How to know if I'm liked

Well, where to start? Hm, I've been with a few girls over the years, romantically and sexually, but they were all open about how they felt about me. In fact they were downright foward that they wanted me or to be with me. Unfortunately, I wasn't completely/entirely interested in them. I don't know why but the girls I tend to be attracted to are elusive as all hell, dammit. Story begins back in high school with classmates I liked but nothing came of it. Years later, I ran into them again (now they're married or in an otherwise serious relationship), and they told me how bad they wanted me back then and well, too late now. I put at fault a lack of communication of both of our parts, but I think if I were .... at a loss for words.. If I had told them how I feel, they would've opened up to me too. Over the years, I've been with more women that I tell what I feel, and I don't know if I'm saying anything too soon or too late, or if time is a matter, or if I just happen to fall in .. like.. with women that are picky or what... but after I tell them what's up, I'm subtly rejected. it's like a NO buzzer in my head saying "RAAANNNNNT". I recently moved across the country on a scholarship offer and am staying with family. My cousin has introduced me to a friend of hers and I think we hit it off well. We went to movies and I hung at her house a few times with her kid and I brought my cousin's kid along because they're friends, and so we could spend time together and ... well I dunno, but I figure it was to the effect of keeping her son occupied. Anyway, we even took a little road trip to see some of her family and got to know each other really well and went to a club while we were there. Somehow I think I left a bad impression because I haven't seen her or heard from her since then. Actually I did call her and invite her over but she never showed and it was really since then that I haven't heard from her. So far as I know, my cousin still keeps in contact with her, but she hasn't told me anything that I'm dying to ask about, but am somehow too embarrased to.

My question to you all is this..
How do I know if the girl I'm with likes me without her saying so? Any body language or whatever else, like hidden meanings in their words?? I'm lost and would be a lot more comfortable telling her that she's cool and all if I knew she thought the same of me.

If she wants to spend time with you, than she likes you. If she doesn't, than she doesn't...

Seriously though...

From the pages of "GuyQ" by Joe Kita and the editor's of "Men's Health":




Meaure Her Eye Contact (page 98)

Two people conversing naturally look at each other 60 percent of the time. So if you catch a woman looking at you more than 60 percent, chances are she's more interested in you than what you're saying.




Read Her Dirty Mind (pages 100-101)

Most people think it's men who initiate flirting, but two-thirds of the time women give off a signal of interest first. If she's doing one or more of the following, she's interested in you:

Flashing her eyebrows. She raises her eyebrows for a second or two, then quickly lowers them. Often combined with a smile and eye contact.

Running her fingers through her hair. Some women only make one hand movement, others stroke their hair.

Smiling coyly. Look for a half-smile, often combined with a downward glance or brief eye contact.

Licking her lips. This could be a simple, subconscious wetting of an upper or lower lip.

Giving you short, darting glances. The looks usually occur in bouts, with an average of three glances per bout.

Primping. She smoothes out her clothes, even though they're already perfect.

Swaying to the music. While seated, she moves her body to the beat. Get over there and ask her to dance now!

Carressing an object. She runs her fingers over a glass, an ashtray, a set of keys, or anything else that's handy.

Hiking her skirt up to expose her leg. Like we have to explain this?




Touch Her, Then Stop (page 101)

Not sure if she's interested? If you've made it to a second round of drinks, initiate contact touching her arm several times during the next 15 minutes. Then abruptly stop all physical contact. If she's attracted to you, she'll fire a few strokes your way as soon as she realizes you've stopped touching her. Touch is a very important part of courtship. If she touches you back, it's a good sign.

Phoenix gave you a good run-down on some body language, and I think the main things to pay attention to are eye contact, how much she smiles, and touches you. You can also see if she's mirroring your body language...does she take a sip when you do, or have a similar body position? Verbally, if she asks a lot of questions and seems interested in getting to know you, and eludes to future plans (e.g. "I've always wanted to see/try ____." or "____ sounds interesting, but I don't want to go alone.") she probably likes you. If you like her, you should do the same sorts of things to let her know she sparks your interest. Being direct is great sometimes, but I think women and men alike enjoy the chase, and perhaps your approach has been direct enough to make women uncomfortable in the past. You also kind of said it yourself...maybe you're going after especially picky or indecisive women...so perhaps you're really after the thrill of the chase.

