The Topping From the Bottom Poll

Poll Time! Topping from the Bottom a discussion.

A few months ago I was accused of doing this. Can you top from the bottom if you are not with someone who considers themselves a Top or you a Bottom? If you can is this wrong of you? Please vote and discuss.

Thank you,

Fury

The Topping From the Bottom Poll.

Sweetie, did you mean to separate your poll from your discussion thread?

No I didn't but I messed up.

Fury

Well, to answer your question, it depends on your point of view.

It's not fair for your S.O. to accuse you of topping from the bottom since he is unwilling (or unable) to top you.

However, you know inside if you're doing that and how it feels regardless of whether he's a real top or not. You know it's not a satisfying way to live or behave.

Someone's got to call the shots, right?

If you're having fun and your top isn't put out by your methods of directing (subtle or not subtle) who cares?

Personally I feel like an ass if I don't respond to the info I'm getting from a bottom in some fashion.

Master Sensei said:

Well, to answer your question, it depends on your point of view.

It's not fair for your S.O. to accuse you of topping from the bottom since he is unwilling (or unable) to top you.

However, you know inside if you're doing that and how it feels regardless of whether he's a real top or not. You know it's not a satisfying way to live or behave.

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Thanks Master Sensei, but he's not the one that accused me of it. I don't think he ever would either. I feel like I'm just doing what I need to with what I have. Sometimes it's great and sometimes it's frustrating. That's just like the rest of life, right?

Fury

Netzach said:

Someone's got to call the shots, right?

If you're having fun and your top isn't put out by your methods of directing (subtle or not subtle) who cares?

Personally I feel like an ass if I don't respond to the info I'm getting from a bottom in some fashion.

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Thanks Netzach!

I am having fun most of the time. I believe he is too.

I do think communication is essential regardless both ways.

He still claims to be all 'nilla.

Fury

FurryFury said:

I am having fun most of the time. I believe he is too.

I do think communication is essential regardless both ways.

He still claims to be all 'nilla.

Fury

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If he's claiming 'nilla status how can he have any ground to stand on when accusing you of topping from the bottom?
I wasn't aware 'nilla had a bottom side to it (unless flavored by BDSM, which kinda makes it non-nilla.)

So in your situation, I'm not sure how he can make that acusation. I mean, if he sees himself in charge, but not Topping or Dom type, I suppose he could draw that conclusion but if so he needs to take a good look at himself and figure out why he's angry with you, or if he's upset with himself.


I reserve the right to edit this- haven't been awake more then an hour or so.

Vixandra said:

If he's claiming 'nilla status how can he have any ground to stand on when accusing you of topping from the bottom?
I wasn't aware 'nilla had a bottom side to it (unless flavored by BDSM, which kinda makes it non-nilla.)

So in your situation, I'm not sure how he can make that acusation. I mean, if he sees himself in charge, but not Topping or Dom type, I suppose he could draw that conclusion but if so he needs to take a good look at himself and figure out why he's angry with you, or if he's upset with himself.


I reserve the right to edit this- haven't been awake more then an hour or so.

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No, he didn't make that accusation.

It was someone else.

Fury

Topping form the bottom is that anything like saying you don't have to hold my ears, I know what I'm doing?

There is always a top banana and if that top climbed up from the bottom so be it.

FurryFury said:

The Topping From the Bottom Poll.

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FurryFury said:

No, he didn't make that accusation.

It was someone else.

Fury

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Oh... well, same theory points then. If not a D/s or T/b instance, not sure how its topping from the bottom.

*reads over previous posts and blushes* Oops, I missed that.

Okay, now I'm more lost- why is someone who wasn't in the situatoin saying you're topping from the bottom?

Blushing Bottom said:

Topping form the bottom is that anything like saying you don't have to hold my ears, I know what I'm doing?

There is always a top banana and if that top climbed up from the bottom so be it.

