Is there a BDSM 101 thread somewhere or a FAQ?

I haven't posted much in this forum, and don't think I've experienced truly being either a Dom or Sub . . .however, reading threads here has me thinking about this, and about what seem to be my natural tendencies toward being a sub perhaps. . .

This is an unusual thought for me, because I do something for a living which requires me to be in charge and assertive. Most people would assume since I have to be somewhat controlling in my work, that I might be that way sexually, and I don't think that is true at all.

However, in relationships with men, I want to be taken care of, and I would do just about anything for the man I loved, as long as that love was reciprocated. I have yet to be with a man who is really dominant, I think.

I'm not into a lot of pain or humiliation though . ..and I just don't know much about this whole area of sexuality.

Is there a sort of Intro to BDSM thread or threads? Is there a wide range of what is acceptable or not acceptable? Rules? Is this something where if you are really in love with someone, this just won't work, is this best experienced with someone you aren't in love with?

Someone point me to some further reading and information please.

I'm intrigued.

OceanGoddess

I would start with the library.

Hi Graceanne. (btw your avatar is beyond beautiful, is that you?)

I've skimmed the Library, and so far anyway, I don't see anything that is *really* basic .. .I mean as basic as a sort of BDSM for Dummies. lol

I don't even know what a "scene" is . . ..lol

I'll read the Library more thoroughly tonight after work .. .thanks.

OceanGoddess said:

Hi Graceanne. (btw your avatar is beyond beautiful, is that you?)

I've skimmed the Library, and so far anyway, I don't see anything that is *really* basic .. .I mean as basic as a sort of BDSM for Dummies. lol

I don't even know what a "scene" is . . ..lol

I'll read the Library more thoroughly tonight after work .. .thanks.

Click to expand...

Thank you, and no it's not. If you wanna see me I've got a couple of pics up in the face thread.

LOL I just tried to think of how to explain what a 'scene' is, and I can't think of the words. Hopefully someone else will be able to explain it in words. Beyond that, ask your questions and people will either answer or link you.

Wow, I hope you keep asking questions, because I tried to answer "what's a scene" and deleted it a few times. Sometimes the "for dummies" level stuff is not at all for dummies...

Netzach said:

Wow, I hope you keep asking questions, because I tried to answer "what's a scene" and deleted it a few times. Sometimes the "for dummies" level stuff is not at all for dummies...

Click to expand...

I'm just glad I'm not the only one who can't think of a way to explain what a 'scene' is. lol

OceanGoddess said:

Someone point me to some further reading and information please.

Click to expand...

Have you looked into the 'How To' section of the Lit stories? There are some on BDSM, even quite basic ones to start with at least. I wouldn't really go with only this, but those were the first I read before finding my way to this board.

LOL, I am game....must be the late hour scene = period of time where a set activity/ or activites takes place (eg. role play of doctor/patient; whipping; humiliation play etc.)....sometimes with the prior knowledge of the sub, sometimes not, sometimes planned, sometimes not. Close?

Catalina

OceanGoddess said:

I haven't posted much in this forum, and don't think I've experienced truly being either a Dom or Sub . . .however, reading threads here has me thinking about this, and about what seem to be my natural tendencies toward being a sub perhaps. . .

This is an unusual thought for me, because I do something for a living which requires me to be in charge and assertive. Most people would assume since I have to be somewhat controlling in my work, that I might be that way sexually, and I don't think that is true at all.

However, in relationships with men, I want to be taken care of, and I would do just about anything for the man I loved, as long as that love was reciprocated. I have yet to be with a man who is really dominant, I think.

I'm not into a lot of pain or humiliation though . ..and I just don't know much about this whole area of sexuality.

Is there a sort of Intro to BDSM thread or threads? Is there a wide range of what is acceptable or not acceptable? Rules? Is this something where if you are really in love with someone, this just won't work, is this best experienced with someone you aren't in love with?

Someone point me to some further reading and information please.

I'm intrigued.

OceanGoddess

Click to expand...