Well, it sounds like your cousin's friend is not really interested. Maybe she's just busy or has some other issues, but I'd wait and see if she contacts you. One of the more difficult lessons I've learned is that there's often a good reason I didn't connect with someone, and it's important to pay attention to their behavior from the start. That is, I don't want a friendship or relationship with a person who stands me up, isn't honest about their feelings, or treats me poorly otherwise, so it's a blessing when they don't like me and show their true colors right away.

I think its tough to 'touch' her during a conversation without it seeming too obvious! Perhaps nudging her knee to point something out to her in a jokey way would work but i don't often see people touching the others arms when they are flirting. I'd find it difficult anyway!

righton

Phoenix, Erika, and Jake, thank you all for your insight. sofar as touching goes, we did slap each other's asses after a game of pool on the last night we saw each other, before I called her and no-sho. so I was lost in confusion, but I talked to my cousin (finally) and she said the girl goes through stages... I dunno. but the advice was great and I could've used it 5 years ago, but better late than never. thanks again and I hope to see some more feedback from women to get their perspective on the matter

I always carry a magic 8-ball around with me for working it out. Sadly I think the selector got the gist of what it was being used for and all the positive outcomes ran away.

UKJake said:

I think its tough to 'touch' her during a conversation without it seeming too obvious! Perhaps nudging her knee to point something out to her in a jokey way would work but i don't often see people touching the others arms when they are flirting. I'd find it difficult anyway!

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"I read palms, want to know your future?"

Of course she will know this is just an excuse for you to touch her hands.... but by hell it works.

If she is open for a little palm reading that’s when you have your wing man/woman pipe up with: "You know this guy gives the best shoulder rubs."

Sure it’s all corny as hell but you find more often then not its a great way to 'test the waters'.


Another cool one that works in the right situation and if you have a friendly repore is to:

-put the tips of your fingers together like your making a shadow puppet of a bird
-then put your finger tips on her knee and move them apart.

if you do it to your self it wont feel like much but the surprise of some one doing it to you will send tingles up your spine. Kinda hard to work out when to do that one though.

UKJake said:

I think its tough to 'touch' her during a conversation without it seeming too obvious! Perhaps nudging her knee to point something out to her in a jokey way would work but i don't often see people touching the others arms when they are flirting. I'd find it difficult anyway!

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I do it with friends and potential love interests all the time, but I'm a touchy-feely, affectionate person. There are definitely more appropriate times than others to touch (like during a conversation that includes strong emotion, laughing, or getting someone's attention), and it shouldn't be used too much, but I think it's a great way to connect and subtly show you're paying attention and are interested in the other person.

Similar, but slightly different situation

Hiyas,

I just read this thread and I realized I have a similar situation, but I feel it is slightly different.

My question is, How do I know I'm liked, even though I have a troubled past where some of the examples mentioned above have been spotted, but it turned out they were only being nice to me because they felt sorry for me?

I think I'm trying to say that I mistake what they say or do as to liking me, but I really don't express my feelings until I know for sure if I do or not and that would be at least a few months down the road. When I do express my feelings, I get blown off and one way or another, they tell me they were just being nice to me because they felt sorry for me.

So I'm basically asking the same question, but with the knowledge that I see these little hints everyone else just mentioned above and they turn out to be lies. So, I want to be able to know for sure NEXT TIME, without getting hurt again.

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

HybridCrow said:

Hiyas,

I just read this thread and I realized I have a similar situation, but I feel it is slightly different.

My question is, How do I know I'm liked, even though I have a troubled past where some of the examples mentioned above have been spotted, but it turned out they were only being nice to me because they felt sorry for me?

I think I'm trying to say that I mistake what they say or do as to liking me, but I really don't express my feelings until I know for sure if I do or not and that would be at least a few months down the road. When I do express my feelings, I get blown off and one way or another, they tell me they were just being nice to me because they felt sorry for me.