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*smiles* I like you! I'm not sure what the ears thing is about but I like you!

Fury

Vixandra said:

Oh... well, same theory points then. If not a D/s or T/b instance, not sure how its topping from the bottom.

*reads over previous posts and blushes* Oops, I missed that.

Okay, now I'm more lost- why is someone who wasn't in the situatoin saying you're topping from the bottom?

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Good question Vixandra! I don't know.

I have another one.

Why did it bother me so much for so long before I started this thread?

I have no answers for either of those questions.

As for my husband and I, we do things that might be considered D/s but here's the rub, neither of us feels like a Dom or a Top.

If pressed he will say he is either 'nilla or a sub.

I will freely admit to have a huge well of sumissive feelings though playing the Top for him or me can confuse me at times. I do enjoy it at times as you may have read. I also simply enjoy playing roles in all kinds of ways but what I want is to be submissive.

Supposedly he is doing it "just for me." Yet he clearly enjoys our exploits and gets off on them.

He admits he likes our sex life much better in the past year and would not want to go back.

Do I buy the toys? Yes.

Do I make the plans? Almost always.

Do I direct the scene? Usually unless I refuse or someone has given me a task that I can do with my husband and will do with him.

I give some examples for discussion:

Yesterday morning I was in a terrible lather as some of you may know having read what I wrote then in the Priceless thread.

My husband decides to get up on his off day and take a shower during the time I need to get ready for work.

That's a problem because our house was built in the 1930's and I could scald him if I used it while he is showering.

Of course he should fucking know this by now right? It's come up often but does he think? No. This is known as domestic bliss.

Now, on my way out, I kiss and hug him, tell him I love him and I'm late.

"Is it because of me?" He asks.

*I try to figure out what to say*

Finally I say, "um, not entirely, it just doesn't help when you take a shower and I'm getting ready to go to work. You know that."

"I don't mind if you use the water on me."

*I shrug. I know I'm never going to do that to him but I wonder why he can't be considerate of me that way or even the same ways I am of him. *

I tell him I love him again and really have to go.

"Oh do me a favor today?" I ask.

"What?" He says sounding completely put upon.

"Think about using me later today or tonight."

"Using you?"

"Yeah. Bad."

I walk the fuck out.

(Is this topping from the bottom?)

---------------

Hours later, the kids have been awakened, have had lunch and are now doing their school work. He's back from shopping and is playing a fucking computer game instead of fucking me.

I've had just about enough.

I'm ready to masturbate only I know that won't do diddly for what I REALLY need.

So I walk over to his computer.

"What do you need? Are you mad?" He asks.

Right like I'm going to tell him I'm mad, ever.

"No, and what I need is for you to use me."

"Now?" He acts surprised and gives me a little smile.

"If you don't mind."

(Again, is this TFTB?)
---------------

In the bedroom.

"Okay, do you know what you want me to do?" He asks.

"Yes I do. I want you to use me anyway you want. I want it to be rough and I want it to be rougher than that."

"You want to be on your knees or back?"

"How do you want to make me be?"

So he picked me up and moved me into the position he desired. Knees. My fav. And he fucked the living daylights out of me. I started to bury my head in my pillow.

"No, you don't get that anonymity little girl, not today." He said and pulled on my hair.

To be honest it was the kind of fucking that hurt. I needed it too. So I was making these little sounds every time he pushed inside me so hard.

Well after he got done in that position he pushed me over on my back and fucked me some more, then pulled me back up on my knees. He is a position changer. That used to freak me out a lot.

When he was done and exploded he wanted once again to know what I wanted.

Well now good question because I sure as hell wanted to come and I wanted to be used much more than for a simple fucking even with hair pulling.

I wanted something that would make me feel really used so I asked to be fisted. I figured it was a good time for it since we won't have the time for sex for at least three nights.

We tried that for a while, he said he couldn't get in any further than his knuckles without breaking some bones on one of us. Something I rather loved the sound of and thought of. It was great fun but it didn't quite get me off so I asked if he would mind spanking me.

