How to find healthy outlets for anger?

Hello, all.

I've been through the pain, confusion, hurt and loss of a relationship. Now that I'm working through the things that went wrong and seeing the whole thing for what it really was, I'm finding something that surprises me...anger. Real, deep, furious anger. I mean, the kind of anger that hits so suddenly and with such intensity that it would be frightening if I took the time to think about it.

I am in counseling, and my counselor assures me anger is normal at this point...that feelings of rage against the man who hurt me so much are natural. That I should not fight them.

Okay...so here's my question.

How do you deal with anger? I have done the usual things...throwing things, screaming into a pillow (or sometimes just at his picture), ripping up his photos and burning them (god, that felt GOOD), writing him evil letters (not sending them, of course), writing it all down in a journal, exercising like crazy...

But I still feel the need to lash out.

So...any suggestions? What good ways have you found to deal with your anger?

And since DuckLover will ask (you knew you would, but I like that about you! )...no, I did not throw a temper tantrum in front of my children. I keep it in check well enough for that.

So...HELP!

The very pissed off and frustrated S.

take a trip to the local driving range or the local batting cages....


though I will say, don't start to criticize your form at either... you may make things worse....



the actual act of using your brute strength to 'hit' something can be very theraputic... Actually, i think any physical activity can have that effect... just get those endorphine's pumping..

You mentioned it but exercise/weight lifting. A punching bag works well or a baseball bat and an old junker car .

Massively bloody computerized carnage does wonders for me. Bad day? Go home, load up a computer game, go online and shoot pixellated terrorists (imagine your ex's head on them ).

kick boxing classes
hardcore aerobics classes
voodoo doll?

torture your children's hampsters? (j/k)

clean
Running
accupuncture
drum lessons
large canvas, lots of paint ... use your hands, fling it, brush it... take it out in color.

crocheting (its weird, but this is one I do... I once finished a blanket for a queen sized bed in a week...) and each loop I make is another reason why I'm mad or pissed off... i end up crying ::shrug:: I'm odd, we all know that already.

Post it here? it works for some.

Is good to not just squash and deal with the anger and the pain, but to go through with it, to express it in a way you are comfortable with, that doesn't just exhaust you and make you tired, collapse and sink you into a crying mess ... but in an impowering way.

as always, we're here for you Sheath

LOL

I wonder if I could actually superimpose his image?

I do find myself wanting to just HIT something...him, actually, but that wouldn't be advisable, of course. I think a good punishing session at the gym would be good. I've tried it, but I never tried hitting the punching bag they have in there. I might do that.

And if I dust off my old set of Pings...surely I can find that driver and attack a few balls. And pretend they are his? *snicker*

Thanks for the suggestions.

S.

Fire works for me....I like to make a big fire & throw bits of ex's things (pictures & such) in to the flames
Also, the firing range thing that was mentioned in another thread...shooting guns can be REALLY therapeutic
Especially if his pic is on the target
Breaking stuff is good. Hit Goodwill and buy some cheap cast of dishes, just so you can smash them.
Oh, and rough, violent sex can be good...find a guy you can just jump on & PUMMEL with your body
I'm sure said guy would understand your need for therapy

BlueSugar said:

kick boxing classes
hardcore aerobics classes
voodoo doll?

torture your children's hampsters? (j/k)

clean
Running
accupuncture
drum lessons
large canvas, lots of paint ... use your hands, fling it, brush it... take it out in color.

crocheting (its weird, but this is one I do... I once finished a blanket for a queen sized bed in a week...) and each loop I make is another reason why I'm mad or pissed off... i end up crying ::shrug:: I'm odd, we all know that already.

Post it here? it works for some.

Is good to not just squash and deal with the anger and the pain, but to go through with it, to express it in a way you are comfortable with, that doesn't just exhaust you and make you tired, collapse and sink you into a crying mess ... but in an impowering way.

as always, we're here for you Sheath

Click to expand...

Thank you, my Musical Maiden.

I love the idea of a voodoo doll...I actually have a few of those.

The idea of torturing hamsters made me laugh (I know, I'm terrible). Then I felt bad about it immediately. Better not go with that one.

I think once I get the anger out, I will be able to sit still long enough to crochet...and that is a very good idea. I started a crocheted quilt when my grandfather passed away, worked on it all through the week of his funeral, and it is now a tribute of sorts to him. I've never tried it for anger, but it might work. It's worth a shot.



S.

James G 5 said:

Fire works for me....I like to make a big fire & throw bits of ex's things (pictures & such) in to the flames
Also, the firing range thing that was mentioned in another thread...shooting guns can be REALLY therapeutic
Especially if his pic is on the target
Breaking stuff is good. Hit Goodwill and buy some cheap cast of dishes, just so you can smash them.
Oh, and rough, violent sex can be good...find a guy you can just jump on & PUMMEL with your body
I'm sure said guy would understand your need for therapy

Click to expand...

I liked burning his picture...it made me feel so much better.