So I'm basically asking the same question, but with the knowledge that I see these little hints everyone else just mentioned above and they turn out to be lies. So, I want to be able to know for sure NEXT TIME, without getting hurt again.

Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.

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Why do they feel sorry for you, HC? I know that's very personal, but knowing would be a big help in giving advice.

SweetErika said:

Why do they feel sorry for you, HC? I know that's very personal, but knowing would be a big help in giving advice.

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It's really a long story. I'll try to make it short. I was born deaf and when I was supposed to be born of a c-section, my parents were kind of dumb and believed the doctor could deliver me anyways, but he ended up accidentally pinching a facial nerve. Therefore, a lot of times, people think I'm mad when I'm not, so it's hard to smile and keep a smile. I believe my hearing impairment and facial nerve damage are the two reasons they feel sorry for me. It could also be the fact that because of all this, I don't get along well with society. By that, I mean I grew up pretty smart for somebody who was deaf. I was attending classes like a normal student and I got good grades, but none of the kids nor the teachers thought I belonged in the classroom because of my being deaf. So, they pretty much picked on me and that's how I ended up always getting in trouble and having social problems with other students. I will say despite still having a few minor problems, one being socializing with girls, as I have described in my first post, I have really grown up. A lot of people tell me I am more mature than most guys my age. I have society to thank for that. All the hatred and despising has made me who I am. Somebody with morals, ethics, and as my uncle says, "... a strong, good man with a big heart."

Hopefully this will explain it. Like I said, it's all what I think.

HybridCrow said:

So I'm basically asking the same question, but with the knowledge that I see these little hints everyone else just mentioned above and they turn out to be lies. So, I want to be able to know for sure NEXT TIME, without getting hurt again.

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Firstly, don't wait so long to tell them that you're interested in them in a more than platonic way... If you're waiting a few MONTHS to tell them, you've already been put into the 'friends zone'... And it's very difficult (if not IMPOSSIBLE) to get out of the 'friends zone'... Believe me, I know.

Secondly, why are they feeling sorry for you? You're not going on and on about how your life sucks because of your past dating history, are you? If you are, STOP NOW... Women don't want a man that goes on whining and feeling sorry for himself... They want a man with CONFIDENCE and a man who sees something he doesn't like about himself (or his life) and takes steps to change it.

phoenix1224 said:

Firstly, don't wait so long to tell them that you're interested in them in a more than platonic way... If you're waiting a few MONTHS to tell them, you've already been put into the 'friends zone'... And it's very difficult (if not IMPOSSIBLE) to get out of the 'friends zone'... Believe me, I know.

Secondly, why are they feeling sorry for you? You're not going on and on about how your life sucks because of your past dating history, are you? If you are, STOP NOW... Women don't want a man that goes on whining and feeling sorry for himself... They want a man with CONFIDENCE and a man who sees something he doesn't like about himself (or his life) and takes steps to change it.

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No, there's no dating history. I honestly have never had a girlfriend, or been on a date. I have a few girl FRIENDS and that's all they want to be, which I am cool with anyhow, because it does help me out somewhat on my communication with girls. I pretty much explained it in my reply to Erika's question. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm just stating the facts of my life AND what I think it is. I personally HATE when people feel sorry for me. It doesn't help me in any way if people are going to feel sorry for me and not like me for WHO I am.

As for the waiting part, one of the reasons I wait is to know for sure whether or not they really like me because, hence my dilemma with sociality. Also, I don't want to seem desperate and I'm really not desperate. True, if I wait too long it's going to backfire, but isn't there a fine line on WHEN to ask and when NOT to ask also?

I really can't think of anything that I hate about my life right now. I used to hate that I was deaf, but I learned to live with it and I'm over that.

HybridCrow said:

<snip>I believe my hearing impairment and facial nerve damage are the two reasons they feel sorry for me. It could also be the fact that because of all this, I don't get along well with society. By that, I mean I grew up pretty smart for somebody who was deaf.<snip>

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Whoooaaa... Hold the phone!

