Le Jacquelope
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Is that the phrase for people who are sometimes Doms with their partner, and sometimes Subs?
How many people actually do that?
How many people actually do that?
Switches
- Thread starter Le Jacquelope
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neonflux
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LovingTongue said:
Hi, LovingTongue!
What specifically are you interested in?
I can't say that I know how many people are switch. I definitely am, and so is my kink partner (male). Both of us are more Dominant, which can be interesting. In terms of what we enjoy, he is more into D/s when subbing, I am much more of a masochist. I am exploring certain facets of BDSM with my primary, who is seems to be switch (no pain, btw).
It provides one with an interesting perspective. A pro domme I know here, for whom I have a great deal of respect says that she believes it is very difficult to fully develop one's Dominant side without switching, at least occassionally. It certainly gives me a greater appreciation for both roles, and provides experiences that I think can make me both a better Top and bottom.
There are a number of us on Lit. Many of my friends in my RL community are also switch (although a lot are not). One of the most amazing trios - poly - that plays regularly at our community play space here (San Francisco) - two women and a man, are all switch and they will switch mid-scene. They do a lot of play piercing and are awesome to watch. I know one couple that is 24/7 who are both switch - they trade roles on a monthly basis, then flip for big community events like the Folsom Street Fair.
Hope this is helpful - would be happy to answer specific questions, also.
NeonP.S., I adore your AV - it's so cute! Then again, I'm a sucker for pussies, LOL.
Le Jacquelope
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I wonder what others in the BDSM community think of that kind of relationship?AvaAdore said:
CutieMouse
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LovingTongue said:I wonder what others in the BDSM community think of that kind of relationship?
I've seen comments about switches not being "real" / "true" / "whatever", but honestly it isn't like there are all these black and white BDSM rules handed out along with a secret handshake and decoder ring... people practice BDSM in whatever way it works for their relationship.
Although the thread has brought to mind a question I've had for a while, so I may start another thread to discuss it in depth...
Le Jacquelope
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Well, I was interested in hearing from people who do switch D/s and their take on the lifestyle. I imagine that there's a certain beauty to be found in the balance of it all.neonflux said:
Absolutely, you have to appreciate what it's like to place your trust in your Dom/me and submit to their will.
That and it makes the whole experience more fun
Trios. Hooboy. I can hardly handle being half of a duo. I gotta give him a thumbs up!There are a number of us on Lit. Many of my friends in my RL community are also switch (although a lot are not). One of the most amazing trios - poly - that plays regularly at our community play space here (San Francisco) - two women and a man, are all switch and they will switch mid-scene. They do a lot of play piercing and are awesome to watch. I know one couple that is 24/7 who are both switch - they trade roles on a monthly basis, then flip for big community events like the Folsom Street Fair.
Hope this is helpful - would be happy to answer specific questions, also.
It's in honor of our cats, one of whom behaves just like that.P.S., I adore your AV - it's so cute! Then again, I'm a sucker for pussies, LOL.
switch "for" with "of" and that's me!
neonflux
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LovingTongue said:Well, I was interested in hearing from people who do switch D/s and their take on the lifestyle. I imagine that there's a certain beauty to be found in the balance of it all.
Absolutely, you have to appreciate what it's like to place your trust in your Dom/me and submit to their will.
That and it makes the whole experience more fun
There is beauty and trust and it is loads of fun
(plus, it increases one's chances of finding a play partner - just kidding on the last, he heLovingTongue said:Trios. Hooboy. I can hardly handle being half of a duo. I gotta give him a thumbs up!What is play-piercing, btw?
Play piercing - what it sounds like - using small needles to temporarily pierce as part of play - it can be quite beautiful and also very powerful on an emotional/spiritual level - the pain is very different from anything else I've felt - more of a dull throb, that subsides over the length of the piercing - piercing someone else appeals to the artist in me
Take a look at Cleo Dubois' "The Pain Game" or the photos of her husband (considered the father of the modern primative movement) Fakir...LovingTongue said:It's in honor of our cats, one of whom behaves just like that.
Thank you for the explanation!
And good luck on your journey.
Neon
SweetDommes
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Holly and I used to switch with each other far more often than we do now - now I am collared to her, although, on (very) rare occation, I do still Top her. However, I am not ever and never have been submissive to any of the boys we have ever had. I have bottomed once at Holly's direction, and basically we were both subbing to her, that is the only way it will ever happen.
