An in-depth conversation...

...between my mind and my cock, in the shower, a long time ago:

[COCK] <hardening under the ministrations of my soapy left hand, clearing its throat in a peeved tone>: Ahem! I can't believe you didn't even tell her any details about yesterday afternoon, when you FINALLY let me take over for a bit. It was fucking INTENSE, and you know you want to tell her about it. What the fuck is WRONG with you? What a fucking DORK!

[MIND] <in a haughty tone>: Calm down, you Neanderthal freak. I was actually thinking about sending her an e-mail with details about it...

[COCK] <spasming>: Oh??? <growling> Can I write it??? Can I??? PLEASE???

[MIND]: Yes, yes, I'll let you write the actual nasty details, simmer down, get a grip on yourself.

[COCK] <snickering quietly, secretly taking control of my left hand, getting a steadily stroking grip on itself as my mind rambled on>

[MIND] <paying no mind to the hand's stroking>: ...but I want to write the first part of the e-mail, to make sure there is no confusion. I would carefully explain that she didn't have to read it right now, not until she was ready. I would tell her that I don't want us to do anything together until we're both ready, that we would totally play that by ear. But I would also tell her that I don't want her to put those thoughts out of her mind completely. I would tell her that if we let our minds go there, it doesn't change anything, for better or for worse. And, if she didn't want to read it right away, she could wait until...

[COCK] <rolling its eye>: Blah blah blah, shut the fuck up, you're repeating yourself now. You've been in charge for far too long, and I'm getting fucking sick of your constant blathering, on and on, day and night. You never fucking shut up. Besides, you're too much of a fucking wimp to admit that we both just want to get her pussy sopping wet, get that delicious little clit of hers hard and tingling, so that we can get her in bed with her legs spread wide, so that I can roughly snap my head past that tight lil pussy ring as she rubs her...

[HIPS] <thrusting rhythmically under the cock's sinister influence>

[MIND] <noticing the rebelling body parts, quickly attempting to restore law and order>: Jesus, can't you give it a rest? Yes, I will admit that the thought of her becoming aroused...

[COCK] <laughing its ass off>: Oh PLEASE... Like you even fucking TALK like that... Who the fuck are you trying to impress, you fucking pansy...

[WHOLE SELF] <in the form of a disembodied voice speaking to the "audience"> I'd like to break in here and apologize for my cock's language. But hey, that's how he talks, so in the interest of authenticity...

[MIND]: Okay, okay. The thought of her clit stiffening is like the most incredible drug in the world, and I do miss making that sweet little pussy wet...

[COCK] <quietly regaining control over left hand and hips, thinking about making the left leg lift up to the side of the tub, reluctantly deciding not to push its luck> mmmmmhmmmm... that's it... go on... I'm listening...

[MIND] Okay, okay. I don't know why I want to send the e-mail. I truly don't expect it to change anything between us, I'm really learning to not expect anything right now. Maybe it's because I miss sharing every detail with her. Maybe, since I've let my mind (er, me) go there, I want HER mind to go there too.

[COCK] <twitching impatiently>: JESUS!!! Shut the fuck UP alrady!!! Now you're getting all teary eyed, you fucking wimp... Let's talk more about her clit, her tight lil pussy rign... her sweet butt... her hot wet mouth... Im almsot there... juts a lil more.. more... just... yyyy... close... yessssssss....

[MIND] <furiously putting a halt to the proceedings, just in time>: No, goddammit! I'll let you write the second part of the e-mail, but I'm still in charge!

[COCK] <snickering like a petulant teenager, rolling its eye again>: Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that...

[MIND] <icy glare, lowering it's voice to a menacing tone>: Do. NOT. Push. Your. Luck.

[COCK] <quickly backing down, tail between its legs>: Okay, okay. Sorry. But why can't we finish jacking off first? I was sooooo close!

[MIND]: I know, I know. But I want you to be sharp...

[COCK] <snickering>: As diamonds, baby...

[MIND] <chuckling in spite of itself>: Shut up. As I was saying, I want you to be sharp for your part of the e-mail.

[COCK] <whining>: Okay, whatever. You think too much. But, I was just thinking...

[MIND] <snickering>: That's a first!

[COCK]: Yeah yeah... At least I don't OVERthink like some people I know... But anyway, I was thinking... you're going to be blabbing on and on in your part of the e-mail about feelings and relationships and all sorts of boring shit, which would totally kill the yummy clit stiffening potential of my part. So why don't we split them up? You take care of all the boring, yawn-inducing preliminary yadda yadda bullshit in one e-mail, and I'll handle the juicy stuff in another.

[MIND] <eyebrows lifting in surprise>: You know, that's actually a pretty good idea...

[COCK] <muttering under its breath>: Damn right it is, you fucking pussy... <daydreaming> mmmmmmm, fucking pussy...

[MIND] <rolling its eyes, shaking its head>: Okay, let's get ready to go for our walk.

[COCK] <grinning wickedly>: Not so fast, dork. Since you didn't let me get rid of this hot load, do you REALLY think I'm going to stay quiet long enough to take a walk, with all this going through our heads? In public, no less? I'll be rock hard and drooling like a fucking firehose before you make it around the block, dumbass.

[MIND]: Shit. Okay, we'll go to work and get those 2 e-mails out.

[COCK] <snickeringly muttering again, even quieter>: In charge my ass...

[MIND]: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that...

i always knew your cock was the real brains of the operation....

