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My neighbour, Kelly the Crackwhore

mrtnmoon said:
shouldn't it be called the official kelly the crack whore gobble head doll? her knees have scars patterned after the actual kelly knees, and you can buy optional knee pads to prevent further damage.
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Could we have little extras like the wine glass and removable lamine bra? That would be soooo much fun. Hmmm, maybe we could even get Bobbleheads of other regular characters that frequent KTC life.

The possiblities are endless! :)
 
southerntierguy said:
I see you're putting them in the kiddy meal for the OLDER crowd ... the 10-12 year old kids. BTW, I did see your post on your fellow Montrealer's beautiful child ... sounds touching, share a kids meal with him.
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I'm slightly confused by this post...do you mean rimmy junior - the cutest kid ever?
 
BlackWolf65 said:
~~Whips out his, er, credit card, yeah, that's it... His credit card...~~

I'm ready anytime, MG... :D
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You pay upfront - this wonderful commemorative souvenir will be shipped in 10 - 12 weeks. Just in time for Christmas!
 
FinePhilly said:
Just make sure you keep your wits about you when exiting the playground.

I hear sometimes they try to lock the doors and keep the cool people in. :D

Kidding, folks! I'm KIDDING!

Really, I'm enjoying this thread.
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Oh my...another one ventures out and over the tracks. Its quite the honour indeed.

Next Montreal Lit together will be at my place on the patio - Kelly will provide all the entertainment. I can't wait to see snojo in action with her.
 
Beaver2002 said:
ok i just read 30 pages of KTcw and it great!!
Might be the best thing i have read in my 3 days as a lit member
Keep up the great work MG.
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Hello Beaver2002 - welcome to Kelly's turbulent world.

There is no escaping. Grab a beer (read: a wine glass filled with a yellowish substance) and relax.
 
mrtnmoon said:
of course it was all of my posts that she found hilarious. and I'm so modest, too. ;)

just kidding, of course...

kelly's whole life and your chronicling of it are hilarious, MG. you have such a descriptive writing style. that's why people keep coming back.
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Ah thanks Mr. Moon...your compliments are always appreciated and make me smile.

Unfortunately, they make Kelly smile too, and that's just frickin' nasty.
 
SGTBIGDOG420 said:
I just found the adventures of ktcw and must sey it is the greatest peice of writing I have read in a long time please keep us posted on the ktcw front I am now an official subscriber and ktcw addict.
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Welcome GSTBIGDOG420...glad you enjoy reading about crack and whores.

Kelly is my muse. And I adore her.

Even though she frightens me.

A lot.
 
montrealgirl said:
Unfortunately, they make Kelly smile too, and that's just frickin' nasty.
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you're kidding, right? or did I miss something somewhere? :confused:
 
Update: More Info On Mr. 10-speed Bike Guy - Is He Or Is He Not Kelly's Brother...

Returning from work last Friday after a long grueling week at the office (including a day when the air-conditioning died), I had a sudden burst of energy and decided to complete a chore I had been putting off for a few weeks.

Grabbing a bucket full of warm water, a few SOS scouring pads and my yellow and green fringed rubber gloves, I went outside to scrap yellow paint from a parking post that had mysteriously appeared across the front left side of my car's bumper. I sat on the side walk and vigorously cleaned my car to remove the stubbornly ingrained and entrenched paint.

Upon completion, I walked back to the front door of the building and guess who was exiting at the same time, in full struggle with his hot wheels – Yup. It was Mr. Ten-Speed-Could-He-Be-Kelly's-Brother-Mike? I held the door open for him and looked closely trying to find a family resemblance so that our queries could be laid to rest.

Then saw Kelly standing in her doorway.

"See you later Leo! Oh hi, MG!"

"Hi Kelly!"

"Oh wow, I love your gloves they are so cute! If I had those I'd want to wear them and clean all the time!" *cackle cackle snort cackle*

"Yeah, for rubber gloves, they sure are stylin'" *forced smile.

My other observation was that Kelly may have gained a bit of weight. She was dressed in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a pink T-shirt with her hair piled high on her head in a tussled ponytail. Her face looked a little fuller.

Although I suppose it is possible that she had just serviced Leo and her face was slightly swollen from his enthusiastic hip thrusts.


For your pleasure (because you have all earned it) - I present:

THE RUBBER GLOVES THAT COULD TURN A CRACKWHORE INTO A DOMESTIC GODDESS​

 
montrealgirl said:
Returning from work last Friday after a long grueling week at the office (including a day when the air-conditioning died), I had a sudden burst of energy and decided to complete a chore I had been putting off for a few weeks.

