Dusty Poems

I see so many poems brought to my attention
way after their new poem light dims

so I see so many poems in a list that I
couldn't read them all,
the archieve, the individual
and the catagories!

I my self have an abundant of poems
sitting on a shelf that every so often
some one stumbles into and feedbacks
their enjoyment or correctness.

This thread is for those poems.
You find a good one sitting on a list
link it here...

want to limelight an old poem for various
reasons?
link it here...

want to plug a poem days after it's
new poem days are over...
link it here...

I enjoy and relish when some one points
a finger to a literary creation and the journey
was worth the trek~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had fun trying to pick out an oldie to post for
a kicker on this thread so I come up with this...

Hermit in his Shell

Hermit in a Shell
by My Erotic Tale ©

Hermit in a shell
against ocean swells
bluer than the sea

Sandy trails bled
over mountainous dunes
beaten by a woman with a broom!

Secluded rejuvenation
strengthened his legs
with weighted shoulders
carried his burden bed

Then picked up by a bird
carried across the burning beaches
to a merridian of kinship words

Dropped on his head
stars circled above
a crack in the hull
from a helpful gull

The Hermit was crabby
found a new shell
there he dwells
but not quite yet happy

A big gust of wind
rolled him over again
his legs stuck up in the air

The rains poured down
and he nearly drowned
he thought it would end right there

The tide came in
and swept him away
he still lives to this day.

