, world cruises, spending your life together) so she can find some moron with a horse cock, then LET HER! Love isn't about sex, it's about love.

Sex is the just the really fun physical part of love.
 
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