I don't really consider Holly to be a switch at this stage, although some might since she does bottom to me at times (we're talking once a year or less at this point). I am definitely a switch, but for me, it's more of how I interact with different people rather than changing how I interact with the same person. Some people can switch between roles with the same person (like Holly and I did when we were first exploring BDSM and D/s as well as each other), but I have trouble doing that. I either end up topping from the bottom, or I can't ever get out of the submissive mindset (which is what happens with Holly now).
I don't really consider Holly to be a switch at this stage, although some might since she does bottom to me at times (we're talking once a year or less at this point). I am definitely a switch, but for me, it's more of how I interact with different people rather than changing how I interact with the same person. Some people can switch between roles with the same person (like Holly and I did when we were first exploring BDSM and D/s as well as each other), but I have trouble doing that. I either end up topping from the bottom, or I can't ever get out of the submissive mindset (which is what happens with Holly now).
Explaura
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I know I am turned on by both.. I like fantasizing about both.. I mostly only used to consider myself in sub situations but in chatting with people I have gotten really excited by the idea of being dominant too. Lately I have been thinking about that more often even.. But I still love the idea of being dominated too.
It makes me a bit worried.. because how will I find a guy who I could click with as a sub much less who would let me do both.. I am slightly dubious about my chances finding my match for a D/s involved relationship in general.. But I can dream..
It makes me a bit worried.. because how will I find a guy who I could click with as a sub much less who would let me do both.. I am slightly dubious about my chances finding my match for a D/s involved relationship in general.. But I can dream..
SweetErika
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I'm a Switch with Dominant leanings from what I've learned so far. I'm not sure how successful I'll be at finding another switch who's primarily submissive but also a good Top sometimes, nor do I know how well I'd be able to switch with someone I have a serious PE with, so right now I'm primarily looking for a sub and to get my bottoming needs met in other ways.
I haven't heard any negative comments about Switches from the community yet. With the exception of a few crazies, I've heard nothing but respect and acceptance for all orientations. It appears there's no shortage of Switches out there - I've seen quite a few here, elsewhere online, and have met many at my local playspace.
I haven't heard any negative comments about Switches from the community yet. With the exception of a few crazies, I've heard nothing but respect and acceptance for all orientations. It appears there's no shortage of Switches out there - I've seen quite a few here, elsewhere online, and have met many at my local playspace.
SweetErika
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You wish you could what?rbijon said:I wish I could ...but Mistress is soooo demanding!
Explaura
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neonflux said:Hi Explaura,
What kind of community do you have (e.g., is it large, pretty closeted, etc.) The reason I ask is that my own experience has been that 1) there are more switch guys out there than one might think (although maybe they are not always "out" in public spaces); 2) that if you're switch, your energy will end up attracting the same. I will acknowledge that I live in San Francisco, but both of my current partners are switch.
(Now, if I could only find a compatable switch woman, LOL!
Yeah, I live in a smallish town in Oregon.. I know that there is a bdsm community in the next big town, but I have only a little experience with it and have found it a bit clique-y. I'm shy-ish and don't have a car. So yeah. My expectations are for meeting people in the course of my day to day, which is possibly unrealistic anyway. On the other hand, with my energy and some of the people I know, its not impossible that I get lucky. And my situation may well soon change.
JMohegan
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I would divide the BDSM aficionados whom I have known over the years into two broad groups.LovingTongue said:
Group A: Those who are into pain play, sensation play, or erotic bondage.
Group B: Those who are into pain play, sensation play, or erotic bondage but are also driven by a need to surrender or exert control beyond the moments involved in specific scenes, sessions, or sexual episodes.
Among the people I know in Group A, I'd say that switching is very common. In Group B, it is very rare.
neonflux
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WOW! This insight makes so much sense to me! Regarding the control, there are elements of both service and command that I find appealing, and do even outside of scening but only on a temporary basis - for instance, I have a friend for whose events I wouldn't mind at all being a service sub; on the other hand, I often take control in my professional and personal life (e.g., organizing folks for a party or outing) AND enjoy it.JMohegan said:
But you're right. In my day-to-day dealings, I have neither a deep-seated need or desire to either take or cede control. In fact, I love an ongoing give and take flow of power exchange in everyday life (it's a primary feature of my work as a trainer and I am very aware of it in those instances). My woman ex's extreme need for utter control and my utter lack of desire to give it to her was one of the primary factors in our break-up. It's funny, thinking back on it now. I suspect that she could make an extraordinary Domme, although she would never be that greatly into the S/m aspects of BDSM.
Both of my current partners are similar to myself. They would not "flourish" in a 24/7 relationship and both of them are switch (although my primary is not into anything but the mildest form of sensory play).