Question: What in the world does having perfect hearing (or being completely deaf for that matter) have to do with intelligence?

Answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I think that THAT is part of your problem... You seem to be VERY self-conscious of you're hearing impairment and your facial nerve damage... So, the women that you're dealing with are feeling sorry for you because YOU'RE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF... Everyone has their cross (or two) to bear... And you're just going to have to learn to better bear YOUR'S.

There are A LOT of people much worse off than you are- people who are blind, people who are amputies, people who are paralized, ect.- who have gone through much worse than you- and who have absolutely NO problem finding someone... You know why? Because they ACCEPT THEMSELVES.

NO ONE is going to accept you for YOU until you learn to accept YOURSELF.

Just a question: Have you ever discussed any of your issues with a therapist?

Sorry... I was typing out my response while you posted your's, but...

HybridCrow said:

I really can't think of anything that I hate about my life right now. I used to hate that I was deaf, but I learned to live with it and I'm over that.

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Are you entirely sure of that?

Your comment about growing up being "pretty smart for someone who was deaf" makes me wonder.

HybridCrow said:

No, there's no dating history. I honestly have never had a girlfriend, or been on a date. I have a few girl FRIENDS and that's all they want to be, which I am cool with anyhow, because it does help me out somewhat on my communication with girls. I pretty much explained it in my reply to Erika's question. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm just stating the facts of my life AND what I think it is. I personally HATE when people feel sorry for me. It doesn't help me in any way if people are going to feel sorry for me and not like me for WHO I am.

As for the waiting part, one of the reasons I wait is to know for sure whether or not they really like me because, hence my dilemma with sociality. Also, I don't want to seem desperate and I'm really not desperate. True, if I wait too long it's going to backfire, but isn't there a fine line on WHEN to ask and when NOT to ask also?

I really can't think of anything that I hate about my life right now. I used to hate that I was deaf, but I learned to live with it and I'm over that.

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It sounds like you have an excellent perspective, HC, and thanks for the explanation. I'd propose that girls who are nice to you because they feel sorry for you aren't mature enough to have a healthy relationship, so while it's good to get some experience/social interaction, you probably don't want them anyway. In addition, this is all about trial and error and learning, so you're going to get a lot of rejection, just like everyone else. So, you're going to misinterpret signs, and while a little painful, it's normal and you have to keep trying.

One thing that might work is flirting or sending more subtle signals you like them. Then you can see if they reciprocate and possibly make a move on you, thus avoiding the big talk. This is obviously a simplified version, and you still will have to put yourself on the line sometimes, but it might help a little.

phoenix1224 said:

Whoooaaa... Hold the phone!

Question: What in the world does having perfect hearing (or being completely deaf for that matter) have to do with intelligence?

Answer: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I think that THAT is part of your problem... You seem to be VERY self-conscious of you're hearing impairment and your facial nerve damage... So, the women that you're dealing with are feeling sorry for you because YOU'RE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF... Everyone has their cross (or two) to bear... And you're just going to have to learn to better bear YOUR'S.

There are A LOT of people much worse off than you are- people who are blind, people who are amputies, people who are paralized, ect.- who have gone through much worse than you- and who have absolutely NO problem finding someone... You know why? Because they ACCEPT THEMSELVES.

NO ONE is going to accept you for YOU until you learn to accept YOURSELF.

Just a question: Have you ever discussed any of your issues with a therapist?

Click to expand...

That's the problem right there, with no disrespect intended, I can't take people like you seriously. Maybe I should have said this in a prior post, and for that I apologize. I KNOW for a fact there are people out there who have it worse than me, and I ALREADY accepted my crosses to bear. I was asked why they felt sorry for me and I simply gave the best answer I had. I don't EVER feel sorry for myself anymore than I did when I was a kid. It's only a guess on my part, but I'm hoping there are actually SOME people out there who have had it worse than me know what I mean when I say I don't like it when people feel sorry for me. I have accepted that I have a hearing impairment and nerve damage, but it's everyone else who hasn't accepted it, otherwise they wouldn't feel sorry for me.