Hello OceanGoddess

There are as many levels of BDSM as there people to particapate in things considered BDSM. First off it is not uncommon for someone in a position like yours at work to desire to not be in control in their home life. As I know nothing of the men you have been and are with I can not say wheather you have had a Dom or not. The thing to remember is that in all relationships both parties have a need to be fulfilled by the other it is no different in the BDSM world, the definition of what you need in the way of love is up to you and what your partner needs is up to them. You work out what will work for the two of you them fulfill each others needs. Domination does not always have to mean pain and or humilation it can be that way but does not have to be. As to weather or not you have to love someone to do this no I don't think you have to but you must know without a doubt that you can trust the one you are with. If you do not love each other in the beginning and you stay at it for amy amount of time you will probly find yourself falling in love with your Dom. Now I will try to help you understand what a scene is. This will be the abridged version Any time you have two or more people that get together for the purpose of doing things BDSM you have a scene. What happens in a scene is always agreed apon before the scene starts and never forget to have a safe word. A safe word is a word that tells everyone that the scene has gon too far and needs to stop now. I have some guidelines that may help you if you want me to send them to you via email I can not post them but I can share them with you. One more note on wether you need to love someone to have them Dominate you or not I have been in a D/s relationship with a woman for a few months online. She and I started it was fun we know we will never meet she has a SO and I am still looking for a sub. We have a very good relationship and we care very much for each other. Hard to imagin it works out so well but it is nice. I know there will be those out there that say dude you don't have no way of knowing that she even does anything you tell her. To that I say true but thats where trust comes into play and besides does it really matter. Well I hope this helps you some sorry it is so long. I know there are those out there that can do a better job than I do but there is my penny's worth. Take care I hope you find what you are looking for never give up on your dreams. Or your kinky desires

I shall return, with ignorant answers confidently presented as usual.

Yes, there is a sort of BDSM 101 thread here. It's called the Monster or Mother thread, and its the thread that actually started this board. There is a lot of BDSM 101 sort of info on it, especially in the early part of the thread. I think alot of people forget about it, because the only place its referenced is the sticky at the top of the forum.

Check it out, it's full of valuable information, and you don't have to search the all over the library for it.

Mother Thread

~Anelize, the former librarian *grin*

See, Marquis, I am attempting to save your bony fingers from becoming....well, bonier. From all that typing.

*smirk*

But feel free.

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

See, Marquis, I am attempting to save your bony fingers from becoming....well, bonier. From all that typing.

*smirk*

But feel free.

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I forgot all about my promise, thanks for bumping this.

You know what, that thread has better answers than I could ever provide.

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

Yes, there is a sort of BDSM 101 thread here. It's called the Monster or Mother thread, and its the thread that actually started this board. There is a lot of BDSM 101 sort of info on it, especially in the early part of the thread. I think alot of people forget about it, because the only place its referenced is the sticky at the top of the forum.

Check it out, it's full of valuable information, and you don't have to search the all over the library for it.

Mother Thread

~Anelize, the former librarian *grin*

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That is a GREAT link! It answered questions I have been trying to put into words for several years and four relationships!

I wasn't even talking on this thread, but wanted to thank you!

You're welcome. It's a pity that that thread is buried because of some petty political bullshit that went on here a couple of years ago. I'm glad I could help.

~Anelize

AnelizeDarkEyes said:

You're welcome. It's a pity that that thread is buried because of some petty political bullshit that went on here a couple of years ago. I'm glad I could help.

~Anelize

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Open question to Anelize and our mods: Why has this thread remained closed? This is such an awesome resource - it should be a sticky right at the top of our forum!

Surely, it isn't still closed because of whatever disagreement caused it to be closed more than two years ago .... is it?

Before my time.

Sir_Winston54 said:

Open question to Anelize and our mods: Why has this thread remained closed? This is such an awesome resource - it should be a sticky right at the top of our forum!

Surely, it isn't still closed because of whatever disagreement caused it to be closed more than two years ago .... is it?

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Believe it or not, LOL, the flame-wars that caused the Mother thread to be buried pre-date me. I'm thinking WriterDom was around then, and Cellis, and some of the people who still post on the GB. As to whether or not the thread can be un-buried, only Laurel or Manu can make that call. It was put there by their decision as far as I know. If someone knows different, I'd love to be enlightened. Personally, I could care less about about who posted what--the info is great and I'd love to see the thing be a sticky.

~Anelize

That thread is great! Long though I haven't made it through it yet!

I also like Akasha's "The Good Girl's Guide to Domination."

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

Fury

I have only hazy memories of what happened. I do remember that it took away some valuable people.

The Mother thread is long before my time here

If its not possible to resurrect it, is it possible to re-model it into ana A~Z with a disclaimer saying every A~Z has more than one viewpoin, but this is a starting place for information?

FungiUg started a FAQ.