Thank you!
NeonP.S., Explaura, good luck with your search!
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BiBunny
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JMohegan said:
I like this explanation. I'd say Master and I fall into both Groups A and B. I am a submissive who occasionally gets off on causing pain. He is a dominant who occasionally gets off on being hurt. I might be able to pull off being dominant during a specific bedroom scene, and he might be able to pull off being submissive. We might even be able to pull it off for a couple of days, if the mood is right. But, in the end, it always goes back to him being the dominant and me being the submissive because he is truly driven by a need to exert control, and I'm truly driven by a need to surrender.
Did that makes sense at all?
I also want to mention that we have yet to actually switch with one another yet. I went to visit him Tuesday with every intention of tying him up, but I've managed to acquire the flu. I got into a coughing fit about five minutes from his house and showed up feeling like utter and complete shit. The sum of our visit was me lying on the couch coughing and him rubbing my feet and back (while I tried not to breathe my nasty germs on him). I'm feeling better now and hoping for my opportunity to go sadistic on his ass while he's still in the mood to be tied.
neonflux
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BiBunny said:I like this explanation. I'd say Master and I fall into both Groups A and B. I am a submissive who occasionally gets off on causing pain. He is a dominant who occasionally gets off on being hurt. I might be able to pull off being dominant during a specific bedroom scene, and he might be able to pull off being submissive. We might even be able to pull it off for a couple of days, if the mood is right. But, in the end, it always goes back to him being the dominant and me being the submissive because he is truly driven by a need to exert control, and I'm truly driven by a need to surrender.
Did that makes sense at all?
I also want to mention that we have yet to actually switch with one another yet. I went to visit him Tuesday with every intention of tying him up, but I've managed to acquire the flu. I got into a coughing fit about five minutes from his house and showed up feeling like utter and complete shit. The sum of our visit was me lying on the couch coughing and him rubbing my feet and back (while I tried not to breathe my nasty germs on him). I'm feeling better now and hoping for my opportunity to go sadistic on his ass while he's still in the mood to be tied.
Bibunny, don't know if this is actually the case but it sounds like you and I, your partner and mine, are almost the mirror opposites of each other.
To sadism!
(Hoping you had an opportunity to enjoy yours, he he) Neon
SpectreT
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Hm.
I ID myself as Switch, because I react to people's core personalities by complementing them rather than mirroring them, especially when it comes to power, influence, and control.
Using JMohegan's model, I guess I fall intop Group A, with a tendency to drift into Group B from time to time, based on past experiences and an introspective streak that won't quit.
I ID myself as Switch, because I react to people's core personalities by complementing them rather than mirroring them, especially when it comes to power, influence, and control.
Using JMohegan's model, I guess I fall intop Group A, with a tendency to drift into Group B from time to time, based on past experiences and an introspective streak that won't quit.
rbijon
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SweetErika said:You wish you could what?
You know switch. Me be the Dom and dominate my Mistress. Oh, I guess I would not be able to call her my Misterss then!
Truthfully She is sooo dominate in the bedroom we could never switch, nonetheless, She is a wonderful Mistress and keeps me under her heels!
...& you, can you switch?
Netzach
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JMohegan said:
Mmm, I'd grant you "more rare." I've seen people in hierarchical families who are owners and owned, equally.
I'd grant you "switches with the same person" more rare than that. Not unheard of, but you really have to search high and far and they tend to be very volatile and imaginitive couples!
rbijon
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BiBunny said:I like this explanation. I'd say Master and I fall into both Groups A and B. I am a submissive who occasionally gets off on causing pain. He is a dominant who occasionally gets off on being hurt. I might be able to pull off being dominant during a specific bedroom scene, and he might be able to pull off being submissive. We might even be able to pull it off for a couple of days, if the mood is right. But, in the end, it always goes back to him being the dominant and me being the submissive because he is truly driven by a need to exert control, and I'm truly driven by a need to surrender.
Did that makes sense at all?
I also want to mention that we have yet to actually switch with one another yet. I went to visit him Tuesday with every intention of tying him up, but I've managed to acquire the flu. I got into a coughing fit about five minutes from his house and showed up feeling like utter and complete shit. The sum of our visit was me lying on the couch coughing and him rubbing my feet and back (while I tried not to breathe my nasty germs on him). I'm feeling better now and hoping for my opportunity to go sadistic on his ass while he's still in the mood to be tied.
Yes, please tie him up and call him to task!
Le Jacquelope
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Well said! I like to add to that, my wife & I make it up as we go. We don't do planned scenarios.ntp said:
