RJ's Building Blocks

Netzach said:

Well you have two choices, actually three.

Whine stomp your feet and pout. And try later.

Try later.

Get forceful and your cat will hate you and pee on your carpet.

Click to expand...

Grins. Thanks for the answer.

My own version of stomping feet is a heavy bout of lifting wieghts till my arms feel like they are gonna fall off.

I have done the fabreeze clean up a few times and really not interested in repeating that outcome. Not very satisfying even if you win, you still kinda lose if you know what I mean.

I have done the whole try later for many years without much success. I have sort of traded that in for "ok np". Then go do something on my own.

I think the hardest thing I face is that she has a fear of the unknown, yet she resists any pushing or manipulation on my part to take an interest to learn. But what I have noticed is that if I don't push at all but just enjoy myself working with rope or reading a book in front of her, eventually she gets curious.

As tight as things are, I think I am gonna spring for the book "The Loving Dominant". I have been wanting to read it myself, but I also think the title will eventually perk her curiosity and take a look see. So I hope what some have said about the book is true.

Anyways, thanks again

RJMasters said:

Grins. Thanks for the answer.

My own version of stomping feet is a heavy bout of lifting wieghts till my arms feel like they are gonna fall off.

I have done the fabreeze clean up a few times and really not interested in repeating that outcome. Not very satisfying even if you win, you still kinda lose if you know what I mean.

I have done the whole try later for many years without much success. I have sort of traded that in for "ok np". Then go do something on my own.

I think the hardest thing I face is that she has a fear of the unknown, yet she resists any pushing or manipulation on my part to take an interest to learn. But what I have noticed is that if I don't push at all but just enjoy myself working with rope or reading a book in front of her, eventually she gets curious.

As tight as things are, I think I am gonna spring for the book "The Loving Dominant". I have been wanting to read it myself, but I also think the title will eventually perk her curiosity and take a look see. So I hope what some have said about the book is true.

Anyways, thanks again

Click to expand...

I like that book, but it's not oriented to the submissive or bottom as much as it is to the Dominant. I found Screw the Roses a really tight explanation and de-weirdification of painplay, pulling in some basic brain chemistry stuff which explains why anyone with a human brain can probably find some pleasure in pain, via your weights or a good flogging or a run. It's very very non-threatening and informative, it's kind of the "Our Bodies Ourselves" of SM and the kind of book I'd give to a teen into the experimentation stage or the needing information stage. LD is really useful as a self-assessment tool and a pile of suggestions to any top, also a good solid ego-check as to your own motivations - it's been a while since I read it, but I liked it.

alice_underneath said:

A related analogy for motivating human behavior is the carrot/stick thing.

If I am resistant, the carrot technique has a much higher probability of success than the stick.

In the try, try again department, I'll note that the same carrot - dangled in exactly the same way and from the same distance across the room - runs the risk of becoming annoying after a while.

A more enticing carrot, or a smaller step required to reach it, may improve the chance of success the next time around.

YMMV.

Alice

Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice but the carrot on a stick thing carries too much of a manipulative theme for me.

To be clear...I am not trying to lure my wife into anything. I want an open and honest consent, and I am so selfish I not only want consent, I want eagerness to be present when consent is given.

and should the day come she quietly kneels and looks up at me and calls me Sir...I will know it wasn't because I manipulated her in anyway, but she did it freely of her own free will.

I will accept nothing less nor settle for anything less.

Netzach said:

I like that book, but it's not oriented to the submissive or bottom as much as it is to the Dominant. I found Screw the Roses a really tight explanation and de-weirdification of painplay, pulling in some basic brain chemistry stuff which explains why anyone with a human brain can probably find some pleasure in pain, via your weights or a good flogging or a run. It's very very non-threatening and informative, it's kind of the "Our Bodies Ourselves" of SM and the kind of book I'd give to a teen into the experimentation stage or the needing information stage. LD is really useful as a self-assessment tool and a pile of suggestions to any top, also a good solid ego-check as to your own motivations - it's been a while since I read it, but I liked it.

Click to expand...

Ah thanks.

I think they are selling on amazon as pair. I think I will check that out.

One of the reasons why the LD may also be good...is it might help her to understand a bit where my head is at or where I might be coming from. I will know more once I get to read it. Both of them might be a good way ...as you put it, to provide some insight at the information stage.