No, I don't think I've talked to a therapist, because I don't need one. I've talked to a couple of psychologists when I was younger and they can pretty much already tell you what I've already typed. I accept who and what I am.

As for the "pretty smart for someone who's deaf" comment, it means that despite my not fitting in with normalcy, i.e. attending REGULAR classes instead of some school for the deaf, blind, etc. I excelled academically. Sure, there's probably others out there who are like me or worse than me who have a great academic record and such, but the point I'm trying to make is I grew up where in an environment where I was NOT accepted for who I am, but for WHAT I am. I, ME, accepted myself, but nobody in society accepted me. If you don't see where I'm coming from, then I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect enough for you to understand.

Also, my comments to do with not attending "some school for deaf, blind, etc." has no discriminating bearing on anyone, whatsoever. I just don't know any names of schools.

SweetErika said:

It sounds like you have an excellent perspective, HC, and thanks for the explanation. I'd propose that girls who are nice to you because they feel sorry for you aren't mature enough to have a healthy relationship, so while it's good to get some experience/social interaction, you probably don't want them anyway. In addition, this is all about trial and error and learning, so you're going to get a lot of rejection, just like everyone else. So, you're going to misinterpret signs, and while a little painful, it's normal and you have to keep trying.

One thing that might work is flirting or sending more subtle signals you like them. Then you can see if they reciprocate and possibly make a move on you, thus avoiding the big talk. This is obviously a simplified version, and you still will have to put yourself on the line sometimes, but it might help a little.

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Thanks Erika, I do know that there will always be rejection just like everyone else and I truly know that the girls who are immature are not worth my time, relationship-wise. I pretty much try to just enjoy life and focus on being happy and having fun, but once in awhile I get the obvious question, "Is there really somebody out there for me?" Moreover, I also question why the rare opportunities that come up to meet someone end up getting shot down and I pretty much just move on. I would rather wait for it than go for it, but I realized that I would have to take more risks than I want to to get ahead in life.

Any more advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. It's great to hear advice from women such as yourself.

HybridCrow said:

<snip>

As for the waiting part, one of the reasons I wait is to know for sure whether or not they really like me because, hence my dilemma with sociality. Also, I don't want to seem desperate and I'm really not desperate. True, if I wait too long it's going to backfire, but isn't there a fine line on WHEN to ask and when NOT to ask also?

I really can't think of anything that I hate about my life right now. I used to hate that I was deaf, but I learned to live with it and I'm over that.

Click to expand...

This has been an interesting thread to read. Hybrid, I singled these words out because to me the thoughts are the crux of our fears with regard to relationships.

There is another thread around these parts of a similar nature and I keep hearing the word 'insecurity' in my head. We all have insecurities, fears and doubts (most of us anyway). When we met someone, a friend or potential romantic partner, those emotions most likely will peak. As we spend time with them those emotions diminish in intensity and we become more comfortable. It takes time, everything takes time.

The single best 'advice' (I don't like to use that work, and don't like to give it) but.... for lack of a better word - the best thing to know what others might think of you is for you to know yourself well. We can do that in many ways. We can become aware of ourselves in different situations, take time for reflection and examination - it doesn't have to be akin to a dissertation but take some time to consider what you like, dislike, have fun doing, enjoy reading, etc. The more time spent being aware of yourself the more you'll know you.

When you know yourself and feel comfortable I think it is easily projected out from you. There is a sense of peace that once inside us actually begins to radiate out. Those fears, doubts and insecurities will most likely be there a long while but they do lessen with knowledge - of yourself, of others and of your surroundings.

Certainly body language can tell a great deal, but it can't always be trusted (not the right word there but....). I find it easy to say 'You're a cool person' or the like, when interacting. If they have sparked my interest then there is a reason why - find that thing - you can't know what interests you if you don't learn about yourself.

It's kind of like we don't know what we don't know - you need to find out what you like so you will recognize it when you see it in someone else.