A time or two he may have fell
but he strives and doing well
the Hermit in his shell

~~~~~~~~

I see some flaws in an old poem
perhaps it will inspire me to revise the
poem and resubmit, then post here ... a new!
"It could happen" <grin>

okay

not one of my best but has a long comment with some reconstruction thats indepth, by jim. I thought it would show the changing of a poem by views and by re-writes. Poems can always be improved on and then another will come along and change it to fit their likes than another come along to change it even again so poems are never really finished. But here is this one in it's pure'ist state,


Sunburn

Here's a dusty poem of mine....

I'd love any comments (heck votes wouldn't hurt, either )

A Time To Heal

Thanks!

Honey123 said:

Here's a dusty poem of mine....

I'd love any comments (heck votes wouldn't hurt, either )

A Time To Heal

Thanks!

Click to expand...

I left a comment. What a day to read something exactly how I feel.

((hugs))

Honey123 said:

Here's a dusty poem of mine....

I'd love any comments (heck votes wouldn't hurt, either )

A Time To Heal

Thanks!

Click to expand...

Thank you honey
I tore my self away from ...what ever it was I was doing
and went and read "Time to Heal" and I am glad I did
the poem came at a good time, funny how things like
that work out <grin>

more please (*_*)

hey saldne
hey nin~

My Erotic Tale said:

Thank you honey
I tore my self away from ...what ever it was I was doing
and went and read "Time to Heal" and I am glad I did
the poem came at a good time, funny how things like
that work out <grin>

more please (*_*)

hey saldne
hey nin~

Click to expand...

Thanks! And as you requested...seemy siggy..oh wait, you did read one of them!! Thank you for your RVP!

Honey123 said:

Thanks! And as you requested...seemy siggy..oh wait, you did read one of them!! Thank you for your RVP!

Click to expand...

Your welcome Honey!

(We'll just have to start calling you "Hot-crotch Honey" ~ Cloudy)

hehehe "hot crotch?' <grinin'> that's very ............poetic <smile>

Zen Putty by Du Lac
one that I'd like to keep the dust off of <grin>

Blow Some More Dust Off Please~

I have read his thread an loved it.
Great idea here.

B
U
M
P

*Smiles*

CupidsGurl~ BlowinDust At ya~

Bump....

Time to shake off the dust of this one..it's not old, but I like it ~ hoping to get some good comments....

Afternoon delight

Honey123 said:

Bump....

Time to shake off the dust of this one..it's not old, but I like it ~ hoping to get some good comments....

Afternoon delight

Click to expand...

Great thread, well done bumping it.

Just read your poem, voted and commented on it. It's a hot one!

Jennifer C said:

Great thread, well done bumping it.

Just read your poem, voted and commented on it. It's a hot one!

Click to expand...

...thank you!

Now, you can put in those poem and poets you were talking about and let us all have a chance to experience some great writings!!

Honey123 said:

...thank you!

Now, you can put in those poem and poets you were talking about and let us all have a chance to experience some great writings!!

Click to expand...

The funny thing is alot of the poems that vanished off the top lists by various poets were new, only a few days old so I wont post them but I might dig up a few of my own

A dusty ole poem

I wrote for a special stunt pilot who died ...was read at his wake I made 500 copies...they all disappeared...along with the mist...

The Mist

He walked with the mist by
the cold dark shore
Entwined were his hands
left footprints in the sand.
As the mist did rise, brushing
his cheek with salty tears.
Memories returned from forgotten years.
A thousand tears were cried that day,
as the mist swept his footprints away.

bluerains said:

I wrote for a special stunt pilot who died ...was read at his wake I made 500 copies...they all disappeared...along with the mist...

The Mist

He walked with the mist by
the cold dark shore
Entwined were his hands
left footprints in the sand.
As the mist did rise, brushing
his cheek with salty tears.
Memories returned from forgotten years.
A thousand tears were cried that day,
as the mist swept his footprints away.

Click to expand...

Bambi's Tears
by My Erotic Tail ©

Rolling rubber
and Country Road
rollercoaster
thru thicket
and wilderness
with new beginnings
at every bend.

Pointing fingers
smiling eyes
and throttle release.
Jerking head glances
natures majestic beauty
oh so deer.

Long perked ears
and poka-dots
attentive and cautious
as the car stops
fawn motionless
still as wood
camouflaged
till white tail
like a flag
waves.

Sqeaking door
curiously
with helpfull intent
for youth
energeticly not
feet carry closer
leather boots
to an alert ear's
caution.

Watery eyes
sniffling nose
of a fawn
slightly spooked
but glued
next to it's mother
that was down
forever
down a country road.

Oh I like that Art, That's lovely

My Erotic Tale said:

<snip>This thread is for those poems.
You find a good one sitting on a list
link it here...

want to limelight an old poem for various
reasons?
link it here...

want to plug a poem days after it's
new poem days are over...
link it here...

I enjoy and relish when some one points
a finger to a literary creation and the journey
was worth the trek~</snip>

Click to expand...

Hello Art and everyone

I submit this poem:
August

If the clouds would only bleed,
And pour the loving succor,
Of cool waters onto dry lips,
Drenching parched deserts.

Wanting the rainwashed spectacle,
Of azure sunrises and,
Magenta sunsets with the night,
Falling midnight blue across the plain.

The wonder of the dew spangled,
Morning making magical the sun,
Too early for morning heat to bleach,
The color from the grass.

Yet only kisses sweet will wet smiles,
With love like rain and touches of dew,
Only passion simmers there beneath,
The hot and sultry darlings of the sun.
________________________

Now I must get on to work, I'll stop by and leave comments on your showcased poetry, everyone. Thanks for writing!

Honey123 said:

Here's a dusty poem of mine....

I'd love any comments (heck votes wouldn't hurt, either )

A Time To Heal

Thanks!

Click to expand...

Hi Honey,

First I'd like to tell you that this is a poem worth taking some time over with a good dusting cloth and maybe just a bit of fresh wax. I did see some flaws in the finish but not in the overall work.

I didn't think you'd want my more nitpicky editorial observations to show up on your comments for this poem. I offer them here since I feel your work would really benefit from a careful rewrite taking these ideas into consideration.

Please remember, any comments or ideas I express here are purely suggestions and MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION. Feel free to use or discard any and all as you see fit. My comments are in red and any changes are in bold.

A Time To Heal

What once was my heart
is now crumbled pieces
of sweet memories;
ashes that have emeshed I think you mean enmeshed but to save confusion, a simpler word choice such as "blended" would serve as well.
with the wind.

As these visions swirl