Grabbing a bucket full of warm water, a few SOS scouring pads and my yellow and green fringed rubber gloves, I went outside to scrap yellow paint from a parking post that had mysteriously appeared across the front left side of my car's bumper. I sat on the side walk and vigorously cleaned my car to remove the stubbornly ingrained and entrenched paint.

Upon completion, I walked back to the front door of the building and guess who was exiting at the same time, in full struggle with his hot wheels – Yup. It was Mr. Ten-Speed-Could-He-Be-Kelly's-Brother-Mike? I held the door open for him and looked closely trying to find a family resemblance so that our queries could be laid to rest.

Then saw Kelly standing in her doorway.

"See you later Leo! Oh hi, MG!"

"Hi Kelly!"

"Oh wow, I love your gloves they are so cute! If I had those I'd want to wear them and clean all the time!" *cackle cackle snort cackle*

"Yeah, for rubber gloves, they sure are stylin'" *forced smile.

My other observation was that Kelly may have gained a bit of weight. She was dressed in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a pink T-shirt with her hair piled high on her head in a tussled ponytail. Her face looked a little fuller.

Although I suppose it is possible that she had just serviced Leo and her face was slightly swollen from his enthusiastic hip thrusts.


For your pleasure (because you have all earned it) - I present:

THE RUBBER GLOVES THAT COULD TURN A CRACKWHORE INTO A DOMESTIC GODDESS​

Click to expand...
methinks kelly's real use for those gloves would be extra protection for her dick hand.
 
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mrtnmoon said:
methinks kelly's real use for those gloves would be extra protection for her dick hand.
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Well, I plan on wearing them whenever she tries to shake my hand in the future.

She is big into the hand shaking.

Ick.
 
Oh my, MG. You "crack" me up! I just couldn't resist :p Could it be that our Kelly may be getting off of the crack? Say it ain't so!
 
<------ Jonesing for a new post AND a bobblehead. (One still in the box. the crack pipes break off so easy. It's why they did a recall on the first run, I hear.)

NICE new AV MG. Ridden hard and put away (well, you know) look always does it for us Internet porn lurkers. :D
 
Maybe Kelly just needs a bit of coaxing...

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly... come out, come out wherever you are.


Smiles and bumps your way MG!
 
After a forced absence from Lit. it was just nice to see that KTCW is still going. Can't wait for the next installment . I just can't wait to see what Freudian dream fantasies I have from the ten speed bicycle , rubber gloves and bobblehead doll images.
 
End of the week update

So, I was on vacation last week, and when I returned, the building was still standing - so Kelly managed to not pass out with a lit cigarette in her mouth for another week.

This pleases me. I change the batteries in my smoke detector weekly just to be sure I'll wake up in enough time to be able to crawl out my window when she does burn down the block.

Haven't seen her this week at all. On Monday morning as I left for work, there was a woman in the hallway banging on her door yelling, "Keelllly! Kelllly!" but she didn't answer. The woman looked like she could be Kelly's twin - only taller. They definitely have had slumber parties where they share make-up and fashion tips.

This is not to be ominous - I'm sure she's fine. I assume that she must be making housecalls now.
 
I think they get their fashion tips from 'CrackWhore Monthly'. At your newstand now.
 
Brings Back Memories

Hey MG, I read through the first few pages of the Chronicles of KtCW. I have to admit the stories became more and more entertaining as they went on. There was to much here to read in one sitting, but I'll catch up with the thread eventually. When I lived in Las Vegas I used to live down stairs from an exotic dancer. Her antics were always good for a laugh. Anyway keep us posted on KtCW's exploits. Hey, why don't you set up some webcams and start your own KtCW reality show. It'd more entertaing than Being Bobby Brown LOL :D
 
skygazer said:
Hey, why don't you set up some webcams and start your own KtCW reality show. It'd more entertaing than Being Bobby Brown LOL :D
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Holy shit, you're right -- I can't stand reality TV, but I'd watch this one!

With MG as MC :D

(BTW, MG, welcome back from your vacation ... hope you're well-rested and feel like giving us more glimpses into Life With Kelly)
 
lmfao.....MG, you always leave me in stitches with your stories of KtCW

hope all is well with you! :rose:
 
montrealgirl said:
I assume that she must be making housecalls now.
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does kelly drive? maybe she's using leo's bike to get around.... kind of brings to my mind those old biker pics. crackwhores on wheels, anyone?
 
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