She may or may not read either book and even if she does I won't be expecting any miracles. But it could provide, or at least open, some dialog and communication in the form of her asking questions or clarification. I heard somewhere that communication is a good thing so that seems like a good thing to work towards. I just have to be patient and let her come to me.

RJMasters said:

Not sure what to make of it but something very fun happened tonight.

Was in watching an old Judy Garland movie with the Mrs and was practicing on a new hand-wrist cuff tie as I was sitting next to her. After it was in place she reached over and took my hand and was looking at it and then started holding my hand that was tied and asked if I would tie our hands together. So I did. Nothing fancy, just left my hand tied like it was and then wrapped our hands and wrists together coiling the rope over and over till I used it all up.

She gave me a bit of a purr and said this was the kind of knots she liked.I asked her what she meant and she said the kind that ties me to you. We watched most of the movie like that.

Maybe not your photoshoot type rope scene chuckles, but it was special in that it was my flesh and her flesh tied together as one. Something that would never have happened over a month ago. Though a small step, it was in someways a big one.

I was there just doing "my thing" and she found a small way to be part of it.

*check the compass and sees its a good course and continues ahead slow but sure.

Click to expand...

Hopefully she isn't pagan or wiccan... that is what we do at "handfastings"
I cannot remember which renewal it is but it involves the tying of the couple together as they renew the vows to each other...LMAOOO
(but then again you may already know this...)

RJMasters said:

I just have to be patient and let her come to me.

Click to expand...

R J - just to say I am thinking of you and all you are dealing with.



.

..................

RJMasters said:

The gloves I ordered last week have arrived...

These are the aquatic blue ones I posted above. Yes I recommend them! They are just plain evil for so many reasons.

I got one size smaller and they are a bit of a pain to wiggle into, but they mold to the contour of my fingers perfectly. I don't think they will be as good if they were loose fitting though.

Its like a cross between a paddle and barehand. It produces a sensation that is spread out, and the sound it produces is louder yet has a deeper tone to it.

The silocone gives it that rubberish type feel, good for gripping the skin or biting in with glancing blows. Add a little sweat or lotion and you have webbed hands that will glide along skin producing some interesting sensations.

I give them a high rating just for their flexibility in producing a number of unique sensations. The key though is a tight fit around the hand. Long or sharp fingernails may be a concern as they might wear out the tips of the fingers.

I like them and am glad I got them.

Click to expand...

Sounds fascinating! I find myself looking closely at gloves now everywhere I go. I'm spending a good amount of time in automotive, home improvements and hardware departments or stores.

*winks*

RJMasters said:

Not sure what to make of it but something very fun happened tonight.

Was in watching an old Judy Garland movie with the Mrs and was practicing on a new hand-wrist cuff tie as I was sitting next to her. After it was in place she reached over and took my hand and was looking at it and then started holding my hand that was tied and asked if I would tie our hands together. So I did. Nothing fancy, just left my hand tied like it was and then wrapped our hands and wrists together coiling the rope over and over till I used it all up.

She gave me a bit of a purr and said this was the kind of knots she liked. I asked her what she meant and she said the kind that ties me to you. We watched most of the movie like that.

Maybe not your photoshoot type rope scene chuckles, but it was special in that it was my flesh and her flesh tied together as one. Something that would never have happened over a month ago. Though a small step, it was in someways a big one.

I was there just doing "my thing" and she found a small way to be part of it.

*check the compass and sees its a good course and continues ahead slow but sure.

Click to expand...

I really enjoyed hearing about this wonderful moment for you and your lady!

*smiles*

Thanks for sharing.

RJMasters said:

Grins. Thanks for the answer.

My own version of stomping feet is a heavy bout of lifting wieghts till my arms feel like they are gonna fall off.

I have done the fabreeze clean up a few times and really not interested in repeating that outcome. Not very satisfying even if you win, you still kinda lose if you know what I mean.

I have done the whole try later for many years without much success. I have sort of traded that in for "ok np". Then go do something on my own.

I think the hardest thing I face is that she has a fear of the unknown, yet she resists any pushing or manipulation on my part to take an interest to learn. But what I have noticed is that if I don't push at all but just enjoy myself working with rope or reading a book in front of her, eventually she gets curious.

As tight as things are, I think I am gonna spring for the book "The Loving Dominant". I have been wanting to read it myself, but I also think the title will eventually perk her curiosity and take a look see. So I hope what some have said about the book is true.

Anyways, thanks again

Click to expand...

Being patient and letting them go slow while things build is one of the hardest things to do, IMO.