His hand was covered in goo. It was pretty funny. He showed it to me. His sniffed it and licked it. Eliciting an ooh from me.

He got the mini flogger. Now that was wonderful. He turned my ass good and red, hot and stingy. It was simply great!

I needed something else though to actually come.

I asked him if he would like to fuck my ass too?

He said probably he couldn't recover for a couple of hours and that I had drained everything he had.

I told him to let me know in a couple of hours or later tonight then.

I got this HUGE dildo cock (the one from the Farting Penis thread.) and had him fuck me with it. It came with this strap on that has removable butt and vagina plugs and it looks so hot. It's really wide and long, has balls on it and is like art, all veined and real looking.

So he just went to town with this thing and told me to put the vibe on my clit. I thought my horrible nasty thoughts and I came, nonstop for like five minutes until I had to push away from everything.

Now I feel like for once my labia is not as wet or doing that slight gaping thing it's been doing lately. It feels kind of closed up.

Also I found it interesting and odd that the cock had like nothing wet on it when he pulled it out. I'm always wet but what if the fisting took that away?

What if I was fucked that hard, that length and width and fucked dry? I like the idea of that too but anyway.

Is this TFTB? Is it even technically BDSM?

Fury

I think it's just marital bliss again. You asked him to think about using you and he forgot. You needed it and were pissed off then had to go through all of that how do you want it and where stuff.

Being used is exactly that, you don't direct being used you just take it.

As far as position changing I've always done that. I thought everyone did.

What should have happened is that you should have been attacked when you walked in the door, dragged or carried into the bedroom, had your clothes torn off of you, been thrown down on the bed and been held down and fucked like you needed.

Even if it were topping in some way from the bottom you were just telling him what you wanted.

Tell me, if he had been ready for you and taken you, fucked the hell out of you in all the naughty ways that you like would you have needed all that extra dildo play to get off?

Maybe (and this is only my opinion) you need to reevaluate the D and s roles as part of your sex life furry. From what i read, you were the top throught the whole thing that you posted up there but you keep saying you are a sub.
As a top, why couldnt you tell him you wanted to be taken by him and he would have to think up the "scene" and pretty much say you expect him to follow through?

*hugs* It sounds very frusterating. It's just not as much fun when you have to TELL them what to do, huh. Obtuse men.

And I have to throw my lot in with Betticus, we position change. Is that odd?

Betticus said:

I think it's just marital bliss again. You asked him to think about using you and he forgot. You needed it and were pissed off then had to go through all of that how do you want it and where stuff.

Being used is exactly that, you don't direct being used you just take it.

As far as position changing I've always done that. I thought everyone did.

What should have happened is that you should have been attacked when you walked in the door, dragged or carried into the bedroom, had your clothes torn off of you, been thrown down on the bed and been held down and fucked like you needed.

Even if it were topping in some way from the bottom you were just telling him what you wanted.

Tell me, if he had been ready for you and taken you, fucked the hell out of you in all the naughty ways that you like would you have needed all that extra dildo play to get off?

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I'd love him to do what you described.

It's hard to answer that about the dildo Betticus only because I've never truly been taken hard that way. I'd think that the power exchange part of the equation alone would do it for me. I do feel if the mind is tripped the body would follow much easier. I really suspect it would flip my switches so that, no, I wouldn't need the extra dildo play.

Thank you for adding your comments to this thread. I enjoyed them.

Fury

Kajira Callista said:

Maybe (and this is only my opinion) you need to reevaluate the D and s roles as part of your sex life furry. From what i read, you were the top throught the whole thing that you posted up there but you keep saying you are a sub.
As a top, why couldnt you tell him you wanted to be taken by him and he would have to think up the "scene" and pretty much say you expect him to follow through?