high above my head,
I desperately try to
collect each evading This is an example of a "gerund" meaning that the word, evading, is a verb conjugation that can also be used as a noun. I was once told by a wiser and more experienced poet to avoid such constructs in my writing. By doing so, I would tighten my structure and also be less inclined to use the passive tense. (Which is, apparently another no-no). Maybe you could replace "evading" with evasive?
piece,

Only to realize ~
they are too far
to reach, and it is
too soon to remember,
and I am too hurt to heal. In this strophe, I find the use of "and" a little mnemonic. It turns my reading into a sort of sing song chant that soon makes me concentrate on the conjunctions rather than the, more important, phrases they join. Try it without the "ands" and maybe you'll feel the impact of "I am too hurt to heal."

Thanks again for giving us the gift of your poetry and please keep sharing.

gee ET

My Erotic Tale said:

Bambi's Tears
by My Erotic Tail ©

Rolling rubber
and Country Road
rollercoaster
thru thicket
and wilderness
with new beginnings
at every bend.

Pointing fingers
smiling eyes
and throttle release.
Jerking head glances
natures majestic beauty
oh so deer.

Long perked ears
and poka-dots
attentive and cautious
as the car stops
fawn motionless
still as wood
camouflaged
till white tail
like a flag
waves.

Sqeaking door
curiously
with helpfull intent
for youth
energeticly not
feet carry closer
leather boots
to an alert ear's
caution.

Watery eyes
sniffling nose
of a fawn
slightly spooked
but glued
next to it's mother
that was down
forever
down a country road.

Click to expand...

this is touching and warm.. hit a fawn many years ago in the snow..and it broke my heart...makes me home sick...lol/blue

champagne1982 said:

Hi Honey,

First I'd like to tell you that this is a poem worth taking some time over with a good dusting cloth and maybe just a bit of fresh wax. I did see some flaws in the finish but not in the overall work.

I didn't think you'd want my more nitpicky editorial observations to show up on your comments for this poem. I offer them here since I feel your work would really benefit from a careful rewrite taking these ideas into consideration.

Please remember, any comments or ideas I express here are purely suggestions and MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION. Feel free to use or discard any and all as you see fit. My comments are in red and any changes are in bold.

A Time To Heal

What once was my heart
is now crumbled pieces
of sweet memories;
ashes that have emeshed I think you mean enmeshed but to save confusion, a simpler word choice such as "blended" would serve as well.
with the wind.

As these visions swirl
high above my head,
I desperately try to
collect each evading This is an example of a "gerund" meaning that the word, evading, is a verb conjugation that can also be used as a noun. I was once told by a wiser and more experienced poet to avoid such constructs in my writing. By doing so, I would tighten my structure and also be less inclined to use the passive tense. (Which is, apparently another no-no). Maybe you could replace "evading" with evasive?
piece,

Only to realize ~
they are too far
to reach, and it is
too soon to remember,
and I am too hurt to heal. In this strophe, I find the use of "and" a little mnemonic. It turns my reading into a sort of sing song chant that soon makes me concentrate on the conjunctions rather than the, more important, phrases they join. Try it without the "ands" and maybe you'll feel the impact of "I am too hurt to heal."

Thanks again for giving us the gift of your poetry and please keep sharing.

Click to expand...

Thank you so much!

Actually it does help! Can you re-write poetry and submit it??

My "gift" is nothing compared to all of the poets here on Lit. I am always amazed by how wonderful each one of you write. I could only wish for a mere smigden of talent.

A Time To Heal (edited)

What once was my heart
is now crumbled pieces
of sweet memories;
ashes that have
blended with the wind.

As these visions swirl
high above my head,
I desperately try to
collect each evasive
piece,

Only to realize ~
they are too far
to reach, it is
too soon to remember...
I am too hurt to heal.



You're right...big difference. Thank you so much....but do I re-submit?

Honey123 said:

Thank you so much!

Actually it does help! Can you re-write poetry and submit it??<snip>

Click to expand...

In fact, you can. Edit your poem and submit the new version exactly as if you were adding a new piece to your list. For the title, I use the same one as the original except I add the word (edit) on the end. In the notes field at the bottom of the text box on your submission page, include a request that the site manager REPLACE the existing version with the edited copy.

This will take a couple of days, as they won't be simply adding to their server, they'll be changing contents of the memory. This is the only way to replace an older version with a new one and retain your views, votes and comments on the work.

If you'd just as soon erase the memory buffer of all that has come earlier on a submitted story or poem, change the title and resubmit the poem as a new one and pm Laurel to have the old copy removed. You can then write a short footnote or header explaining to your audience that this is an edited poem.

I hope that explains it.

Thanks for your kind response to my critique and happy editing.

Honey123 said:

A Time To Heal (edited)

What once was my heart
is now crumbled pieces
of sweet memories;
ashes that have
blended with the wind.

As these visions swirl
high above my head,
I desperately try to
collect each evasive
piece,

Only to realize ~
they are too far
to reach, it is
too soon to remember...
I am too hurt to heal.



You're right...big difference. Thank you so much....but do I re-submit?

Click to expand...

That last strophe definitely has a stronger impact. One more suggestion though; the little ~ (I don't know what that thing is called) and the ellipses after remember still steal importance from your words. I, personally, find them superfluous and way too ornamental to have any advantages in their use. Please consider doing away with them. The ~ could simply disappear and the ellipses ... could be replaced by a period.

bluerains said:

this is touching and warm.. hit a fawn many years ago in the snow..and it broke my heart...makes me home sick...lol/blue

Click to expand...

vivid memories,

every time I read that, Bambi's tears
I recall the day I saw the fawn and wrote this poem
I am excited that some one revived this thread... <grin>

Just thought I would air a poem from what seems the dim and distant past.

She was American he said
Other than that
All he could remember
was the size of her nipples
"Big as gooseberries!"
I reminded him she was also pretty
And had legs as tall as lamp posts!
Strange what one chooses to remember
And chooses to forget, he said
As he mused about a dingy lounge
Somewhere in Stoke Newington
Unaware that as he spoke
His tongue was searching
For her delicious nodules of flesh