HybridCrow said:

That's the problem right there, with no disrespect intended, I can't take people like you seriously.

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How can anyone take a statement like THAT as anything BUT disrespectful?

HybridCrow said:

Maybe I should have said this in a prior post, and for that I apologize. I KNOW for a fact there are people out there who have it worse than me, and I ALREADY accepted my crosses to bear. I was asked why they felt sorry for me and I simply gave the best answer I had. I don't EVER feel sorry for myself anymore than I did when I was a kid. It's only a guess on my part, but I'm hoping there are actually SOME people out there who have had it worse than me know what I mean when I say I don't like it when people feel sorry for me. I have accepted that I have a hearing impairment and nerve damage, but it's everyone else who hasn't accepted it, otherwise they wouldn't feel sorry for me.

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I'm sorry, but with you crying on and on about how no one will accept you because of your being deaf and having nerve damage, you remind me of the black people that scream "It's cuz I'm black, ain't it?" every time they can't get something that they want.

With you looking at everyone with suspiscion and a prejudgement that they won't except you because you're deaf and have nerve damage, it's no wonder why you can't get a girl...

It's not because you're deaf and have nerve damage... It's because you're an idiot... Work on your people skills...

grain of salt

Damn yall, I didn't mean to start an arguement. I figured someone would post with a similar question and phoenix and erika and cathleen, thanx for all your input on the matter. Um, but guys and gals, take what is said here with a grain of salt, please for your own sake. I think a lot of thought is put into what is and will be posted here and I don't want to see a war in this thread. Um, please understand that there is a lot of meaning lost in translation between brain and keyboard. There are too many thoughts to be described with the english language. And I hope nobody is posting here in an insulting manner. Hybrid and phoenix, take what you say to each other lightly. We're better than to get offended by menial words. Hybrid, I think he wouldn't have posted if he wasn't serious. Maybe he didn't know everything you think or what you think didn't make it to the keyboard. maybe it didn't make it from his screen to his brain with the same meaning as when it went from your brain to the thread on your end. Phoenix. if he was an idiot, he wouldn't be asking for input on the matter, dumb questions are unasked ones. I'm no psychoanalyst, but lets try to work on the name calling in here. and if we say something that offends one another, take it with a grain of salt and give the thoughts a dash of respect. please, I don't want this thread to die, because I'm having a lot of my questions answered by y'all.

Cathleen said:

This has been an interesting thread to read. Hybrid, I singled these words out because to me the thoughts are the crux of our fears with regard to relationships.

There is another thread around these parts of a similar nature and I keep hearing the word 'insecurity' in my head. We all have insecurities, fears and doubts (most of us anyway). When we met someone, a friend or potential romantic partner, those emotions most likely will peak. As we spend time with them those emotions diminish in intensity and we become more comfortable. It takes time, everything takes time.

The single best 'advice' (I don't like to use that work, and don't like to give it) but.... for lack of a better word - the best thing to know what others might think of you is for you to know yourself well. We can do that in many ways. We can become aware of ourselves in different situations, take time for reflection and examination - it doesn't have to be akin to a dissertation but take some time to consider what you like, dislike, have fun doing, enjoy reading, etc. The more time spent being aware of yourself the more you'll know you.

When you know yourself and feel comfortable I think it is easily projected out from you. There is a sense of peace that once inside us actually begins to radiate out. Those fears, doubts and insecurities will most likely be there a long while but they do lessen with knowledge - of yourself, of others and of your surroundings.

Certainly body language can tell a great deal, but it can't always be trusted (not the right word there but....). I find it easy to say 'You're a cool person' or the like, when interacting. If they have sparked my interest then there is a reason why - find that thing - you can't know what interests you if you don't learn about yourself.

It's kind of like we don't know what we don't know - you need to find out what you like so you will recognize it when you see it in someone else.

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Well said, Cate.

HC, the main factor of attraction that keeps coming up here is confidence. How confident are you that you can meet, get along, and have a romantic relationship with women? How confident do you act?

SweetErika said:

Well said, Cate.