LOL

He definitely doesn't get as befuddled and wishy-washy as my damn brain, huh?

That's the real penis puppetry.

LOL!

tortoise said:

He definitely doesn't get as befuddled and wishy-washy as my damn brain, huh?

Click to expand...

oooohh you....you're both geniuses.....but i do dig how he can take control....especially when he has you walking across campus with a huge bulge in your pants desperate to find a place to sit down.....we love doing that to you....

LMAO

That was fucking hilarious. I seriously couldn't make it ten feet without the pesky thing, um... acting up. There was this lady with a dog following me, and her dog was very skittish around people, so she was reluctant to pass me, but as I kept stopping and sitting on every wall/step/stump/picket fence that I passed by, she finally had no choice but to pass me.

Even funnier is the times when that happens when I'm on the phone with you and there is no place to sit down. I suddenly become very interested in the sidewalk cracks, stooping down to get a better look. If someone asks, I'll just tell em I lost a contact or something. The ensuing distraction might be enough to alleviate my... condition.

Hey! I found a new person to stalk!

"Think about Grandma."


<giggling>

Cleo32 said:

Hey! I found a new person to stalk!

Click to expand...

he does not like celery up his butt....trust me on this....i tried stalking him....once......<lil shudder>....god did he yelp....have you ever heard a turtle yelp?....jeeesus....

tortoise said:

[WHOLE SELF] <in the form of a disembodied voice speaking to the "audience"> I'd like to break in here and apologize for my cock's language. But hey, that's how he talks, so in the interest of authenticity...

Click to expand...

ROFL This line reminded me of something someone said to me the other day and the combined thoughts made me spew apple juice.

Ginny said:

"Think about Grandma."


<giggling>

Click to expand...

LMFAO

Or the other day at the restaurant, when I had to pretend I was still talking to you for about 5 minutes before things... subsided and I could safely return to my poor salad.

"Mike, do you want me to bring your salad out to you?"

Ginny said:

he does not like celery up his butt....trust me on this....i tried stalking him....once......<lil shudder>....god did he yelp....have you ever heard a turtle yelp?....jeeesus....

Click to expand...

Just say NO to celery!

Now, the occasional baby carrot, on the other hand...

see....i told you that time and temperature number comes in handy for fake calls.....

LOL

"At the tone, it will be time for your tumescence to subside."

tortoise said:

Just say NO to celery!

Now, the occasional baby carrot, on the other hand...

Click to expand...

Theodore said he'd loan me one of his corncobs for your butt sometime....one he hasn't used yet....of course....the shared use of bacteria-laden corncobs is prohibited by law in most states....and the fools that do it anyway....well let's just say....INFECTED BUTTHOLE!....idiots....

tortoise said:

"At the tone, it will be time for your tumescence to subside."

Click to expand...

and your temperature is still a steamy 102.5....

Ginny said:

he does not like celery up his butt....trust me on this....i tried stalking him....once......<lil shudder>....god did he yelp....have you ever heard a turtle yelp?....jeeesus....

Click to expand...

*grins* I'll be gentle.

Ginny said:

Theodore said he'd loan me one of his corncobs for your butt sometime....one he hasn't used yet....of course....the shared use of bacteria-laden corncobs is prohibited by law in most states....and the fools that do it anyway....well let's just say....INFECTED BUTTHOLE!....idiots....

Click to expand...

After fucking that tight butt
Other holes you do wish to enjoy
You should carefully clean up
Your cock, be it real or be it a toy

Clean it up, you
(On the dildo tip)
You've got gradeux
(On the dildo tip)
That's just nasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's not tasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's easy to choose
Clean all that butt juice
Off the dildo tip

If you don't, you'll be wishin
You'd paid closer heed to my chatter
Bacterial transmission
Is nowhere near a laughing matter

Clean it up, you
(On the dildo tip)
You've got gradeux
(On the dildo tip)
That's just nasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's not tasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's easy to choose
Clean all that butt juice
Off the dildo tip

The other orifices
Don't need those nasty germs from the ass
And most doctor's offices
Won't tell you this news, nor will a class

All you lovers far and near
Should listen carefully to this song
Wise words that you need to hear
Take my advice and wash that big dong

Clean it up, you
(On the dildo tip)
You've got gradeux
(On the dildo tip)
That's just nasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's not tasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's easy to choose
Clean all that butt juice
Off the dildo tip

Ginny said:

and your temperature is still a steamy 102.5....

Click to expand...

I tell ya. I swear I'm going to get a thermometer one of these days, prove that the term "feverish with lust" is not just a figure of speech.

tortoise said:

Clean it up, you
(On the dildo tip)
You've got gradeux
(On the dildo tip)
That's just nasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's not tasty
(On the dildo tip)
It's easy to choose
Clean all that butt juice
Off the dildo tip

Click to expand...

<swoon>

one of my favorites....'On the Dildo Tip' by that British punk band Bacteria-Laden Butt Juice.....you know all the cool bands, baby....you have me justa bouncing in my chair....butt justa clenching as i sing along....

tortoise said:

I tell ya. I swear I'm going to get a thermometer one of these days, prove that the term "feverish with lust" is not just a figure of speech.

Click to expand...

i hope it's a rectal one....

A lefty?

Cool.

Okay, that cock of yours had me laughing out loud!

Ginny , you lucky chica... you' got the coolest tortuga on the block !

Oh yes, the eternal struggle of the male...