RJMasters said:

Thanks for the advice but the carrot on a stick thing carries too much of a manipulative theme for me.

To be clear...I am not trying to lure my wife into anything. I want an open and honest consent, and I am so selfish I not only want consent, I want eagerness to be present when consent is given.

and should the day come she quietly kneels and looks up at me and calls me Sir...I will know it wasn't because I manipulated her in anyway, but she did it freely of her own free will.

I will accept nothing less nor settle for anything less.

Click to expand...

Wow, that's a rough row to hoe. I hope you get exactly what you want but if it doesn't all fall into place that you find joy however things go.

Clearly she does want to be close to YOU. With that kind of love a great many things are possible, IMO.

Fury

Stegral said:

Hopefully she isn't pagan or wiccan... that is what we do at "handfastings"
I cannot remember which renewal it is but it involves the tying of the couple together as they renew the vows to each other...LMAOOO
(but then again you may already know this...)

Click to expand...

Interesting to know...

I think her upbringing rules out the pagan or wiccan. Have to go with just an enjoyable tieing of the hands together.

Shankara20 said:

R J - just to say I am thinking of you and all you are dealing with.



.

Click to expand...

Thanks Shank

FurryFury said:

Sounds fascinating! I find myself looking closely at gloves now everywhere I go. I'm spending a good amount of time in automotive, home improvements and hardware departments or stores.

*winks*



I really enjoyed hearing about this wonderful moment for you and your lady!

*smiles*

Thanks for sharing.



Being patient and letting them go slow while things build is one of the hardest things to do, IMO.



Wow, that's a rough row to hoe. I hope you get exactly what you want but if it doesn't all fall into place that you find joy however things go.

Clearly she does want to be close to YOU. With that kind of love a great many things are possible, IMO.

Fury

Click to expand...

Thanks Fury. Sometimes its rough to be sure, but often I step back and realize that often its only as tough as I make it. Having unrealistic expectation leads to fustration and having the wrong expectations leads to all sorts of problems.

I find that when I center my expectation more upon myself than others, I am rarely disappointed, and on the occasions that I am, I tend to grow.

I was wearing my blue webbed gloves last night...I will have to post a couple of pics when I get a chance of me wearing them.

ohhh goodness whats this my font is strangely turning blue again.......

@}-}rebecca---- said:

ohhh goodness whats this my font is strangely turning blue again.......

Click to expand...

lol

RJMasters said:

... I was wearing my blue webbed gloves last night...I will have to post a couple of pics when I get a chance of me wearing them.

Click to expand...

I'm going to order me some of those. Not for me, mind you... but I know a coupla fellas who could use them ON me. LOL

They are really neat.

RJMasters said:

Thanks Fury. Sometimes its rough to be sure, but often I step back and realize that often its only as tough as I make it. Having unrealistic expectation leads to fustration and having the wrong expectations leads to all sorts of problems.

I find that when I center my expectation more upon myself than others, I am rarely disappointed, and on the occasions that I am, I tend to grow.

I was wearing my blue webbed gloves last night...I will have to post a couple of pics when I get a chance of me wearing them.

Click to expand...

Oh my, "when I center my expectation more upon myself than others, I am rarely disappointed . . ." that resonates with me.

I know just what you mean about expectations!

I would love to see some pictures! *perks*

Fury

fragment from an Art Installation I was looking at.......

LOVE the "Number One reason not to mix alcohol..." img. That's the best!

chun_gong said:

LOVE the "Number One reason not to mix alcohol..." img. That's the best!

Click to expand...

Happy someone thinks so chun.....smiles

Later when interviewed Mr Masters refered to it as 'that pile of rope thing'..........

Making amends........

@}-}rebecca---- said:

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c224/rebecca000/collage98.jpg​

Click to expand...

Ty Rebecca. Love the leg position.

1st Shibari contribution

I have been working on this particular hand-wrist cuff for sometime now testing it and getting feedback from others. I'd like to share it as my first Shibari contribution as I think it is a very practical design, fairly quickly to do, and has built in safety - "quick-release".

Simply called the the RJ-wristcuff. The design comes from some of my ninjitsu training on learning joint-bar manipulation as well as from my knowledge thus far in the study of Shibari. As a note of caution, though I have tested this numerious times on my self and others have tested it as well, do not assume anything. I have done my best to ensure it is safe, but it is not throughly tested in every aspect, so please use with caution and test yourself till you are convinced of its range of use.