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That's a really good idea Kajira Callista. He responds pretty well to tasks and assignments. I may try that on Monday if we both have the energy for a scene. He should be good and horny by then unless he jacks off in the meantime.

Y'all wanna know something really ironic? All these years, he's been jacking off about once a day to computer porn but keeping a really low profile cause he's afraid that if I see the computer porn it will weird me out. I knew he was jacking off though.

Then last year my already high libito went NUTS and now he usually "saves" it for me. For the first time in his life he's not jacking off everyday. It seems like his libido took a dip just when mine spiked.

Fury

graceanne said:

*hugs* It sounds very frusterating. It's just not as much fun when you have to TELL them what to do, huh. Obtuse men.

And I have to throw my lot in with Betticus, we position change. Is that odd?

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I agree it's not nearly as much fun if I have to be in charge all the time. Or rather I imagine it would be more fun if I didn't have to be.

Rarely, oh so rarely, he takes charge. One thing he has always taken charge of though is all the position changes. It's not such a big thing now but back when we first started it really bugged me.

I felt like I was some fucking Barbie doll being positioned constantly. To be honest it scared me to not know then why he was pulling at me and what he had in mind. I felt like I needed to be able to "see" what he had in mind beforehand. It really did scare me. I'm not sure why. Of course I had just come out of a 10 year relationship in which there was rarely consensual sex. I imagine that was part of my fear about it all.

I had a LOT of hang ups then, some of which I only kicked this year with these, usually, wonderful explorations of cyber and BDSM.

Honestly though at the time it felt like he was never happy fucking me and had to constantly change position. So that was a big part of it in my mind.

"Oh! I can't satisfy him! He has to try in another position to get off." I would think.

Many positions at that time worried me too. I would worry that I would crush him for instance That was a completely stupid worry considering our relative sizes.

Or I was worried that I would get into things so much I would fall. That was a control issue there.

Sometimes I would simply worry that I looked like a beached whale. Insecurity and body image problem.

Still it was mostly, I think, the pulling and dragging at that time, I was afraid of. Which I believe goes back to all those years of non consent.

I've gotten over all that, well most of that, through the years.

I fondly call him the Position King now and enjoy this, as one of the few areas he does take control.

So no, I'm not saying other people don't change positions. I'm not saying it's wrong to do so or strange. I'm just saying it used to drive me nuts and used to scare me when we started over 15 years ago.

Fury

So the majority seem to be I am indeed topping from the bottom.

Damn it!

Some even question if I am a sub or not.

Okay.

Now consider this:

When I got online and thisclose to cybering in role play I STOPPED the scene. I waiting until he was awake and told him about it seeking his feelings ready to not do this in spite of the fact I was burning to because his feelings and being honest with him meant more to me than what I wanted.

Does that sound like a sub? Is it relevant?

By contrast, when he started stroking off to computer porn he hid it from me and I would guess was prepared to do what he wanted regardless. I'm not mad at him. I know what it is like to be dishonest because you are worried about the consequences but I found that surprising since we have made certain promises to each other to be honest.

This could be a simple guys feel entitled and women don't thing though and not a Dom/sub thing at all.

I don't know.

I had too much to think last night.

Fury

FurryFury said:

Some even question if I am a sub or not.

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I say you're not a sub.

*flirts*

Xelebes said:

I say you're not a sub.

*flirts*

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*talks real slow with lots of warm honey in her voice*

Really now. So what do you want me to be Sugah?

*winks*

Fury

FurryFury said:

*talks real slow with lots of warm honey in her voice*

Really now. So what do you want me to be Sugah?

*winks*

Fury

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Run, Xelebes. Run fast, run far.

graceanne said:

Run, Xelebes. Run fast, run far.

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*chuckles*

Fury

FurryFury said:

*chuckles*

Fury

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*runs*

How can anyone pick the first option?

Come on, from a logic perspective it doesn't make any sense, does it? People!

Netzach said:

People!

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*looks around* Where?