I love the idea of the firing range, and when I go to visit Ang and her J I'm going to do just that. (ABN_Ranger, stock up on ammo. Big time!)

It would be nice to pummel someone with my body. It's been far too long since I had a violent fuck. *sigh*

I'm not going to think about that, it will just make me even more angry!

S.

I used to have a rage.. and I found that the best way to deal with it was either to paint or to kickbox or box. Punching or kicking something really felt good... and kickboxing or boxing a bag won't hurt anyone, except maybe yourself (so don't go too nuts). I remember once, when my bag wasn't around, I punched a bookshelf, and broke my knuckles. Not fun. So please be careful.

I also find that working with clay when I'm angry helps... you get to get your hands into something, and you get to build and destroy as many times as you want.. pretty incredible when you realize that the anger's seeping out of you.

Sometimes, excercise doesn't cut it... I found that when I was so angry over the things in my past, I would do certain kinds of excercise, like what I mentioned above, but also like Rowing, or something. Or serious weight-training**. Rowing is low impact, but if you do it long enough and with enough intensity, the burn feels wonderful. Do not do it without consulting a trainer about it, though, otherwise you might hurt yourself.


** weight training. I do not recommend this to everyone. I've been weight-training since I was 15, on and off. It was pretty serious for a couple years until my first car accident, after which I had to stop. I'm getting back into it, and I understand how the machines work, how to use them, how my body works, and how to listen to it. I used to train people in weight-training. Do not, under any circumstances go for 'the burn' with weights unless you're being monitored by a trained spotter and trainer. They know your body better than you do, when it comes to weights and ability. You can say when to stop, but if you're lifting with anger motivating you, you might not listen to your body. Please be careful.

This is what I did

I wrote...alot.

stuff like this

Why you should die

you killed all aspects of me that were honorable
a disease to man and woman kind
you deserve hatred and animosity
you deserve a death so wretched
so painfilled
that imps from hell will ache for you
you are a murderer of all things good and honest
a true paragon of all things hideous
i fear for my immortal soul
the thought of killing you fills that hole
completely
I can not believe i was taken in
A monstrosity of ill defined madness
a faker of sadness
you killed my heart
i want you ripped apart
a murderer of dreams, ripped at the seams
I want you gone from this earth
removed like the plague you are
blackness, bleakness
hatred, weakness
and yet..i love you
for that alone...you should die....

Then I started walking..alot.

Joined a kickboxing type work out

meditation

(as for the poem..I posted it on AOL and sent Him a copy..made me feel loads better in the end)

pet

I haven't had to deal with a broken marriage but I do get angry with people sometimes. When I do, I fantasize about punishing them.

My favorite way of punishing someone is to lie in bed and fantasize about doing the nastiest, most painful, most humiliating thing I can imagine to him/her while I get off on it. I usually tailor it to the individual, making it something that they would absolutely hate.

I don't have to be fair and there is no appeal.

If you try this, take your time and really savor the details. Exactly what kind of hardware are you going to use to secure him to the sawhorse? Should you apply hot oil before or after the flogging? Perhaps both? What about you? What are you going to wear?

vixenshe: Sterling advice, as always. The more I read these responses, the more I realize I really want to hit that punching bag down at the gym. Or fire a gun. I feel a destructive streak coming on.

Thank you especially for the advice about being careful. I know how easy it is for me to overdo things, especially when driven by anger. I will keep it in mind.

Pet: Holy shit. I feel SO sorry for that guy who wronged you! But I'm sure he got exactly what he deserved when he got his copy of that poem. I loved it...I'm going to come back and read it when I am online and feeling really, really pissed.



S.

angela146 said:

I don't have to be fair and there is no appeal.

If you try this, take your time and really savor the details. Exactly what kind of hardware are you going to use to secure him to the sawhorse? Should you apply hot oil before or after the flogging? Perhaps both? What about you? What are you going to wear?

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Oh....ooooh, yeah. I like that one.

I think I found my outlet for tonight, at least.

Great one, angela. Thank you.

S.

sheath said:

Pet: Holy shit. I feel SO sorry for that guy who wronged you! But I'm sure he got exactly what he deserved when he got his copy of that poem. I loved it...I'm going to come back and read it when I am online and feeling really, really pissed.



S.

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What was so good about writing it out? After he read it, he was scared of ME. I felt empowered and strong. Strangely enough, I talk to Him now. So come on back and read it..hell print it out if you have a mind to..

Anything that will get your anger moving in a purely CON structive way...

pet

sheath said:

Thank you, my Musical Maiden.

I love the idea of a voodoo doll...I actually have a few of those.

The idea of torturing hamsters made me laugh (I know, I'm terrible). Then I felt bad about it immediately. Better not go with that one.

I think once I get the anger out, I will be able to sit still long enough to crochet...and that is a very good idea. I started a crocheted quilt when my grandfather passed away, worked on it all through the week of his funeral, and it is now a tribute of sorts to him. I've never tried it for anger, but it might work. It's worth a shot.



S.

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ee! that just made me squeel all happily, musical maiden
((ps that thread on the bdsm cafe is pretty funny, should stick your nose back in...opps shameless plug... haha))

someone found the website with the 'dancing hampsters' on it, and it reminded me of the visions of hampsters in camo and you in panties crawling around trying to find them and they escaping and spreading it to other hampsters on Lit to escape as well haha.

and I was listening to Godsmack, so the Voodoo doll was something I HAD to type in

I like the bon fire idea... but, I am a packrat, and I am unable to throw anything away.
I keep everyone in a box in the back of my closet.

vixenshe said:

I<snip>

I also find that working with clay when I'm angry helps... you get to get your hands into something, and you get to build and destroy as many times as you want.. pretty incredible when you realize that the anger's seeping out of you.

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I second this one. I have used clay for anger in the past as well... mold a likeness of his face, (or anything else you may wish ) then take your fist or a blunt object and pound it flat. repeat until rage abates.

Pet: In fact, I'm printing it out right now.

BlueSugar: Oh, wow. You remember that thread? lol It was great while it lasted.

TNRkitect2B: I thought about vixenshe's clay idea, but I just couldn't get my mind around it. I guess I'm too hellbent on hurting something to think about building something creatively...but that combines the best of both! I could smash it, kill it, hack it...then when I was done, put it back together into something pretty and put it on my mantel.

But then I might get mad and throw it one day? *sigh*

S.

this may sound odd...but ask a very close friend if they dont mind to hear you vent....just tell them everything you want to tell him. Let it loose on them (of course advise them that nothing is personal and they are just merely a body in place of his) talking is one thing...but beign able to yell at someone is amazingly helpful...even if it isnt the person your angry at.

sheath said:

Pet: In fact, I'm printing it out right now.

BlueSugar: Oh, wow. You remember that thread? lol It was great while it lasted.

TNRkitect2B: I thought about vixenshe's clay idea, but I just couldn't get my mind around it. I guess I'm too hellbent on hurting something to think about building something creatively...but that combines the best of both! I could smash it, kill it, hack it...then when I was done, put it back together into something pretty and put it on my mantel.

But then I might get mad and throw it one day? *sigh*

S.

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hehe i remember alot of funny/good threads...

i tried to thow a pot/vase on a pottery wheel... and then I gave up bc that pissed me off even more bc i couldn't get it centered... so I fired it up anyway ... and then threw it.

Now THAT helped. and then i used putty paste and other things i threw around (glass bottles, terrycotta pots, a few dishs a mug or two) into a really awesome collage type dealy.

sheath said:

Oh....ooooh, yeah. I like that one.

I think I found my outlet for tonight, at least.

Great one, angela. Thank you.

S.

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You're welcome!

Of course, we would all like to hear about your fantasy punishment if you wouldn't mind writing it up for us...

I'll get the popcorn.

Get a Ak, load a bunch of 30's up and let her rip down range

have you though about playing paintball? Much cheaper than buying a real gun and you dont have to wait the 7 days

sheath said:

vixenshe: Sterling advice, as always. The more I read these responses, the more I realize I really want to hit that punching bag down at the gym. Or fire a gun. I feel a destructive streak coming on.

Thank you especially for the advice about being careful. I know how easy it is for me to overdo things, especially when driven by anger. I will keep it in mind.

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You're very welcome. And I really do recommend talking to a trainer, and I NEVER recommend lifting alone. Always have a spotter with you, someone who can lift off of you what you can't. Just in case. It's just safer. I've seen people get over ambitious, and drop a bench-pressing bar on their chests, and it threatens to roll onto the throat. Very dangerous.

But in the end, do whatever makes you feel best about yourself and the world, and doesn't harm anyone.

After all that ass-kicking, maybe to get a manicure or something.

sheath said:

So...any suggestions? What good ways have you found to deal with your anger?

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When I was first separated from my ex-wife,I was heavily into playing D&D. I created an evil half-elven assasin character and played out manyof the things I wanted to do to my ex on imaginary orcs and other monsters.

It didn't do much for relieving the anger when I felt like smashing things, but it did decrease the frequency of the anger attacks.

Do you know anyone with a fireplace that needs some wood chopped? When I was younger, the woodpile absorbed a good deal of my anger and frustration.

Get yourself a good hammer, some nails, and a pile of scrap wood and just practice driving nails with one blow. or buy an old fender or hood from the junk yard and pound it into a tight little ball of metal.

If you play tennis or squash, channeling your anger into the ball is a good place to leave it.

Channel your anger into something constructive. If you want make it physically constructive and exhausting, but honestly I would not recommend sitting around fantasizing about hurting those that hurt you, or plotting revenge. Fantasys rarely relieve the tension caused by the anger.

Try walking, bike riding, heck rearrange your apartment funiture if you want, but do something constructive with your energy.