My neighbour, Kelly the Crackwhore

m.j.h said:

Yeah it really did it for me.....NOT.

So how long till our next hit. I;m starting to feel the withdrawals already.

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Me too! *hands shaking from DTs* have you thought it might be meth instead? I once caught a girl shoplifting and she said she hadn't eaten or slept for three days because of meth. Just a thought. This is one of the best threads on Lit. You should get some sort of trophy or recognition.

*hopes there'll be another story soon*

I hope Kelly or one of her goons has not got to MG.... we have not heard from her in ages... I need more!!!!

Top Cat said:

I hope Kelly or one of her goons has not got to MG.... we have not heard from her in ages... I need more!!!!

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Yes I hope our hostess is ok

crazycatt said:

Yes I hope our hostess is ok

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she's probably busy with work and school (and maybe other things). how dare she try to have a life and leave us hanging?!?

Top Cat said:

I hope Kelly or one of her goons has not got to MG.... we have not heard from her in ages... I need more!!!!

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i feel the same way

Presumptuous to ask I know....but perhaps the lovely MG would just say hello and let us know she's okay. Certainly I'm suffering from endless curiousity regarding Kelly, however, MG's thoughts and her unique way of expressing them is what I miss.

Hope all you addicts are doing well...

i've been waiting patiently and i'm doing fine....just hope she's okay

Since her birthday IS next Friday, and I have yet to receive my formal invite (don't want to miss out on the seat-next-to-Kelly lottery), I did send off a brief note. It appears Miss MG is very busy at work and with her personal life (good for her), but she is doing OK otherwise. Any rumors as to her being mistakenly swept up in that big Montreal crackwhore roundup are completely off base.

The Importance of Communication in a Relationship

March 7, 2006: around 7pm

I had just finished a terrific dinner of peanut chicken, green beans and rice, and was marveling at what a wonderful chef I have become. I poured myself a large cup of tea and settled into my computer chair, ready to continue working on an essay that was rattling my nerves. I was sitting there, lost in thought when suddenly my reverie was abruptly interrupted by a loud commotion originating from the hallway.

"You fucking crazy bitch!" screamed a male voice, "You're fucking crazy!"

I immediately suspected this form of verbal flattery was directed towards our favourite herione, Kelly the Crackwhore.

I quickly wheeled my chair back, stood up and creeped with as much stealth as I could muster to my peephole to bear witness to this intimate and personal conversation between Kelly, her male "guest" and anyone else within a 20-metre radius.

I heard the loud, hoarse voice of Kelly reply, "Get the fuck out of my house you asshole!"

"Yeah! Fuck you bitch! I don't need this shit, Jesus Christ! You're a fucking psycho!!"

"Fuck you, and don't ever come back here bastard!"

"Jesus Christ, you're fucking crazy!!"

Through my limited vantage point, I then saw Mr. Eloquent storm out the front door, turning back only once to ensure the front door slammed forcefully.

Kelly then screamed one final time, just to make sure that everyone in the building heard, "ASSHOLE!" and then slammed her door shut with enough force to break it off its hinges.

Hm.

I felt sorry for Kelly. How could anyone possibly suggest that she was less than sane? Anything less than a normal, happy, well-adjusted altruist? A role-model in our community? A law-abiding, tax-paying member of society?

But mostly, I felt sorry for her damn door.

With only minor day-to-day wear-and-tear, that door that just refuses to stay on its hinges.

Hi MG

looks like Kelly's having man troubles

good to see you're still alive MG

Good to see you! So, did you talk to her? I'm curious!

LadyAria said:

This is too funny. Reminds me of our "prosituttie" who use to rent the house across from us until she moved out in the middle of the night. Keep 'em coming.

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Welcome LadyAria...I've seen you posting around here for a long time now...its a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.

I don't know if Kelly will ever move out in the middle of the night. Instead she often comes home in the middle of the night yelling obscenitities in the hallway.

What a card.

Pixie Boobalicious said:

"John and his three friends ..." That's a perfectly classic line! I loved reading Part Six and the follow-ups, MG. Please keep going. Some funny commentary, too - St. Cracki Girl!

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Glad you enjoyed Part Six...I too was laughing when I typed out that line...