HC, the main factor of attraction that keeps coming up here is confidence. How confident are you that you can meet, get along, and have a romantic relationship with women? How confident do you act?

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To be honest, Erika, my confidence varies. It's like having good days and bad days. It might sound stupid, but it's how I see it as. One day I can be really confident and another day I could feel less confident. It's hard for me to be VERY confident with women to ask them out because of my past rejections. Like I said, I take hints from girls and think they're showing an interest so I step up and take a swing at it, but the girls in the past were liars, minus a few who are actually great friends with me. Speaking of which, I need to call them up sometime and see what's going on. Because of the past, it's affected my confidence a lot and it's what's hard for me to be confident. Which also kind of explains WHY I usually WAIT a few months before I bother asking because I want to get to know her more and see if we actually click.

amraam840 said:

There are too many thoughts to be described with the english language. And I hope nobody is posting here in an insulting manner. Hybrid and phoenix, take what you say to each other lightly. We're better than to get offended by menial words. Hybrid, I think he wouldn't have posted if he wasn't serious. Maybe he didn't know everything you think or what you think didn't make it to the keyboard. maybe it didn't make it from his screen to his brain with the same meaning as when it went from your brain to the thread on your end. Phoenix. if he was an idiot, he wouldn't be asking for input on the matter, dumb questions are unasked ones. I'm no psychoanalyst, but lets try to work on the name calling in here. and if we say something that offends one another, take it with a grain of salt and give the thoughts a dash of respect. please, I don't want this thread to die, because I'm having a lot of my questions answered by y'all.

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Amen.

HybridCrow said:

To be honest, Erika, my confidence varies. It's like having good days and bad days. It might sound stupid, but it's how I see it as. One day I can be really confident and another day I could feel less confident. It's hard for me to be VERY confident with women to ask them out because of my past rejections. Like I said, I take hints from girls and think they're showing an interest so I step up and take a swing at it, but the girls in the past were liars, minus a few who are actually great friends with me. Speaking of which, I need to call them up sometime and see what's going on. Because of the past, it's affected my confidence a lot and it's what's hard for me to be confident. Which also kind of explains WHY I usually WAIT a few months before I bother asking because I want to get to know her more and see if we actually click.

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Admittedly, I knew the answer when I asked the question, but I wanted you to think about it. Everyone has ups and downs confidence-wise, but most people are drawn to high confidence like moths to a flame. I think the "fake it until you make it" approach is a good one. Next time you're around women, put your best foot forward and believe you're the most magnetic person in the room. See what happens. If you don't get some results, tweak a few things next time...wear things you feel you look your best in, use more eye contact, and practice approaching people with a confident posture. Tell yourself you're a great guy, and any woman would be lucky to have a date with you. Obviously I'm not suggesting you turn into an arrogant bastard, but if you overdo it a little, you'll probably end up right where you should be.

SweetErika said:

Admittedly, I knew the answer when I asked the question, but I wanted you to think about it. Everyone has ups and downs confidence-wise, but most people are drawn to high confidence like moths to a flame. I think the "fake it until you make it" approach is a good one. Next time you're around women, put your best foot forward and believe you're the most magnetic person in the room. See what happens. If you don't get some results, tweak a few things next time...wear things you feel you look your best in, use more eye contact, and practice approaching people with a confident posture. Tell yourself you're a great guy, and any woman would be lucky to have a date with you. Obviously I'm not suggesting you turn into an arrogant bastard, but if you overdo it a little, you'll probably end up right where you should be.

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Thanks Erika, I'll have to try that more then. The "eye contact" idea is pretty much constant for me, because while I'm looking at them, I'm also reading their lips because sometimes I don't quite hear what they say and by reading their lips, I won't worry about missing parts of the convo. Of course, if I can't understand what they say or read their lips, then I could be totally screwed in that area. Anyhow, I do my best with what I can, but yes, I will try that more often. I know what you mean by all the "arrogant bastards." I don't plan to be like them. Everybody has told me I'm not like anybody else, so I'm pretty much just going to be myself like I always do around women.

Thanks again for all the help and any future advice would be greatly appreciated!