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how would you define this?

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swtnsasy

Virgin
Joined
Sep 21, 2003
Posts
8
Ok so it is like this. My man is gone for nine months. I promise not to cheat on him. But..... I need to get laid. How to do that? Masterbation doesn't work any more. The stories here helped at first, but now I am becoming more and more frustrated. I told him all this and he rips me a new one. Very unfair of him. When he was home we were having sex three or four times a day, work permitting. He expected me to be able to turn it all off when he left but I can't.My blood humms in my viens, I am riding the very edge of an orgasim every minute of the day, but getting no closer to going over the edge. Nothing is working for me. I stoped sleeping, I stoped eating, I am getting really bad headaches. I need to get laid.... But I can't cheat. I want to just for the sex, but he will leave me and that is just not acceptable to me. He is the only one that I have found that can keep up, suprised me once by wearing me out. But i have needed sex alot for as long as I have been active. So how do I fix this????What would I call this?????
swtnsasy
 
I think Freud would call it frustrated wantoness. And he would encourage you to face it, examine it, and ultimately find a viable outlet to ust to transfer the feelings.

Based on your post, if this guy were ever foolish enough to leave you, there would be a huge line of guys waiting to take care of you.

How about the Sexual Role Playing forums, or the Playground? Here you can live-out a fantasy without actually cheating on your partner. Have dildo, or other toys available while you type and read. Or you can write your own stories about what you would do if he were there - and help the rest of us overcome our own frustration.

Since you are obviously good with expressing yourself, why not set down on paper the first day he gets back - how you imagine it will be. Describe every little thing he does with his eyes and hands and how it makes you feel.

-FF
 
I would start by asking yourself why you feel you 'need' to get laid.

I mean, really examine what the underlying feelings are. Of course there is a physical component, but that is only a facet of our overall sexuality.

It's not just the physicality, regardless of what you want to tell yourself. Our largest sex organs are our brains, eh? If you feel your lack of sexual contact jeapordizes your self-concept, then I suggest that you may want to consider talking to a counselor, as it is like an indicator of a greater psychological issue.

That might not be what you want to hear, but it's what I get out of your post. Take it or leave it.
 
are you so certain he isn't cheating on you? sounds as tho he might have a very high libido also. how is he dealing with it?
 
how about cyber or phone sex? either with him or with someone else? Lots of nice cyberring guys here on lit.
 
How are you masterbating? Fingers? Buy a toy...try something new. I know in a dry spell toys are great. I dont think he expects you to turn it off...like others said...try phone sex..cyber with him if possible.

And peachy hit things on the head...in all reality we dont 'need' sex. Your obessessing about it to the point where you dont know how much longer you can controll yourself. Maybe talking to someone would be a good idea. I hope you get things worked out and get you some shattering orgasms soon girl!
:rose:
 
I'm going to go against the grain here and question the "need to get laid". Contrary to popular opinion, and your feelings. There is no physical reason why you must have sex. You aren't an animal coming into heat and screwing any male you find because you can't control yourself. You can control this. The question really is, do you want to? Or are you perhaps looking for an excuse to go out and cheat? Many people, here and elsewhere have gone for long intervals without sex, settling for masterbation, or even going without. There's no reason why you have to be different. The last three years of my first marriage were like that. Others on this board, have claimed 6 years or more of time without any sex.

You've made a promise. Perhaps you're not married yet, but does your word mean so little? Get yourself a vibrator or a dildo and have a little self induced fun. Start sending your man messages letting him know exactly what you intend to do to him when he gets home.

I strongly suggest you do not succumb to the temptations of really cheating. Explore some of the more racier sides of online chatting, or splurge on some toys. But don't cross that line. You'll not only damage your relationship if he ever finds out, but you'll also end up regretting the decision and your lack of control. I'm sorry to say this, but you do not need to get laid, you want to get laid. They are two entirely different things. We "need" air to breath, we "need" water to survive, we want sex, but can live without it.
 
I know exactly what you are going through - sometimes the urge is just uncontrollable. You either have to have will power, find something that will satisfy the need, or break your promise. What is your man doing, how is he contoliing it? you do talk on the phone it appears. Do you have phone sex that should help some at least. Have phone sex with someone else it is new and different and will help. The other suggestion have been great you just don't have many options, and it depends on what is most important to you - the need for sex or your man. I understand the pull your sexual urges present, and I reall do feel for you. If you want a smart answer you can try the old reliable - take a cold shower. It probably won't help but you can snuggle under the covers with a good book and your favorite toy to relieve a little pressure.
 
i'm going to get flamed for this...
but hey!
9 months is an awful long time to go without sex!
especially if you're the kind of person that does it 3-4 times a day normally!

masturbation, though fun, is not the same.

so the way i figure it is this....
either you get your sweet little butt over to wherever the hell your man is (if possible),
or-
you suffer and deal with the situation any way you can,
OR -
you go get yourself a fuck-buddy that knows how to keep his mouth shut,
OR -
you leave him.

(me - i'd go for the 3rd option, but then i really am a slut!)
 
warrior queen said:
i'm going to get flamed for this...
but hey!
9 months is an awful long time to go without sex!
especially if you're the kind of person that does it 3-4 times a day normally!

masturbation, though fun, is not the same.

so the way i figure it is this....
either you get your sweet little butt over to wherever the hell your man is (if possible),
or-
you suffer and deal with the situation any way you can,
OR -
you go get yourself a fuck-buddy that knows how to keep his mouth shut,
OR -
you leave him.

(me - i'd go for the 3rd option, but then i really am a slut!)
Click to expand...

Okay so, let me ask you this then:

suppose the reason her man was unable to have sex with her wasn't that he was away - suppose he was seriously injured, needed an extensive period of recovery, was perhaps partially paralysed, whatever? would your answer be any different?

I'm not rying to hijack, I'm just trying to get across the point that sex - however fantastic it is and however often we are accustomed to having it - if it is the single most defining or critical component of your relationship, well, that's not that solid a thing. Yes, nine months is a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, no, it isn't, if you've got something worth hanging on to in the relationship.
 
peachykeen said:
Okay so, let me ask you this then:

suppose the reason her man was unable to have sex with her wasn't that he was away - suppose he was seriously injured, needed an extensive period of recovery, was perhaps partially paralysed, whatever? would your answer be any different?

I'm not rying to hijack, I'm just trying to get across the point that sex - however fantastic it is and however often we are accustomed to having it - if it is the single most defining or critical component of your relationship, well, that's not that solid a thing. Yes, nine months is a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, no, it isn't, if you've got something worth hanging on to in the relationship.
Click to expand...

yes, i would still go find a fuck-buddy.

and no - i am not going to justify why.
 
Emerald_eyed said:
I knew someone who had a fuck buddy while her husband was over seas

It was hard to tell h9im she was 6 months pregnant, when she hadnt seen her hubby in a year
Click to expand...

if she was dumb enough not to practice safe-sex, then she deserved everything she got.
 
Warrior Queen, you are not alone here. I agree with you a 100%. I am not going to justify the why of it either but I will say this. Masturbation is not the same, and I don't do toys.
 
Emerald_eyed said:
Wow, she is totally stupid for trusting her deposhot huh?

Also, since she hadn't had a period and didnt trust the depo....they backed up with a condom. Unfortunatly, they put the condom on half way through, and finished with it.....precum has lots of wigglers.


So is she stupid now? nope, 2 forms failed her
Click to expand...

there's always the morning after pill, or even abortion.

if she was that concerned about how her hubby would react, then she would have done everything to stop that pregnancy.
the fact that she didn't, shows that there were deeper, underlying problems/scenarios that maybe you were unaware of.

either way, if she wasn't prepared for the consequences, she shouldn't have been playing grown-up games.
 
Emerald_eyed said:
Wow, she is totally stupid for trusting her deposhot huh?

Also, since she hadn't had a period and didnt trust the depo....they backed up with a condom. Unfortunatly, they put the condom on half way through, and finished with it.....precum has lots of wigglers.


So is she stupid now? nope, 2 forms failed her
Click to expand...

If you use a birth control method however you feel like it instead of the correct way, can you really claim it "failed you" when it doesn't work? Maybe the depo failed her, but she failed herself with the condoms.
 
Emerald_eyed said:
I am wondering what kind of self esteeme issues people have here to feel they NEED sex?

Does sex make you whole? You can not be whole without sex?

Your partners feelings and health are not worth your monogamy?

I am sorry, but this absolute need for sex has me wondering about mental health


Edited to add....

I know not one of you personally, so am not saying you all are crazy or anything.
Click to expand...

it's got nothing to do with mental health.
it's also got nothing to do with my self-esteem.

i see my sexuality as being an intrinsic part of who i am, it's not something that i class as an 'extra'.

and if i choose to continue having sex, either with or without my s/o, then in reality, that's all it is - a choice.

i'm not going to go without sex simply because someone else sees it as 'morally wrong' or 'dishonest'.

it's my morality and honesty that counts here, not yours.
 
Emerald_eyed said:
The morning after pill is not used if you "dont think you are pregnant" It is only the first 72 hours and they thought they were golden, who wouldnt? It was 2 months later when she found out.


You are saying that since she did NOT have an abortion....that she has underlying problems?


That sounds a bit....idiotic

I say if she was that concerned about how her hubby would react, she should't have been fucking around.
Click to expand...

while i agree totally with your last statement here....

i think the rest is very naiive.
what i was attempting to say, was that if she got pregnant, didn't do anything about it (yes, i mean have an abortion), then she musn't have been too concerned about her relationship disintegrating.

like i said, she shouldn't have been playing in the grown-ups sandpit.
 
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