It's been pretty quiet lately with my KtCW sightings. A lot of businesses go through a slow period at the beginning of the new year. Perhaps Kelly too is affected by the downward economy.

prettynpink said:

I stumbled upon this thread tonight and thus spent the entire time reading it. Definately think KtCW is more interesting then my neighbors (we call them the Throw-Up family because they are sooo perfect).
Your stories are fantastic and anyone who disagrees has no sense of humour.
Keep it up MG.

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Hey there prettynpink...thanks for stumbling onto my thread. It doesn't move very quickly actually, so you probably won't have any trouble in the future.

Talking about being pretty in pink, wouldn't Kelly look beautiful in shades of pink instead of black and blue?

nautinicki said:

found this thread this morning and read about half before going to my mother in laws house. i found myself telling her all about kelly! came straight home and have just caught up on the rest.

thank you for a truely entertaining read... you can be sure i will be keeping up to date with this one!

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I so can't get over the idea that people in Australia are talking about KtCW.

That so totally rocks.

Welcome indeed.

shell seeker2 said:

This was definitely worth the wait! I love the dynamics of this story!

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Thanks shellseeker2...Glad you still come around.

Its been pretty quiet around here lately...that New Year's saga was like gold...I had no idea that was going to happen.

However, with Spring just around the corner, I think its safe to assume that I'll be seeing a lot more Kelly.

We share a patio. Could get interesting.

southerntierguy said:

montrealgirl, "chronicler of a legend"

be careful mg, you may be creating a monster that will overshadow her creator ...

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Just quoting you my dear.

And hey, it's like so my claim to fame.

glad to see your still alive and doing well MG

Batman4ever71 said:

Sorry to digress but I am rather excited. My fiancee gave birht to our new son at 5:36pm tonight, weighing in at a whopping 9pounds even and stretching out 20 & 1/2 inches. Richard Alexander Batman....yeah, that sounds good

I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Batman

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Congratulations Batman...you sound happy. Although, I'm so late at replying to this that by now perhaps some of the excitment has worn off now that almost of month or sleepless nights has passed?


Favourite response to this:

mrtnmoon said:

mammas don't let your babies grow up to visit crackwhores.

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Now that shite is funny yo.

alisonwunderlnd said:

when I lived in Atlanta,a crack whore lived next door to us.Her name was Maggie and she looked like a rat.She was always asking to borrow things,kitchen items,money,if she could use our washing machine,she even asked to borrow my hair spray,She was a fucked up girl,

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Really? Your crackwhore was fucked up?

Wow, I'm glad I live next door to Kelly.

MoonShadowLady said:

i've been lurking on this site for many years and after all this time i just had to post because of this thread and what it reminds me of....

my friend Dan WAS married to Mary. The last few years of the marriage fell apart mainly because of her. Her spending of HIS money got so bad that he eventually began calling her Crackhead which was shortened to 'Cracky'.

in reality, she had never done crack but the funniest thing was this.....once they went to therapy and she bursts in tears saying 'he calls me cracky!!'. the therapist asks her, 'do you do crack?' my friend Dan explained that the reason he called her 'Cracky' was because she spends money like a Crackhead.

so, reading this thread so reminds me of Mary the Crackhead......thank you for the laughs and the laughs to come!!

*subscribes*

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Welcome welcome welcome MSL. Always nice to log on and see a mixture of familiar and new faces.

Thanks for sharing your story. I've wondered about Kelly and her "ex"...

She told me that she just broke up last year after a very long relationship...so now the question is, did they breakup because she is a crackwhore, or...did the breakup lead to her crack lifestyle.

Hm.

borg3of4 said:

A question for MG about Kelly. Does she fit the sterotypical role , too thin, nervous, looks like she should sleep for a week or so ?

I don't know why I want to know that. I guess it's just to finish the visual image in my head. It's kind of like seeing the movie before you read the book . You have a picture in your mind of the character.

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Hey borg...sorry to keep you in suspense for so long. I'm sure you've been losing sleep over this.

Well my descriptions of Kelly that I've included in my stories are not exaggerated. She is really petite, and extremely thin. I've never seen her sober, or calm - she is always nervous; a bit shakey and when we talk she uses this most disturbing boisterous laugh that would scare most animals or small children. Okay fine, sometimes I'm scared too. I'll admit it.

Jadefox129 said:

Yes, yes it does.

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Hey there...I think you are a new reader...welcome to the thread that talks about all things crack or whore related. Its a vast topic.