*By using it you agree to be soley responsible for its use.

The below diagram will walk you through steps in creating the wrist-cuff. It is suggested that you use approximately 1/4 thickness rope. The length of rope is determined by what you intend to use it for. 8-10 feet should be enough to create the wrist-cuff and allow for some tail left over to be secured to another object, however if you wish it to be longer so that you can then continue to use the tail to bind ankles and such you can do so. You begin by finding the mid-point of the rope(regardless of length) by folding the rope in half and making the ends even. Then slide both strands of the rope in your hand till you reach the loop(folded) end. Once here you are ready to start in step one of the diagram. As a last concern, it is important that as you wrap the wrist and hand to keep the rope from crossing or twisting.


built in safety - "quick-release" - Todate once the wrist-cuff is on securely and snug, the person inside the wrist-cuff cannot escape it. The quick release works by simply pointing the thumb into the palm of the hand and then pulling or sliding the rope off of the thumb. See step #3 in the diagram to know what I am referring to. Once the thumb is free, the wrist-cuff will immediately come undone allowing for a quick release.

As my first contribution, I hope you enjoy trying it out and offering some feedback as to your experiences. Again please use caution and test and practice it. With practice I can put the wrist-cuff on in 25-30 seconds and undo it in less that 3 secs.

EEEKKKKKK

A wild monkey stole RJ’s gloves and lasso!

Run!!!!​

RJMasters said:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y266/eqoaseveredamage/RJwristcuff.gif
​

As my first contribution, I hope you enjoy trying it out and offering some feedback as to your experiences. Again please use caution and test and practice it. With practice I can put the wrist-cuff on in 25-30 seconds and undo it in less that 3 secs.

Click to expand...

Well I can vouch first 'hand' for this wristcuff an can probably match RJsan for timing applied and undone.......heh. I liked it .....the majority of the tension when adjusted is spread across the mutliples of rope that form over the wrist itself. Having had a fractured wrist in the past for some reason to me thats comforting. I found I needed to adjust the ropes no matter how well/carefully aligned on the inside of the palm as in the threading part you alter what was previously a comfortable tension in that area. Having said that , once this has been done and alot of pressure is applied to the 'loose ends' that would be an anchor point how ever you choose to incorporate the cuff there is little shift in tensions in that area then . Particularily so if the loose ends where to be tied off at a 90 degree angle.........long story short, circulation was not compromised. Two other aspects of this cuff I felt were good is that fingers remain unrestricted and the removal 'loop'. Its quite amazing for someone with limited experience such as myself to have a cuff applied feel so secure then by bending the thumb joint and slipping off the loop the cuff almost 'dissolves'. Woo Hoo RJsan........smiles 'impressive'

Have also tried this.

As Rebecca said it works well and has an even level of pressure.

An even level of pressure is essential if you want the skin to remain healthy.
It also means that someone who has joint or circulation issues may be able to tolerate this more easily than cuffs.
It is feels supportive of the wrist because of the lay of the rope around the wrist itself.
(I am looking forward to being tied with this design in a real situation to see how it differs from cuffs).

The final advantage is that it is possible to 'escape' easily should an emergency arrive.

RJ I think this is a really good design.

Rebecca, Thanks for teaching it to me.
I managed to follow your directions in spite of your drawings.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, did I say 'in spite of' I meant to say 'with the help of,' really I did

ROFL

Please excuse mini hijack RJsan...............

shy slave said:

Rebecca, Thanks for teaching it to me.
I managed to follow your directions in spite of your drawings.
.
.
.
.
.
Oh, did I say 'in spite of' I meant to say 'with the help of,' really I did

ROFL

Click to expand...

A few minor facts for my dear 'friend' Miss Shy as to my drawings etc

1. You are in the UK
2. I am in Australia
3. I had to teach you via IM
4. I taught you so you could perhaps encourage 'brownie points' with Andante
5. I have no specialty software or drawing pads ( unless you count paint basic) nor for that matter do I own a mouse just a tiny weeny track pad
6. You got all woosey and submissive on me as I was teaching you......lol
7. I am neither a competent teacher or a Nawashi ....doh
8. If you post any of my diagrams on this site or else where you are (with Andantes permission ) going to know real pain .........laughs
9. We both got the giggles and constantly broke the subject matter ...sheesh

Need I say more

Yes , yes in fact I do.....laughs.....working and thinking about the day we did this reminds me of the movie Dumb and Dumber .....may I suggest Sub and Sub- er